The Big Dating Question

Disclaimer: I do not own much of this...

A/N: If you couldn't figure out my celebrity personas (of course... I would probably be the only one stupid enough to not get it...) Lucas George: George Lucas... Cruise Thomas: Tom Cruise... White Vanna: Vanna White... Pico Della Mirandola: Not really a celebrity; started the cult of beauty during the Renaissance. I just like the name... Winfrey Oprah: Oprah Winfrey. P.S. I am not trying to offend anyone. If you are offended, please tell me so that I may correct said offending thingy.

Chapter Six: Loose Ends

"Previously, on 'The Winfrey Oprah' show..."

Oprah: "Fairy Godmother, what is the secret to your success as a mother and expert antagonist?"

"This week, on 'The Winfrey Oprah Show', Fairy Godmother's answer!"

Really cheesy theme music came on, without any real beat and no words of any kind. It was the type of music that people fall asleep to. Ya-awn!

"Good Afternoon Ladies and Homosexual Gentlemen!" Oprah exclaimed. The crowd, mostly overweight middle class moms whose children were currently suffering at some failing public school, was on their swollen feet from having one child too many, clapping furiously for a woman who most likely didn't give a rat's ass who they were as long as they gave her money.

"Thank you, thank you." Oprah smiled. "We're now going to hear the answer to that oh-so-pressing question. Right after this commercial break!"

Charming turned off the 55" flat screen TV. "I hate commercials." He muttered. Currently, he was recovering from not only the leech injury, but his hairdryer had blown up that morning, so he was forced to air dry his hair, and the water was dripping onto his silk collar, making it smelly and sticky, so that it stuck to his neck and made him very uncomfortable.

Walter glanced up from his paper. "Yes, well, what is one to do about them?" He asked.

Charming stared at him. "What?!" He questioned. "Are you talking about my mother?"

Walter sighed. "No, the commercials, nimrod. I was talking about the commercials!"

"Oh." Charming said without much emotion. "Whatever. I've got to get ready for my Sleeping Beauty..."

"What the fudge? Isn't that an over-used cliché?" Walter questioned.

Charming shrugged. "Don't look at me, I don't write this stuff."

--

"So, anyway, after I was asleep for a couple decades or so..." Sleeping Beauty droned on about her life as a Sleeping Beauty, while Charming stared off into space, looking at the mirror behind the bar that gave him a pretty good view of whoever was coming in or going out, and pretending (although not very well), to be interested in what his date was saying.

"So, anyway, after all of that, I just had to get Botox, and..."

"How long is she going to drone on for?!" Charming thought. "I think I've been here for only five minutes and it seems like five centuries! No wonder someone put her to sleep!"

"So for awhile people said my face didn't look natural, so I got some plastic surgery done, and then they..."

"Ahem." Charming cleared his throat. "Look at the time! I really must be going! A lot of important work to do, you know!"

"Yes, well, err, um, yes. So... call me, will you?" Sleeping Beauty asked.

Charming cringed. "Yeah, maybe..." "If I'm ever that desperate" He muttered.

--

"Charming, dear, did you see me on Oprah?" Fairy Godmother asked.

"Uh, well, most of it." Charming replied.

"Did you hear the answer to her question?"

"Nope."

"Why not?!"

"It went to commercial and I don't like commercials and I had a date that you set me up on and that date was horrible! Don't ever have me go out with that wretched coffin again!"

"If you say so..."

--

"Fairy Godmother, what is the secret to your success as a mother and expert antagonist?" Oprah asked on the tape Charming and Walter were watching.

"Well, hmm... I would have to say that my expert knowledge in the field of misery have been the keys to my success!" Fairy Godmother replied.

Walter clicked off the tape. "My, does she have that right." He remarked.

--

"Is Walter experiencing a sense of anarchy? Will Charming ever go on a date with someone he likes? And why in the world do people watch the Winfrey Oprah show? To be honest, I really don't know! Mirror out!"