A/N: Again if any of you are confused about the dates and time, I have the link to the wookieepedia page that explains the star wars standard calender in my profile. Just copy and paste it.
Now onto the story. I hope that you enjoy this chapter.
Nelona Ten 15 BBY
Naboo: Varykino: Naberrie Family Lake Retreat.
Calmness. Peacefulness. Beauty. Words that could best be used to describe this place flowed freely to Anakin as he stood on the veranda watching the water of the lake and the way they sky began to change.
"Are you an angel?"
She looked at him startled. "What?"
He continued to stare at her. "An angel. I've heard the deep space pilots talk about them. They live on the Moons of Iego I think. They are the most beautiful creatures in the universe. They are good and kind, and so pretty they make even the most hardened spice pirate cry," he explained.
"I've never heard of angels," she told him.
"You must be one...maybe you just don't know it," He told her. He was sure of it because she was the most beautiful creature that he had ever seen.
"You're a strange little boy," She told him smiling.
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"Ani? My goodness, you've grown," She exclaimed noticing him.
"So have you... grown more beautiful, I mean...for a Senator, I mean," He said feeling nervous.
"Oh Ani, you'll always be that little boy I knew on Tatooine," She told him smiling.
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"It must be difficult having sworn your life to the Jedi... not being able to visit the places you like... or do the things you like..." She said as they ate on their way to Naboo.
"Or be with the people I love," he added looking at her.
She looked at him "Are you allowed to love? I thought it was forbidden for a Jedi," she asked.
"Attachment is forbidden. Possession is forbidden. Compassion, which I would define as unconditional love, is central to a Jedi's life, so you might say we're encouraged to love," he answered her.
"You have changed so much," she told him.
"You haven't changed a bit. You're exactly the way I remember you in my dreams," he told her.
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"We used to come here for school retreat. See that island? We used to swim there every day. I love the water," she told him upon their arrival at the lake retreat. They strolled along the veranda.
"I do too. I guess it comes from growing up on a desert planet," He told her as they stopped to admire the lake.
"...We used to lie on the sand and let the sun dry us... and try to guess the names of the birds singing," she continued.
"I don't like sand. It's coarse and rough and irritating, and it gets everywhere. Not like here. Here everything's soft... and smooth..." He said and dared to touch her feeling the smoothness of the skin.
She looked at him. "There was a very old man who lived on the island. He used to make glass out of sand - and vases and necklaces out of the glass. They were magical," she told him.
He looked into her eyes. "Everything here is magical," he said.
"You could look into the glass and see the water. The way it ripples and moves. It looked so real... but it wasn't," She told him.
"Sometimes, when you believe something to be real, it becomes real," he told her.
"I used to think if you looked too deeply into glass, you would lose yourself," she said.
"I think it's true..." he whispered leaning forward to kiss her. He was relieved that she did not resist and he deepened the kiss.
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"From the moment I met you, all those years ago, a day hasn't gone by when I haven't thought of you. And now that I'm with you again, I'm in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you makes my stomach turn over - my mouth goes dry. I feel dizzy. I can't breathe. I'm haunted by the kiss you should never have given me. My heart is beating, hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me. What can I do? I will do anything you ask..." He told her as they sat in front of the fire.
She didn't say anything, he could feel her hesitation. She met his eyes and then looked away.
"If you are suffering as much as I am, tell me," He begged. He needed to hear her to say something.
" ...I can't. We can't. It's just not possible," She told him at last.
"Anything's possible. Padmé, please listen..." He told her.
She stood up then. "You listen. We live in a real world. Come back to it. You're studying to become a Jedi Knight. I'm a Senator. If you follow your thoughts through to conclusion, they will take us to a place we cannot go... regardless of the way we feel about each other," she told him.
"Then you do feel something!" He was relieved but at the same time dismayed because she would not give into it.
"Jedi aren't allowed to marry. You'd be expelled from the Order. I will not let you give up your future for me," She told him rationally.
