-1First of all thank you thank you thank you for all your wonderful feedback on this story so far!!! You guys are amazing. I know a few of you have been wondering so let me clear this up Sam's eyes are in fact open, I'll be getting into that a little more in this chapter. Secondly I wanted to let you know this might be the last update for a week or so I'm going to visit some family in LA and although I'll be writing I don't know if I'll be able to update from there, so I just wanted to let you know! As always enjoy loves.
And A Child to Lead Him
Chapter 7: Bound and Broken
March 20th 2008 Continued:
Slamming the now empty bottle of Jack Daniels down on to the floorboard of the passengers side of the impala, Dean grunted loudly. He'd thought that drowning his sorrows from the past month and a half with an old friend would lighten the heaviness that had consumed his heart… He'd been wrong, he felt worse than ever about everything that had happened and now he was not only depressed but drunk as well.
Looking out the windshield of his car he studied the hospital entrance he'd been walking into and out of everyday for the past eighteen days, he despised those damn doors, he despised what waited for him inside them, hell at this moment in time he despised everything.
When he first stepped out into the parking lot over three hours ago he'd fully intended to head to the nearest bar, blast some loud rock music from the juke box and drowned himself in liquor as far away from this place as he could get… But he couldn't, he couldn't leave Sam like that…. He needed to be close by, he needed to know that he was no more than a few feet away, even if mentally he was absent from this world… Dean still needed to be able to watch over him.
It wasn't just the latest realization that had caused this emotional tornado to finally spin wildly inside of him, it was everything…. All of it, the pain and the suffering he'd been forced to watch Sam struggle with before finally checking out, the cold and harsh realities of the doctors sympathetic speeches every day, telling him, begging him not to lose hope even though the prognosis seemed grim at best. It was the fact that no matter how many books he read, no matter how hard he dug, Dean was answerless… He had no way of helping his brother, he was sitting on the sidelines nothing more than a spectator to his own baby brother's slow decent.
Dean hated feeling helpless…. More than anything he needed to be in control, he needed to handle each and every situation, not just handle, but FIX. When he couldn't, then what the hell good was he? He might as well be the one in that damn bed, because he knew with every ounce of him, that if Sam died, if he let him slip away…..
There would be nothing left in this world for him, and Dean would lay down and die right along side his little brother.
Mulling this over in his mind Dean felt a sickness rise up inside his stomach, it wasn't a nausea brought on by usual bouts of uncontrolled drinking, this was something else, something more permanent and he couldn't shake it no matter how hard he tried.
Drawing his lip into his mouth the intoxicated man gripped the steering wheel of his parked car as hard as he could fighting to keep a loud and anguished sob from escaping his lips, and when one began to anyway he quickly shifted it into a victorious unforgiving growl and shook his head, "Suck it up you pussy…" His voice shook as he reprimanded himself his vile words the only sound against the deafening silence of the dark night surrounding him. "You just have to make him see, make him see and force him back…."
Even after his not so consoling pep talk had crossed his lips, Dean continued to scream those same words at himself inwardly as he threw open the door to the car and stepped out into the street, the chill in the night air might have bitten him on any other night, but not tonight, no,… Dean Winchester was on a mission, he was going to save his brother and there was no time like the present to do it….
"You won't lose him….You won't because you can't…" He mumbled slowly to himself as he took a minute or two to catch his footing and headed for the entrance doors. Even Dean himself was a bit surprised when he'd made it to the elevators and safely inside them without so much as a confrontation or question from any of the busied staff around the main floor of the hospital, but he had none the less and now all he needed to do was make it to Sam's room and everything would be alright, he'd make sure of it…
The uneasiness of the elevator ride against his ever growing intoxication, the JD now flowing freely through his body, had made even stepping off the small lifting device a complicated task as Dean swayed heavily and leaned forward immediately rewarded with the cool white wall only inches away.
Why had he decided to drink so much again? He cursed himself for his uncooperative limbs looking down at his feet his gaze narrowing. "Damn worthless legs!" he growled lowly inhaling deep and long before exhaling again, he needed to compose himself.. He needed to get to Sam and this was not helping any…
One of the nurses sitting only a few feet away at the nurses station eyed the obviously drunken man suspiciously before picking up the receiver to her call phone. She'd recognized him instantly, after all she'd seen him day in and day out for nearly three weeks now, but she could tell there was something very odd about him tonight…
"Dr. Teague, this is Janice… I think you need to come up here right away…" she mumbled into the mouth piece before hanging the phone back up.
