You Should See Me in a Crown
Chapter Five

My wrists are rubbed raw by the time I give up on trying to get out of the shackles placed on me and Delilah.

We're locked in the church, as everyone starts moving their belongings in to the town, due to Delilah's temper tantrum earlier.

I long to speak to Ivar about the arrangement of us becoming slaves and what his agenda is for conquering York, but he has yet to give me the time of day. His own question of "what now" has taken his time and attention.

The five feet of space that the heavy chain between me and Delilah allows isn't enough for either of us to feel as if we have our own space to breathe, and I think as Delilah prays.

"This is bullshit." I mumble, pacing the allowed distance of the church floor splattered with blood and corpses.

"I am trying to speak to God and you're cursing in his house." She grumbles with her eyes closed and her hands folded.

"Ask him what exactly we did to piss him off because he's thrown us to the wolves." I snap and she opens her eyes, rolls them, and looks up.

"Forgive her, Father. Heathen blood runs through her veins. She knows not what she does. Amen." With this, she finishes and looks at me.

"I need to speak with Ivar." I tell her. "But he does not seem interested in saying a word to me."

"What could you possibly say to him to change his mind? He's stubborn and has his mind made up, Iskra. Any further attempts at persuasion will only anger him and make things worse." She's the voice of reason in this shit storm.

A thought crosses my mind and my brow raises slightly.

"Ivar is not the only leader of the army." I point out. "Ubbe and Hvitserk also have the power to free us if they wished to do so."

"How would we get them to, though?" She asks next, facing me completely.

"Ubbe and Hvitserk are pushovers when it comes to beautiful women. I'm pretty sure Ubbe is already wrapped around my finger, you just need to be nice to Hvitserk."

Her face twists repulsively at the suggestion, realizing what all I mean by "nice", and she curls her lip.

"I'd rather die if my freedom depends on giving my body to any of these vermin." She snaps.

"Delilah," I crouch in front of her where she sits, grabbing her chin and making her look at me. "Us surviving is dependent on our freedom. If we remain slaves we are bound to endure cruel things."

"This has nothing to do with our survival, Iskr—"

"This has everything to do with our survival!" I shout, my grip on her chin tightening and she grasps my wrist harshly and shoves me away from her.

"Do you not trust your god to deliver us? Where is your faith?!" She lashes out at me.

"Where is your resilience?!" I shoot back in the same tone.

"My resilience is more intact than yours!" She throws her arms up. "You want to lay here and give up and not fight against the fact that we are both enslaved! Instead of being a woman about it and fighting your way out, or die trying, you'd rather lie on your back, having your feet in the air with a sweaty barbarian between your legs in order to gain favor with them!"

"I'm not saying we cooperate. I'm saying we fight, but use our minds." The tip of my fingers tap lightly on her forehead. "Not our fists. Think smartly and slyly, not aggressively and violently. You said you wanted to be compassionate towards those who are wicked and this is your opportunity."

"That was before I saw how evil they truly are." She states coldly. "And I want meaning behind my kindness. I don't want my kindness to have manipulative intent."

"Then try to be genuinely kind if you want to, Delilah, I don't care. But you can't lash out like an angry bull every time one of them says or does something you don't like. They believe differently than you do. They were raised differently and have morals that are opposite of yours. You must understand that."

She doesn't say anything, she just stares at me as if she's thinking.

"What do you propose we do?" She finally speaks calmly.

"For starters, learn to keep your mouth shut more often. My tongue has blisters from how often I've had to bite it since being around them, but I've stayed out of trouble for the most part. Aside from what trouble I do get in to from being associated with you."

She breathes out and shakes her head a little before closing her eyes.

It's as if a switch flips in her mind and she opens her eyes, her angry expression softening.

I cross my arms and wait for Ubbe and Hvitserk to speak, their eyes wandering over Delilah and I.

"People will be celebrating our victory tonight." Ubbe finally says, crossing his arms over his chest. "We would like for you two to make sure everyone is content. Keep their horns full of drink and retrieve them food if they are hungry."

Delilah doesn't even show a sign of distaste, she just listens as he talks and I furrow my brows slightly. I'm shocked she's doing what I suggested and not arguing with them.

"Ivar wanted us to tell you that if you refuse," Hvitserk starts, looking at Delilah.

"We aren't refusing." She assures them before Hvitserk can finish.

The two brothers exchange looks as if they're waiting for her to start laughing, tell them she's bullshitting them and then commence to try to go for their throats.

"I will say this, though," She adds, looking down at herself and then at me. We're both lightly covered in dirt and blood from the events of today and she breathes out. "We need proper baths before doing anything else."

"I agree." I say, too, realizing how gross we look.

Again, the two glance at each other before nodding.

"Alright." Ubbe mumbles with a single nod before he unlocks Delilah and me from our chain.