"You're asking me to be rational. That is something I know I cannot do. Believe me, I wish I could wish my feelings away... but I can't," He told her standing up.
"I am not going to give in to this. I have more important things to do than fall in love," she told him stubbornly.
"It wouldn't have to be that way... we could keep it a secret," he told her after thinking about it.
"Then we'd be living a lie - one we couldn't keep up even if we wanted to. Mt sister saw it. So did my mother. I couldn't do that. Could you, Anakin? Could you live like that?" She replied.
He was silent for a moment before finally speaking. "No. You're right. It would destroy us." he said.
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"Don't be afraid," he told her as they waited for their execution.
"I'm not afraid to die. I've been dying a little bit each day since you came back into my life," she told him.
"What are you talking about?" He asked.
"I love you," she whispered
"You love me?! I thought we decided not to fall in love. That we would be forced to live a lie. That it would destroy our lives..." he replied taken aback.
"I think our lives are about to be destroyed anyway. I truly, deeply love you, and before we die I want you to know," She told him before they kissed.
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"Marry me," he urged.
"What?" She asked taken aback.
"I know it sounds crazy but I don't care. I want to be with you from now until we die," He told her hurriedly.
"We can't..." She began.
"We can... We'll make it work, Padme," he insisted.
"Anakin..." She began, she was going to tell him that it couldn't work.
"Do you love me?" he asked interrupting her.
"Yes," she told him.
"Then marry me," he urged. "I promise that it would work, we'll make it work. I... can't be without you and if you're honest with yourself you feel the same way," he told her.
She was silent for a moment as she considered this.
"I swear to you that it'll work," he told her urgently.
She smiled. "You haven't told me that you love me," she told him.
He smiled. "I love you, always," he told her.
"Then kiss me," she asked and he instantly complied.
They were married on this terrace by sunset. It was impulsive. It was forever. They never regretted it even when the war tore them apart. They always found time for each other no matter how difficult it was. They kept it to themselves even though they wanted to shout it from the rooftops. They loved each other. They made it work.
Anakin closed his eyes. He could see every inch of her. He could feel her shin beneath his fingers. He could feel her response to his touch. He could hear the hitch in her breath when he was near. He could see the smile that she only reserved for him, hear her laugh. She was his angel, the most beautiful creature that ever lived. He could smell the scent of her perfume. He could feel her long curls through his fingers. He could remember how happy she was when she was with him. She filled him. She was his everything.
But then he would open his eyes and she would float away. Anakin clung to the memories but it had been four years and the memories were beginning to fade. He longed for his dreams. Because when he dreamed, they were filled with her. Sometimes he thought that she wasn't real. But then he would see Luke and Leia and he was reminded once again of her. He was forgetting. He was drowning, he couldn't breath without her. He was loosing her every day. She was slipping away and he was powerless to stop it. He was powerless to save her just as he was powerless to save his mother. He had forgotten many things about his mother and he was beginning to forget his wife.
Anakin clutched the railing tighter, struggling with his emotions. He had come out here with the rest of Padme's family for a vacation. Nobody knew what this week here will be coinciding with, they weren't even aware. But Anakin knew. As he gazed at the setting sun he remembered the sun setting seven years ago as he committed himself to the one woman he loved more than life itself. He had told her that he couldn't live without her. And every day he was without her he wanted to die but Luke and Leia pulled him back.
Tears escaped his eyes as he remembered every word spoken, unable to breath. No one was here to watch him fall. Everyone was inside sharing a meal. Anakin couldn't eat. He was alone, exactly how he felt everyday. The tears kept flowing. He still couldn't breath. He couldn't feel her anymore. He wasn't strong enough. He couldn't help her. He just wasn't strong enough.
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Ruwee watched as his son-in-law struggled with his emotions before finally breaking down. He was well aware of what this week symbolized. He had read the papers stating his daughter's marriage to this man before him. His own wife had sent him to find Anakin and here he had found him.
