Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. No copyright infringement is intended.


Chapter 7: El Fandango

Edward

"Thanks, Edward," Bella slurred. "I'm so sorry. I don't deserve you. Don't be mad, please? You're the best."

I slid off her shoes and helped her under the covers. I wanted to help her out of her wet clothes, but under the circumstances, I didn't think it would be appropriate.

She was a mess, totally hammered.

I left her room feeling completely dejected. I had high hopes earlier about things between us, but tonight had definitely not gone as I wanted.

I lay down on my bed, but my mind was reeling. There was no way I could sleep as the events of tonight played in my head over and over again.

We got to El Fandango and it was every bit as kitschy as Bella described. The bartender was this funny old guy, who spoke not a word of English. We had a great table by the window and where we enjoyed our cold beers together. It was really fun to see Bella let loose so much. We encouraged each other to drink and have fun. Things were so serious around camp so much of the time that when she suggested a night out to forget about things, I jumped on it. I hoped that Bella would open up to me more if she was a little liquored up. If she wouldn't do it sober, perhaps once she got a little 'liquid courage' into her, she'd tell me more about herself.

The folk singer showed up after a while, looking the part, with his floppy hat and sandals. I had no idea what to expect but the music was very lyrical and easy to enjoy.

"Dance with me," I said, pulling Bella to stand as she giggled.

"Oh God, I'm a terrible dancer." She pulled back on my hand, resisting me.

"Well, I'm not, so come on."

With that, she relented and together we walked to the middle of the room. I swung her around and pulled her close to me as I wrapped my arm around her waist. It felt incredible being this close to her. I could feel the swell of her breasts against my chest and her breath against my neck. All I wanted to do in that moment was kiss her and take her back to my place to have my way with her. Instead, I led us around the small room, maneuvering carefully around the tables, even managing a few twirls. Bella laughed and let herself go, giving in to the fun of it all and I vowed to do whatever it took to see her this carefree again as often as I could.

The song ended and we stopped dancing, much to my chagrin. Bella pulled me to the table and sat down, grabbing her drink and taking a long swig.

"You've got some nice moves," Bella said, setting down her beer. "I'm impressed."

"Yeah, you can thank my mom for that. She insisted that Jasper and I take ballroom dancing lessons. Something about us being gentlemen." I shrugged my shoulders, silently thanking my mom for forcing me to go to lessons all those years ago. It certainly seemed like my limited dancing skills were coming in handy, yet my thoughts were far from gentlemanly.

Bella got flirtier in direct proportion to the number of drinks she had. She was fun and playful and I liked it. Her hand slid to my thigh as she laughed at something I said, and I could feel my body tense up. Instead of removing it when she was done laughing, she left it there and I covered it with my hand, slowly interlacing our fingers together. I didn't want to take a chance that she'd move her hand back and leave me without her touch. My fingers touched hers, slowly slipping past them, eventually caressing the back of her hand as our fingers became fully entwined. It was so minor, holding her hand, but it felt so sensual and intimate.

The bartender came over after a while with a bottle of a golden liqueur, which we lovingly dubbed "the fat lady". It was sweet and thick as we sipped it through a long, glass pipe. It rolled over my tongue and down my throat with ease. It wasn't bitter or harsh as so many liqueurs can be.

Bella's lips curled against the pipe and I could feel my pants tighten, envisioning her lips wrapped around me, sucking. The liqueur slowly rose in the pipe until it hit her lips. She sipped it, swallowing gently and looking so fucking sexy.

I hadn't realized how much alcohol she drank, as I was too fixated on how she drank it to pay much attention. She seemed fine, but I should have known that the cocktails would catch up to her.

She smiled seductively at me, and I couldn't hold off any more. I wanted to kiss her so fucking badly. I'd been waiting all night for an opportunity, but it never seemed to be the right time.

