VII: Aggression


"Love does not claim possession, but gives freedom." -Tagore


They parted ways after their coffee, the two of them separating to allow Leon to return to Claire's side as friends and well wishers began to arrive at the hospital. Jill found Sheva waiting in the hallway as some of Claire's work friends were in the room with the new mother seeing the new baby.

Jill approached her carefully.

"Hi."

Sheva smiled, gently. "Hi."

"I want to apologize to you, Sheva, for last night."

Jesus, Sheva thought desperately, DON'T. I'm the whore who slept with your husband. Don't apologize to me. I don't deserve it.

"Chris and I have been separated for a long time," Jill explained awkwardly. "We separated for the right reasons. Things between us…they were tough for awhile. But after Africa, I thought we'd…maybe find our way back to each other. He came all that way for me, ya know?"

"Yes." Sheva said quietly.

"And then…well I see how he looks at you. I'm not a fool. I know there's something there."

"Jill…you don't have to-"

"No, listen, please." Jill shifted in the long green hallway. It was a standard hospital hallway, done in greens and blues for comfort to the eyes. Pictures of baby feet lined the walls up and down the hallway scattered in between bouncing balloons and ribbons on doorways signaling the births of new life. Jill was a bright spot of color in the sedate surroundings, wearing a hot pink sweater over black slacks. The color suited her pale skin perfectly. "Whatevers happened between you, whatever is happening…I don't have any right to ask you to not pursue it. I don't know you. And Chris and I aren't really together anymore. I'm sure you're a nice person who would be good to him. So I shouldn't ask…but I am. I'm asking you not to pursue him. I'm not even saying you are. But I think he might. So…shit…I don't know what I'm saying."

Sheva touched Jill's arm gently. "It's okay. I understand. And I can tell you truthfully that I'm not trying to be with him. I…I might have wanted to. I might have thought about it. But being here, seeing him with Eve, with you, knowing how hurt and confused he is…" Knowing that I already fucked up, Sheva added painfully in her head. "I'm not going to come between that. I can't. I won't. So please…don't worry. I can't blame you for being a bitch. I deserved it." I still do.

Jill smiled a little. "No you didn't. But I can promise you I won't be anymore. You saved his life in Africa, he's alive because of you. Hard to hate someone who not only helped save you but also kept alive the man you love."

Jesus, Sheva thought, this had to be the worst conversation she'd ever had. More and more she felt like a home wrecker. Should she confess? Who would benefit from that? Her? Certainly not Jill. Not even Chris. It would likely ruin their chances of getting back together. And Chris was a mess already. Having his wife kick him to the curb permanently wasn't the way to help him.

What had Leon's advice been? Learn from your mistakes? She was going to try very hard to do that.

Jill sighed. "Time to go see that baby, I guess."

Sheva affected a big smile. "He's adorable."

"I'm sure." Jill moved into the room to see her new nephew leaving Sheva in the hallway to feel like the whore of Babylon.

As if that wasn't bad enough, Chris Redfield was coming down the hallway toward her with his daughter in tow. RUN! Her mind bellowed but she held her ground. She had to make things right between them. She was here to help him nut run away from him like he had the bubonic plague.

She'd fucked up so far since she'd gotten here but she was going to do the best she could to set things right. Starting with atoning for her actions with Chris and then doing everything she could to see him reunited with his wife and daughter. It was the only way she knew to make things right.

Eve waved at her before entering the room to see her new cousin. Chris lingered, informing his daughter he'd be right behind her.

When the door closed, he approached Sheva cautiously.

"Sheva…listen…about last night-"

"It's okay. It's done. It happened. It's over. I didn't say anything to Jill." Sheva turned to start down the hallway. "Go see your nephew. Don't think about it anymore."

Chris looked stuck somewhere between confusion, relief, and insult. "I was going to tell Jill."

Alarmed, Sheva stopped at the elevator and turned to face him. "Are you crazy?"

Chris's brows went up into his hair. "Apparently. I thought that's what you wanted."

"No!" Sheva hissed between her teeth and then glanced up and down the hallway to make sure no one was around to hear them. "No I don't. We made a mistake. A bad one. Your WIFE just asked me not to try for anything with you. She wants you back. I'm not going to fuck that up any more then I already have."

Chris followed her onto the elevator and the doors pinged shut, sealing them in.

