Emily couldn't help fidgeting in her seat. She wasn't used to seeing Paige act the way that she was acting as they sat across from each other in the booth. Paige was looking at the table as she talked, with her arms forming a protective perimeter in front of her, hugging her coffee cup between her hands.

"I was young, wide-eyed, and innocent, once. And I was with the love of my life. She meant the world to me." Paige scoffed. "And I thought that it was mutual, but..."

She cheated on you, Emily thought, but she kept silent, letting Paige tell her story at her own pace.

Paige chuckled bitterly. "I thought that we were forever, you know? I thought that I was the one girl who found her soulmate the first time around." Paige sniffled, shaking her head at how naïve she had been. Emily maintained eye contact, her eyes full of empathy. "Turns out," she said, her voice getting high as she fought back tears, "I was just a stop on the highway to her. She went away to college, and I was yesterday's news."

Emily squeezed Paige's arm compassionately. Paige tensed up. "So, that was it. That's when my world changed. You know what they say - the best way to get over one woman..." Paige tilted her head back. "So, that's what I did. And then it became, I don't know - revenge on her? A way to prove to myself that there were women out there who wanted me? A game of conquest..." Paige inhaled sharply, looking up at Emily. She didn't want Emily to think that she had just been another notch on Paige's bedpost. But the look in Emily's eyes showed that she wasn't even thinking about that. She was only thinking about Paige. Paige dipped her head.

"You never dated anybody else?" The thought made Emily sad.

Paige shook her head. "You were the longest monogamous relationship I've had since Terri, and that was..." Paige let it drop. She didn't want to say that it was just hooking up. That would've made Emily sound no better than she, herself, was.

And, deep down, perhaps, Paige was starting to realize that there had always been more to it with Emily than that.

"You know, it's a funny thing, Emily," Paige continued after a deathly pause. "There's a time in life when everyone wants a piece of you. But give it a couple of years, and people start to think about settling down. They want wives and families. Nobody's into the party girls anymore. So, we just fuck ourselves into a stupor, telling ourselves it doesn't matter, 'YOLO.' Trying to convince ourselves that we can keep pushing back that day when the only ones who want us are our house full of cats. Trying to sex away the knowledge that, someday, there will be nothing left of these days except empty memories and regrets."

"Paige," Emily's eyes and her tone were pleading. "Remember what you told me? That I was worthy of love?"

Paige shook her head. "You are. I'm not. Nobody loves a player. That kind of love is for one night only."

"But that's not you, Paige. Not the real you."

"It doesn't matter. Even if someone got to see the real me, I'm still the girl who slept with tons of women. And there's no going back on that. And that's not the kind of girl you dream of marrying and starting a family with, Emily."

"You're going to find someone, Paige." Paige rolled her eyes. "Let's make one of those pacts, where, if we're both not married..."

Paige looked up, her eyes piercing into Emily's. "No, Emily. You grow up and get married. You make some lucky woman the happiest person on earth. Raise your beautiful, perfect kids. Don't even think about staying single."

Emily stood up and gave Paige a hug. She knew that there was no convincing her. Still, before they separated, she whispered, "I'd marry you."

Paige shook her head against Emily's shoulder. "No you wouldn't. I wouldn't let you."

Still in the hug, Emily confessed, "I wouldn't trade what I have with you for anything in the world, Paige McCullers."

"Thanks, Emily." Paige put some distance between them, keeping her hands on Emily's shoulders. "You don't know how much that means."

"I love you, Paige." Emily wasn't sure that she should say it. She knew that she felt it, but she didn't know how Paige would take it. But she decided that Paige needed to hear it.

Paige pulled Emily back in. "I love you, too." She knew that Emily meant that she loved her like a sister. She wasn't sure what the words meant when she, herself, said them. It was true that she loved Emily, but, for Paige, love was like a long-lost relative whom she hadn't seen in years. Her heart still held a dim memory of what love looked like, but her mind had long since forgotten.

The next time Paige stopped by The Brew for Emily's break, everything was back to normal. They fell back into their familiar rhythm, with no further talk of bad decisions, regret, or their feelings for each other.

