A/N: WARNING: Sirius is punished for being in Gryffindor by his parents. It's not overly graphic but it's not pretty either. If you don't want to read
it, avoid the sections told by Sirius that isn't the starting section.
7. Christmas Holidays
"Sirius mate, you alright?" James asked.
"What? Yeah, I'm fine. Have a good Christmas, I'll see you back here in a few weeks," Sirius kept looking out the window.
The Hogwarts Express had just pulled up to Platform 9 3/4 and he did not want to get off. Outside the rain beat against the ground so hard it bounced back up again and for some reason it was fascinating to watch. He sighed and leant his forehead against the grimy glass.
"Hey little cousin," Andromeda stuck her head into their compartment, "get out there now. You know it'll just be worse if you don't."
"Fine," Sirius stood and started to heave his trunk from the overhead shelves.
"What's going on Sirius?" Peter whined, "You wouldn't play Exploding Snap once and you barely even touched the Every Flavour Beans the entire journey?"
Sirius ignored him and turned to follow Andy off the train. It was going to be a long two weeks.
"Sirius?"
He looked back but his stormy eyes didn't soften as they met Remus'. He didn't know how long they stared like that but eventually Andy cleared her throat.
"I'll write," Remus said at last.
There was another long silence.
"Don't."
…
Lily dashed through the rain straight into her parents' waiting arms, "I missed you so much!"
"We love you too, dear," chuckled Annie and Jake Evans, returning the hug, "now you have to tell us all about your new school. The things you describe in your letters are all so confusing!"
"Ok but where's the car? I'm soaking."
"It's this way but don't you want to say goodbye to Sev and your other friends?"
"Already have. Come on Mum, let's go! Petunia's probably bored of waiting."
Lily's parents looked at each other, "Petunia's actually at a friend's house right now but we're all going to decorate the Christmas tree together later."
"Oh, ok then."
She turned away so her parents wouldn't see the tears starting to fall, even if it was raining. Petunia hadn't written back to her once in three months and now she couldn't even be bothered to come meet her at the station. Lily didn't know if she was angry or sad.
…
"Good luck. See you on Christmas Day," Andy ran to join Narcissa and they apparated away.
Sirius stared up at Orion Black's thunderous face. He didn't risk turning to wave. His father still wasn't speaking. He didn't know if this anticipation was worse than what was sure to happen the moment they returned to the privacy of Grimmauld Place. Blacks didn't make a scene in public.
Suddenly his father grabbed his collar and whisked Sirius away into Side-Along Apparation. Blacks didn't use public Floo networks either.
Kreacher opened the door with a deep bow the second he sprawled ungracefully onto their front-step, "Mistress Black is waiting in the lounge, sir."
Technically Walburga Black was always in the lounge if you counted her terrifying portrait that screamed just as many obscenities as the woman herself. His father dragged him along though so Sirius knew he would be getting double the scoldings.
"GRYFFINDOR! GRYFFINDOR? WHY ARE YOU IN GRYFFINDOR BOY?" the real Walburga shrieked the moment Sirius was released from Orion's iron-like grip.
He stood up straight and met his mother's furious eyes, "Because that was where the Hat sorted me Mother."
"Don't play innocent with us Sirius, we know this is your fault," Orion warned, "Phineas Nigellus spoke to Dumbledore for us and demand he correct the terrible mistake that had been made. He refused to do so. Explain boy."
"I want to be in Gryffindor Father," Sirius winced. He shouldn't have said that.
"YOU WANT TO BE IN GRYFFINDOR? ORION ARE YOU HEARING THIS? THE HEIR TO THE BLACK FORTUNE WANTS TO BE IN GRYFFINDOR!"
Orion walked towards Sirius until he was cowering in his shadow, "Do you think this is funny?"
"No sir."
"You enjoy consorting with Mudbloods then?"
"I don't know any Mudbloods, sir."
"You mean to tell me that there aren't any Mudbloods or Blood-Traitors in Gryffindor? I am not a fool boy, speak the truth."
Sirius trembled and hated himself for it. His father didn't yell in the same way his mother did and it was infinitely more terrifying.
"There are Muggle-borns in Gryffindor yes. And James Potter is my best friend but I haven't met anyone with dirty blood."
"YOU INSOLENT BRAT! HOW DARE YOU SPEAK TO US LIKE THAT. I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT THE HEIR TO THE BLACK FORTUNE IS A BLOOD-TRAITOR! THE HUMILIATION YOU WILL BRING TO US IS NOT WORTH THINKING ABOUT. HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR YOUR FAMILY?"
"Mother, no. It's not like…" Sirius cried desperately. He shouldn't have brought up James, he knew how much his parents hated the Potters.
"Your mother is right boy. Now kneel."