"I don't know if I want her back."

Sheva met his eyes with exasperation. "You chased her ghost for a year, Chris. You never gave up hope she was alive. What's changed? Was it last night? Because last night was a mistake. A bad call. If anything, it was a relief from the tension between us. We were attracted. We acted on it. It was wrong and stupid and we can't take it back. But we can sure as hell learn from it."

Chris narrowed his eyes as she escaped from the elevator and started toward the lobby doors on the main floor of the hospital. They exited out of the hospital into the cold. The doors swished open revealing a massive parking lot covered in snow turned dirty from wheels and cars and traffic. Nurses and doctors in multicolored scrubs came and went with other patrons of the hospital, pushing wheel chairs and carrying giftbags.

"What's changed?" Chris asked gruffly as he gripped her arm to stop her from crossing the parking lot to escape him. "From last night to now, what's changed? You wanted more from me last night. You were pissed when I couldn't give you a straight answer. Why the change of heart?"

Sheva tried to shake off his hand but he wouldn't let go. "I like your wife. I like your daughter. I'm not a home wrecker. I think last night you slept with me because you wanted to feel something besides the pain you've been dwelling on since Africa. I think any woman in your bed would have been good enough. Do I think you like me? Sure. We were partners. We clicked. I like you too. I'm obviously attracted to you. But I'm not a fool. We aren't meant to be anything more then friends. We can't be. I meant what I said last night, I won't be what stands between you and your family. I won't allow you to shit on ten years of marriage, a daughter, a life for me. I won't."

"You seemed okay with it when I was inside you last night. I didn't hear you crying out in sympathy for my wife then."

And there, she thought, there was another reason she wouldn't be with him. That cruel streak. She hated that about him. Hated it. And part of her was starting to hate him as well.

Sheva jerked hard on her arm but he still didn't let go.

"Listen, I came here to help you. I messed up sleeping with you. I let myself believe we had something. Turns out it was just confusion over our time in Africa. You're not the man now you were then. And maybe it's the PTSD. I don't know. But there's something in you that's more then broken. It's ugly. You can't stand there and tell me you'd throw away your marriage for me. I'm not that good a lay. And if you want to throw away your marriage, don't pretend its for me. Do it because you don't love your wife anymore." Sheva tried once more to free her arm but Chris simply grabbed her other one to hold her still. There was such rage on his face, such utter and complete rage. And beneath the rage was a pain so deep, so wide, so bottomless it scared her to death.

"You bitch," He hissed darkly and it made her belly cramp with something close to fear, "You fucking bitch. Do you think any of this is easy for me? Do you think I went to bed with you without considering everything-EVERYTHING in my life? Every fucking day I wake up and part of me feels like its dying. I've got this bleeding, bottomless hole in me that is like an ulcer with teeth that's trying to eat my soul. I don't know how to make it stop. I survived Raccoon City, I survived Rockfort Island, I've survived things that would make your eyes bleed if you saw it. And I've never hurt like this. I thought sleeping with you, bringing something new into my life would help. But it turns out it just makes it worse. Because I love my wife. And for the first time in my life, I'm not sure that I want to be with her. And that…that's YOUR fault."

God! She was simultaneously heart broken for him and afraid of him. She wanted to help him. She just didn't know how. She wanted to take back last night. She wanted to take back all of it…wait…not all of it. Not Leon. She'd never take that back.

And that was the moment she knew she was falling in love with Leon Kennedy.

Something on her face wasn't what Chris wanted to see because he shook her roughly, causing her teeth to clack together.

"You don't care! Do you? You don't care about what you've done to me."

Jesus he was so broken. So broken. How did she help him? How could she have come into his life this way and made it so much worse for him? How could she fix it?

"Chris," She whispered it, "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. Don't you understand? I didn't know. I didn't. And you..we…what happened…it wasn't meant to hurt you. Or hurt me. Or hurt anyone. I'd take it back if I could. I would. I'd take it back and take Africa back and take it all back. But I can't. I can't Chris. I can't. I don't know how to help you."

Chris shook her again. "You want to help me? Give me my life back. Give me MYSELF back. And get out of my head so I can figure it the fuck out."

"If I could, I would." Sheva gasped as he shook her again, hard enough she knew her arms would be bruised. "If I knew how, I would. You have to believe me."

