Location: Lily's bedroom

SAME DAY, 3AM

At about 3AM, I randomly woke. My brain was groggy and slow responding, but I eventually realized that someone was knocking on my door. My mind quickly snapped awake. I left my bed to open the door, and was unsurprised to see James on the other side. He looked tired, and not only in the physical sense.

"Hi Lily. I'm so sorry to bother you. But I just...could we talk?" He sounded exhausted.

"Of course we can. Don't apologize. That's what I'm here for." I quickly ushered him into my room. He sat down on my bed and leaned his head up against my headboard. I followed suit and sat across from him. I decided to stay quiet until he broke the silence. I figured he had his own conversation topic in mind. I was right.

"You've had boyfriends before." It wasn't really a question.

"Yes, a couple."

"Did you guys ever fight?" I saw where this was leading.

"Not a lot. I sort of did with Eric, but we broke up after our first real fight. None of my boyfriends and I really...fought when we were together, I guess."

"Oh." He was silent before finally turning his head to face me. "That doesn't make me feel much better."

"I'm sorry, James." I said quietly. I wanted to tell him that he was better than her. I wanted to let him know that he deserved more. But, I knew I'd either appear bitchy or seem like I had ulterior motives (which, I suppose I did). So, I said nothing.

"No need to apologize. It's not your fault, Lily. It's hers. Or mine. I don't know anymore." I felt so badly for him, but I didn't know what to do. I finally opted for holding his hand. He smiled at our entwined hands, but it was short lived. "She was not very into the date tonight, so to speak." I looked up from our hands into his tired face, surprised that he was actually talking about her. He never discussed Haley with me, ever. "She seemed distracted or something. It was an expensive dinner, and I wanted her to be happy. I could tell that she was annoyed, so I left for a few minutes to see if the chef could make her favorite dessert. When I came back, Michael from Hufflepuff (you know, the one that graduated last year?) was sitting in my seat. She looked a lot more enamored with him than she had with me. I watched them for a second, mostly because I wanted to see what was going on. It didn't take long to see her flirting. I got angry and I went and made him leave, and which point she got really pissed off. I guess I shouldn't have done that." He looked down at my bedspread, like he was ashamed. It made me angrier than was appropriate, so I continued to keep my mouth shut. "Anyway, she started making a scene. She started yelling at me that I was cheating on her with you, and that I had no right to complain that she was just talking to another guy. I got understandably upset, telling her that there was never, and would never, be anything at all romantic between us." I tried to discreetly hide my now misty eyes from him. I forced myself to listen to him and not my own aching ego and heart, because this was his time. He earned that much from me. "Then it got ugly. She started calling you and I both a lot of vile names. I couldn't let her get away with that, so I of course defended you and myself. At that point, she stormed off. I don't where she went." I took a deep breath, steadied myself, cleared my face, and looked up at him. He looked so upset and tired. I wished I could do something, anything, to make it hurt less. But I was powerless.

"Well, thank you for defending me." It was the lamest thing I probably could have ever said, but it also seemed the safest.

"Of course. I couldn't do anything different." Had my hope not been completely pulverized not a minute earlier, this may have excited me.

"Do you want me to talk to her? You know, to explain that there is nothing between us?" That was about the last thing I ever wanted to do, but he deserved it. And, if I was being honest, there was nothing between us. He had made perfectly clear that our relationship was, and would stay, platonic.

"No, no. You don't have to do that. You don't have to do anything. I just felt like talking to someone who wasn't full of advice."

"I take it that you went and saw the other Marauders, then?"

"Yes, that's where I was before coming here. They all tried to convince me to dump her. I didn't want their advice, I just wanted them to listen."

"I understand." I said, but I truly agreed with the boys.

"Oh well. I'm sorry for waking you up."

"Don't apologize, James. I'm always here to talk." He smiled at me, and took a deep breath.

"Do you ever feel powerless when all you want is to feel powerful?" He asked, his voice a little shaky. I moved over on my bed so I was lying next to him, instead of facing him. I looked at my feet as I replied, feeling more vulnerable than the situation really dictated.

"All the time." We started to talk about graduating, and our fears at entering the adult world in the midst of the war. He told me all I already suspected about him—that he wanted to fight, and was willing (but terrified) to lay down his life for the cause. We talked of death, yet somehow I felt more alive than I had in weeks. He just made me feel whole, and unalone. Our conversation didn't end until dawn began peeking through my window.

"James, maybe you should go and try to get some sleep."

"It's a Sunday. No classes, so no need. We can keep talking." He replied, his voice beat and word's slurred with exhaustion.

"Exactly. There's no classes, so you can sleep in for a while, and maybe even be okay for the day. But we should probably go to bed now."

"Maybe you're right." He mumbled. I gave him a few seconds, but he continued to stay stationary on my bed, eyes closed.

"James? You're not moving." The slight chuckle that arose for him was the only sign of consciousness.

"Can I just stay here? I don't want to move. So tired." James said quietly. My heart skipped a beat. I looked down at him, and he did look completely out of it. His eyes were closed and he was sprawled out across my bed. It was not like anything would happen if we laid in the same bed. We would both just sleep. Or, if I really wanted, I could always sleep on the couch.

"Lily. Did you hear me?" James said, his eyes still closed.

"Yeah James." I was extremely tempted to say yes, but boundaries were boundaries no matter the time of day. People could get the wrong idea, and it was probably unwise to tempt my self control, even if I was on the verge of collapse. "I think you better go." With a little prodding, I got him off mine and into his own bed, where he immediately fell asleep fully clothed and on top of the covers. I smiled slightly as I turned off the light to his room. Perhaps I could never love him the way I wanted to, but it was I that he came to in the middle of the night. That had to count for something.