I immediately rub my irritated wrist, thanking God for the new found freedom and I see Delilah's relief is evident as well.

"Christian," Hvitserk says to Delilah and she looks at him with raised brows as if that were her actual name. "Come help me." He nods to the doors of the church and I'm assuming he means help him gather the supplies well need in order to clean up decently. She doesn't argue or make a face of frustration. She just does as asked, even offering a smidgen of a smile to Ubbe as she passes by him.

His gaze follows after her and when Hvitserk and her are gone, I scoff.

"What?" Ubbe asks me and I roll my eyes.

"I know what you're thinking." I scold him.

"I am thinking she is beautiful. What is so wrong with that?"

"Thinking she is beautiful is fine. Imagining her on your prick, is not." I retort sharply.

"I wasn't thinking that. She seems worthy of respect. I said she was beautiful, that doesn't mean I'm going to try to sleep with her. And even if I were to try, it is none of your business." He argues.

"She is like my sister. Her business is my business, and my business is hers."

"Ah, so you have told her of your relationship with Ivar?" His brows furrow as he asks me this and I open my mouth and close it again.

"Ivar and I do not have a relationship anymore, Ubbe." I deflect the question.

"Mm." He breathes out, the corners of his mouth twitching amusedly. "Have you told her of our relationship?"

My eyes are so sharply cut I could slice him open with them if it were possible.

I step closer to him slowly, making sure my steps hold a clear point as I approach him.

"There is no relationship between us. There never was a relationship. We just used each other and that's that. Don't insult me by comparing that to what Ivar and I once had." I can tell my words effect him, lines on his forehead further deepen as he takes one step closer to me.

"You speak as if what you found in my brother was everything you wanted and much more. Yet, as I recall, you came crawling to my bed multiple times to have the one thing he could never give you." He sounds entertained by this banter of ours and I dig my teeth in to my tongue.

"I came crawling to your bed for a distraction. Nothing more. Ivar satisfied my needs plenty. That is not why I started sleeping with you." I tell him the truth and he rubs his jaw.

Before he can say whatever smart ass comment I know he wants to say, the doors of the church are opened again and Hvitserk and Delilah enter with two buckets of water and two bathing cloths.

"Our wounds." Delilah says suddenly and I breathe out. I forgot about my damaged back. The herbs the healer prepared for the slashes worked to numb and alleviate the pain so the thought hasn't crossed my mind since Freydis had changed my dressing earlier in the morning.

We can't get them wet, though.

"We will need Freydis to dress our wounds again." I explain to them. "Will you go find her?"

"She is with Ivar." Hvitserk tells me and my blood feels as if it's boiling.

"Oh." I try to hide the evident disappointment and Ubbe frowns a little.

"You wouldn't be jealous, would you?" Hvitserk asks and I glare at him.

"I left his ass behind, remember?" I raise a brow as my question cuts through the air aggressively. "I prepared for him to move on when I left. No, I am not jealous."

They know I'm lying, their faces showing the evident disbelief of my words, but they keep their mouths shut and don't say a word.

"I'm going to find the slave." I mumble, pushing past them.

It doesn't take long for me to see the gorgeous blonde sitting beside Ivar as he speaks to her. Whatever he's saying must be pretty interesting because he's speaking with enthusiasm and she's eating every bit of it up.

Neither of them notice me until I'm standing in front of them, looking down at where they are seated on the ground, leaning against one of the small buildings within the city.

Ivar looks up at me and his face falls, the broad smile fades, his brows that were once raised in excitement now go close to his eye lids in an unamused irritation at the sight of me.

Good, the feeling's mutual.

"Freydis, Delilah and I are going to bathe and then we need our bandages cleaned." I tell her in a tone that isn't too snappy, but strict enough for her to get the point and she looks at Ivar as if asking his permission.

He doesn't bother to look at her, his ocean eyes on me, lip curling over teeth in distaste. He looks as if he wouldn't mind peeling the nails off of my fingers.

She's about to stand up, but he puts a hand out and stops her, still focused on me.

"Tend to the Christian." He orders her. "I will take care of Iskra."

Oh, Dear god.

"Yes, my prince." She's so sweet and obedient towards him...playing the same game I am except her goal is to get underneath him while my goal is to walk away still breathing.

I watch after her, hoping she feels my eyes burning in to her back.

"I am repulsed." I don't bite my tongue any longer and Ivar smirks.

"She is very attentive." He tells me smugly and I'm tempted to kick him, but decide against it despite the innuendo he's used.

It makes me gag.

"I need to bathe. Are you cleaning my wounds or not?" Change of subject has him scowling again and he huffs out a breath.

"Can't you just keep the bandages you already have on?"