"You bitch," Chris hissed again, "You bitch. I don't want to feel anything for you. I don't want to know that I'm hurting you. Hurting Jill by thinking about you. Hurting myself because I don't know what the fuck I'm feeling. I'm tired of all of it."

"Then let me go," Sheva pleaded as he shook her again, "Let me go. Let it all go."

"Tell me how!" Chris nearly shouted in her face. "Tell me how to let it go!"

"You can start by taking your fucking hands off her."

The voice was loud in the silence of the night around them. They were surrounded by the empty carcasses of forlorn and snow covered cars. The lights over head were muted and lost to the darkness that encased the world in a blanket of sadness and shadow. Snow had begun to fall, thick and wet, mixing with the tears on Sheva's face as she stared into the well of Chris Redfield's grief and died inside for him.

Leon stood there, shrouded in shadow and dull yellow from the street light high above them. Beyond him the hospital stood like a beacon, blinking lights and windows lit with the lives and emotion of those dwelling beyond them. Inside the goliath of steel and stone, people went about their days with a single minded determination to procure happiness and hope in the cycle of life that began with a baby and ended with a corpse. Here, in the darkness of the parking lot, life was stalled; standing on an inevitable precipice of pregnant chance.

So many things were about to change for the three people so tightly wound in confusion and happen stance. So many things that affected so many more people and most of them were gathered in a joyful moment inside the hospital that was so close in body and so far away in soul.

Chris released her, turning to face the other man.

Sheva moved, lifting a hand to hold off either of them. And she knew the fact that she stood between them now wasn't lost on any of them.

"Leon, everything is fine here. Chris is suffering. I'm trying to help him."

Leon laughed and it was as cold, as dark, as the night around them. "Yeah. Yeah he's suffering. And because he can't process his own emotions he's taking it out on you. He's making you his scape goat. And I don't care how deep, how wide, how hopeless his pain is…he doesn't get to lay a hand on you like that. Not now. Not ever again."

Chris took a step toward him. "I owe you the ass kicking of a life time, Kennedy. You come to collect?"

Sheva could feel their boiling energies like twin pits of hell. Chris was burning her up on one side with his rage. It was a scalding, scathing, skin peeling blaze of heat that should have set her hair on fire. Leon was like an arctic blast on her other side, cold and calm and cool as the grave and twice as scary.

"I'm not going to fight you, Redfield. Not here. Not now. But if you ever touch her again like that, I'm going to forget that your sister is my best friend. I'm going to forget that you're hurting and temporarily retarded with pain. And I'm simply going to shove your head so far up your stupid ass that every time you open your mouth to breathe, you're going to inhale your own shit."

Nicely graphic, Sheva thought blankly, and disgusting.

"Oh yeah?" Chris taunted, "And on that day, I'll get up out of my wheelchair and do a dance."

Sheva couldn't help it, she couldn't. She laughed.

The tension broke like someone had tossed a whoopee cushion into the middle of them and stepped on it.

She shook her head in the darkness. "As much as I'm enjoying this display of testosterone, I'm going to leave you guys here to do whatever you feel necessary to prove who has the bigger dick." She started back toward the hospital. "At least you're at the hospital if one of you breaks a bone."

In the cold night air, breath fanned out like fog. Chris shifted, feeling his skin pop in goose bumps from the brush of inert wind. Leon, damn his eyes, looked unruffled in the freezing chill.

"It's not her fault," The rookie said quietly when Sheva disappeared from their view, "You can't blame her because you're fucked up."

Chris shrugged a little but he made no move to head back inside.

"She would have loved you, you know. If you'd shown any sign of wanting that. That girl would have loved you."

Chris turned, met his eyes, and though they were arctic blue, in the dark they looked black. There was no sympathy on Leon Kennedy's face. There was no understanding or empathy or pity. In a way, it was refreshing. Chris had spent months being looked at like he was one step away from slitting his wrists.

Leon rocked on his heels with his hands in his pockets. "They'll tell you things will get easier. That you'll start to come back from the edge. They'll say the brink of madness is farther away with each day that passes."

Chris held that dark, intent gaze.

"They lie." Leon finished quietly. "It doesn't get easier. But it gets better. Because you only have two choices: give up or get the fuck over it."

"You say that like its easy."

"It's not easy. But it's simple. I didn't have a daughter or a wife or a woman who was willing to fly half way around the world to help me. You do. Get the fuck over it for them. Because they deserve it."

