A/N: This takes place after Chapter 5 and is the latest chapter in the story so far.

Recap: James is under pressure from his parents to break up with Lily due to her muggleborn lineage. He visits her late at night, during the Christmas Holidays with the intention of breaking up with her but is unable to do so. (As far as the reader knows..hint) This chapter takes place back in Hogwarts after the Christmas Holidays.

Chapter 7

Her head was thrown back in ecstasy. She gripped the red satin sheets below her, with one hand, her knuckles turning white from the powerful hold. Her other hand gripped his hair tightly as he did unspeakable things to her body. This coupled with harsh and uneven breathing from both people.

It had been a surprisingly hot afternoon spent in the Head boy's bedroom. An afternoon of heated touches, desperate kisses, lust-filled gazes, tangled limbs, sweaty and hot from exertion.

"I love you, I love you…God I love you!"

She couldn't reply to his declarations. Her brain had turned to absolute mush minutes earlier and she was incapable of forming a single thought let alone a coherent sentence. All she could focus on were the sensations she was undergoing, the sensations he was causing.

"James! I…oh" She panted.

He leaned up to her then, gently cupping her face, his thumb gently skimming her lower lip.

"Lily" He spoke softly, waiting till her breathing became more even.

A minute or two had passed in complete silence as he waited patiently for her to open her eyes, and when she did they were filled with a deep sadness and were swimming with tears.

"You can't keep doing this to me James" Her voice sounded broken, as if she was making every effort to not to let out a sob. "It's not fair"

He frowned deeply as he let his forehead rest against hers. Not yet. Please not yet. He wasn't ready to face the reality of the situation they were in. He wanted to bask in the aftermath of their activity, wanted to lock himself and her away from the rest of the world where they lived in their own paradise without death eaters, blood wars and interfering parents.

"Shhh. A few minutes more Lily," he pleaded.

"No!" Mustering all her strength, she pushed him off of her, prompting him to lie on his side of the bed, and sat up, pulling up the sheets to her neck. She felt horribly exposed all of a sudden, which was ridiculous considering he must know the entirety of her body like the back of his own hand.

"You have no right James!" She swung her legs over the side, preparing to gather her strewn clothes, preparing to leave "This is the last time, alright?"

He was suddenly filled with panic. He was losing her. Again.

He shot up off the bed as quick as lightening and stood in front her effectively blocking her way. She tried to side step him but he grabbed her arms, preventing her from doing so.

She stared into his hazel-green eyes. They were intense, desperate, mad, beautiful.

"I need you" He gritted out through his teeth, barely repressed passion oozing out of his every pore. He looked like he was on the brink of insanity. A twisted combination of anger and desperation.

"Stop it" She harshly commanded. He roughly pulled her closer to him, so she now had to look up to meet his gaze.

"I can't live without you"

Now, she was angry, furious even. How dare he? He was the one who left her. Smashed her heart into tiny pieces, under the ridiculous guise of protecting her.

First he tried convincing her that he didn't love her anymore. That it was fun while it lasted but the spark had gone out of their relationship. She had slapped him then. Not for his cruel words but for implying that he thought that she was that stupid, had so little faith and was so out of touch with him that he believed she would fall for his horrible lie.

Well, he wasn't a nobleman and she certainly wasn't any damsel in distress who needed or even wanted protecting, let alone at the cost of losing him. God how she had cried, cried and cried and begged him.

"You…you…prick! How can you even say that to me, after you…after you…" She took a breath to try and calm herself. "Just let me go" She struggled against his unrelenting grip. "Let me go!"

He pushed her back onto his bed, falling on top of her, entwining her hands with his has he held them on each side of her head.

"I know alright!" He spoke with clear frustration "I know I'm scum for what I did, I know what I said and I know I have absolutely no right to touch you or even look at you anymore"

She looked away from him, biting her lip.