Sirius looked back to his father's face and crumpled to the floor. His knees hit wooden floorboards. The antique rug had already been pulled back in preparation. He wondered how he didn't notice before.
"Father please," he choked out.
"Silence," Orion drew his wand from his silk robes, "One day Sirius you will understand and believe in our superiority and if this is the only way to make it happen so be it."
He walked to stand behind Sirius and slashed his wand through the air, "Diffindo!"
It took all of Sirius' will-power not to fall to the floor completely as the spell sliced right through the back of his robes and further. He was a Black. Blacks were proud. Blacks do not grovel. Blacks suffered with dignity if they suffered at all.
"You will go to the Headmaster and insist you switch to Slytherin."
"No."
"Diffindo!"
He couldn't help it. Sirius hated being a Black. He screamed and barely caught himself before his face slammed into the floor.
The curtains of his mother's portrait flew open at the noise and began to screech as well, "BLOOD-TRAITOR!"
"You will cut all ties with the Potter boy."
"No," tears ran down his face, "stop, please."
"Diffindo!"
"YOU ARE A DISGRACE TO THE NOBLE AND MOST ANCIENT HOUSE OF BLACK!"
"Repent and I will be merciful."
"No."
"Diffindo!"
"Sirius this is not a choice. You will do as you are told."
"Never," he gasped out through the pain, "Never."
"Diffindo! Diffindo! Diffindo!"
At last Orion stowed his wand away, "Come Walburga. Regulus has something he wants to show us… I will speak to you tomorrow Sirius. I hope you will have changed your mind."
The heavy oak door slammed and the portrait started to wail again.
…
"And Sev and I are best at Potions. We're near the top in all our other lessons but Potions are my favourite. Then Charms. I don't like Transfiguration so much but my other friends help me with that. All the girls in my dorm are really nice, especially Marlene. None of them are muggle-born though. Also, Quidditch is the craziest sport in the world, I've been to one match and it's amazing! Sev doesn't like it so much but we spend lots of the time in the library and we both like that. There are so many books in there… one time I got lost and I was almost late to Herbology. That's outside near the Forbidden Forest…"
"Breathe Lily-flower," Jake Evans interrupted smiling, "then try and explain each thing separately. You're not making any sense."
Lily took a deep breath and dived back into telling her parents about Hogwarts. They'd gotten all the Christmas tree decorations out, ready for when Petunia got back and now Lily was sticking sweets onto the gingerbread house her mum made yesterday.
"I wish I hadn't eaten all of my Honeydukes sweets, they would have been great to put on here."
"Honeydukes?"
"The sweet-shop in Hogsmeade. It's a village where only witches and wizards live. First-years aren't allowed to visit but Alice has an older brother and he brought us back some stuff. Look!"
She reached into her pocket and pulled out a jar of rainbow frogspawn (that would grow into rainbow frogs), a biting teacup and inside the teacup was a rubber rat that momentarily came to life if you squeezed its tail for ten seconds.
A shriek from the door made them all jump. Petunia was pointing a shaking finger at the rat, "Get it out of here. Get it out!"
Their Dad turned off the radio as Lily hastily shoved it back in her pocket, "Hey Tuney. It's alright, it's not real. It's just a joke."
"That's not natural. What's wrong with you Lily? Why would you even have something like that? It's not funny."
"Sorry," she rolled her eyes.
"You should be. Magic is stupid. I wish you'd never gone to that school. I really wish you didn't send home letters with owls. It's just weird Lily. How do you not see that?"
"Tuney… don't…"
"I don't know who you are anymore Lily. You're not my sister. You're a freak!" she turned and ran up the stairs before slamming her bedroom door.
Lily looked back at her parents with tears in her eyes, "I guess it's just us decorating the tree then."
She got up and went to their cosy living-room, sitting down on the soft rug in front of the small crackling fire. One by one, she sorted through the shoe-boxes of mis-matched baubles and some homemade decorations from nursery school. Lily had already strung some tinsel over the photos on one wall and was untangling a long string of fairy-lights before her dad joined her.
"Your mum is talking to Petunia. Everything will be fine, ok?"
Lily shook her head and stared sadly at the lights in her hands, "There are real fairies on the Christmas trees at Hogwarts."
…
Sirius didn't know how long he spent shaking on the floor but at last with great effort he pushed himself to sit up. He'd gone too far this time. He shouldn't have pushed his father further. He was… he… he was in so much pain and didn't know how to make it stop. His punishments had never been so severe before, he was sure this would leave physical scars too. Obvious ones.
Bruises fade and a broken bone was easily fixed. If it was really necessary the Blacks could go to St. Mungo's no questions asked, his parents had donated enough money to be sure of that.
