Hello all!! Wow, 100 reviews?! You guys rock so hard!! :D God, I wanted to post this alot sooner but this chapter fought me every step of the way O.o I hope it turned out okay :D
Trying to avoid your doctor roommate the night after you get smacked in the head with a beer bottle is like trying to nail jell-o to a tree; it just doesn't happen. Jim hardly slept the night before and had just barely closed his eyes when Bones practically pounced on him, examining the still aching gash that marred the side of his head. The older man poked and prodded and grumbled enough to bring back every painful memory from the night before and Jim was finally forced to push him off.
"Jeez, Bones. Personal space much?" Jim muttered, scrubbing his face absently with his hands and rubbing the bridge of his nose. The deep circles that had developed beneath his eyes probably did nothing for his appearance.
"So I take it you had an interesting night?" Bones replied in his typical snaky way, grabbing a few bandages from a drawer in the nightstand. He unwrapped one and covered the cut, pressing down a little too hard. He was trying to be unnecessarily rough for no reason but when Jim acted so recklessly it really frustrated him. Especially now that he was a Captain of one of the newest ships in Starfleet; a certain level of responsibility came with that.
"'Interesting' is such a relative term…" Jim muttered as another bandage was pressed over the cut. He sat quietly as Bones continued his initial exam, finishing with the head wound and moving on to check the bruise along his jaw. Normally, he would have met the doctor's snappy remarks with a few of his own but not today. He was tired and there was one hell of meeting left to deal with…
Bones seemed to notice something was off because his frown deepened and he narrowed his eyes. "You're hiding something from me."
"Huh?" Jim looked up in surprise, not realizing what had been said, only hearing the voice.
"You. Are. Hiding. Something." Bones repeated, emphasizing each word so it came out clearly. The stress lines that had developed across the younger man's forehead were like a roadmap.
Jim forced an easy smile and shook his head. "Nah, I'm alright. Just a little hung over." It could have been true; hangovers tended to make people a little more irritable than their normal behavior. After all, Jim was known for his late night debauchery in the bar scene.
"Jim…" Bones said, his dark eyes narrowing again. This wasn't the usual morning-after behavior for him and he knew it. Something was definitely off.
"Bones, really, I'm fine." Jim insisted, locking eyes with his best friend in an effort to make the lie more believable. "If there was something wrong I would tell you." He hated lying to him but Frank's threat still resounded in his head from the night before. Tell anyone and I kill your mother. Great, lying was going to become like a second language for a while…
The older man seemed unconvinced, his face showing the conflicting emotions that were swirling through him. He looked like he wanted to pry further but knew it would do very little good. One thing he'd learned from Jim was that the younger man was stubborn as hell and once he had the final word in something that's how it usually stayed. He sighed heavily and nodded. "Alright, fine. But when some girl's boyfriend shows up at our door I'm going to tell him everything short of your social security number."
Too late for that…Jim thought grimly but he forced another smile on his face. "Deal." He glanced at the monitor on bedside table, reading the time carefully. It was 7:45. He'd sent out a message to his crew members last night, announcing that there would be a mandatory meeting at 8:30 the next morning. His stomach did a slow, aggravated flip just thinking about it. Jim hopped off the slightly rumpled bedspread, ignoring the wave of dizziness that accompanied the movement, and nodded toward the door. "Come on, we need to head to the Enterprise. We have a meeting to attend."
OOOOO
The trip had been relatively silent. Jim made polite conversation with a few passing members of the other ships and smiled easily at the girls but his heart wasn't in it. He felt heavy, like his body was being weighed down with lead balloons, and his throat was dry. Several times he had to force himself to take a deep breath to abate the nerves that were dangerously close to fraying. He could feel Bones' eyes on him the entire time, watching his body language and quietly analyzing his actions but the older man never said anything.
Jim took carefully consideration into memorizing every detail of the ship as they boarded. He ran his hand along the sleek, smooth walls, counted the number of dials and switches each door possessed, committed the automated greeting to memory. He needed to remember everything, even the slightest detail, because he knew that after today he wouldn't be setting foot in these halls again. The pressurized air was cool as they walked and below the muffled sounds of engine repair could still be heard. The doors to the lift swished open softly and he was greeted by the faces of his crew as he stepped into the dining hall. It was easily the biggest room onboard so it meant that everyone would have a place to sit during the meeting.
Spock appeared next to the door a few seconds later, making his way over to the Captain in long, fluid strides. He was dressed in his normal uniform, the blue shirt contrasting sharply with his black slacks. He nodded respectfully when Jim acknowledged him, his hands folded lightly in the small of his back. "Good morning, Captain." Once Jim had smiled and returned the greeting, he turned his attention to Bones. "Dr. McCoy." The doctor mumbled good morning back and, after casting one more sideways look to Jim, walked into the room to find an empty chair.