He cupped her face, bringing her gaze back to his "I can't stand being away from you. You have no idea how…how much…" Damn it. He couldn't find the right words and yet in his desperation he knew he had to make her understand.

"Listen to me. You know how I feel about you don't you?" She didn't move or speak.

"Don't you?" He pressed. She nodded slowly.

"Well then I stick by what I said Lily. The world is so…so fucked up right now, being with you will just make you a prime target, and I can't…I won't let that happen" Tears gathered in her eyes.

He continued to speak. "Even if it means condemning myself to a life of misery, a life without you" He uttered

"And what about me James, how am I supposed to go on without you!" She demanded. "I want to be with you and I don't care if the world hates me for it, wants to murder me for it" He winced, and made a move to get off her, but she quickly wrapped her arms around his neck bringing him closer.

"Just be with me James. Just please, please stay with me" She pleaded with everything she had.

At his silence she leaned up to try and kiss him but he evaded her, gently pulling her arms away from him and slowly got up off the bed. She whimpered at the loss of contact, knowing she hadn't gotten through to him as she wanted.

"You'll move on" He whispered it so quietly but the words resonated through her head like a gong. "You have to…you'll…meet someone else with time…and…you'll move on" He repeated

It was killing him on the inside, the rage and jealousy that churned in his stomach at the thought of her being with another coupled with the desperation and need to keep her safe was sending him into complete turmoil.

Her. He had to do this for her. He internally willed himself to stay focused.

She sat up, incredibly hurt by his words. "Is that what you want?" She asked, unable to look away from his tense form. His chiselled features, smooth six-pack, and leaned toned arms that were crossed across his chest. A sure sign of him attempting to hide his true feelings from her.

He too, seemed unable to tear his eyes away from her. Her beautiful ivory shoulders, her delicate soft hands, the telltale flush across her neck and chest decorated with love-bites he'd given during the throes of pleasure. And then her eyes. Oh god her eyes. The most gorgeous-green he'd ever seen, that one feature of hers that made his heart stutter, especially when she looked at him as she was doing now.

"Is that what you want James?" She repeated since he didn't answer. Again, she found herself waiting for a response.

His expression became stoic then as he gazed down at her with something akin to defiance and maybe hurt. He couldn't answer that question. No fucking way in hell was he going to answer that!

She waited for what seemed like an eternity for him to speak, to respond. Hell, any indication whatsoever that no, he didn't want her to move on, to be with someone else, make love with someone else, build a future with someone else. To tell her that she belonged to him and no other, she was his and he hers for all eternity and that nothing, absolutely nothing, whether it be disapproving parents, blood extremists and even Voldemort, could tear them apart.

Throughout their relationship he had displayed this to both her and the world, both verbally and physically and she wished he'd do the same now. But no, instead he stood there refusing to allow her to get to him, to make him understand.

Tired, hurt and on the brink of an emotional melt-down, Lily tore her gaze away from his and slowly got up off the bed, straightening the sheets to distract herself from looking at him again.

"Fine" She spoke calmly. Too calmly. "Fine. If that's what you want then…fine"

She felt his gaze scorching her as she smoothed out his sheets, removing all traces that she'd been in his room in the first place.

"I'll move on. I'll find someone else" She didn't dare look at him as she spoke, slightly afraid of what she might see.

"I guess there's no harm in trying is there" She spoke so flippantly, it was as if she was discussing taking up a new hobby.

"I'll hold hands with him in Hogsmeade, maybe sneak a few kisses in a broom closet…" She spoke with deliberate intention and James knew this.

"Who knows…I may fall even more madly in love with him than I was with you"

That was intended to hurt, to make him lash out and yet…he remained quiet. Go on James, please say something, please stop me, prove to me you care.

She knew what she was doing was low, below the belt even. She was using jealousy as a means to crack him open, to make him see that there way no way he could be without her without driving himself insane in the process. It had only been two weeks since they arrived back at Hogwarts after the Christmas holidays, a weeks and six days since that dreadful night he broke things off with her in her own home.