Anakin loved Padme, the evidence was clear. Ruwee could not deny it. He could not deny that Anakin was suffering. This was the first time that he had ever seen Anakin show emotion such as this. It bothered Ruwee the most when Anakin would show no emotion whatsoever. He told himself that it had to be because Anakin was a jedi. Jedi were known for the stoicism but Ruwee caught Anakin showing emotion here or there. But when Padme was mentioned, Anakin showed no emotion, it was as though he felt nothing. But appearances could be deceiving.
Wordlessly, Ruwee moved out to the terrace. Like a switch went off, Anakin composed himself making it appear that nothing was wrong. He had noticed him. "My wife sent me to find you," he said breaking the silence.
"I just wanted to watch the sun set," Anakin told him. "I'll be inside soon," he added.
"Anakin, are you alright?" Ruwee asked concerned.
"What would make you ask such a question?" Anakin replied.
"I know what is coming up," Ruwee told him.
Anakin looked at him briefly before turning back to the sunset. "Then you would understand why I would like to be alone," he said.
"You don't have to be alone, Anakin," Ruwee told him.
"I'm not alone, I have Luke and Leia," Anakin told him.
Ruwee wanted to say more, but the moment was interrupted by two four year old twins who sprinted across the terrace towards their father.
"Can we go swimming after supper?" Leia asked giving her father the look that she used every time that she wanted something.
"It'll be too dark to swim," Anakin told her. Leia pouted. "Don't give me that look," Anakin said strictly.
"But we want to go swimming!" Luke whined.
"It's too late to go swimming," Anakin told them.
"Please?" both twins begged.
"No," Anakin told them strictly. "We'll go swimming in the morning," he told them.
"But we want to go now!" Luke whined stamping his foot.
"Please Daddy," Leia begged taking one of her father's hands and giving him the pleading look.
"What did I tell you?" Anakin demanded crossing his arms.
Both twins looked at each other each knowing that their father wasn't going to let up this time.
"Have the two of you finished your meal?" Ruwee asked catching his grandchildren's attention.
Luke shuffled his feet while Leia gave him an innocent look. Neither wanted to lie in front of their father or else get punished severely for lying. Neither knew why their father got so upset with lying and hoped to never find out.
"I think that perhaps you should finish your meal," Ruwee said before Anakin could speak.
"Yes, Grandpa," Luke said nodding to his sister. Each twin walked back into the house glancing back at their father ever so often.
Anakin watched the twins walk back into the house in silence. When they were out of his sight he turned back to the sunset as the sun dipped below the lake. He didn't speak to Ruwee. He never knew what to say to him.
"You know, they are at an age where they should be in school," Ruwee said breaking the silence.
"I am teaching them," Anakin said.
"I'm talking about a structured environment where they can learn things that you may not be able to teach them," Ruwee told him.
"Am I not smart enough to teach my own children?" Anakin asked slightly offended.
"I didn't say that," Ruwee amended. "I'm just saying that Luke and Leia may benefit from receiving a formal education," he told him.
"I'll think about it," Anakin said after a moment.
Ruwee nodded. "Come inside when you are ready," he said knowing that this was as far as the conversation would go. As he stepped through the door to the house he turned around. "I know that Padme would want her children to receive a formal education as she had," he said before going inside.
Anakin watched as the sky darkened thinking about what Ruwee had said. The problem with it was that no one knew what Padme would say in the situation.
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Nelona Twelve BBY
Naboo: Lake Country: Varykino: Naberrie Family Retreat
"You are far nobler than a slave, Ani, remember that," Shmi Skywalker said, her face serious.
"Were we always slaves?" he asked.
A sad smile appeared on his mother's face. "No. We were once free," she told him.
"Where do we come from?" he asked.
"A very peaceful and beautiful planet with lots of mountains and lakes of water," she told him with a sad look of remembrance in her eyes.