"Mmm, no. Higher risk of infection, my prince." I mock the way Freydis refers to him and he rolls his eyes. "Which I'm sure you wouldn't mind me suffering, would you?"

He avoids answering, motioning for me to follow him.

"Gods, Ivar!" I hiss in pain, the sharp stinging of a forming scab on one of the lashes being tampered with radiating through my body and I swear I can hear the smile in his voice. I've already scrubbed dirt and grime off of me, now I needed my back tended to.

"Sorry." He mumbles, dabbing at the now bleeding wound.

"Do you even know what you're doing?" I look over my shoulder at him and he grins.

"It is common sense, Issy." He shrugs.

We're in someone's home, I'm laying on my stomach while he sits beside me, his legs out in front of him while he cleans up my bare back.

"What are these words on your back?" He asks me, fingers brushing over the scarred commandments and I lick my lips nervously. "I noticed your Christian friend has one like it."

"They are the commandments of her God." I can't bring myself to lie to him, knowing he'll find out the truth anyway and he stops moving suddenly.

He's quiet, not saying a word, not moving, not doing anything except thinking on what I just said.

"Why do you have such foolishness marked on your body permanently?" When he speaks again, it's a gruesome tone and I force myself to sit up and face him, not caring about my bare chest out on display. He's already seen every inch of my body. I'm not going to play modest now that I'm Christian.

"Delilah's faith means everything to her. Delilah means everything to me. I don't think it's foolish to have something on my body where, every time I look at it, it reminds me of her. If we are to ever part, I want to be able to know that we are still with one another."

He stays silent, I feel his anger radiating off of him and I dare to reach out and gently grasp his hand in mine.

He doesn't pull away, but I can tell he isn't welcoming the touch either.

"I owe you many explanations as to what I've done the past several years. Even before I abandoned you, I was doing things I should not have been doing. I am sorry for leaving you, Ivar. I do not expect forgiveness but I need you to try to understand where I was coming from. It was dangerous for me to continue on as if nothing happened. I felt smothered and I needed to get out."

"Well, I assure you, Issy, you will no longer feel smothered by me." He promises darkly, crumpling the dirty bandages in his hands. "I will go get Freydis to doctor you. I feel the need to give you your space all of the sudden."

"Ivar, you know that is not what I meant." I argue.

"I know what you meant, Iskra. Once again you are blaming everyone but yourself for your issues. You drowned yourself because you were lonely because no one paid enough attention to you and you left because everyone was paying too much attention to you and you felt smothered!" He exclaims.

Rage gets the best of me and I roll my jaw, raising a brow.

"Where is Sigurd?" The words topple from my mouth before I can stop them and the color drains from his face.

Months Ago
Sherborne, England

Crisp air around me was brutal. Coldness weighs down on me and I feel myself stumbling barefoot slightly across the ground, my mind foggy in my state of near sleep.

I ignore the patch of brayers that catch in the end of my nightgown and prick at my feet, my eyes focused on the river. Cool water rushes over my ankles, my feet becoming submerged when I step further and further in to the channel of water.

I take heavy breaths, my waist down completely engorged in icy cold water.

My eyes blink slowly, hearing barely a whisper of my name.

I turn cautiously to face the shore, seeing a dark figure standing there, the shadows of Ravens flying around him. I only see what details of the figure that the light of the bright moon allows me to, but I know very well who this is.

Odin.

My father once told me the all father sometimes decides to tell us when we've lost someone important to us if we are not there with them to know of their death. Ivar crosses my mind. Perhaps his condition got the best of him and he died of natural causes...or maybe there was an enemy that attacked Kattegat and he fell victim to an opposing army.

Something is slithering up my arm and my eyes fall on a thick serpent. Its slimy, limp whiskers slice through my skin shallowly. White eyes, the color of the moon, look up at me. I've seen this before, when I tried to end my ow life years ago. This one is smaller, though, the one I saw once before was the length of three ships and as wide as a ship as well.

My brows furrow when I look back up at Odin.

"Why are you here?" I ask him, trying to pull the creature off of me, but he's loosely around my neck now.

"I bare bad news, Iskra Youngblood." He tells me what I already know and I roll my jaw.

I would be honored years ago, that Odin would take the time to come visit me. But this god is nothing to me anymore, only a nuisance.

"Ragnar Lothbrok is dead." He tells me and I breathe out in relief.

"So I have been told." I retort, stepping from the water.

I have a better view of his grey, shoulder length hair, his missing eye and his grave demeanor.

"His sons have also taken their revenge on King Ecbert, haven't they?" I ask based off of what I've heard and he gives a single nod. "And what has become of his sons?"

He doesn't say anything to me, his expression remaining solemn.

"What has become of his sons?" I repeat sternly, taking another step forward as the worst case scenario slips through my mind.

"Prince Sigurd Snake-in-the-Eye reigns from Valhalla, with his father and his mother, Queen Aslaug."

