Title: Faith Never... Threatened a Fed
Author: Bug Eyed Monster
Rating: Teen
Category: crossover
Spoilers: None for Numb3rs, post tv series for BtVS.
Warnings: None
Summary: Faith delivers the shovel speech to Willow's new significant other.
Notes: {xxx} refers to thoughts.
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, especially not Don or Willow, but those two might make a cute couple, with the way they both seem to have a need for faith and a "belief in something greater." I'm sure that Alan would love Willow, and would embarrass Willow with requests for grandchildren.
Faith couldn't believe it. Willow had gone back to driving stick. Xander had told her about Red's new boy-toy. An F.B.I. Special Agent, who once worked Fugitive Recovery, catcher of serial killers and ding-er of spree killers. A Fed, Willow was dating a Fed. {Well at least he's Jewish.}
Red and her new boink-toy were all dressed up outside some auditorium. Everyone milling around wore suits and dresses. The streetlights cast a slight off color shade to Red's lipstick, making it look purple.
She stepped out of the shadows and strode right up to Red and Boy-Toy. So what if he was a fed, this needed to be said.
{Ergh. I just rhymed.}
The Fed perked right up on seeing her, and his eyes narrowed. Faith wondered if he recognized her.
Boy-Toy kept his hands close to his waist, one hand almost under his suit jacket, probably near his gun. He gave off "tense waiting for something to happen" like a firecracker. {What kind of show was Red going to see, that her date needed to go packin'. Or maybe it's a cop gotta' have his gun nearby thing.}
"Hi, Faith. Did you come to hear the debate?" Red greeted cheerfully.
"Naw, I'm here for something else entirely." Faith felt an evil grin take over her face.
Willow sighed and shook her head. "I'm sorry, Don, but I think you're in for the shovel speech."
"Excuse me?" Special Agent Don Eppes asked. Faith mildly wondered how an agent became 'special' anyway.
"Shovel Speech." Faith said. "As in hurt my dear enemy Willow Rosenberg, a.k.a. Red, I'll hunt you down and bludgeon you to death with a shovel. Got it?"
The fed blinked, then he actually relaxed a bit, moved his hand out from under his suit and said, "Yeah. I get it."
"Good." Faith turned to Red. "Have you introduced him to Xander, B and Little D yet?" The fed rolled his eyes.
"Yes." Red said. "And there was much talk of shovel bludgeoning, beaten to death with one's own limbs, oh, and knives being used to cut off the fun parts."
Faith laughed at that. "Let me guess, Dawnie threaten to cut off his Mr. Happy."
The fed blushed a little bit, even though his face was a perfect poker-face.
"Yes, she did!" Red said. "When did Dawn become so blood-thirsty?!"
"Aww...*sniff* my little Dawnie's all grown up." Faith said with mock sadness.
Red left her boy toy's side and advanced on Faith with that damned Resolve Face. "You better not be corrupting Dawn, young lady."
Faith backed up and put up her hands. "Hey, I had nothing to do with it. Spike started it."
"And who bought her the fake IDs?" Red asked as she crossed her arms.
"I didn't buy them for her, I just sort of pointed her in the direction to get the things. And besides, she asked first."
Behind Red, Faith could see Special Agent Don Eppes laughing.
*fin*