"Do you miss it?" he asked.
She smiled sadly again. "Very much," she told him.
"How did we become slaves?" he asked.
This question seemed to catch her off guard and he could feel the pain rolling off of her. "I think that you should get some sleep, we have another busy day tomorrow," she said choosing not to answer this question.
There was something that she wasn't telling him, he was sure of it. But he didn't press the issue, he could feel her pain. It almost felt like betrayal.
Anakin opened his eyes to intense sunlight. He groaned , rolled over and pulled the covers over his head. Today symbolized the worst day of his life. Today was the seventh anniversary of his mother's death. He closed his eyes again and tried to focus on a good memory but all that came to him was his nightmares and her brutalized body, of her dying in his arms.
But as fate would have it, he could not hide away in bed for the duration of the day. It was no time before two extra smaller bodies climbed up on the bed and started shaking him crying his name. "Leave me alone!" he cried in a voice not of his own burring deeper in the bed.
Both twins paused in their efforts to wake their father and looked at each other. They could feel agony rolling off of him in waves. Each knew that he was only like this once a year. Slowly they backed off, unsure on how to proceed. Wordlessly they left the room running into their Aunt Sola.
Sola looked in the direction that the twins had come from and frowned. "Isn't your father up yet?" she asked.
"Daddy don't feel so good," Leia told her.
"What do you mean?" Sola asked concerned.
"He's in pain, lots of pain," Luke answered hugging himself.
Solo looked towards the room that Anakin was sleeping in. "I wonder what it could be," she whispered before turning back to the twins. "Why don't you two grab something to eat," she suggested.
Neither twin needed to be told twice and quickly hurried to the kitchen where they knew their grandmother would be at to feed them.
Sola watched them scurry away before turning to Anakin's room. When they were out of view she walked towards Anakin's door and raised her hand to knock but thought better. Anakin would most likely refuse her entrance. Instead she turned the antique knob on the antique wooden door and opened the door, squeezing herself inside. The curtains on the windows were drawn keeping the room in darkness. Sola made out the lump underneath the covers in the bed indicating where Anakin was. The room was totally silent. Dark, silent and depressing.
Sola walked further into the room and over to the bed. "Anakin?" she whispered softly.
"Leave me alone, Sola," Anakin snapped, his voice completely devoid of emotion.
Sola frowned in confusion. She wasn't sure what was wrong with her brother-in-law. "What is wrong, Anakin?" she asked.
Anakin mumbled something but Sola couldn't hear what he had said. "Just leave me alone," he said morosely.
Sola was unsure of how to proceed. It was clear that Anakin was feeling depressed, but about what? She took a seat at the end of the bed. "Maybe talking about it would help," she said gently.
"I don't want to talk about it, Sola, I just want to be left alone," Anakin told her firmly.
"Anakin..."
"This isn't something that you can help me with," Anakin told her, interrupting whatever she was going to say.
Sola was at a loss to what to do next. "We're here for you when you feel that you can talk to us," she told him standing up and leaving the room.
Anakin breathed a sigh of relief when she was gone and closed his eyes again prepared for the memories that would assault him. It was all he had now.
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Anakin gripped his lightsaber tightly as he waited. Everything in him was screaming to do something before disaster took it's claim. Any moment the separatist army would make it's move and the people of this town were unaware of it. They were unprepared.
"Relax," Obi-Wan advised him. "You wont do any good being as jittery as you are."
"We need to clear these people out of here now, Master," Anakin replied.
"I agree," Obi-Wan told him and motioned to a clone commander.
"Yes, General Kenobi?" the clone commander asked.
"Clear this area of civilians as quickly as possible," Obi-Wan commanded.
Anakin caught something in the distance. "Too late!" he told them and rushed in the middle of the civilians shouting ,"Take cover!".
