I really don't have much to say in this author's note for once. This week has been tough and on Sunday I did one of the worse things I could do. I cut myself after months of not doing it. I guess I just missed the high after cutting too much, or maybe it was just to feel in control. I'll figure out why I did it in therapy though, since my therapist won't let me forget about it.
There are only two chapters left of this story, after that I'll either work on The Plunge or Scattered, maybe both at the same time, who knows. Anyway sorry this chapter is short, I'm just really tired and this is what was written down for a chapter.
Thank you all for the favs, reviews, and follows, they mean the world to me.
I love you all, always remember that.
Talk
A few minutes of silence passed, broken by Ed's occasional sniffle that was muffled by the couch. Mustang knew the boy was taking all this in, still fighting a mental battle that no one else could stop.
An earlier question flashed in Roy's mind. He had suddenly remembered the first thing Ed had said to him in the dorms. Don't leave me alone with Al...
"Alphonse, can you leave the room for a second? I need to talk to Ed in private." Mustang looked up at the metal boy, knowing how confused and torn he must feel. Reluctantly, without a word, Alphonse left the room. The colonel listened to his steps as they clunk down the hall. When they stopped he let out a relieved sigh.
"Edward." He put a hand to the boy's shoulder, gently shaking him. Ed let out a small groan and looked over his shoulder at Mustang.
"What?" His voice sounded so defeated, "Another pep talk that won't do jack shit?"
The words stung Mustang and he flinched as though physically struck. "No, just a question."
"Great." Ed muttered, closing his eyes and letting out a sigh. "Go ahead, ask away."
"Why don't you want to be left alone with Al?" He cut straight to the point. They boy before him slowly turned over so he was facing the colonel, his eyes held none of their normal fire. Ed closed his eyes once again and was silent, making Roy think he wouldn't get an answer. Then he spoke.
"He must be so disappointed, seeing his brother reduced to a mess like this." Ed whispered with his eyes still closed. "I don't want to hear him tell me what he truly thinks."
"And what is he thinking?" Mustang asked, keeping his voice calm and even. Ed opened his eyes, golden orbs full of anguish.
"He has to hate me for even thinking like this. I tried to end it all; I almost broke my promise to him. I told him I'd never leave him, and here I am." At least he now realized how far he had fallen, how close he had been to death.
"What did you think would happen if I hadn't found you? What would he do without you?" Mustang hoped that Ed wouldn't lose it like he had earlier. But the boy seemed to remain calm as he began to speak.
"He'd get over it, just like everyone else would in the end. He'd move on without me, hell he would probably be better off." Edward's earlier madness had left the boy in almost a peaceful state. His eyes now seemed to hold a dreamy glow, as though he were finally at peace.
"What would you do if Alphonse had done what you just did?" Mustang asked simply, watching as that dreamy look left his eyes to be replaced with horror.
"I'd be heartbroken." Edward now seemed to grasp the reality of what he had done. His shaking intensified.
"Do you finally understand Edward? You'd leave a hole in this world that could never be filled. No matter how much time would pass nothing would ease the pain of your passing. All of us, not just Al, would never get over it." He stopped when he saw tears leak from the boy's eyes. Ed closed them and raised a hand to wipe away the stray tears.
"I understand now colonel." He whispered, opening his eyes to fix Mustang with a burning look. That old fire had returned to his eyes, duller than before, but it was back none the less.
"Now think about everything that I told you. Do you want me to go and get Alphonse?" A long sigh as Ed closed his eyes and Mustang hoped he wasn't losing the boy. Edward nodded quickly, a small smile on his face.
"Go ahead, it's time that I got what's coming to me." He opened his eyes and watched closely as Mustang stood up, his eyes never leaving the colonel until he was out of view.
