Chapter 7 - Mixed Emotions
It was the next morning after Peyton's Dad had left. Lucas had been a big help the previous night he made things seem better even when everything was a mess, he walked her home and made sure she was okay before heading home himself. She did manage to get some sleep even though her head was all over the place, full of confusion and mixed emotions. She liked Nathan and he seemed to be a good boyfriend but is he really right for me, a thought she couldn't seem to rid from her mind. She couldn't stop thinking about whether she made the right decision in choosing to date Nathan, they don't really share any common interests that she could think of. It seemed to be more of a physical attraction than anything else.
The sun beamed through her bedroom window lighting up her face and waking her from her peaceful slumber. She prepared herself for another day at Tree Hill High. She found herself being ready quite early so she decided to sketch for a while. She loved art and wouldn't be able to live without it, it was the way she expressed herself and let out all of her emotions. Sometimes it was the only way because she found it hard to talk to people about her feelings. She sketched a picture of herself at the docks waving goodbye to her Father who was on a boat, and wrote the caption 'Why does everyone have to leave?'. After finishing her sketch she put it into her portfolio and found that she still had some time to kill so she listened to some music and fixed her appearance. Half an hour later she was interrupted by the knocking at the door. She walked down the stairs to answer it wondering who on earth it could possible be. She opened the door.
"Hey"
"Oh hi I wasn't expecting to see you here" She said after seeing Lucas stood in her doorway.
"I just wanted to check you were alright after last night and wondered if you wanted to walk to school."
"I'm fine I don't know what came over me last night"
"Hey it's okay to let it out, it helps you to cope better."
She smiled at how he seemed to care so much "So you walking me to school or what?" she asked in a more cheerier tone than usual.
Nathan and Lucas spent lunch together and started to bond. Nathan was glad he'd took Peyton's advice because Lucas wasn't a bad guy and they had quite a lot in common. Peyton wasn't with him because she and Brooke had cheer practice. The day at school went by pretty fast, Peyton tried to avoid Nathan because her head was all over the place but it was hard when they had a lot of classes together. He was very good to her and she couldn't deny that, it just seemed that he didn't understand her. He didn't notice that anything was wrong with her and it's not like she held it against him but she couldn't help think that maybe they are not meant to be. A boyfriend should notice she thought.
She had been home for a few hours and the thought of her Dad being away was stuck in her mind she couldn't stop thinking about him. She felt so low she just wanted something anything to take her mind off it all. Nathan dropped by and made his way up to her bedroom.
"Hey" he said standing in her doorway
"Hi"
"You fancy doing something? We could go out if you want"
"No I want to stay in" she moved closer to him and started to kiss him passionately.
"Staying in it is then" he said breathlessly
She carried on kissing him and tugged at his clothes until one thing led to another and they had sex. Once it was over he left and she sat there thinking 'what the hell have I just done?'
She had done something she never intended to do. She just felt so depressed it was a way to make her feel something other than pain but now she felt absolutely awful about it. I can't believe what I've become she thought.
She grabbed her diary and began to write she felt angry, sad, confused you name it she felt it and she had to let it out.
'My Dad left last night again!!!!! I don't know why I was so shocked I should have expected him to leave. I just thought being a new town and all he'd stay for a while but no not my Dad, my Dad thinks work is more important. Then I did the most stupid thing ever I had sex with Nathan and yes he is my boyfriend but we've only been together for a few days and I've already started to think that I've made a mistake by going out with him in the first place. Then there's Lucas. He's different from everyone else I don't really know what to say its like I know him so well which is strange cause we haven't known each other that long but it's also like he knows me too. I like him but I'm not sure what that means, for all I know he just sees me as a friend and I might just be feeling a bit confused. I wish my Mom was still here, she'd know what to do she would always help me with my problems, sometimes just her listening helped. I can't talk to my Dad it's not the same, for starters he's a guy and second he's NEVER here.'
She scribbled some more angry sentences down underlining words, using exclamation marks. She was so angry she didn't realise how much until her pen started to rip through the paper and then she clamed herself down. She calmed herself down the only way she knew how listening to music and drawing.
She drew what she was feeling. She drew a crowd of people in black and white and within that crowd was one person in colour, with an orange t-shirt. It was Lucas, he was wearing an orange t-shirt when she first met him. She added the caption 'They are not you'. After she'd finished she decided to listen to some music and read a magazine but she was still feeling stressed. There was still something bothering her and she had to let it out on paper so she decided to do another drawing. She drew herself with Nathan and then Lucas in the background with the caption 'Did I make the right choice?' After finishing she admired her work and felt a little better, she put both drawings into her portfolio.