And yet this was third time he had dragged her up into him room, fuelled with a frightening amount of passion, anger and desperation to be close to her, to have her again and again and again, whether she appeared to want it or not. Stolen moments.

He was dominant, aggressive and powerful in the way he made love to her, willing her to be submissive as he brought her to new realms of pleasure…and Merlin and Agrippa…Lily loved every single second of it.

It was a relief to know that he still desired her, wanted her, loved her, and that his decision to part ways with her was futile, but she was also heart-sick as just when he'd get her hopes up that he finally came to his senses, he'd dash them away just as promptly afterwards.

Well enough was enough, and as much as she loved him, she wasn't going to serve as an outlet for his frustrations any longer. So she was good enough to sleep with, but not good enough to be in a relationship with? What did that make her?

Realizing he wasn't going to take the bait, she quickly started to pull her under garments back on.

"Well if this is the end of us James, then you have to start leaving me the hell alone!...Don't you ever touch me again. I mean it!" She spoke bitterly, still refusing to look at him, as she tugged her skirt back on.

"And If I refuse?" He spoke with a quiet callousness.

"Then you'd have proved to me that all I am to you is a dirty little secret. And I refuse to be your dirty little secret Potter."

"You damn well know you mean more to me than that. Don't insult what we have Lily" He spoke dangerously.

"We have nothing anymore. You've seen to that pretty well"

As she finished buttoning up her shirt she was overcome with an inexplicable wave of sadness and despair at their situation. She knew, she just knew that she had to give it one last go before she walked out of his room. She stood quietly at his bedroom door, defeated and her voice was a plea laced with quiet desperation and hope.

"This is your last chance James…either take me now, all of me and promise to keep me forever, or never bother me again and promise to leave me alone…forever"

She waited with bated breath, hoping, wishing for what appeared to be hours but in reality was more like a minute or two for him to speak or move.

Nothing, absolutely nothing. Not a word, nor a movement, not a sound.

Tears filled her eyes and as she opened the door and slipped out she swore that in the all-consuming silence, she could hear her heart break. Again.

The next week passed in a complete haze for James, he tried to throw himself in mindless activities. He'd fixed a routine for himself. Wake up, shower, breakfast, classes, dinner, quidditch, shower, homework, sleep. Then the next day, wake up, shower, breakfast, classes, dinner, quidditch, shower, homework, sleep.

He'd purposefully extend quidditch, practices or spend extra time studying with Remus to fill the gaps in the day when he was free. Free to do fuck all, free to think of her and what she was doing, whether she was as miserable as he was.

Lily, for her part, appeared to take every measure to stay out of his way, avoiding him at all costs where the time she spent with him would be absolute minimal and even then she was always surrounded by one her stupid girlfriends.

One particular evening, he'd cut quidditch practice early due to the torrents of rain and had entered their shared commons soaked to the skin, broom in hand.

He was surprised to see her, sitting amongst the table, rune charts, measuring devices, parchment and quills spread haphazardly along the desk.

Something inside him warmed at the sight of her. She had evaded studying in the common room ever since their 'talk', however the warm feeling soon gave way to unrelenting ice as he spotted that Dorcas Meadows sat across from her, sketching some diagram.

Of course. Of bloody course, she wouldn't be alone, he thought to himself scathingly. Probably afraid he would ravish her again. She didn't trust him enough to be alone with him.

This would have infuriated him beyond belief if it wasn't for the fact that had Lily been alone, then yes…he would have ravished her. Most definitely, without a doubt even despite her previous warnings.

He would have stormed over there like a man on a mission, ripped that parchment from her hands, pulled her up by her waist, kissed her hard and senseless, run his hands through her hair and over her delicious curves, before carrying her to his bedroom and have her cry out his name again and again. Just like the last three times.

He knew this and was ashamed by it. Yeah, he was a jerk. So fucking what! He was in love with her, so irrevocably, head over fucking heels in love with her…so that made it alright! Didn't it?