Chris stared off into the night for a long moment before he answered. "How? How do I get over it? How do I forget?"

"You never forget."

Chris turned on him like an angry whirlwind. "Then how? Huh? How do you get over it? Come on, Buddha, impart some of that great wisdom to me. Tell me how to enlighten myself."

"I don't have the answer."

"Then what fucking good are you?" Chris advanced, Leon didn't retreat. They were toe to toe in the darkness now and though Leon wasn't short, he wasn't as tall, as big, or as frightening a presence as the other man. He also wasn't the least bit afraid. "You show up, play god, make a fucking move on a woman you know means something to me, and leave me with nothing. What good are you?"

Interesting, Leon thought, that even in the midst of his madness, Chris was aware he'd made a move on Sheva. At the end of the day, it meant the observant Chris Redfield was still somewhere in the shell of a man he'd become.

"I didn't make a move on Sheva," Leon said quietly, "She made a move on me."

The hit was solid, hard, right in the face and like a freight train from hell. Leon took it, feeling his already sore mouth burst with blood as his teeth threatened to break from the force of it. It was a good hit and would have broken his jaw if he hadn't stepped back enough to reduce the brunt of it.

As it was, the hit spun him sideways, had his hand coming up to clap over his mouth as he hunched, spitting blood into the dirty snow.

"Feel better?" He queried, feeling Chris's presence towering above his hunched form like the wrath of god. "Does it help to hit me?"

"Yeah. Yeah it helps. Say it again, douchebag. Say it again."

"I didn't come on to her."

"Liar." Chris kicked him in the stomach so hard Leon nearly threw up from the pain of it. He hit his hands and knees on the ground, gasping for air as pain radiated up his ribs. He coughed repeatedly hoping Chris hadn't ruptured something from the force of it.

Jesus the man was strong. Leon figured he was getting half watt Chris Redfield strength at best. If this was half watt, he was afraid to think about how hard full force was.

"Come on, Kennedy, get up and fight. Show me some of that legendary skill I hear so much about. Do a fancy flip kick on me or a powerhouse back kick."

"No." Leon pushed himself to his knees. "Not gonna fight you. No reason to. I'm not mad at you, Chris. And I didn't steal your woman."

"Bullshit! You show up and less then six hours later she's running into the barn with you like some well paid whore. You're not that fucking charming, Kennedy. Which means you manipulated her. How'd you do it? What'd you do?"

Leon Kennedy was called the Iceman. He was cold, calculating, a perfectly engineered machine. He was also a man. And no man wants to have his manhood questioned. Ever. So he reacted like a man even though he knew it was the wrong thing to say.

"I tongue fucked her until she begged me to stop."

He didn't take the hit this time, he deflected it. As the fist came down, Leon's arm came up, sweeping it to the side. His body came up at the same time, shoulder catching Chris in that massive middle. Leon shoved him back in a classic football tackle and finished rising to his feet.

"I'm gonna kill you, you flat ass preppy wimp."

"Go ahead. It won't take your pain away. It won't make Sheva want you anymore. And it won't bring back the dead." Leon shifted and they circled each other like caged animals. "I won't let you whip my ass. I don't want to fight you, Chris. But I'm sure as hell not gonna let you beat me bloody."

"You keep your hands off her. You understand? Or I'll use every one of your fingers on you in the world's worst prostate exam."

"Nice threat, hero. Let's hope your fist fighting skills aren't as bad as your dialogue."

Leon was sort of surprised at himself. He wasn't given to taunting people but the idea of being told to never touch Sheva again…it lit a fire in his belly he hadn't felt in a long time. And he couldn't seem to look at the other man without thinking about him touching her, loving her, kissing her and it made him nearly white hot with rage.

They rushed each other at the same time.

Chris swung in a beautiful hook narrowly missing Leon's face as he ducked, delivering an uppercut at the same time that landed in the other man's solar plexus. Chris grunted but didn't go down and Leon admitted it was like striking steel.

Chris caught Leon's fist and jerked him forward so he stumbled. He aimed a downward kick at Leon's knee cap as he stumbled, trying to dislocate it. Leon twisted and the kick slid down his shin, bruising but not breaking anything.

Leon spun back throwing an elbow over his shoulder to connect with Chris's chin. Chris released him, stumbling back from the pain.