Feeling as though he were ready to begin moving again Dean forced himself up off of the wall and began the trek toward his brother's room, swaying like a sea sick drunken pirate the entire way even if he himself hadn't realized it. He'd never remembered Sam's room being this far away before as he tilted his head up to study the numbers on the small wooden doors as he passed by having to say them out loud to actually comprehend them.
"304.….. 305.… "
Janice, a young brunette who couldn't have been more than twenty six stood as she saw Dr. Teague approaching her and frowned in his direction, "I thought I would call you before sticking security on him…" She whispered sympathetically in the doctors ear as she turned her gaze to the drunkard staggering down the hall way. Everyone around the hospital knew about the unfortunate and unique circumstances of the Foster case, and they all felt horrible not only for Sam, but for Dean as well.
"Thank you Janice…" The older man smiled softly before turning his expression back to neutral and stepping in Dean's direction to head him off before he reached Sam's room.
"309.… 310...31-"
"Dean…" The gray haired doctor spoke stern yet low putting his hand out on to Dean's shoulder and stealing his attention from the doors in front of him.
Bloodshot half massed eyes met his and he frowned deeply putting his hand on the younger man's chin examining him, even though it was quite apparent by the stench of whiskey on his breath what the scenario was.
"Doc, my brother…" His words were slurred his mouth moving as though he were in slow motion
"How much have you had to drink tonight son?"
"Gotta get to my brother… Gotta save him….Save Sammy…."
"Sam's fine Dean. How much have you had to drink?"
"I want to see my brother Damn-it why aren't you listening to me?" The irritation was thick in Dean's already not so clear speech as he yanked his chin from the doctor's grasp, the action causing him to immediately stumble on his unsteady legs.
"Woah…Easy…" Doctor Teague was thankful for his quick reflexes as he gripped on to the wobbling man's shoulder tight helping to keep him up right. "You can't see him right now… I don't think it's such a good idea…"
"You can't keep me from him… HE"S MY BROTHER!"
"Dean please…." The older man begged quietly trying to get him to lower his voice a little, "Do you really want him to see you this way?"
"He can't see me! HE CAN'T SEE NOTHIN'… HE'S NOT EVEN IN THERE…. HE'S JUST WOOOSH CHECKED ON OUT WITHOUT EVEN ASKING ME TO COME WITH HIM! HE MLEFT ME AND I WON'T LOSE HIM! I WON'T…."
Giving the shoulder under his grasp a heavy squeeze as he watched his patients older sibling's already red rimmed eyes begin to tear up doctor Teague sighed softly. "You need to get some rest…. I have an extra bed here and I think maybe you-"
"NO! I WANT TO SEE HIM NOW!"
"Please son… don't make me call security…."
The commotion in the hallway pulling her from the light slumber she had managed to fall into Ellen glanced toward Sam, who was still in the sleep portion of the sleep wake cycles his body had automatically put into effect after his "breakdown" for lack of a better word.
Listening for a minute the now awake woman felt her stomach drop to the pit of her feet recognizing one of the two voices immediately and jumping to her feet a worried expression crossing over her features. "Oh shit Dean…." She cursed under her breath sprinting toward the door and out into the hallway.
There he stood on teetering legs, everyone of his limbs swaying lightly as slurs of angry words continued to pour from his lips, his hair and his clothed disheveled, eyes red, skin pale…. Owning a saloon Ellen knew within seconds what was laid out before her.
"Dean sweetie…." She kept her voice calm as she approached coming up beside the doctor and eyeing the eldest remaining Winchester up and down with empathetic eyes.
"Ellen…. Where's Sam? I have to go to Sam…." His jaw clenched as his gaze came to meet one of the very few friends he had left in this world, his expression pleading.
"Sam's sleeping for now honey…. "
"I-I want to see him… I need to see him…. I need to make him understand that I'm here,…. That he needs to wake up, I need him…."
"Dean…" Ellen's voice was hardly a whisper as she spoke, "You can come back tomorrow and talk to him all you want."
"No. Now."
Running a hand through her air Ellen shook her head, sharing a concerned look with the doctor, who spoke a few seconds later, "Why don't I call security and arrange for someone to take him home."