The separatist army had approached them fast sending bombs into the city before making their way in. Civilians screamed and frantically ran for cover. Anakin took the liberty of getting the stray children to safety as clones took on the droid army. He heard Obi-Wan shouting at him as he got another batch of children to safety. Then he spotted a little girl standing in the middle of the road frozen in terror. Anakin ran to get her when Obi-Wan shouted at him. He was a second too late when a bomb exploded just two feet away from the little girl sending her one way and him the other. Anakin groaned and turned his head before swallowing a scream and scrambling away. Next to him was his mother's bruised and battered body and her eyes were wide open staring at him lifelessly.
Anakin jolted up in bed breathing rather hard. He brought his knees up and rested his forearms against them bringing his face into his hands. He had nightmares about the war before. Many times he would dream about the war but he never dreamed that his mother was a victim. No matter where you are, my love will be with you. Now be brave, and don't look back... don't look back. Not looking back was easier said than done. We were never meant to be slaves.
Anakin took a deep breath. There had to be some reason why he had been dreaming about his mother and hearing her voice for the past six months. We weren't always slaves. "What are you trying to tell me, Mom?" he asked knowing that somehow she could hear him. But he knew that he would have to find his own answers.
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Nelona fifteen 15BBY
Naboo: Varykino: Naberrie Family Lake Retreat.
Anakin sat in silence as the entire Naberrie family gathered together in the house. Anakin had offered to watch all of the children as they played. Luke and Leia were playing with their cousin Janren who was closer to their age while Ryoo and Pooja swam. Still no one knew what today was. Anakin was in a melancholy mood all day. Today was the seventh anniversary of the day that he and Padme had gotten married. Luke and Leia were oblivious to it but they both could sense his mood and looked over at him several times giving him cheery smiles. Anakin would smile at them in return knowing that in their own way they were trying to cheer him up.
"They grow up fast."
Anakin turned his head and noticed Ruwee standing by the door watching the children. "They do," he agreed.
"Have you given any thought about what I said?" Ruwee asked taking a seat next to Anakin.
Anakin watched as Luke and Leia juggled balls with the force. "I have," he answered.
"And what is your decision?" Ruwee asked.
"They deserve everything that I didn't have at their age," Anakin told him.
"The jedi didn't give you an education?" Ruwee asked looking at him.
"I was a slave on Tatooine when I was their age," Anakin told him. "The jedi didn't find me until I was nine," he added.
"And your parents? Where are they now?" Ruwee asked.
"My mother died seven years ago. I don't have a father," Anakin answered. "Don't ask me about it," he finished.
Somehow saying I'm sorry wasn't quite the right thing to say, Ruwee decided. "I didn't know," he said.
"Of course you didn't," Anakin said keeping an eye on Luke and Leia, ready to scold them for using their abilities to tease their cousin. But the twins put a stop to their thoughts on the subject when they saw their father narrowing his eyes in their direction.
"It's too late to enroll them in school this season, they'll have to start next year," Ruwee said going back to the subject of Luke's and Leia's education.
"When would that be?" Anakin asked.
"Some time around Selona the eighteenth," Ruwee told him.
"And you're just now bringing this up when it's too late to enroll them?" Anakin asked a little annoyed.
"We don't really talk, Anakin. And besides, you're not really all that receptive to how to raise Luke and Leia," Ruwee told him.
"We'll talk about schools at another date," Anakin told him ignoring his comment and catching Luke and Leia teasing Janren. With a slight hand movement, he called the toys that Luke and Leia were hovering over Janren's head and playing keep away with. "What have I told the two of you about abusing the force?" he demanded catching the twin's attention.
Both Luke and Leia had the decency to look guilty. "Sorry," they both muttered.
Anakin stood up. "Get inside," he told them.
Luke and Leia dutifully went inside prepared for their punishment.
"You shouldn't be so hard on them," Ruwee said.
"I don't want them making the same mistakes that I did. Being strict is a necessity when the force is involved," Anakin told him following Luke and Leia inside to hand out their punishment leaving Ruwee to question what mistakes he had made.
