That Which is Forbidden by Nehan Shinzui
a/n: 8/4/11 YOUR REVIEWS VALIDATE MY EXISTENCE! I love you guys. I really do. All your reviews mean so much, and all of you are just really sweet! Oh, btw. It turns out my sister isn't going to Texas, since the heat down there will have my grandma looking like the Witch of the West from Howl's Moving Castle when she tried going up all those stairs. So I am posting again! Oh, and tell me why the FUCK I go back and read my chapter, and I find that has eaten up some of my notes at the bottom? It was supposed to say Alex and Scott cameo like ba-bam and Jean Grey cameo like boom! *sigh* It's okay though. I'm just glad you guys got the point. Anywho, this is more of a filler chapter since I realized we haven't heard much from Raven's point of view. It may be a bit dull though, but I wanted to celebrate being able to post a bit quicker. Next chapter will be way more interesting I hope.
Chapter Seven: Reflect
Raven often likes to pretend that she is invisible. It makes more sense to her that way.
She always seems to be dangling at the edge of a sharp corner, her imminent fall perilous and deafening. She doesn't know when she started to feel this way.
Maybe always.
...
Her father is like a shadow to her, constantly hear and there, but never truly visible. Time is often spent with her mother, who accepts her prescence with a grudging acceptance most of the time, but then at other times, her mother seems to hold onto her like an anchor. Raven likes those times more than anything. Even if her mother nearly obsesses with who she should start looking at to marry, the times her mother needs her to listen are cherished.
...
Mother loved Charles once she is sure of that.
Back when they were younger, she faintly recalls the way her mother would hold him, would whisper things into his ear, would cry over him.
But Father took that away from her. Charles was taken under his wing, nearly as soon as he could walk, she can remember her brother telling her. Raven doesn't know what life was like before she was born, but she had heard that there were nine children before Charles, and she was certain if it had been her, she wouldv'e loved her son to pieces.
Mother would've tried very hard to show how much she loved Charles, but eventually that wouldn't be enough, because then that would be taken from her as well.
Raven thinks that everything she had ever felt for her son, had been smothered and taken away as soon as her father had begun training him. Had been buried deep into some colder part of her that she never accessed anymore. All crumpled and used up. She thinks that's what's happened to everything these days. Sometimes she feels the same way.
...
Her father will never love her the way he does Charles. Even with her young mind, she has already come to accept that. She will never be as good as a boy, and now that Father has what he wants, why should he bother over her? It doesn't mean much to her-she enjoys the fact that she has more freedom right now than her brother will ever have, and she can't stand the thought of studying the way he does. No, instead she enjoys the thought of simply marrying someone rich and powerful, like her mother always wanted, and living the rest of her life with him, far away in some enchanted castle, with everything she wants in her grasp.
...
Father pays too much attention to Charles, and never enough to her, so he gives her whatever she wants. If she desires something, she merely has to give the faintest hint, and it will appear. Her brother gets next to nothing, but she has never once seen him unhappy, or at least, he has never shown himself to be unhappy. Just..very, very, tired. It is better though, than this overbearing indifference Father feels for her, and for awhile, she tried to act out, to do things that would turn his attention to her, but no one has ever raised a hand to her, and she gave up after awhile anyway.
...
Charles is weaker than her, and he is always so afraid all of the time. Father wants to break him down, rebuild him in his image, make something that will be praised and worshipped when he gets older, and in turn, Father will be revered even more for creating such a thing.
However much she tried, Raven can never resent her brother. He is too well-loved for her to do such a thing. After all, he has earned the acceptence of the lord of the house, who cares for him almost obsessively, who ensures his safety and his happiness. So she can never hate him.
No matter how much she wishes she did.
...
But she can be braver than him, can taunt him, can even be kind to him and give him sympathy.
She often does. He means so much to her. She idolizes him.
...
Except now, she notices, he seems to walk with some new confidence, as if suddenly he is wiser. As if he has gone and seen things. This unsettles her. She cannot bear the thought of him taking away all that she has over him from her. It would be so unfair. So she retreats into her own world.
...
She looks at the new servant the same day her brother does-with awe. She will marry him one day, she tells herself. They will run away and elope as soon as she is just a couple of years older, and start a new life in the countryside somewhere, with her brother far, far away somewhere, and her mother and father even further, and she and him all alone. They will have seven children, five of them boys for him, and two of them girls so she can have someone to talk to. And they will love her. And she always gets what she wants.
...
Her father came to her a couple of days ago, and she remembered it, because he had come home early, to retrieve something.
"Where is your brother?" he had asked her, and it had seemed such a strange question at the time, since Charles was mostly in one place.
She had replied that she did not know, probably walking on the grounds and her father had given her a look, almost as if he were disappointed. He'd gone to the chapel after that, and later, she'd seen Charles go in there too, just before dinner. Raven had half-expected him to come out bleeding or bruised, but at dinner, he had seemed perfectly fine, and her father appeared to have forgotten the question.
...
Yes, she thinks to herself, as she notices that Charles has been leaving his window open more and more. Charles is starting to show just the slightest bit of confidence, and she doesn't like where this is going at all.
...
a/n: So, this is isn't my best chapter. But it's just a filler to explain some of Raven's actions later. Next Chapter should be coming soon, and trust me, it will be a whole lot better. And I decided to toss some foreshadowing in there as far as Sebastian goes,. So, hold on my sister's rushing me! agh!