He looked over to Dorcas. He didn't know what it was but he had never particularly gotten along with Lily's friends. Well it wasn't that they were on bad terms per se, it was just that…they weren't on good ones either. They weren't on any terms really.

James had always viewed her friends as obstacles between him and Lily, and he had always imagined them to fuel her view of him as an arrogant, undeserving prat, post-dating days. He guessed he couldn't really blame them.

Dorcas looked at him and seemed unsure as to whether she should acknowledge his presence or not. She kept shifting her gaze between him and Lily and finally settled for a meek "Hello."

James nodded in reply and looked back to Lily who completely ignored him, instead asking Dorcas to pass her the quadratic compass. He stood there for a solid two minutes keeping his gaze fixed on her willing her to give him at least some indication that he wasn't dead to her.

It never came.

Her behaviour towards him was so reminiscent of the old days that he was hurt and embarrassed by it, and naturally this translated into anger, which prompted him to storm up his stairs and loudly slam his bedroom door shut.

Lily and Dorcas jumped at the sound.

"Immature prat" Lily uttered

"Lily" Dorcas admonished, "You could have least said something to him. That was so incredibly awkward"

"I have nothing left to say to him Dor, he's the one at fault here not me, and until he comes to his senses, he doesn't exist"

Dorcas looked at her sadly. "But you love him so much Lily…and-"

"I'm not denying that" Lily cut in "I'd never deny that, not to anyone, not even to him, even now. But…but he's hurt me so much. So incredibly much with this"

"So what are you going to do?"

Lily looked up at her, tears swimming in her eyes. "I-I don't know"

It had started in Defence against the Dark Arts, when she had forsaken her usual spot next to Marlene to instead sit next to Fabian Prewett. Fabian fucking Prewett, Ravenclaw's golden boy. He played as Keeper for his house team and James had thought him a relatively alright kind of bloke, decent player, and all round nice guy…well that was until he started getting cosy with his girlfriend, well ex-girlfriend. His Lily

Since when was she even friends with Prewett? That's what James was desperate to find out. In all of their time together she had never referred to him as a friend or even acquaintance, but now there they were, two rows in front of him to the right, sitting closely, talking and laughing like old friends. James wanted to hit something.

He knew he was jealous and he knew it was ridiculous because number one, he had no right to be jealous and number two, there was potentially nothing going on between them. However James couldn't ignore that feeling in his gut that was telling him that there was more going on than what meets the eye.

He had Arithmancy when Lily had Ancient Runes, so he couldn't spy, no…observe

her there, but Sirius had informed him that Lily had sat next to Prewett again and that he reckoned that something was definitely going on there.

Sirius had indeed been disconcerted by Evans' and Prewett's sudden…interest in one another. Well if Evans could get over his best mate that quickly, she wasn't worth him in the first place and if something was going on between her and Prewett…well for Prewett's sake he hoped nothing was going on.

Sirius knew it wasn't past James to take out his personal vendettas with people on the quidditch pitch. The number of fractured bones, particularly sustained by players of the Slytherin quidditch team was testament to that. Now that he thought about it, it wasn't past James to take out his personal vendettas anywhere for that matter.

It was during dinner in the Great Hall, when James had come close to snapping. He had walked in and sat next to Remus, helping himself to a serving of roast beef, and potatoes with a dollop of gravy poured on top. As he a took a sip of pumpkin juice, he nearly spat it right back out at the scene the greeted him from across the hall.

Lily was sitting at the Ravenclaw table right next to Fabian Prewett, practically moulded to his side, talking quietly with him. Hands entwined.

James felt himself clutching the cup full of pumpkin juice tightly and made to stand up, a furious look adorning his sharp features. He was nearly off the bench, when Remus had spoken quickly and sharply. "Leave it Prongs! This isn't the time or place"

"How can she even- fuck! Moony, he's.. he's a…"

"He's a what Prongs?"

