"So… back there? Was that all for my benefit?" Emma was close, but she wanted to be closer. God, he had smelled so good. Okay, she knew that her attraction for him had grown tenfold since the meeting. Or maybe she had just allowed herself to believe in the possibility at that point.

"All?" he had asked. He hadn't stepped back, but she had understood that he was still trying to come to terms with everything.

Emma had given a little shrug, brushing up against him. "Some?"

Killian had smiled. "A lot."

"Does that mean you're ready for me to be honest with you?" she had asked softly, looking up into those eyes. Those oh so beautiful blue eyes that had often been haunted by pain from the past. She wanted him to be ready.

"Emma, do you actually realize that I've been rather closed off… since Milah died?"

"I realize that," she had assured him. "And I also realize how big a step you've taken tonight."

"Emma." He had sounded worried.

"Yes?" Was he going to waver? Was he going to go back before they had the chance to begin?

"I like you." Killian's hands had finally wrapped around her waist, pulling her even closer to him.

His grip had been tight, as if he was trying to hold onto his sanity and his hold onto her was a link to that.

Emma had smiled, feeling as giddy as a little girl. "I like you, Killian." She had placed her hands on either of his arms. "I can handle this. Our past lives and all the emotions that have come from them. I like you that much, Killian."

"And I…" He took in a deep ragged breath. "I want to be able to handle this?" He had stared into her eyes, clearly looking for something. "Are you okay with that? Can you handle everything that we've learned about each other in group and a lot more?"

He had no idea how much she wanted just that.

"Yes, I can."

"Do you mind holding him, Em?"

Emma looked up from wiping down the counter to see Mary Margaret walking towards her with baby Leo in her arms. He was squirming all around with a frown on his cute and round face.

Being pulled away from her thoughts of that night had been bittersweet. She really enjoyed when her mind was filled with thoughts of him. Especially when they were so pleasantly accurate. As of late, they were all pretty nice thoughts…

"It's almost nap time and I need to warm up his bottle," Mary Margaret told her as she deposited the baby in her arms with a huff. "Thanks."

Emma looked down at the ten-month old infant now squirming around in her arms.

"Leo. Hi, Leo."

He looked up at her and smiled a toothy grin. Getting his attention had stopped the moving and it was replaced by nondescript baby babble.

She absolutely loved Leo. She loved his whole family as if they were her own. But sometimes, like now, it was kind of difficult to be around him so closely. Holding him brought back memories of her own failures in life.

This could have been my life. It almost was…

Emma shook her head at the turn her thoughts were trying to take, She held on tighter to the baby as she turned to watched Mary Margaret fish through her diaper bag, emptying out the contents to make up the bottle.

"So David and I are getting a babysitter tomorrow and are going on a night on the town," Mary Margaret told her excitedly. "How would you like to come?"

Emma looked down at Leo and smiled.

"They're getting rid of you."

Her friend laughed from behind her as she shook up the bottle of formula.

"Ok, we're getting rid of him for the night," she agreed.

"And there's no need for me to be a third wheel," Emma said as she allowed the baby to be slipped out of her arms.

"Third wheel? Emma!"

"You're getting a babysitter- one of the rarer events for you guys- and you want me to tag along with you?" She sighed. "Enjoy your evening, just the two of you."

"Maybe we just want to enjoy an adult night out with friends," Mary Margaret said. "Not some romantic evening. Do you mind if I lay Leo down on the couch while he naps?"

"Not at all." From where she stood she watched as Mary Margaret did just that.

Emma felt the vibration of her phone from inside her pocket.

"Who is it?" Mary Margaret asked.

"It's a text." The smile that popped on her face was instant as the notification came up that it was from him. "From…"

Hey, Emma. Busy?

She bit down on her lip, trying to contain the sudden happiness by just those three words.

"Who?"

Emma looked over at Mary Margaret to see that she had a curious look on her face. Most likely because Emma had not answered right away.

"Um… his name is Killian." She quickly texted back. Not too quick, right? There was nothing wrong with answering right back.

"Hm, who's Killian?" Mary Margaret shook her head. "And why does he have you smiling like that?"

Emma had not divulged any information of him to her friends just yet. She had seen no need to because, to be honest, she knew she had had a thing for him since day one. There was no point in sharing considering the predicament she found herself in. But things had changed now. There was something there.