My heart sinks to my stomach.

"How?" A lump forms in my throat and Odin doesn't blink before telling me what I have asked.

"Lagertha Lothbrok takes responsibility for the death of Queen Aslaug, while Sigurd's fate was met at the hands of his brother."

Ivar, I think in my mind before the God before me tells me.

"Ivar the Boneless." He echoes my thoughts.

"Why have you told me this?" I ask him when he goes to walk away. "I have renounced my belief in you as a God so why would you go out of your way to speak to me?"

He stops his heavy walking, turning to look at me. I've realized I was following him, now completely out of the river and well onto the shore.

"You may have renounced your faith, but you have yet to stop believing I exist." He explains to me. "You believe your fallen parents, your other family and friends who have passed before you, are in Valhalla feasting, drinking and fighting amongst I and the others. Do you not?"

"Yes." I answer honestly.

"Then I am still able to relay messages to you."

Again, he tries to leave but I stop him.

"My parents," I start. "Have they spoken of me or my brother Sidka?"

"Not since they learned they will not be seeing you again due to you going to the Christian Heaven when you die. It hurts them to think they will not see you again."

My expression saddens even more.

"Ragnar, on the other hand," I think the look he gives me is the closest thing to a smile he's made since appearing to me. "He is proud of you and wishes for you to tell Athelstan of how much he misses him when you meet your final breath, Iskra Youngblood."

He's gone like a vapor, the cold sliminess of the serpent around me is no more and my nightgown is dry.

I nod at his words, tears swelling in my eyes.

"I will. Tell him that I will." I whisper, knowing Odin can still hear me although he isn't here.

Ivar's jaw is stiff, locked tightly together as he focuses on me.

He can tell by the look in my eye that I know very well what happened to his older brother.

"Who told you?" It's a hushed whisper from him, one I barely hear and I lick my lips.

"Odin came to me after it happened to tell me that Ragnar, Aslaug and Sigurd had died." I say lowly.

"He was spreading rumors about me, lies-"

"What was he saying?" I interrupt him and he doesn't look at me.

"He was telling people that I was not a real man because I could not have sex." His words bring back the memory of the first time we tried to.

It was painful for the both of us, physically and emotionally, and he was afraid I was going to leave him afterward.

"You want children one day and I will never be able to give that to you" is what he had told me after we gave up and laid beside each other on his bed.

I thought it was ridiculous of him to assume such things about me.

"I do want children, but I want you more. This doesn't change how I feel about you, Ivar. This does not effect who I see you as" is what I had told him in response. Then of course he was scared I was going to tell people he wasn't able to get hard. Again, that was ridiculous for him to assume so badly of me.

"How did he know that?" I ask him and he seems to get back in to his smug facial expression.

"I bed a slave girl and she told him I was not able to satisfy a woman." He states.

"You tried to fuck someone else?" The temper in my voice only fuels his cockiness and he raises a brow, his finger tips brushing along to skin of my exposed side.

"You didn't expect to be the only woman I bed in my life after you left, did you?" He asks me and I lick my lips.

"It's weird to imagine you with anyone else, Ivar." It's a confession I've been holding on to since seeing him again and his hand falls from my flesh.

"Mmm." He scoffs a little, studying me for a moment before speaking. "And have you been with anyone else?"

Guilt seeps in to my skin.

The vivid memory of me on top of Ubbe, crying out in ecstasy, coming to life in my mind. No, I hadn't been with anyone else after leaving Kattegat, but I had been with someone else.

"No, Ivar." It's a lie straight from hell. But I know if I would have told him the truth, he wouldn't have done what he did in this moment.

His hand lifts to brush against my collar bone and I take in a deep breath, leaning closer in to him.

"Ivar," I whisper seductively, moving to be nearly on top of him. His hand cups my cheek, his face hardening as if taking notice that he's becoming vulnerable. His head tilts slightly, eyes studying me briefly before he grips his hand on my jaw and brings my lips to his roughly.

Our tongues tangle, heat spreading through my core, my hand resting on the back of his neck to pull him closer to me.

He obeys, his hand slipping from my jaw to my throat and it becomes more and more difficult to breathe. His hand is tightening around me, so hard that I can feel where bruises are starting to form.

A soft whimper escapes my throat, my hands lightly pushing on his chest to get out of his vice grip. He only pulls his lips away from mine, his eyes holding a furious anger and his hand only communicating that anger towards my throat with each passing second.

My sore back collides with the blankets underneath us, and he's baring all of his weight on me. Black spots splatter across my vision, and I arch underneath him, struggling to get him off of me. He doesn't listen, a sadistic baring of his teeth down at me causes me to genuinely fear for my life as he growls out:

"Did you really think I would not find out, Iskra?"