After glancing around the room and seeing that just about everyone was sitting down, Jim offered a bright smile around the room and patted Spock on the back. "That's all for now, Mr. Spock. You can sit down." The Vulcan seemed a little hesitant to sit, feeling he should remain standing as a matter of formality, but finally relented and sat in an empty chair near the first table. Jim scanned the room again, decided there were at least six more people that needed to arrive, Scotty being one of them. They would wait a few more minutes until everyone arrived; Jim really didn't feel like repeating the announcement anymore than he had to.
"Rough night, Captain?" A distinctly female voice asked from somewhere to his right. Jim looked down to see Uhura smiling smugly as she noticed his bruised jaw and bandaged head. He gave her one of his winning smiles and winked. "Just another bar fight." The linguist rolled her eyes in annoyance and turned her attention back to the paper she'd been reading over.
Sulu and Chekov sat a few tables behind her, talking quietly to one another and Bones had managed to find a seat toward the back of the room. One of the other doors swished open and Scotty walked in trailed by five other workers from the engine room. Scotty held a wrench in one had and waved it around irritably as he spoke, threatening to hit the other workers with it. He stopped mid-tirade to wave at Jim before he continued with whatever rant he was on. Jim waited patiently for the remaining few to find a chair. He looked around the room carefully, memorizing each face and name. He knew he would still see his fellow crew members around the Academy but not like this, not all together. He wanted to remember his crew like this. Once everyone had found a seat and the attention was turned to him, Jim began.
"Good morning everyone." He greeted for starters, smiling brightly around the room. There were a few 'good mornings' back but for the most part the crew was wondering what the hell they were doing here so early in the morning when they still had two days of shore leave. Figuring he couldn't delay the inevitable forever, Jim shifted topics. "So, how are the repairs coming?" He asked, directing his attention to Scotty.
The Scottish man looked up and shrugged. "Good as can be, Cap'n." He said, gesturing with his wrench again toward the other workers who had followed him in. "Could be better if these bloody louts would leave me be. We could'a been done yesterday but they kept interfering and trying to "fix" things themselves." He muttered something under his breath that no one caught which was probably best. The other workers didn't pay much attention to the rant; they were pretty used to Scotty's moods by now.
Jim smiled and nodded. "Very good." He looked around the room once more and took a deep, steadying breath. "First of all, I wanted to start by saying how proud I was of everyone during the last mission. You all handled yourselves very well; Starfleet should be proud. The next mission is in two days, the coordinates should be delivered later on this afternoon. Hopefully you won't have to deal with anymore hostage situations." This earned a very small chuckle from a few crew members in the audience. If anyone had caught on to the fact that Jim was saying "you" instead of "we", they didn't how it. He took one more deep breath, straightening his shoulders as little. "Second, I wanted to let you know that you will be under new command for this next mission and for the remainder of your time on the Enterprise." The mood shifted abruptly and the tension could be felt immediately; Jim continued. "I have found that I'm emotionally compromised and will be resigning as Captain of the Enterprise." He said slowly, trying to remember the words Spock had used when he resigned.
A flurry of shocked voices erupted immediately, wide-eyed faces looking around the room desperately for answers. Spock stood quickly, his dark eyes widening slightly as he did. Bones uncrossed his arms slowly, a look of shock appearing on his face and Scotty dropped his wrench. Sulu and Chekov had stopped talking immediately and even Uhura looked stunned by the news.
Jim cleared his throat quietly, keeping his voice steady as he spoke. "I apologize for the sudden notice, but I am leaving you in capable hands." He nodded to Spock but his first officer barely acknowledged his new role. With a small, half-hearted smile, Jim looked around the room once more. "You are by far the finest crew I've ever worked with." The only crew I've ever worked with he thought miserably. "I wish you nothing but the best of luck in your travels." There was a heavy pause before he nodded slowly, taking in one last look of the stunned faces around him. "Be careful, all of you." And with that he turned and headed for the lift.
For a few seconds no one moved, the whole room was still stuck in shocked silence. Finally, Spock pulled himself out of his surprise and followed the younger man, leaving the remaining crew members just as confused as they had been a few moments before hand. "Captain." The first officer called as he rounded a corner, seeing no sign of the younger man. He broke into a brisk walk and turned another corner just in time to see Jim pressing the button for the lift. Knowing he probably wouldn't get a response to anything other than his first name, Spock said, "Jim."
Jim paused, his hand hovering over the button. He kept his back turned but his posture was stiff and rigid. He was trying his hardest to get off the ship before anyone managed to catch up to him. No such luck. Slowly, he turned to face his first officer and gave him a watery smile. "Spock." He said, wishing he had some kind of excuse to avoid this confrontation.
The Vulcan said nothing for a second and simply eyed Jim carefully. The younger man was breathing heavily, an obvious sign of emotional distress, and he looked pale, haggard. Something was definitely wrong and he wondered if it had something to do with the man they had met yesterday. "Captain, your sudden resignation…"Spock hesitated, having to push away the human demand in his voice. "It wouldn't happen to have anything to do with your step father would it?"
For a moment, Jim's breath hitched but he recovered quickly and smiled. "No, nothing to do with that. I just have some personal matters to attend to. And I'm not Captain anymore, Mr. Spock, you are."