"You are so beautiful, Bella," I said, moving my hand to her cheek as I leaned in to close the distance between us. "I'm sure you get told that all the time, but it's true. You're amazing. I've never met anyone like you."

She looked at me in shock as she leaned into my hand.

"God, why can't things be different?" she asked, closing her eyes as my thumb traced small circles on her cheek.

I inched a little closer, pulling her head slowly toward mine, never taking my eyes off her lips.

"Why can't they be?" I whispered.

"I want that. So much…but…"

"What are you afraid of, Bella?" We were just inches apart at this point, her breath tickling my face.

"It's just…he's gone…and it's my fault." She was starting to open up and I wanted to know more. I should have pulled away to allow her to talk, but I didn't want the space between us. Even though she was pretty drunk, I liked that she was letting me this close to her and I selfishly wanted more.

I brought my other hand to her face, cradling her head in my hands.

"Who's gone?" I brought my lips to her forehead, pressing them gently against it. Bella whimpered softly and my previously hard cock got even harder.

"Fuck…I shouldn't be doing this." Her slurred words of denial didn't match her actions and she looked as if she was battling with herself over whether or not we should continue. I moved my lips to the space right beneath her ear along her jaw line, one hand slipping to the base of her neck as the other moved down to her back. I inhaled deeply, taking in her scent and gently kissed the soft skin of her neck. She tilted her head to allow me better access and I took full advantage.

I didn't want to give her the opportunity to change her mind. Never leaving the softness of her skin, I moved my lips slowly across her cheek, my breath heavy with need, until I met her lips. She moaned as our lips touched, urging me on. Our movements were slow and deliberate, but contained passion like I'd never felt before. I'd never had a kiss be so sensual. Never before had I desired someone like I desired Bella and all we'd done was hold hands.

"So soft," I muttered as I pulled back slightly before moving in again.

As our lips met, I opened my mouth slightly and she followed along, slipping her smooth tongue past my lips. It was me who moaned this time as I let my tongue move with hers. My hand fisted into her hair, holding her to me, never wanting to let her go. I could faintly hear the sound of the rain in the background, but all I could focus on was the feeling of Bella's lips on mine.

"I've wanted to do that for so long," I said softly as I kissed her ear.

Suddenly, her demeanor changed. She stiffened under my touch and pressed her hand against my chest, moving me away.

"We can't do this," she said emphatically as she hid her face in her hands. "We just can't."

I pulled her hands away. "Look at me, Bella."

She looked up and had tears streaming down her face.

"Why are you crying? I'm sorry if I did something to upset you. I guess I thought that you were okay with things…" I stammered.

I had no idea what I had done that could have incited this kind of reaction from her. I knew she was hesitant, but her body language told me she was comfortable with me.

"It's not you, it's me. I know that's horribly cliché, but you have no idea how true it is in my case." She looked away from me as she wiped her tears.

"Do you not want me?" I asked feebly. I didn't know if I wanted to hear the answer to my question or not.

She let out a sigh and a sob. "It's not that at all. Trust me, I want you. It's just…this can't happen."

"Why not? Talk to me, please!" I sounded desperate, but I didn't care. Why was she pushing me away?

"Can't we just be friends? Please? I don't want that to get fucked up." She looked up at me with a pleading look and I wanted to pull her into a hug and make whatever it was that plagued her go away.

"Is that what you want? To be friends?"

She shook her head, but her words had finality to them, despite the slur. "No, but it's all I can give you. Please don't push me on this. It's better this way. You have to believe me."

I sighed and ran my hands through my hair. "I don't understand why, Bella?"

She stood up, planting her feet firmly as if making a stand, her eyes red and swollen from crying. "Because we'll both just end up hurt. Can't you just take what I can give? Fuck, Edward…" Her voice trailed off as she grabbed her beer, taking a long swig even though she'd already had way too much to drink. It wasn't apparent to me until that moment when she stood just how drunk she was. She was swaying and looked like she might fall over.