But this time. The cuts probably didn't even need stitches. Sirius sat there, trying not to shake as it made the pain worse. He could feel the blood trickling down his back. He'd begged. He'd begged it to stop. That was the worst part. He'd been weak and he could not forgive himself.
The words he always silently chanted during beatings had failed him. They usually did but now he could sense it getting to the point where they would never work again.
I will not bend. I must not break. I will not bend. I must not break. I will not bend. I must not break. I will not bend. I must not break.
There wasn't anything he wouldn't give for a family like James'. He was so jealous yet felt so guilty for thinking it. He didn't agree with his family but it still felt like betrayal. But then that was them talking… ugh, he didn't know what he thought.
Just as Sirius was forcing the feelings of self-pity away, Kreacher slunk into the lifeless room.
"What do you want?" he croaked. His voice was still scratchy from the screaming.
"I'm to apparate you to your room Master Sirius. Then I will give you bandages and Essence of Dittany. Mistress Black must be obeyed."
Kreacher grabbed his hand and with a loud CRACK he was sitting on his bed.
"Does Master Sirius need help with the bandages?"
"No."
"Kreacher lives to serve the Ancient and Most Noble House of Black. Mistress Black will be most displeased if I do not serve the young Master properly."
"No."
"Mistress Black has also ordered that Master Sirius will not have dinner tonight and you are to clean the floor of the lounge tomorrow morning."
"Fine."
And with another CRACK he was gone.
Sirius groaned and slowly peeled the sticky shirt away from his ruined back. Pulling the shirt over his head just matted his hair with blood as well. He staggered to the bathroom and looked over his shoulder in the mirror. He flinched. Cleaning the long criss-crossing cuts would be almost impossible.
The Essence of Dittany would heal them of course. Probably just in time for another round.
…
To Remus,
How's your holidays going? I'm happy to be home. Even Hogwarts food doesn't beat mum's cooking. My family has a big New Year's Eve party every year. Can you come? Marlene, Alice, Frank and Peter are. Also, would it be a bad idea to invite Lily? Hope you like the chocolate.
James
P.S. Have you heard anything from Sirius?
…
To James,
Sorry but I can't come to the big party. My parents booked a holiday to France for the new year, just them. I'm going back to Hogwarts a few days early. Happy to be sleeping in my own bed again but nothing beats Hogwarts food. No, I haven't heard from Sirius. Yes, it would be a terrible idea to invite Lily.
Thanks for the chocolate, Remus
…
To Remus,
You're boring. Whatever, I'm inviting her. Do you think I should post the letter the muggle way? How do you do that? Also, would writing to Sirius really be a bad idea? And why don't you just stay at mine instead of going back to Hogwarts early? Have you started your homework yet? I'm probably just going to leave mine for the last three days.
James
…
To James,
You're an idiot. Please don't. No. You need stamps. Yes, bad idea. Very, very bad idea. Sorry but I really can't, I'll see you at school. Yes of course and again you're an idiot.
Remus
…
To James,
Answer me. Please. Tell me you haven't done anything stupid. ANSWER!
Remus
…
To Peter,
Happy Christmas. Tell James to write to me immediately.
Thanks, Remus
…
To Lily,
Happy Christmas! I hope you are having a nice time with your family. I wanted to send this to you the muggle way but Remus told me I need stamps for that and I don't know what those are. I hope your family's cool with owls. Anyway, if you're around I'm having a big New Year's Eve party and this is me inviting you. Marlene and Alice will be there too. Please reply. I want us to be friends.
James
…
Lily was sitting in a sea of wrapping paper and sticky-tape when the owl started tapping on the window. Christmas had been going well until then. For the last week, there had been an unspoken agreement in the Evans' house not to talk about magic around Petunia. It was awkward but civil and for now that was the best thing she could hope for.
They'd made it through stockings, a chocolate breakfast and most of the presents when Petunia noticed the owl first. She almost knocked the Christmas tree over in her hurry to stand up, "What's that doing here Lily?"
"I don't know," she shrugged and opened the window to take the letter from the owl before feeding it a few crumbs of a mince pie.
"Make it go away."
"Let me read the letter first. I might want to reply quickly."
"No! You promised you wouldn't let any of this freakishness near me and now you're ruining Christmas!"
"I haven't done anything. This is all you," Lily yelled back.
But with all the commotion the owl flew off to wait in a tree in their garden. Jake and Annie Evans stared at their daughters, lost at how to fix things. The radio softly played 'It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas' but not one of them could see how this year was anything like the ones before it.
"I'm sorry Tuney," Lily snuffled. She ran out the room to grab a coat and wellies. Her mum probably needed help with the Christmas dinner but she'd be back soon. And if not, well Petunia always liked to prove she was the better daughter.
"I'm going to Sev's," she called as she slammed the front door behind her.