Taking a deep breath as she stared at Mary Margaret, she answered, "I met this guy, who I really like a lot."

The stare she received from Mary Margaret was not what she had expected.

"You…" She stood from her seat and her eyebrows knitted together. "You met some guy that you really like?"

Their images mirrored each other because Emma, now in turn, frowned right back at her friend.

"But… what about Neal?"

Emma's phone vibrated in her hand. Her friend's question had thrown her for a loop, unsure of where she was going with her line of questioning. She raised the phone to read the new message.

At work, counting down the minutes before I leave. It's been one of those days again. How are you?

She was beginning to notice how his desk job was an anchor for Killian. He was not in the least bit happy there.

She glanced back at Mary Margaret.

"Neal's been gone over five months," she murmured softly.

"And you really think that's long enough to wait before you start getting excited about some other guy?"

Emma turned her focus back to her phone.

"You do realize that I'd known Neal only four weeks before we got married, right?" She didn't look back up. Instead, she began typing away on her keyboard.

"Well that's another reason why you shouldn't rush into something."

Emma's thoughts turned to her husband. She could forgive Mary Margaret's words of worry because Mary Margaret didn't know Emma's secret. She didn't know what had haunted Emma since the moment she learned of Neal's death or also the greater pain that soon followed. Neal, he hadn't deserved to die so young with a good life still ahead of him. He'd died trying to save the lives of others. He had died an honorable man, and she didn't fault him for that. That didn't change the reality of what was to come had he not died that day. What it did do was force her into counseling to try to deal with her anguish

"I'll never forget Neal," she told Mary Margaret, "but don't you think I would know when the time was right to move on?"

Mary Margaret shook her head. "I only want what's best for you, Emma. You're my best friend. I worry about you."

And she didn't fault her friend for caring so much. "I know."

The phone vibrated again.

That's good. There was only a brief moment, enough time to read the message, before the next one came in. Would you like to get together later?

And the answer was a resounding "yes". She wondered how long he had thought about asking before he actually did.

We could do Netflix and takeout?

Emma looked back over at Mary Margaret. "I think he's going to come over after work."

"He's coming over here?" The surprise in her voice did not escape Emma. "How long has this been going on?"

She probably didn't need to know the connection they had to the support group. Not with the reaction she was having to what little she knew already.

"I've known him over two months," Emma answered. "We've just now started this timid journey of seeing if we can be more than just friends."

Very timid, Emma thought to herself. She was still pondering the absence of even the simplest of kisses after their date together. She knew that he had absolutely no interaction with any woman in any intimate way since Milah. She also knew that he had had no connection whatsoever with another woman in all that time. It still didn't deter her from wanting him to open up sooner rather than later to the possibility.

"Hm, that sounds promising," Mary Margaret said. "I take it that this is his idea and not yours, knowing you."

"Because if it were my idea," Emma started slowly, her head cocked to the side, "we'd be on our way to the chapel already?" She gave her a mirthless smile. The phone buzzed again. "Am I really that awful, Mary Margaret?"

"I did not mean it like that, Emma."

I'll come over straight from work. Is that fine?

Emma scanned all the open areas of the apartment. It was pretty much clean, but she wondered if she should take time to do some extra housework.

"How did you mean it then?" she asked, finally focusing on her friend.

"Only that I know you. I can see it in your face and in your body language as you text this guy… Killian… that you seem to really like him. And when you really like a guy you tend to move fast."

She knew Mary Margaret didn't mean anything hurtful by her words, but Emma's thoughts turned quickly to her marriage.

It hadn't been everything that she had thought it would be or everything she thought it could be. It wasn't that Neal was a bad guy. It was the mere fact of what Mary Margaret had brought up: she had known him for such a short time before they had tied the knot. They were getting to know each other at the same time they were learning to share their lives together. She had gotten married for the first time at the age twenty-seven and knew instantly of the mistake she had made. And yet, for more than two years, she had tried. She had tried really hard at being successful. Until the day she had stopped…

Emma wasn't Mary Margaret. She and Neal had never been her and David. And Emma envied so much of what her friends had. It was true love, no doubt. Sometimes it hurt to see the happiness.