Just as I stood to help her, she slammed the beer down onto the table and stormed out of the bar into the rain.

What the fuck?

I chased after her along the dark streets until I found her leaning face down against a waist-high cobblestone wall, sobbing.

I ran over to her and pulled her into my arms, the rain pouring down on us. She was struggling to stand and it seemed like everything was coming down on her at once. I desperately wanted to understand what set her off, but there was no way I was going to push it tonight.

"Take me home," she said, clutching my t-shirt in her fists as she shivered in my arms. "Please, just take me home."

"Okay. It's okay, Bella. I'll take care of you."

I had no idea how things had gotten so fucked up. One minute we were flirting and having a great time and the next she was a sobbing mess in my arms.

What was she scared of with me? If I thought she wasn't interested in me as anything more than a friend, that would be one thing, but I felt passion in her kiss. There was something there. Maybe I was kidding myself, projecting my feelings onto her, but I didn't think so. It seemed like she wanted me as much as I wanted her.

But I could see the fire in her eyes as she pushed me away. Whatever demons she struggled with had a strong hold on her. My curiosity was piqued as I held onto her shivering body, wondering how she got so upset over something like a kiss. I never wanted her to feel violated or disrespected, so if all she could handle was being friends, then I'd honor that. As hard as it would be for me, I'd do it.

For her.

The next morning, I had to leave early to meet Emmett offsite. I wanted to check on Bella, but I knew she'd need her sleep. Plus, I didn't know what to say to her and I needed time to process everything that had happened.

"Hey, you made it. I was worried when I heard you and Bella went into town last night," Emmett said cheerfully as I walked up. He was perched on the frame of a house we were building.

"I wish I could've slept in," I said honestly, climbing up the scaffolding to join Emmett. "I didn't sleep for shit."

Emmett laughed, obviously thinking something had happened between Bella and me. "Well, check you out, Casanova! It was that good, huh? I knew Doc liked you."

I shook my head emphatically, grabbing a nail and pounding it into the wood. It felt good to hit something.

"Hell, I wish it was like that. Instead, it was a complete train wreck."

He set down his hammer, clearly curious. "What happened?"

I explained how the night had gone, from our dancing and having fun to our kiss and her subsequent fleeing. It was still so confusing.

"Go easy on her, Edward," Emmett said. "She's had it rough."

"Can you tell me what happened? I feel like I'm the only person not in on a private joke or something. What the fuck?" My frustration was reaching a peak. Everyone seemed to know what was going on except me. All those times that Bella and I had talked and hung out and she'd never mentioned anything to me. Yet, Emmett seemed to know all about it.

"I don't know much. She's really only talked to Carlisle." He paused as he grabbed a nail and positioned it on the beam. "But, I do know this- the woman she is today when she's with you is not the same one who came here. She's different and a lot better. She was a mess back then but she's trying with you, I can tell. Just don't push her."

"I'm trying not to push. I just like her. When we're alone I feel like she likes me too. She flirts with me all the time and acts like she's interested. But then other times she pulls away. I can't read her at all and it's frustrating as hell." It felt really good to be able to talk to someone about it. I was used to having Jasper around and this situation was driving me crazy.

"Oh, she likes you. There's no question about that. Anyone can see that. The question is whether or not she'll allow it to go further. Give her time. She'll come around."

Time was the one thing I didn't have. I didn't know what I was hoping would happen once we were done here, but I definitely realized our time was limited. I also knew that I wanted her in my life beyond that. I didn't have the logistics worked out, but I would make sure that it happened, in whatever capacity she wanted.

When work was finished, we got back to camp and I was as frustrated as when I left this morning.

I thought a lot about what Emmett said and what I knew about her past. She must have been left by someone she loved and she obviously felt responsible for his leaving. It was confusing though, because everyone's been dumped at some point. Sure, it hurts, but most people move on and find that it was for the best. There had to be something different about her situation that I didn't know. It occurred to me that maybe she still harbored feelings for this guy and that made me rage with jealousy. It seemed to fit her actions and seemed logical, but that only made it harder. Maybe being with me reminded her of him. When she was kissing me, was she picturing his face? Was that why she pulled away? Because she wanted it to be him and not me?