On the way she stopped at the swings in the park and sat down to read the letter. It was from Potter. She had no reason to believe what he said was true although he did say it an awful lot. Maybe he was less annoying when he was your friend. She supposed she'd over-reacted quite a lot last term but it was just so hard to control her temper. Even over little things.
But Severus would probably never talk to her again if she became friends with Potter and she couldn't lose him. He was her oldest friend and the only person who really understood her.
Lily stood and continued on her way to Sev's, forcing all unpleasant thoughts away. She could forget about her hurt and anger towards Petunia for now and the confusion over Potter. It was Christmas and she wouldn't let anything ruin it for her.
…
To Potter,
Sorry but I can't.
Lily Evans
…
To Remus,
This is the letter Lily sent me. What does it mean? Also, I swear I didn't write to Sirius but I got a letter from him.
James
P.S. I mean it. You're welcome to stay. My parents won't mind.
…
To James,
I don't know what it means! What did you write to her? I also got a letter from Sirius. Make sure you don't write back. And no, it's really not possible. Have a good time with the others. Happy New Year,
Remus
…
To James,
I know you probably want to write but thank you for not. Christmas is just as awful as expected. What else would you expect for a Gryffindor in a house of Slytherin pure-blood maniacs? Don't worry I'm fine. Can't make it to your yearly New Year's thing though. I'm grounded and my parents are feeling especially anti-blood-traitor-ish this year. No offense.
I'm bored and making up pranks. You'd better have some good ones too by January. We can pick the best ones to do. See you at school. Don't write back.
Sirius
…
To Remus,
I'm alive! You don't have to worry anymore. Also, I've done all of my homework like a good boy. Christmas is as awful as expected. How's your holiday going? I'm grounded so I can't go to James' party but if you're going have fun. If you're not try and have a good New Year's anyway. I miss you guys. See you at school.
Please don't write back. I know you want to know why but I can't tell you. Sorry. I wish I could.
Sirius
…
Sirius discreetly handed Andy the letters at the end of the Black Christmas Eve Feast. It wasn't as fun as the Hogwarts feasts but Sirius was only allowed downstairs for the eating part anyway. Perks of being a Gryffindor he supposed. Regulus had to sit through the entire evening.
"What are these?"
"Please send them to my friends. And don't let anyone know," he begged his favourite cousin.
"Ok. Now get upstairs quickly. Aunt Walburga sent you away five minutes ago and you don't want the whole family as an audience to anything."
"Thanks," he dashed quietly up to his room, shut the door and sighed in relief that the night was over. The last few days hadn't been as bad as the first night back home but Sirius had no desire to provoke such an extreme punishment again anytime soon. The scabs kept cracking as it was.
Someone rapped smartly on the door. Sirius groaned, "Come in."
Regulus opened the door wide. He was wearing a ridiculous pair of green velvet dress robes with Toujours Pur embroidered on the left side. The collar reached his chin and the hem swept along the floor.
Sirius was wearing the same ones.
"Hello brother. Mother thought you might be bored up here all by yourself so she had graciously allowed you some visitors."
"Do those visitors include you?"
Regulus' gritted his teeth, "Thankfully not."
"Then you'd best run along little brother. I'm sure you're being sorely missed as we speak."
The brothers glared at each other before finally Regulus turned away. Sirius yelled down the corridor after him, "Unless you want to stay for the fun, of course."
Unfortunately, a body prevented him from slamming the door for emphasis. It was Bellatrix, "Yes, we are going to have fun, aren't we?"
She was his least favourite cousin, the complete opposite of Andy and the literal embodiment of every last drop of hatred, superiority and prejudice the family believed in. After his parents of course. And now she was in his room. Her and Rodolphus, her new husband. He fit right into the family.
"Hello Bella. Having a nice time?"
"Better than you're about to have I'm sure," she cackled nastily and pulled her wand from her hair, letting wild curls partially obscure her sadistic smile.
"I believe you. What do you want?"
"Just to have a chat with my little cousin. I've heard you've been getting a bit confused about things."
"You want to help with my Potions homework. Thank Merlin! Kreacher is completely useless," he scrambled over to his desk.
"Very funny cousin. Expelliarmus!"
His wand went soaring through the air before he had a chance to reach it. Rodolphus caught is while Bellatrix cornered him near the window, "Orion and Walburga sent us up. They're worried you've got some things mixed up and you're not showing your true Black colours."
"Technically black is a shade not a colour."
"We can talk now or later. You choose," Bella began to raise her wand.
Sirius shrank back against the wall slightly. Still she wasn't so scary as his parents, what could she do to hurt him?
"Let's talk later. This whole showing my true colours thing sounds interesting. Personally, I've never liked this shade of green – he gestured at his robes – is it time to turn them red?"
