Chapter Six
Second Chance
J had been debating whether or not placing this call was in the best interest of both parties. While Serena deserved to know who she was, who her friends were and even her family, he was still concerned that those closest to her would cause more harm than good.
Respectively the person with whom he was trying to contact.
The call could go one of two ways. Either the person would ignore the call completely, which wouldn't surprise him, or they would answer and be hostile towards him. In this case, would be the appropriate response. The last time they had spoken it hadn't been on the best of terms. But J had been able to supply him with the necessary information needed to save Serena's life.
J spared a few moments before attempting to place the call to think over what he would say, and how he would convince his first prodigy to go along with his idea. Taking a calming breath, he hit a few keys on his computer and waited.
Connecting… Connecting… Connecting...
"J." Deep blue eyes glared back at him from the screen. It was déjà vu all over again. Had it really only been a few months since he had spoken to him? "Why are you contacting me?" Heero said in a low and threatening.
"I have something of interest that you might like." At J's cryptic words, Heero's mask fell. His eyes grew wide as he quickly put the puzzle pieces together.
"You have her?" Heero's whole demeanor changed in a split second.
"Yes. But I must warn you, she is not the same person-"
"I want to speak with her. Now." Heero cut him off before he could finish. His face hardening once again while his eyes grew dark once again.
"You need to listen first." J waited a moment for Heero to settle himself. "Serena has amnesia. She has no recollection of her life before she woke up. Her injuries have healed and I'm pleased to say that overall she's fine, but I cannot unlock her memories. There's a possibility she may never remember." Heero seemed to go over the information before responding.
"So she won't know who I am?"
"No. I've only told her that there was someone I wanted her to speak with from her past."
"Can I speak with her?" Heero asked.
"You cannot, for any reason reveal that you've been in contact with her. She's in a fragile state and I don't want to see her relapse."
"Trowa will-"
"Trowa Barton will have to wait." J said sternly. "The last thing she needs is him rushing to see her. He would be hurt in the long run to only find out she doesn't remember him. She needs time, and if she doesn't remember… then there is nothing more I can do to help her." Heero nodded his head.
"I won't tell anyone then."
"Then I'll get her."
Heero ran a hand through his already unruly hair. He had already gotten up from his desk to lock his office door. The last thing he needed was someone waltzing in and overhearing the conversation or worse, seeing Serena.
His mind had already started supplying him with images of her. How she might look and if there were any noticeable changes to her features. If there would be any scarring to her face and body, but J would have warned him beforehand. With that thought he tried to push the unwanted images out of his mind.
It only succeeded in filling his mind with what had happened to her. J hadn't given him any details but from the small amount of information, Heero surmised that Serena had been badly hurt. Especially her head.
That fact alone unsettled him. He remembered when Trowa had lost his memories and how difficult that had been. But they were also at war at the time and being down one pilot was bad enough. They had needed all five of them and if someone was injured or not participating, their chances had been even slimmer of ending the war.
Heero's thoughts of the past were interrupted when Serena sat down. Her cold blue eyes staring at him. Eyes that were lacking the small spark they once held.
"He looks like me. Why does he look like me?" Her head turned towards J. Her Japanese was flawless as ever, but Heero wondered if she remembered how to speak English.
"Can you speak English?"
"He doesn't speak Japanese?" Serena glanced at him before looking back to J.
"I do, I'm just asking-"
"I can speak English." Serena cut him off. Her eyes tightening as she looked at him. "Why do we look alike?" Heero glanced to J who was standing directly behind her. J read the silent message, nodding his head. Heero turned his eyes back to Serena. His concerns growing the longer he looked into her eyes.
"You're my clone." Serena threw her head back, laughing. She mumbled something under her breath before regaining control of herself.
"Clone? That's got to be some kind of joke, right?"
"No, it's not." Heero said harshly. Serena sent him a glare, her warning that seem to say that she was in control of the conversation. Heero bit down on his tongue. Now wasn't the time for them to start fighting.
"You were cloned from my DNA. We look similar because you were made to resemble a sibling rather than an exact copy." Heero said after a moment.