As pissed and jealous as I was, I was worried about Bella. Things had gone so wrong last night and I knew that I needed to talk to her about it. I hoped she wouldn't be upset with me.

I reluctantly made me way across camp to the clinic, where I knew Bella would be. She wasn't in the front room and one of the nurses pointed me to the back room, where Grace and the other small children were kept. Bella didn't hear me walk up so I watched her for a few moments, holding Grace. I was struck by how nurturing she was. I knew this baby meant the world to her and I could see the love in her expression as she gazed at tiny Grace.

"Hey, Bella," I said after a minute or so. She looked up, startled and gave me a nervous smile. I was nervous too, not knowing where we stood.

She looked uncomfortable as she shifted around and set Grace in her bed.

"Uh…hi," she said, avoiding eye contact.

I didn't want things to be like this for us. I didn't like the tension.

I broke the ice by asking how she felt, even though I could tell by looking at her that she was hung over. I closed the distance between us, hoping she'd know how much I cared and that I didn't mean to overstep my boundaries.

I lifted her chin and could practically feel her shaking beneath my touch. I felt like such an asshole for being the cause of her anxiety. I apologized for not coming by and checking on her, but she kept avoiding my eyes.

What's she scared of?

Her behavior was baffling to me. It wasn't like we slept together. It was a kiss. It was the best kiss I'd ever had, but a kiss nonetheless. It wasn't until she admitted that she didn't remember anything that I understood why she was acting the way she was. If I felt like an asshole before, I felt like a really big one now. While I had been thinking nonstop about the best kiss of my life, she didn't even remember it. I felt like some sort of molester, taking advantage of a drunk woman. My mother would be horrified.

Then it occurred to me that if she didn't remember anything because she was so drunk, maybe what she told me wasn't how she really felt. If I just chalked up the kiss to a mistake, maybe we could go back to how we were. Hopefully things could move forward in time like I wanted, and I hoped that deep down she wanted that, as well.

So, I told her that it was just a mistake, even though I didn't believe it. I just didn't bother to clarify that the mistake was only in kissing her while she was too drunk and that I waited so long to do it.

Her face fell a little, but she recovered herself.

"So...uh…are we okay?" I asked, breaking the awkward silence.

She nodded and smiled, still obviously uncomfortable. "Yeah, we're okay. Of course we're okay."

"So, tomorrow night at my place? We still on?"

"Yeah, I'll see you then. I'll bring the cards."

I would make things better tomorrow. We could be ourselves again. I was really looking forward to seeing her.

All day the next day, I couldn't stop thinking about Bella and hanging out with her. I missed her, even though I'd just seen her the day before. She had become so important to me and I was anxious to put the whole drunken kissing fiasco behind us.

The only good thing about being away from her was that I was really busy with work. We were working on a house for a family who had lost everything in a flood. They had three young children and lost everything. Seeing their appreciative and smiling faces was incredibly rewarding. I had so many memories of what we were doing here that I would cherish forever. It had been the best decision I'd ever made.

I'd actually gotten quite good at construction in the short period of time I'd been here. I wasn't reading schematics or blueprints, but I could piece together a pretty good structure once Emmett or James showed me what to do.

I enjoyed working with Emmett a lot and he and I talked quite a bit. I could easily see myself being friends with him long after this experience was over. James, on the other hand, was as annoying to me as he was the first time I met him. It was well known that he had a thing for Bella, and I had to listen to him day after day talk about her nice ass or her long legs. He was so derogatory in his comments about her and I knew she'd be mortified if she ever found out the things he said. All his talk did was piss me off and make me miss her even more than I already did.