Eventually, Emily started dating again. Dakotah was outgoing and athletic. Like Emily, she used to swim for her high school team. She and Emily actually met in the pool, although neither of them swam competitively anymore.

Paige was Emily's sounding board as the relationship progressed from hope, to possibility, to light flirtation, to dating.


"So, how are things with Hanna?"

It took Emily a second to realize that Paige wasn't talking about her friend, Hanna, from Rosewood, but about her girlfriend, whom Paige could never seem to call by her actual name. It was "Wyoming," or "Nebraska," or "Hanna," as in "Hanna Montana." That was the one that stuck.

Emily rolled her eyes as she always did, and then launched into a gushing summary of her relationship. She had come to view Paige as a sort of big sister, and she was happy to be able to talk to her about her love life. She and Paige hadn't really been talking back when Emily and Spencer were together, so this was a new and welcome development.

Emily and Dakotah actually ran into Paige when they were out for coffee after a morning workout in the pool. Emily was proud to introduce Paige to Dakotah – and vice versa.

Paige was aloof.

She looked Dakotah up and down as Emily introduced them, but, other than that, she wouldn't make eye contact at all with her. The whole thing was awkward and uncomfortable. After Paige left, Emily squeezed Dakotah's hand and assured her that Paige wasn't ordinarily like that; that she must have been having a bad morning.

The next day, when Paige met Emily on her break, Emily greeted her pleasantly. "So?" she said, leaning in, waiting to hear what Paige thought of her girlfriend.

"So?" Paige was on the defensive. She knew that she had been bad.

Emily, reading Paige's reaction, told her that it was okay. "I already apologized to Dakotah for you."

"Apologized for me? Idaho's the one who should apologize – for that hair!" Paige was trying to pass it off as a joke, but the bitterness in her tone was unmistakable.

Things only got only got worse from there.

"Dakotah," Emily chided sharply. "Would it kill you, just once, to call my girlfriend by her real name?"

The word "girlfriend" hit Paige like a dagger.

Emily ended up returning from her break early, leaving Paige at the table with her hands raised and a "What did I do?" expression on her face. She texted Emily later, but her apology was snarky and sarcastic, so Emily didn't bother to respond. When Paige called to offer a more sincere apology, Emily let it go to voice-mail. Paige didn't think that she could explain herself in a message, so she ended the call.

And that was the end of their late-night phone conversations and their afternoon coffee breaks.


Emily was excited for her date with Dakotah. They had been going together for a little over a month, and they both knew where things were headed. It was fairly certain that it was going to happen that night. Emily was humming to herself as she got ready, applying scents in strategic places, and making sure that not a hair - any hair - was out of place. She wanted everything to be perfect. Spencer got up from studying on the couch and gave Emily a hug on her way out. Even if Emily hadn't said anything, Spencer would have been able to tell that it was the night, just by the way that Emily had been buzzing around the apartment.

"Go get her," Spencer smiled.

Emily squeezed Spencer's bicep. "Thanks, Spence!" Throwing her head back, Emily let out a squeal, shaking her fists from side to side at chest-level.

Spencer patted her on the back, giving her a slight shove. "I won't wait up!" she yelled cheerily as she closed the door.


Emily and Dakotah had been impatient to get to the restaurant, to get through dinner, and to get back to Dakotah's place. Once there, though, they slowed things down. They were sitting on the couch, facing each other, taking sips of wine when it started. Dakotah leaned in and kissed Emily, clashing tongues with her as her hand started massaging Emily's breast. Emily moaned into the kiss and the contact, her body involuntarily undulating off the couch. Dakotah took the cue and reached under Emily's skirt. Emily's head fell back against the couch and she bit her lip, moaning. Her hand found the back of Dakotah's head, and she grabbed a fistful of hair as Dakotah went to work on her neck and collar.

After a moment's hesitation, Dakotah brushed Emily's thong to the side and worked a finger inside. All of a sudden, everything shifted, and it was Paige attacking Emily's neck; Paige's hand making Emily's nipples erect; Paige's steady finger searching for Emily's spot. This realization kicked Emily into another gear. She took Paige's hand and plunged it deeper into herself, her hips meeting every thrust. Paige sensed the change and grew more aggressive and focused. Emily's body was quivering. She dug her nails into Paige's back and moaned out her name - "Paige!"