Fabian then leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"Fuck this! I don't need to watch this!" James stormed out of the hall and this perhaps would have created a scene if it wasn't for the loud general chatter amongst the students.

Remus saw Lily watch James leave and noted that as she watched him, she had the…oddest expression on her face.

He also noticed that she sat further away from Fabian than before and that they barely spoke as dinner progressed.

In the heads common room, James sat moodily staring into the fire. After leaving the great hall, he had gone for a fast fly around the quidditch pitch in the hopes of alleviating the tension he was feeling. It didn't help, despite him being out there for three hours straight.

He returned to the predictably empty common room, assuming Lily had already gone to bed. Knowing he wouldn't be able to get a decent night's sleep he'd spent the majority of the evening doing fuck all, not wanting anyone's company.

So he was definitely surprised when the common room portrait swung open admitting in a tired and yawning head girl, returning from her patrols.

Of course, she had patrols tonight…how could he have forgotten?

It seemed she was just as surprised to see him as he was her, as she stood still in shock at the rooms entrance, gaping at him. He glared at her.

Snapping out of it quickly, she all but raced to the stairs leading to her bedroom.

As her foot hit the first step, his voice boomed out across the room. "Lily!"

She closed her eyes, preparing herself for what she knew was to come. What she anticipated as soon as she made the decision to sit next to Fabian in Defence. Taking a deep breath she turned around, readying herself for the inevitable.

"Yes!" She asked in what she hoped was a nonchalant voice.

He jumped right in, as she knew he would.

"Fabian Prewett? Fabian Prewett! Lily"

"What about him?" She feigned ignorance and that only served to rile him further

"Are you seeing him!" He demanded

"I don't think that's any of your busin-"

"Are you seeing him or not Lily!" He cut across fiercely

She could see the fire burning in his eyes and she knew she should be wary but she was aroused powerfully by it. God she had missed his passion. She wanted to push him, push him, push him, because she had missed him. God help her it had only been two weeks but she had missed him. Even this dark, dangerous side of him

"Maybe I am" She continued with the same nonchalance "What's it to you?"

"What…what kind of fucking question is that?" He spat out, agitatedly running a hand through his hair. "You know what that is to me"

"No! I don't know" She hotly retorted. "As far as I'm concerned you left me! So who I date should be of no importance to you Potter, and frankly it's none of your damn business either"

He stalked up to, invading her space, getting right up in her face. She was both appalled and surprised at how excited she became, at how her heart started to race at his close proximity.

He backed her up against a wall without laying even one finger on her, so powerful was his presence.

He spoke slowly and with quiet and angry conviction.

"He's a pureblood Lily…a pureblood"

She swallowed. "So?"

He narrowed his eyes at her. "So, my love…" he taunted "You're in exactly the same danger with him as you were with me" He tilted his head at her. "Which means you just crawled out of one snake pit, only to crawl into another…which is the most stupid fucking thing you could have done Evans"

Lily glared right back at him. "Oh but there is a difference, my darling," She mocked him back. "Fabian at least has the courage and nobility to really be with me and to stand up for our relationship…which is more than what you have done"

She had him. She knew from the shift in his eyes, and rigid stance that she had hit a nerve. She also knew that what she said was complete and utter bullshit…but that was irrelevant.

"I don't give a flying fuck what you think Lily, because its complete bollocks, and as for Fabian…I don't know what his intentions are…but let me make mine clear to you"

He wanted to lash out, Lily could tell, but he kept a tight rein on himself and spoke in the most serious and slow tone she had ever heard him use, enunciating every word, mere inches from her face.

"My absolute priority is to keep you safe. Do you understand me Lily? To keep you safe. So fuck nobility, fuck courage, fuck the right thing because as far I'm concerned if it doesn't keep you away from harm, its means nothing to me.

She wanted to kiss him then, and it was by mere force of will that she stopped herself from doing so.