I showered when I got home and felt like I was getting ready for a date. I sifted through my clothes and made sure my hair was in place. Tonight would be a good thing for us. We needed to lighten things up.

"Come in!" I yelled with my mouth full of toothpaste as I heard a knock on the door.

I heard the door open and close as I finished up and when I walked into the room from the bathroom, Bella was already lying on my bed, getting the cards out of the box.

She looked absolutely beautiful, wearing a deep red tank top and short jean shorts. Her legs looked like they were a mile long and connected to a pair of flip flops, which dangled over the bed as they hung from her toes.

"Hi," I said, shoving my hands in my pockets like a teenager. I was just so happy to have us back to being us.

"Hey there," she said, smiling brightly at me.

That's the smile I love.

"You ready to get your ass kicked at cards tonight?" she asked cockily. I had to hand it to her, she was good at cards. I'd never seen her as an especially competitive person, but cards brought it out in her and it was adorable. She gloated when she won and had the cutest pout when she lost.

"So, I was thinking," I said as I rearranged the cards in my hand. "There's that pyramid at the other end of town."

"Uh huh," she acknowledged.

"You know the one I mean? The one at the top of the hill with the winding trail that goes up the side?" She nodded. "Anyway, I was thinking we should go up there on Friday. It's supposed to be really pretty at sunset."

Her face fell and she looked uncomfortable. I hoped that I hadn't overstepped again.

"It was just an idea," I said, feeling ridiculous and stupid for asking. "We don't have to go."

She rested her hand on my forearm, which was resting on the bed. "No, it's not that. I'd love to do that hike. Alice has been talking about it for weeks, too."

Alice? What the fuck?

"But, I can't on Friday," she said, looking at her cards. "I have plans."

"With Alice?"

"No…uh…with James." She didn't look up at me and I could see the blush on her cheeks.

This wasn't a friendly outing with a buddy she was talking about. The look on her face betrayed her. She had a date. With James.

"Bella, I know he likes you. That much is obvious. But, I don't think he's right for you. I mean…is this about the other night?"

"No, it's not about other night. Look, I appreciate your concern, but I'm a good judge of character and I can handle myself."

I could barely control myself. I was so hurt and angry. She turned me down, telling me that she needed space and time. She told me all she had to give me was friendship. She even fed me the "it's not you, it's me" bullshit. Only to give it up for James? He was who she wanted?

Fucking cocksucker.

I had completely misread her intentions. All along, I thought that this was about her past and not being able to move forward. In reality, she just didn't feel the same way about me as I did about her.

That realization fucking sucked.

I held it together until she left and as I watched her run back to her room, the reality of the situation finally sank in. I'd never felt like this before. I was so jealous of James that I wanted to run over to his bunk and beat the living shit out of him.

Fucking James.

James, who talked about Bella like she was a piece of meat, was doing what I wanted to do. He was going to take her out and show her a good time, while I sat at home and whacked off. He would probably get to kiss the lips that I wanted to kiss so badly it hurt. He didn't care about her. Not really. The way he talked about her was so disrespectful, yet he was the one she chose.

I wanted to punch something. I tried to remind myself that I cared for this woman and if he was what she wanted, I had to respect that.

No, fuck that.


A/N: OK, so I know you're pissed at them right now, but hang in there with me. It's all part of my master plan.

This chapter and the last one were my favorites to write because they accomplished two things: Bella's perceived rejection by Edward made her realize that she wants more out of life, and Edward realized that he has to fight for her.

Please leave me a review, even if you're pissed at me! LOL. They make my day and remind me that there's an audience out there. Plus, don't you want a teaser? There's also a teaser over on the Twilighted thread, so come chat!

Thanks to my betas, scsquared and TwiHeart, for helping me with this. I'm still so nervous with each chapter that I write. I need to chill out and not stress so much and they help me with that. Also, thanks to ellierk and Sunfeathers for pre-reading.

Next up, we'll see what happens on Bella's date with James…and what Edward does about it.