Baby Leo was another stab in the heart. To see how their pair had grown into this beautiful and loving family while she lost everything had been almost too much to handle. Emma had tried very hard to not show it to her friends. It was her burden, not theirs. A burden of sadness and loneliness that she thought she would hold on to for far too long.

She had to fight those feelings of sadness with Mary Margaret watching her at the moment. Her thoughts had turned too sad. She didn't want that when Killian would be in her home for the first time ever tonight.

Killian.

"Do you enjoy the water?"

Emma had looked up at him. "What do you mean?"

"I'm an avid boater," Killian had explained, a smile appearing on his face almost immediately. "I absolutely love being out on the open water. I'm looking forward to that time of year again."

"I really haven't spent that much time boating. Sorry." She had smiled up at him. "You never mentioned that in group."

"Not directly," he had murmured. "At least not as of late."

His fingertips had trailed over her palm, just as she had imagined him doing before. This time it had been for real. This time it had felt so right and so nice.

"If I had my way then I would have made a career of it," he had continued. "Things just didn't work out that way."

Emma had wondered what else went with that thought.

"My idea of a fun day that includes water is lying on the beach and gazing out at the scenic view before me."

"That's nice as well," Killian told her with a smile. "But just think of the view from the other side. You'll love it. I promise."

"You don't own your own boat, do you?" she had asked, surprised by even the thought that he was really that serious.

"Aye, I do." Killian's smile had spread across his face.

"So are you promising to take me on your boat when the weather breaks?" she had asked softly, her eyes glowed with wonderment. She had not known how to feel about him making any plans that involved her that was in the future tense.

Killian's fingers had intertwined with her. "Yes. Thinking about it is one of the things that makes the office job bearable. I'm sure you'll enjoy it as well."

There was still pain there, but he was easing up and letting her in. And it was amazing to be there in that moment with him…

"Don't worry, Mary Margaret," Emma told her softly. Her thoughts still fluttered around the previous day. "It's different with him."

Killian looked over at the clock sitting on the corner of his desk. Fifty-five minutes and counting…

It wasn't that today had been any worse than any other day. It was the fact that he was still here in this office, this pit of despair which was now his life. Not that it hadn't been for a long time now. It still didn't make it any easier.

With the end of this day, though, there came a special gift. He didn't know what had gave him the courage to text her near the end of his day. Perhaps it was the fact that conversations with her had always been so easy. Having someone to talk to who didn't obsess over his personal issues had been a breath of fresh air. His attraction to her only heightened that feeling.

Not busy at all, she had texted back. What's up?

Ease. Even though the attraction was so strong that it could have been too much, Emma made it easy. And he knew that it was for his benefit. All the more reason why he wanted to give this a real shot.

Well everything has been fine on my end.

Again, it was the way she made him feel at ease. It was the way she handled and carried herself that made him actually yearn for more. And that was the reason why he had quickly texted her back about maybe getting together that evening.

Yes.

It was the moments where Milah invaded his mind and mixed with those thoughts of Emma. Would she have approved? Ruby may have believed so, but Killian wasn't always for sure.

Why was it so easy to go from the feeling of wonderment of trying something new and commiserating in the pain of the past?

Long and sinewy arms wrap languidly around his neck. Soft kisses make their way across his collarbone, leaving a trail of sparks along their way.

Soft murmurs of everlasting love leaves her lips and funnel into his ear.

His arms close around her waist, bringing her all the closer to him. Loving the scent of her skin, he inhaled the aroma that he cannot get enough of/

Lazy weekend mornings were always the best, with her curled snuggly against his body.

"Can we just stay like this for the rest of the day?" She had looked up at him with a demure smile, hoping against all hope that he would agree.

Her lips fell softly against his, an utterly sweet and loving kiss shared between man and wife.

It was those thoughts that muddled his brain. Thoughts of his sweet Milah. Thoughts of a woman who was no longer there.

And the pain seeped through his entire body in a way that he felt it would never leave.. A physical ache that lingered, making him twist and writhe in hopes of finding comfort.

That's when his future seemed so indeterminate. So unclear of what his life would one day be.

Killian wanted to push those doubts and uncertainties away. He just wasn't sure how, if at all, it would be possible.