"You want to play dirty?" Leon queried, steadying himself as the other man did the same. "I can do that."

They grappled for several minutes. One ducked, one parried, they exchanged blows to the chest and stomach. Chris put him in a head lock, Leon countered with a barely missed knee to the groin. Leon got Chris in an elbow lock between his shoulder blades, Chris escaped by hooking his ankle around Leon's and spilling them both to the ground with a following fist to the face.

Chris was a brawler, built for strength and endurance but he wasn't fast. He couldn't be, given his size. Leon was agile, slim and made for speed. If Chris got him down and incapacitated, it was over. His only chance was to out maneuver him.

Chris bum rushed him.

Leon waited, timed it, and dropped at the last second. He went onto his back, lifted his feet up, planted them in Chris's stomach and pushed.

The speed, the force of it and Chris's own momentum served to toss him up and into the air. The other man was airborne for a handful of seconds before he came down.

But he also had enough training to fall into a nice roll as he did, skidding for a moment before he came to his feet again.

So Chris was big, built for strength, but still agile. Apparently his training was still there under his grief.

Leon didn't wait for him to find his balance, he rushed the other man. He spun back and Chris caught his leg before the back kick could connect, spinning him away and delivering a kick to the ass that was more insult then injury.

Leon countered, dropping into a low sweep kick that swept the other man's legs out from under him. Chris hit his back, rolling to the side before Leon could succeed in stomping his chest. Leon's boot hit the snow inches from where Chris had been moments before.

Chris caught Leon's foot, twisted his ankle painfully and jerked. Leon collapsed to his hands and one knee in the dirty snow. His ankle screamed with the pain of it and Chris knew just how to hold it to make it excruciating but not breaking.

"Uncle?" Chris queried, applying more pressure to that ankle.

In answer, Leon pushed off the ground with his hands, twisting his free leg up as he propelled off the ground. Chris had both hands on his other foot and couldn't stop the boot that flew at his face as Leon's body twisted like a pretzel.

The boot caught his face, the twisting of Leon's bulk threw him sideways and Chris let go as he hit the ground on his side, his jaw throbbing.

The rookie was good, he'd give him that. Chris rolled onto his back.

Leon stuck his boot on Chris's chest to hold him down. "Uncle?"

Chris grabbed his ankle and pulled it hard up and out. Leon tried to hold his balance but couldn't and Chris kicked his other leg out from under him.

They were suddenly both on their backs, feet to feet, in the dirty snow.

"Uncle," Chris said finally into the silence split only by their heavy breathing, "Uncle…you fucker."

"Right back at ya."

"You fight like a girl."

"Really?" Leon answered weakly, "I heard you fuck like one."

"Touche', asshole."

Leon and Chris both got to their feet carefully and did what men do when they've brawled, battled, beat each other bloody and walked away: they shook hands.

"Sheva is not your woman," Leon stated as they released their hand shake, "Your woman is inside right now looking at your brand new nephew. She loves you, she wants you back, and you went halfway around the world for her. You went through all of this, for her. Can you honestly tell me one night with another woman changes that?"

Chris shifted as they started toward the hospital doors. "I don't know. Sheva deserves better then that. Jill does too. But I can't just take my wife back because its the right thing to do."

"You're right. You have to love her to do that. Do you love her?"

At that moment, Jill emerged from the hospital room they were approaching. She carried the baby in her arms. There was a softness, a sweetness, a lightness to her face Chris hadn't seen since she'd come back from Africa.

He'd been so wrapped up in himself, he'd never once asked her what she'd seen, what'd she'd done under Wesker's control. He'd never once considered her at all. And it hurt him to know how badly he'd shut her out in her greatest hours of need.

That she still loved him at all was a mystery.

No…it was a miracle. And he didn't deserve any of it.

"Yeah," He said quietly, "I love her."

Leon laid a hand on his shoulder. "Then make it right."

Jill's smiling face lifted from the baby…and abruptly changed to shock. "What the hell happened to you two!?"

Leon passed her, headed toward the bathroom. He heard Chris answer, "We had…a talk. It's all good now."

And it would be, as soon as Chris forgave himself enough to make it that way.

The good news one: tonight he'd connected with his own pain, he'd cleared his path, now he just had to find the strength to walk it.

And Leon figured it was about time he started walking his own.