"So we're supposed to be like brother and sister?" Serena raised a brow. "You didn't mention that, J." Turning her head towards J.
"This is why I wanted you to speak with Heero. I created you to-"
"Heero?" Serena cut J off. She swung her head around, leaning towards the screen. "Heero." She said again. Sounding out his name slowly.
"Do you remember anything?" Heero prompted. For a brief moment he had hope that...
"No." Serena shook her head as she leaned back. "You're named after a dead poliation though. Ironically. Although I'm guessing that's not your real name either." Heero frowned at the mention of who he acquired his name from.
"You know that information?" J questioned. Heero lifted his own brow as he saw something flash across J's face. "We haven't talk about anything relating to Heero Yuy."
"He died in A.C. 175. He was assassinated by what officials believe to be an inside attempt of over throwing the colonies. He was their Chief Representative after all. It's public knowledge." Serena shrugged. "It's not hard to look up information such as this."
"Hm." J nodded his head. "I think that's enough for today."
"What? But I-" Serena started to protest.
"Serena, we can't rush things. You've met Heero, lets see if this jogs anything over the course of the next few days. Heero," J said as he looked to the screen. "Would you be willing to contact us in say, three days?"
"Yeah." Heero tightened his eyes. He watched Serena's face fall into a hopeless expression. There was clearly more she wanted to say, whether it be to himself or to J, but Heero doubted it was the latter of the two.
"Good." J said with a nod.
Serena for her part gave a soft smile and bowed her head slightly. A sign of respect before she stood from the chair. Heero wanted to say goodbye to her, but he never got the chance as Serena left the room. Never looking back at the screen.
"Now that you've seen that she's perfectly fine, I would like to get down to business." J took control of the conversation. Heero leaned back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest.
"What business?"
"Time is of the essiances. I fear the window of opportunity is closing every day that she doesn't regain her memory."
"Then what are you proposing?" Heero asked.
"There's two options, but both come with risks." J stated.
"What kind of risks?" Heero narrowed his eyes at his old mentor. "I don't want any harm to come to her." His voice dipping. The last thing he wanted was for Serena to relapse.
"Unfortunately, I can't promise anything. I can either implant a new chip, using all the data I have gathered. It would allow her to remember almost everything." Heero listened carefully. "The only issue with this is that Serena would have no recollection of meeting you and her time spent with you. There's also the chance that the chip could burnout, and cause more brain damage than she already has. She's gone through two chips in one month. I believe her body is finally rejecting the chip, as it no longer feels it can improve her overall."
"What do you mean by that?"
"Serena's brain is hardwired to the chip, but with what has happened in the last month, I think she's reworked herself to not need the chip. A mind-over-matter situation, if you will."
"So to her, the chip is useless and she could do better without it?" Heero summed up.
"Yes, she has exceeded the limits of it. Even in her current state her brain would recognize it causing everything to potentially backfire on us. But there is still the possibility that it could work."
"Hn. What's the second option then?" Heero didn't like the idea of having J create another chip. Even if it could give Serena her memories back, they'd just be going down the same road she had been down once before.
"The second option is to use the ZERO system."
"I thought the chip was the ZERO system?" Heero stared at J. Was there something he had missed?
"It is. But what I'm talking about is having her simulate a battle, in which the ZERO system is used. While it's a safer alternative, there's still the risk that her mind could become overwhelmed before shutting down completely. She'd be reliving the last battle she had. Because the system stores one's memories, her system onboard Kibou's did the same. It contains every memory she's ever had."
"You have the computer system from her Gundam?" Heero nearing jumped out of his chair. If J had everything he needed to jog Serena's memory, why hadn't he? "Why didn't you just have her use the system in the first place?"
"Don't get too excited. Like I said, her mind could become overwhelmed and shut down. Amisna is tricky. Just because her brain looks fine and her wave patterns are normal doesn't mean that the damage isn't there. Basic functions will continue to work just as they always have, and while the brain is resilient, there's still no telling what will happen. There is a good possibility that Serena could slip into a coma and never come out of it."
Heero paused, thinking over everything J had said. After a few moments he came to the decision he felt was best for everyone. Including Serena.