And everything stopped.

"Oh, God! Shit - 'Dakotah!' I'm so, so sorry! It's just..."

Emily was able to explain that Paige had been the only person whom she had been intimate with since the beginning of the school year. And Dakotah genuinely understood how, in the moment, an old familiar name might sneak out. She forgave Emily. But the moment had passed.

"Should I..." Emily gestured toward the door.

"No, you're fine." Dakotah clicked on the TV as background. "Let's just cuddle."

Dakotah relaxed her body into Emily's, and Emily tried not to let her body be as tense as she felt. She didn't like lying to Dakotah. But to tell the girl the truth - that she had seen Paige when they were making love - would have devastated her, and destroyed whatever chance they had at a relationship.

The relationship took a giant step backwards after that night. Dakotah got over the incident, but Emily couldn't. She was overwhelmed with guilt over what felt like cheating on her girlfriend. And she was haunted by fear - fear about what it meant that she saw Paige when she was making love; fear that she wouldn't be able to stop it from happening again.

It wasn't long before Dakotah broke things off. "It's just not working," she told Emily, her eyes full of regret.

"Dakotah, I am really, really sorry," Emily pleaded.

Dakotah nodded. "It's okay. I understand." With a sigh, she added softly, "Call me when you get over your ex."

Emily sighed. "Paige and I were never..."

"I know," Dakotah said with a weak smile. She'd heard that story before. "Call me," she repeated, "if you ever feel ready to move on from her."


Emily punched up Paige's contact a half dozen times, swiping it away each time. How could she talk to Paige about it? What could she possibly say, when Paige asked why they broke up? I couldn't stop thinking about you? You don't throw aside your relationship for your fuck buddy. Ex fuck buddy. Emily let out a loud frustrated groan. She hated herself for what she was about to do. She picked up her phone one final time and let the call go through.

Emily fully expected the call to go to voice mail. It had been so long since she and Paige had talked. She was working on coming up with some kind of explanatory message to leave. When she heard a groggy "Hello," she froze. All she could manage was a weak, "Hi."

Paige pushed the hair out of her face, stifling a yawn. "Are you okay?"

When she heard Paige express concern for her like that, Emily broke. "No," she whined. "I don't know..."

"Where are you?"

"I'm okay, Paige." Emily felt guilty, knowing that Paige would have come over to her house – or would have gone wherever Emily was to get her back home safe. Whatever she needed.

"What happened, Emily?"

"Dakotah and I... we broke up."

Paige collapsed into her mattress, rubbing her forehead. "Man, that really sucks."

Emily sighed. "I know that you weren't her biggest fan. But the break-up wasn't her fault."

"Listen, Emily, I'm sorry about that. I really am. And I know how much she means to you, so…"

Paige could hear Emily trying to compose herself. She gave her the space to do so, remaining silent, occasionally clearing her throat subtly, so that Emily would know that she was still there.

"Paige," Emily said weakly, "don't dismiss what I'm going to ask you. Promise me that you'll listen to what I say, okay?"

"Of course, Emily. You know that I'd do anything for you."

"Would you sleep with me?"

Paige did a double-take. "Have you been drinking?"

"No!" That question got Emily upset. "Would you just listen?" Emily told Paige, in graphic detail, why she and Dakotah had broken up. She told her how she had begun to fear that the same thing would happen again. And she told her that the only way that she could get it out of her system was to sleep with Paige again, to get some kind of closure.

Paige was dying on the inside. It felt like being ripped in two. Her body still ached for Emily's; if this had happened before that night when she and Emily had their after-hours chat in the diner, she would have found a way to convince herself that what Emily was asking was reasonable - and even that it would be a good thing for Emily. But she loved Emily too much to let her make that mistake. "Maybe you just need to sleep with someone else, to prove to yourself that you won't have those thoughts?" It sounded crazy even as Paige said it.

The phone went silent for a long time.

"Emily?"

"Don't tell me what I need, Paige."

Emily, sad and terribly hurt by what Paige had said, ended the call.