"No." Ellen shook her head, "I'll handle this, I'll call his uncle and have him come pick him up and take him home."
"I need to get back to my rounds, can you handle this?"
"I own a saloon doc, I'm use to handling these situations."
With hesitation in his weary expression Dr. Teague nodded releasing the grip he had on Dean's shoulder with a final comforting squeeze, before stepping away from the two figures who were placed in the middle of the nearly barren hallway.
Dr. Teague had just disappeared around the corner when Dean's knees gave way, his body unable to sustain his own weight any longer, sending him plummeting toward the cool and welcoming tiles beneath him with a grunt of un-satisfaction.
"Sweetie!" Ellen's frown grew as she reached out to little to late to catch the now crumpled figure hunched up on the floor. Kneeling down in front of him she sighed placing a hand on the back of his neck as she heard incoherent mumbles passing through his lips.
Tilting his head back a little by his neck she placed her other hand on his cheek gently, "You still with me Dean?"
"ashes….. Ashes….. We all fall dowwwwwwwn…." He grumbled trying to bow his head back down to the cool tiles it had been resting on previously. His limbs were jelly his brain fogged over, it was safe to say that he was more than three sheets to the wind.
"We need to get you out of here…" she reasoned releasing his cheek and reaching into her pocket to retrieve her cell phone.
"I want Sammy." He retorted, "I want my brother back… and…and…and I want him okay. Please Ellen, please bring my brother back, please let me see him.. You can't keep me from him… I have to save him, my responsibility… my Sammy, I have to save my Sammy."
Without warning the concerned woman watched as tears flew down Dean's cheeks openly small sobs choking out to accompany them. "Shhh come on now sweetie." She rubbed the back of his neck slightly…
"Bring Sammy back…. Bring him back damn-it!"
Hearing Bobby's voice on the other end of the phone finally pick up, Ellen only felt a small amount of relief as she spoke, "Bobby it's Ellen… You need to get to the hospital right away…. "
Bobby felt his heart jump in his chest as he swallowed hard, a million different horrible scenarios playing through his mind as he cleared his throat. "Is it…. Sam?"
But as he listened closer Bobby knew the answer to his question before Ellen had the chance to speak again, Dean's pleas for his brother being heard loud and clear from the back ground. "I'll be right there."
Clicking off the phone and sticking it back into her pocket Ellen scooted in closer to Dean pressing his head into her chest just a little trying to comfort him just as she had done her own child so many times in the past shushing him quietly and trying in vein to calm him.
It had taken Bobby only twenty minutes to get to the hospital, stepping off the elevator his eyes immediately landed on the two figures placed almost strategically in the hospital hallways center. With a sigh of not so much irritation but rather sympathy and understanding, he made his way toward them and leaned down sharing a look with Ellen and placing his hand on Dean's back preparing to hoist him up.
They had all been expecting something of this nature, actually waiting for it even, they'd watched John's eldest son carefully since his brother's collapse, watched him shut down, take the world and more on his shoulders and do it all with less tears than there should have been… He'd always thought he had to be the soldier his father installed in him, and often forgot that human emotion was a necessity to keep on living… especially for a soul in crisis just as Dean's seemed to be.
"Come on kiddo." He kept his voice gentle as Dean's head came up slowly and flopped back as though his neck were broken staring up through glazed eyes in Bobby's direction and blinking trying to bring him into focus.
"Hey, ….Bobby." By now the tears had again subsided and all that remained was the rim of red around his glassy eyes as Dean fought his inner demons to offer a half hearted smile.
"It's safe to say you've seen better days." placing on hand under each of Dean's arm pits, Ellen helping from the front angle it took only a few seconds for them to pull Dean up to his feet. Acting quickly, the eldest male braced the body in his grasp against his own. "Geezus you weigh a ton…"
Dean wanted to protest… wanted Sam… but his mouth didn't seem to form the words as he felt himself being dragged from the hospital against his will.
Once inside the elevator Bobby leaned Dean against the corner wall and tapped his face harshly, "You gotta hang in there kid, I can't carry you…" He made sure his voice held the tone of an undeniable order as he spoke,
"Sorry…. Sorry bout this Bobby…."
"You think you're the first Winchester to do this to me?" The man in the signature trucker hat couldn't help but chuckle, "Please, your daddy was constantly belly up in some bar where I had to come rescue him… Like father like son I guess eh?"