"How soon can you have everything ready?"
J smiled almost wickedly before answering him.
"How soon can you come to L1?"
After a few days without any contact from J, Heero started to worry. It had been hard enough passing Trowa in the hallway, knowing how the other man had been feeling for months. He was lost, worrying over whether or not Serena was alive. But there wasn't anything Heero could do to ease the other man's distress over everything. Trowa had been beating himself up since Serena had left them in the hanger of the Ischyrós. At the time it had been the best decision any of them could have made. If Heero had been in Serena's shoes, he would've done the exact same thing. Mainly because he had done the same thing in the past. But their faits had been different. While they both had succeeded in their respected missions, Serena had paid a much higher price. She was lucky to be alive, but she was now facing a world she didn't know how to navigate. Ironically, it was something Heero thought of after he had spoken to her, that she was living in the same state of mind Trowa once had.
If anyone could understand her the best in this situation, it would be Trowa. But Heero couldn't ask him for help. If there was a chance Serena could return to them, he had to keep her a secret. Even if she didn't return to Earth, he at least knew she was alive and if he could let the people closest to her know that she was fine, it would help those who were suffering the most come to terms with her disappearance. Heero had felt some of the weight, -mostly guilt- he had been carrying lift when he saw her on the other end of screen. But even with the feeling of just knowing she was safe, it only brought with it a new fear.
Her amnesia.
Heero had been working on a report when an incoming call came in. His heart stopped for a few seconds as he read the number. Swiftly he got up from his desk, locking his door before returning to his chair. He had barely gotten back into his seat before he connected the call. Serena's harden eyes were the first thing to greet him.
"Serena." Heero said. His tone neutral even if he was relieved to see her again.
"Are you busy?" Serena's tone sounded off to him. Her face telling him she wasn't in the mood to talk, but her tone of voice betrayed her.
"No, I'm not busy."
Serena relaxed her shoulders and the hardened expression fell from her face. Replaced by one of mixed emotions.
"Hi." She said softly.
"Hi." Heero said back. "Is everything alright?" Something bothered him about her appearance. She looked nervous, scared even. Serena shook her head.
"I'm not sure." Warning bells sounded in Heero's head.
"Are you in trouble?" He questioned her.
"I'm fine, I'm not in any danger." Serena closed her eyes for a moment. When she opened them, her deep blue orbs were filled with sadness. "Ever since we spoke, I've been having a hard time dealing with it." Heero took a moment to examine the background behind her. The absence of J made him question her.
"Does J know you're speaking to me?" Heero asked.
"No, but I'm sure he'll find out later when he checks his logs. I didn't bother to hide this call from him."
Heero thought over her words for a moment before nodding his head. "Alright, then what do you mean by your earlier statement?"
"These," Serena picked up a folder, holding it up for him to see. "Don't tell me anything. There's pieces missing from these files and I want to know the what those missing pieces are. You," she pointed a finger at him, "weren't in any of these flies, so what else isn't J telling me?"
"What do the files say?" Heero knew if Serena was willing to talk, he needed to do everything he could to supply her with the information she was seeking.
"They're about a life of someone who spent their days living in isolation."
"Are they mainly training logs?" Heero asked.
"Yes… how do you know that?"
"J trained me as well, before you were created." Heero hated using the word, but it wasn't entirely inaccurate. He watched as Serena processed the information.
"So you know how J operates." Heero nodded his head. "Either way, it still doesn't help me understand what's missing from my files."
"I can try and help fill in the gaps."
"How much do you know about me?"
"Enough to answer your questions." Heero said. Without warning, Serena's eyes tightened. Almost as if she was concentrating on something. Or rather someone.
"I know you, but I can't remember you." Heero felt his eyes widen. In some deep memory that was locked away, she was able to find something. "If I could only…" Serena trailed off. Her face quickly falling into a frown. "If I could just remember. I know you, I can feel it. I know all about you, but I can't place any of it..."
Heero saw the silent tear roll down her cheek. Her demeanor cracking. She had been putting on a mask for his sake.
