Thanks to everyone who favourited, followed or left a review!


Kylo

~o~

He had been exhilarated. Of course Kylo had not planned on kissing her, stars, he had actually resolved to keep his distance. But then she had apologised. His opinion mattered to her. His forgiveness. And he had forgot his resolve and followed his feelings. The Supreme Leader called his propensity for instinctive actions his strength but to Kylo, it did not alway feel like an advantage. But then again, the Leader did not have to deal with the disastrous consequences of his actions in this case. It would be better if he never got to know. Never had a person sparked an interest in him like her.

Yes, she was different from other women but not enough to justify his reaction. It was partly boredom, surely, and partly a completely physical attraction. The Dark Side wanted him to yield to temptation from time to time. He had...but what had come with it was not what the Dark Side approved of. Kylo knew that he was dangerously close to caring. All his adult life, he had fought against those weaker notions, the sentiment the Light propagated. He had fought against Ben Solo's attachment to those he called family. His attachment to the Republic and his home planet. And now, after so many years, he had finally achieved it. He was stronger than ever before. He would not allow himself to care. She was a distraction, merely, something to busy himself with on this planet. Hopefully, the Supreme Leader had a new mission for him soon.

Despite his resolve not to care, his mind revolved around her the next day. She had been willing to be kissed, no, she had even pulled him closer. He remembered the euphoria that had taken hold of him there and then. Perhaps he should do it again? She would welcome him surely. Yes, he wanted to feel her lips on his again, her body under his hands...He wanted more than that in all truth but that was a threshold he would not cross. It would inevitably lead to attachment, of that much he was certain.

Kylo was late for a meeting with the general, still considering whether he should visit her in her chambers again- and whether he would be able to resist.

That was, until he met Hux. Kylo had not even tried to delve into the general's mind, the man had practically thrown the images at him. Images Kylo did not like at all. For a brief moment, he had the irrational hope that it was only one of the general's fantasies but it wasn't. Hux had been first that night. And she had sunken into the general's arms as readily as into his own.

Whore. Witch. Traitor. The queen of sheep had used him. Kylo remembered the way she had flirted with him. Even her apology turned to ashes now. He was thankful for the familiar rage that took hold of him and left no room for pain. It was a welcome feeling, all he needed to do was hand over the reins and allow the wave of hatred to take over.

"Excuse me, general", he managed. It was better if Hux never found out that the Commander everyone considered above such sentiments had actually visited the queen several times and that her betrayal hit him so hard.

She was not in her chambers but wherever she was, he would find her. It was not enough to destroy her palace. He wanted to destroy her.

Of course she was outside. Her guards spoke up when he approached but she sent them away with a few words. A smile grazed her lips and she walked towards him as if she was truly happy to see him. His helmet hid his feelings and she was apparently oblivious to his anger. Good. She would not see it coming and there would be no witnesses.

The walls of her private gardens would soon be her prison but she was still unaware. She even had the audacity to smile at him, the wicked smile he had seen before. She stopped smiling when the Force closed around her throat and she flew against the back wall.

"What-" she managed, before he tightened his invisible grip.

"You think you can play with me?" he growled. "You think you can charm me? You are nothing but a whore with a crown."

Her face was turning an ugly shade of red but he could not stop. The world in front of his eyes was blurred.

"Did you think I would not find out? Did you truly think yourself so clever? You are nothing!" He shouted the last word but the anger did not subside. "Your plans were thwarted. You cannot betray me, not me."

Her eyes were closed now. She was on the brink of losing consciousness and he released his grip on her instinctively.

The Queen of Voltrea fell to the floor like a doll, her skirts crumpled and ridden up. The Force left no visible traces on her but she looked like a broken little girl. So vulnerable. And innocent.

To his great displeasure, his anger was no more than a ripple now. He could not go through with it. There she was, it took not much, only a flick of his wrist. But he could not do it. Instead, she slowly rose, one hand at her pale throat. "You are mad." she uttered, her normally melodious voice hoarse and edged with fear.

She used the wall behind her to pull herself to her feet, then leant against the stone, still breathing heavily.

"I never tried to seduce you. You came to my chambers. You kissed me. Just like your fine companion." The disgust on her face made Kylo feel miserable despite himself.

"I pushed Hux away, you mad, rabid, mindless creature." She rubbed her throat. "I would have told you if you had asked." Slowly, she walked towards him and he stayed where he was, his arms and mind numb with regret. "If you appear in my chambers ever again, I will tell Hux, no matter what you do to me. Never presume to talk to me again when we're alone. Never touch me again. You are not better than a rabid dog, than a willful child with a lightsaber at his belt, feeling invincible. You are nothing but a powerful coward hiding behind that silly helmet, pretending to be a copy of someone you admire instead of being brave enough to be yourself. The stars have been mad to grant you such a gift. You are destructive and that is the only thing you can do. Even the general is better than you." She stopped in front of him and Kylo noticed with a pang of amusement that her anger attracted him. She was furious now, worse than ever before.

"Your lack of control repels me."