"No." Dean shook his head feeling himself once more being drug somewhere his feet no longer wanting to move on their own. "No see… Dad would no what to do… Dad would save Sammy, Dad wouldn't fail…."
Bobby cringed inwardly but didn't respond thankful when they finally reached his old beat up pick up truck as he opened the passenger door and hoisted the lax form of his old hunting buddies son up into it…
"Damn you John, damn you for what you've done to these boys…" He spat silently to himself as he made his way around to the drivers seat and climbed in, looking over to find that in those three passing seconds Dean had managed to pass out cold against the passenger door, his head against the window.
Meanwhile…
Sam felt terrible, worse than terrible, as he pulled the old wool blanket his mother had give him tighter around himself and allowed his head to lull back listlessly against the pillow, he couldn't remember ever feeling this bad before… His stomach was cramped, his head pounding, his throat dry and every single inch of him was wracked with a throbbing pain and he closed his eyes and shivered tensely.
He was cold…. So cold…
"Still not feeling well baby?" He could feel what he knew to be Jess' body slide down next to him her cool comforting hand coming to rest on the firry flesh of his cheek.
"It'll pass…" he whispered leaning into her touch, "It's just the flu or something…"
"I'm sure you're right…."
Sam found himself again thinking about the strange yet oddly familiar looking woman who had come to his door hours earlier…. Maybe he shouldn't have turned her away so quickly, maybe he should have listened to what she had to say… After all she did seem familiar to him… just as quite a few things seemed to lately. It wouldn't have hurt to hear her out….
So why the hell had he turned her away so quickly…
"Sam…" His lover's voice cut through his thoughts again and he opened his eyes to look at her, choking on his own breath as he did so…
It wasn't Jess who he saw when his eyes opened, it was that child…. The child whose eyes he'd sworn he watched shift from innocent to evil not so long ago on the street as he passed her… A chill ran through his body again, this time it was deeper and colder than the one only minutes before. She was looking through him, not at him, she was glaring, as though she were ripping his insides apart with no more than her demonic eyes….
"Baby…"
Sam shut his eyes tightly fighting off what he figured to be no more than a fever induced hallucination before opening them again the child had faded away and all that hovered over him once again was his beautiful loving fiancée with eyes as beautiful and endless as the sky above.
Meanwhile….
Ellen returned to post at Sam's bedside her heart weary from the scene having just unfolded throughout the past hour, she couldn't help but find herself thankful for the fact that Sam had not been aware of any of it, if he'd known what his brother was feeling, how hard this all was, if he had any idea at all…
She ran her fingers over his hand softly nearly jumping out of her skin when one of the many monitors surrounding Sam's weary body began to blare loudly through the surrounding silence… "SAM?!?!"
Within seconds the room filled with nurses Dr. Teague on their heels as she found herself ushered from the room the door closed blocking her outside.
Pacing the small space outside of the door the worried family friend kept resisting the urge to once again pull her cell phone out and summon Bobby back to her side. Dean needed Bobby right now, which left her with Sam…. She thought briefly about calling Missouri, but she knew that it was a useless notion at least until she knew exactly what the hell was going on.
Twenty-Seven minutes, that was how long the door remained closed, that was how long she remained clueless until finally Dr. Teague stepped out into the hallway an expression that eased her inner turmoil only the slightest bit placed across his features.
"What the hell is going on?" She asked unable to keep her own worried emotions in check as she stopped pacing and looked at him.
"It's alright, Sam's alright…." The man cooed reassuringly, "What you heard was the alarm going of… Sam's developed a fever… a pretty high one…"
"How high?"
"103.2, but we've begun administering antibiotics to lower it and hopefully keep it down…."
"How… I mean he's not even doing anything,…. How could he suddenly just develop a fever?"
"There are a number of things that could have triggered this, my most likely guess is that it's due to the fact that his immune system is low, he's more susceptible to germs and bacteria without the ability to fight them off on his own… We're going to monitor him more closely now, we need to make sure that he doesn't develop pneumonia."
Ellen nodded, her own thoughts drifting off to the information Missouri had given her earlier, Sam was in trouble… This wasn't just some accidental fever…. Sam's Body was shutting down, just as Missouri had warned it would….
Time was running out.
No key needed this time!!!!!