Spock ignored that and continued. "Captain I-"
"Jim."
"Jim, I must insist that you consider your decision carefully. Resigning as captain is…" He searched for the right word but settled on one. "Highly illogical for one experiencing a few "personal matters to attend to"."
Jim simply shook his head and smiled sadly. "Look, Spock…I can't explain it but…well, you guys are just a lot better off with me off the ship."
"But Captain-"
"Jim."
Spock sighed. "Jim, our last mission is not something that future missions can be based off of. If that is what you are concerned with-"
"It's not." Jim assured him, glancing down the hall behind him. He sighed heavily and shook his head. "Look, take care of the crew for me, okay? I know it's sudden but you'll make a good Captain." He gave him an honest smile and relaxed his shoulders. "And try to keep Scotty from killing the other workers, he's getting pretty close." He chuckled humorlessly and pressed the button for the lift, the sliding open behind him. "Take care, Spock."
Spock reacted before he could stop himself and his arm shot out, grabbing hold of the younger man's shoulder to prevent him from leaving. Jim looked at him quizzically and Spock quickly came back to his senses, pulling his arm back slowly. He blinked a few times, unsure of how that human emotion had gotten the better of him. Before he could say or do anything else, Jim slipped into the lift and the doors slid shut behind him.
OOOOO
The swish of the doors was one of the greatest sounds Jim could hope to hear for the moment. He was alone and for now that's that he needed. He pressed the button and the lift stopped, a deadening silence filling the chamber. A shuddering breath escaped him and Jim fell to his knees, clutching the wall for support. He didn't want to break down here, couldn't afford to knowing that he was still in the ship, but he couldn't help it. His shoulders shook and he struggled to breathe and the edges of his vision turned white from lack of oxygen. He felt like he was suffocating and hyperventilating at the same time and neither was a good feeling to have. One hand gripped into a fist and he slammed his hand as hard as he could into the floor, the soft crack of his little finger breaking enough to jar him out of his attack. Breathing through the pain, he straightened into a sitting position and leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. For several minutes he sat like that, leaning against the wall and trying to think of nothing but breathing. Finally, he pushed himself to stand and he pressed the button again, letting the lift take him to the entrance level.
The doors slid open and Jim stepped out just in time to be grabbed by a very irritated, very confused Bones. The older man steered him into a side room before Jim could protest and shoved him into a chair. "Alright, Kirk. Spill it." He growled, his dark eyes narrowed dangerously.
Jim sighed and shook his head. "Bones-"
"And don't even think about trying to bullshit your way out of this." The older man snapped angrily, crossing his arms over his chest. "Talk."
There was another heavy silence and Jim shook his head. "Bones…I can't tell you…"
"Bullshit!" The doctor crouched down so his was eye-level with the younger man and glared at him. "Jim, I've known you long enough to know that you wouldn't back out of this for a stupid reason and I want to know what it is!"
"Bones I-"
"Dammit Jim, why?!"
"Because I'm a screw-up alright?!" Jim snapped sharply, his blue eyes narrowing in anger. He clenched his injured hand tight to keep himself from yelling again. "You know it, Spock knows it, everyone knows it…Bones, if I stay on this ship then I'm endangering all of you. I stay, you die; got it?!" The pain in his hand was intense but not nearly as bad as the emptiness he felt inside. He shook his head slowly. "I can't do this, Leonard…" He said, taking the older man by surprise for the second time in ten minutes. He'd only called Bones by his first name once and he threatened to beat him within an inch of his life if he ever did it again. "I can't be the reason you guys get hurt…not again…"
Bones stayed quiet for a second. It almost sounded like Jim was talking about something else entirely but he wasn't sure what. "Jim, listen to me; you turn in your resignation to Pike and you're done. You understand that? Done. Forever. The Academy takes resignation very seriously…" He let the words sink in and shook his head. "Dammit Jim, I'm a doctor, not a psychiatrist but I know that whatever this is you can work it out. You don't have to resign." He cupped the younger man's face in his hands, forcing him to look at him. "Jim, you can deal with this, I'll help you, but you can't just quit everything we've worked for for the past three years."
Jim grabbed the doctor's wrists, holding on gently and looked at the floor. "Bones, I'm sorry but…you can't help me this time. This time…there is no "fixing" it…this is a no win scenario…"
The deadness in Jim's voice startled McCoy enough to let go. He'd never heard such defeat from his best friend and to be honest it scared him. Jim was easily one of the most easy-going, optimistic people he'd ever known and something was definitely wrong now. "Jim…you can't…" He protested weakly, unable to think of anything else to say. There were so many questions tumbling around in his head he couldn't pick one to start with.
Jim simply shook his head slowly and stood. "I'm sorry Bones, but I have to…" He placed his hand on his best friend's shoulder and looked to the hallway again. "I need to go talk to Pike…" And with that, Jim walked away and stepped off the Enterprise without looking back.
So was it God-awful or okay?? I had a really hard time developing the reactions -.-; Oh well, some good old-fashioned beat down is in the next chapter!! :D