And she walked past him, brushed dirt off her skirts and smoothed out the wrinkles in the material. She was done with him and he felt miserable. She was right, completely right. And he had hurt her. He had- The lightsaber made short work of the stone walls, of the plants, the lovely wooden bench. Fury, the lack of control that repelled her. But he could not change who he was. The Dark Side called for this. Control belonged to the Light.

She never spoke to him from then on. She did not even look at him. It offered him some mild comfort that she did not respond to Hux' avances as she had before the ball and Hux's misery was his only cause for joy these days.

Kylo was thankful that he did not have to meet the Supreme Leader in this state. It was easier to hide his feelings from this far away, easier to control himself.

But the situation was not easy. He couldn't stop thinking about her and regret was his constant companion. That was dangerous taken by itself, regret belonged to the Light. The Dark Side knew no remorse, no looking back. There was only one way: Forwards. Even worse was that his regret was an unmistakable sign of feelings he would have rather hidden in a dark, forgotten part of his soul. Those feelings made him reconsider. They gentled the rage about the rejection and humiliation and they made him do something despicably weak:

"We're not alone." He said, pointing at the guards that stood with their backs to them, looking vigilant and alert.

"Go away or they will remove you from my presence."

They would do no such thing, actually. She could call for them, they would not hear her. Kylo was not that much of a fool. He did not tell her about his little trick though.

"I'm sorry." Kylo could not remember ever making an apology and felt rather pleased with himself. Surely, this should settle the issue? An apology, wasn't that what a Voltreen wanted? Honesty and all that.

"You're sorry for attacking me?" Her tone was still cool.

"I'm sorry for hurting you." Wasn't that obvious?

"Well, that is obvious. I thank you for your kind words."

Was that sarcasm?

"Well, I have to get on-"

She tried to walk away from him. Again. After he had given everything he had. Kylo tasted the distinct, metallic flavour of fury on his tongue, felt his blood boiling and reached out for her arm. She flinched.

"I apologised," he hissed.

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious. What did you think? That you speak some magical words and suddenly, I sink into your arms like a damsel? You almost killed me, forgive me if I cannot simply forget that because you apologise."

"What else can I do then?" he asked and couldn't suppress the pleading tone.

He probably shouldn't have asked. He definitely shouldn't have asked. The look of surprise on her face told him that much.

"Why would you-" she started, but then she shook her head.

"There is no need, commander. I'll see you tonight."

This time, he didn't try to stop her. He had made a fool out of himself already and did not fancy giving up the meagre rest of pride he had left.

Why would you- Yes, why did he care indeed? But that was a question with a rather complicated and completely inconvenient answer that he did not like to dwell on. It was as it was, for whatever reason. And he could not leave this planet without her forgiveness.

~o~

He went against her terms and talked to her. Without the helmet, of course; she had made it very clear what she thought of his disguise. He never visited her in her private chambers but there were still enough opportunities to catch her alone. And against her own vow, she never once called for her guards. Well, she wasn't exactly what you would call encouraging, at first, their conversations had consisted of "Go away", "I don't want to talk to you", and empty threats. But Kylo didn't give up because he sensed that her feelings gave the lie to her tongue. She liked being with him, although she had still not forgiven him.

He did his best to make up for it. It was almost easy not to be rude to her, to control his temper and steer conversations away from precarious topics. She was starting to soften slowly, and only when she noticed that he was serious about it. He did not pursue her. He did not kiss her, he did not touch her, he even tried not to think about it, although of course, in that respect, he failed gloriously. Kylo was not quite sure wht he wanted, or rather, what he expected, because what he wanted could never be. Common sense told him to stop before it got messy and Dark and Light bonded in a unique way to stop him from getting himself further entangled in the situation and his own feelings. Kylo did not listen to either side. He had never felt better than around her. He would be careful. He knew what was at stake.

What could possibly go wrong?

~o~

Roxena

~o~

"Thank you, General, but I fare well on my own." Also, if you accompany me, Ren will have no chance to sneak in and pester me. She shouldn't be looking forward to it. She should have kept her word and called for her guards that very first time. But she had not closed the door when it had stood ajar and now the Commander had forced it wide open.

The shuttle took her to a medium-sized city in the South of Voltrea. It was another public event, she would give a speech on intergalactical trade and the importance of their good relations with the First Order, and would then open a school- or was it a hospital? She would find out soon enough and make up an according opening speech.

It all went smoothly, she was an experienced orator by now and knew how to reach her audience, knew the subtle changes she had to make depending on who her audience was and what she was talking about. She was an experienced ribbon-cutter by now too. Her father had always let her mother and her do these kind of tasks, one of the reasons why he had not been immensely popular.

"It is a great honour for me to open this"- She glanced at the building- "school and will do everything in my power to make sure that this will be a temple of learning and an oasis for its students, where they can be themselves and learn how to find their place in our society."

Some fool had named the school after her father but Xena only smiled. "A brilliant choice. He was always underrated."