"Serena." He said softly. "You'll remember, it's just going to take some time."
"I'm lost, confused and scared." She admitted. Her eyes holding unshed tears. "I don't know where I belong." She had spoken those words to him only months ago. "It's not here though… but if not here, then where?"
"It's okay." Heero tried to reassure her. "What if I tell you about myself first? Will that help?"
"It don't see how it could hurt. Worse case I won't remember… like everything else." Serena frowned as she wiped away another stray tear.
Heero sighed to himself. Not only did he feel useless being so far away, but in some way, he felt downright stupid for having to tell someone about himself. It was evident that Serena was hurting and it only proved to him that she needed someone she could trust. She had gone from being a threat to something he wasn't sure he could admit to just yet. For him, she had just as much of a right to live as he did. It had taken some time for him to fully realize the mistakes he had made. While he didn't regret showing her that he was the one in charge, his mistake was not listening to her. Not seeing things through her eyes and that she had truly only wanted to help. This time however, he wasn't planning on making the same mistake again.
He was given a second chance and he wasn't going to waste it.
They had spent the next hour talking about everything and anything Heero could think of. He had kept his information about himself to the the bare basics. He gave her a brief run down of his time with J and what his role was in the wars. She had commented slightly on it, but she hadn't known anything about the Gundams. Which only made Heero wonder what J wasn't telling her. She had only known what she had read from public records. Heero had laughed after she had informed him. Earning him a nasty glare from her. He had quickly recovered, explaining that any information that was made public wasn't the truth. He promised to tell her more at a later date before changing the topic. He knew he couldn't keep her on the line for hours. Someone would come looking for either of them at some point.
"So Trowa was pilot zero-three?" Serena asked with an odd expression.
"Yes, he piloted the Gundam Heavyarms." Heero continued to watch Serena carefully.
"That name…" Serena trailed off, turning her head away from the screen. "That's not his real name." Serena stated matter-of-factly. "He took it, just like you took yours."
Heero started at Serena. He hadn't mentioned anything about how Trowa had acquired his name.
Shaking her head, she smiled at him. "Trowa Barton was the son of Dekim Barton. He was assassinated before Operation Meteor was able to take place. A no-name pilot stepped in to take his place." Her smile widened. "The Trowa Barton you know is an imposter, but a very good imposter."
"How do you know that?"
"I don't." Serena shrugged. "But I know it's true. Just like I know you, but I can't remember you." Her small smile once again betraying her true feelings. "Will I ever?"
"I don't know." Heero answered honestly. "There's a possibility you may not regain your memories, but there's one last options-"
"What?" Serena cut him off.
"It's a huge risk, and even if we try it, it may not work."
"What is this 'last option?'" Serena's face hardened.
"The ZERO system." Heero wasn't sure if he would regret telling her the truth later on.
"What can it do?"
"It could jog your memory. But if your body and mind aren't ready to handle it, it'll only end up doing more harm than good. It's a huge risk Serena-"
"Convince him."
"What?"
"Convince J." Serena said. "Heero, I can't live like this." Her eyes pleading with him. "This isn't me, I know it, but I don't know who I am. I need to know. Please, Heero… help me."
Heero sat silently for a few minutes. Serena patiently awaiting his answer.
"Give me a week." Heero said with conviction. "I'll be there in one week."
"One week?"
"One week." Heero echoed, nodding his head.
A/N
Happy Friday!
No I am not dead! My life has just been, to put it honestly, stressful, shitty, f everything. It's been a rough year and my muse just hasn't been there. But someone has sparked once again in me and I will continueto go with it!I don't know where things will go with this story, but for now I'm just gonna edit and post what I have. I'm sure more will come to me and that I'll be able to deliveran awesome story.With that being said, I'm going to go back to editing and maybe in a few days I might have another chapter? I can't make any promises and I do apologizefor my absences. Please understand that my family is going through a very difficult time. My MIL was diagnosedwith cancer this year and we just got hit with another bump in the road this month. As much as I've wanted to put my time and effort into my writing, other things have had to come first. But I'm not giving up. So please just hang tight!
Until next time and lots of love!
-MM