"Tell me James" She spoke with a quiet sadness. "What bothers you more about me being with Fabian? The fact that he's a pureblood…or the fact that he's another man…the fact that he's not you"

"It makes no difference" He spoke bitterly

"It makes all the difference" She quickly cut in. "It makes all the difference to me. Tell me" She pleaded

James didn't want to answer. He knew what she was trying to do and damn it, he wasn't going to fall for it.

"Tell me James" She continued "If he was a muggleborn, are you saying you would feel different? That you wouldn't be angry right now? that you wouldn't be hurting? you wouldn't be jealous?

God she was driving him crazy.

"I would be" he quietly confessed. Doesn't matter who it is. I'll always hate it if it isn't me. It kills me"

She held his face gently, "Then don't do this to yourself James. Don't do this to me" She begged.

He pulled her hands off, and turned away from her. "You shouldn't be with Fabian Lily" He spoke as if the last few minutes of conversation never occurred.

"James" She pleaded again, her voice wavering

"He's a pureblood" He spoke clearly

"I know alright!" She burst out "I know he's a pureblood James. I've known since second year that the Prewetts are an old pureblood family!" She spoke angrily, bitter and hurt by him.

He frowned facing away from her. "Then why di-"

And then it dawned on him, the realization flowing through him like hot lava. He couldn't believe it! She couldn't have…but she did! He turned on her furiously.

"You did this on purpose!" He accused loudly.

She at least had the grace to look slightly ashamed.

"Why!" He demanded hotly "To prove what exactly? That you have a fucking death wish!" He grabbed her arms "Answer me"

She pushed him away from her. "To prove a point to you Potter!" She yelled back

He looked at her uncomprehending.

"How dare you! How dare you think it's your responsibility to keep me alive! How dare you leave me on the pretence that's it's what's best for me, that it's to keep me safe"

She breathed deeply, trying to steady her shaking voice.

"You're always controlling me, assuming you know what's best for me, best for us. Well you don't know anything James!"

It had been years since he had seen her this angry at him, her eyes were ablaze, her breathing was fast and irregular, even her hair was in disarray.

"I let you get away with so much, so much because I know you love me and you're intentions are always good, but if you think for one second that I'll make it easy for you to leave me for such a stupid reason then you have another thing coming!"

She stalked up to him and grabbed his robes "I swear to god James Potter that if you think the way to keep me safe is by being away from me then I will do everything in my power to put myself in danger, just to spite you"

"Lily!" He cut across angrily

"NO!" She shouted back, hitting his chest with her fist "I'll marry a pureblood! I'll become an auror! I'll duel death eaters! I don't care because frankly a life without you…" She choked out a sob. "For me, that's not a life worth living"

He stared at her in silence, a multitude of emotions flowing through him.

"So you see James" She attempted a half smile. "You might as well just be with me" She let out a teary laugh "Because either way I'm doomed and-"

"Oh shut up already!" He spoke before kissing her intensely, practically lifting her off the ground with his enthusiasm.

She responded with just as much vigour, running her hands roughly through his ebony hair, kissing along his jaw and then returning to his delicious lips.

He pulled away from her "God you're so…so stubborn" he uttered before smashing his lips to hers once more. He had spoken the words with such reverence it was if he had called her beautiful.

Lily pushed him onto the common room sofa and straddled him. "God you're such a…an idiot!" She proclaimed with the same reverence, before kissing him again.

"I want you to take me to bed" She whispered later on. He did take her to bed and this time their union was slow, deliberate and soft. After all they had all the time in the world to be with one another.

It was late into the night as Lily slept softly on James chest, that he was still wide awake stroking her hair softly, deliberating on how he would break the news to his parents that he was planning on asking Lily to marry him with or without their blessings. He'd think of that tomorrow, he decided. For now he would enjoy this peaceful moment with her, imagining there was no one in the world but them.

A/N: Do Review, it's polite to do so.