All in all, she was happy to get back to Xanthos. It had an air of the interplanetary with the Order's presence there and she felt like the place had more gravity, now that the whole galaxy was watching. Schools were important, of course they were. But she wanted to carve out a better future for those students and so far, she had gloriously failed.

Ren was waiting for her in the shuttle and his presence did unfortunately lift her spirits, so she did her best to appear grumpy.

"I wasn't aware you were so interested in the educational system of Voltrea. I will let you read the government's files, if you wish to."

He did not respond to her mockery.

"Why do you waste your time on this?" He was not wearing his helmet and his face was solemn- well, it always was, but he looked more solemn than usual.

"This is my home planet and my duty." She had known this by heart at the age of twelve.

"Your duty?" He came closer. "Your burden. This is not what you want, is it?"

"Of course it is. It is my birthright. I love these people, this planet." Who was he to tell her what she wanted? As if he knew her better.

"And that prison you call palace? You are chained to your throne, Queen of Sheep." The mocking title sounded far less harsh now. "There is so much more you could do. You are better than this. Cutting ribbons and sweet words. You should be in the centre of the galaxy, changing the universe. You can, you know you can."

Xena tried hard not to feel flattered. He was probably not being truthful.

"The galaxy fares quite well on its own, it has no need of me. Thank you for your career advice, although it is strange coming from the mouth of the Order's Jedi Killer, I will consider it."

He flinched. "Don't call me that. Fine, mock me, if it helps you. We both know I'm right."

"You don't know me at all, Commander Ren."

Now he smiled, as if she had genuinely amused him.

"Oh, but you are an open book for me, Roxena."

She saw that he had not meant to use her name, that he was as baffled as she was. Without the mask, he was just a young man, and she could have sworn that he was a little too engaged to be considered indifferent. Kylo Ren, Jedi Killer, Commander of the First Order, had a soft spot for her. Stop feeling so damn pleased about that. It would not do her any good.

"Am I?" Her voice was hoarse and weak. He tried to kill you, remember? Not too long ago. Could we please stop being flattered and dizzy and instead remember where to put our knee when he comes closer?

He did come closer but Roxena did not remember where to put her knee. She did however remember how it had felt when he had kissed her. They still had fifteen minutes, or thereabouts. Why not risk it?

She raised a trembling hand to caress his sharp cheekbone. His skin was warm, freckled and pale, and right now, he did not look like the man who had tried to kill her in the garden. It is the same man, the irritating voice in her head chimed in, but it was like hearing someone speak through a broken HoloComm.

His eyes were so dark brown that it was hard to make out the dilated pupil. His breath had quickened just like hers. An open book, eh?

He had tried to kill her. He had hurt her. And she would certainly not forget that, certainly not forgive him. But a kiss wouldn't hurt, would it? Just feel that euphoria again, only for a minute. She would break the kiss then, she swore it to herself. She would stay in charge. A kiss, that wouldn't change a thing. Soon enough, Ren would leave anyway and she would never see him again. It did not take much self-delusion to silence all her justified doubts and press her lips to his.

He wrapped his arms around her, a bit more fervently than last time, and responded. Stars, yes. His lips were supple and soft but far more demanding than last time and his tongue found hers. Surely, the minute was already over, but she had forgotten about that altogether. Her hands sneaked under the silly cape he wore, felt the muscles working underneath the black fabric of his jacket. This was a terrible mistake, the voice of reason said, trying to make her stop. A futile endeavour, not even a meteor shower could have made her stop.

"Your Grace? We will land shortly. Please fasten your seatbelt."

The captain's voice rang through the speakers and that was enough to force them apart.

Oh, stars. That was more than a minute. Xena waited for the pang of regret but it stayed out. There was only the bubbly feeling in her stomach and her furiously beating heart.

Ren stared at her. All his cocksure arrogance was gone for once and she thought she saw insecurity in his eyes. But of course, with him, you could never be certain. Perhaps he'd try and choke her to death again in a minute.

"Never do that again."

Or he would be really rude.

Xena tried to keep her emotions under control and for once, it actually worked. Her voice was even and cool when she replied: "Oh, believe me, it wasn't that good. I suggest you stop sneaking into my chambers and shuttle, your company does get a little annoying."

She smiled at him when the ship sank lower and lower and she heard her guards' steps on the corridor. Only a few more minutes, then she could burst into a flood of tears in her chambers.

"You're a bad liar, Roxena." He raised a hand to touch her but she flinched away. "I am not."

His lips ghosted over hers one last time, then the doors opened and he was gone. What in the blazes was that supposed to mean? He was not a bad liar? So? Had he lied when he told her to never kiss him again? Or had he lied before when he had been so charming by his standards?

He was maddening and she had never been so enthralled by a man. To the stars with her pride, she would definitely do it again.


Thank you for reading! Please leave a review if you have the time.

Also: I'm totally not advocating abusive relationships which is why Kylo's fit of rage will definitely have further consequences. This chapter was really short but still took me forever, for which I'm sorry. Much of what is to come is already written, so hopefully, it won't take that long next time, and this story will definitely be continued!