SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY SORRY! I feel TERRIBLE for not updating earlier! *more in the authors note at the end* OH AND This chapter heh heh…kinda gets intense towards the end, just sayinggggg

CHAPTER 4: All I Know Is Pouring Rain…

He was pulling her hand, jerking her out of whatever thought she had on his outburst, and dragging Jenna out the door. His legs were still a little wonky and she had to more than once tell him to avoid that wall or stop tripping over his own toes, and for some reason, even though she was more than capable of staying behind and holding him steady, she let this wild boy draw her along.

They were outside now, in her backyard, quite unlikely to have a backyard in house this close to the city, but what can she say, she got lucky. And she felt so lucky now, here under the stars, with a boy who felt like danger, and with a night that felt like relief; Relief from the grief's she had, relief from her mind, her lies, Jasper, the past, him, just relief; pure, untouchable relief. She knew she should be worried about the way Matt had been eyeing her, the forbidden sense of desire obviously shrouded in his eyes. She knew she should be worried about the way he had that outburst, such unfiltered emotion- completely unusual for Matt, a first she might think. It let her to the feeling that he wasn't completely composed tonight; there was hidden message, a hidden plunge, one that was going to change everything.

All I know is we said, "Hello."
So dust off your highest hopes

"It's beautiful isn't it?" Matthew said, staring up at the sky, which was unusually clear. There was something about the way the air was moving, that led him closer to Jenna, her petite hands automatically wrapping around his slender ones.

"It is. I've never really seen the stars like this." Her eyes stared at the constellations above, as she continued to talk," I used to love to go stargazing, but then it just seemed that-"her brow furrowed.

"-You never have the time anymore." He finished, knowing the exact feeling. With scripts to be memorized, autographs to be signed, and so many scenes to be filmed, time can escape anyone. Matt wasn't watching the stars anymore though, he was watching her and how she had just so subtly opened up to him a bit more. His fingers were pulling out his phone and pressing shuffle as the music poured out and her hands grabbed his, both of them automatically swaying almost as if she had predicted what was going to happen. Later he would wonder what would have happened if she hadn't decided to take the first move.

When I had you to myself
I didn't want you around
Those pretty faces always make you
Stand out in a crowd

"Oh my god, no." she whisper laughed as she heard the tunes of her childhood jam over the speakers of his phone, stepping away from Matt for a second.

"What? Do you not like…'I Want You Back' by the Jackson Brothers. Oi! It's a classic you know." He said finally realizing the tune, the familiar tempo.

"No, no, it's not that, I love them really. Honestly it's just as a teenager I used to dance to this song everywhere. "She paused reminiscing the times her mum used to yell at her to turn the volume down, "Literally, up in my room I used to just be jumping around and singing into my hairbrush. There was just something about this song that made me want to have fun and dance and just go crazy and live."

But some one picked you from the bunch
One glance was all it took
Now it's much too late for me
To take a second look

"Well then," he said grabbing her once again, a small yelp escaping from Jenna, and Matt smiled, it was so adorable and cute and perfect and he wanted to kiss her so bad. But he didn't because, even in his drunken state there was something telling him to stop from taking it so far. "Let's have fun and dance and just go crazy and live."

Oh baby give me one more chance
Won't you please let me
Back in your heart
Oh darling I was blind to let you go

But now since I see you in his arms

"I Want You Back, Oh I do now." She sang along and he twirled her around, her loose robe winding around her like a dress, and he was singing with her then, "I want you back
Ooh ooh baby ". It was unlike anything before, this rush of emotion at her, with his lean arms around her, his slender frame so close to hers, nothing separating them but…what was separating them?

The song ended with their laughter echoing well above the sound of Matt's poor iPhone could play, leading them to just hum along and sway in each other's arms.

"This is so prom night, don't you think?" murmured Matt, as the music stopped and the breeze guided them in each other's embrace.

"If it was a pajama prom sure, because I'm pretty sure I'd never go to prom in my underwear." Jenna giggled, and Matt tried to ignore the blush that ran across his cheeks. He'd almost forgotten that she was in her night clothes. On a normal day, he'd be far more than flustered and step away from her almost at once, but tonight, he found himself leaning closer, inhaling the scent of lavender and Jenna as the night drew on. The fluttering in heart was growing stronger and stronger with each moment passing by, until the sound of his heart echoed a drum.

Matt pulled back, his hand hesitantly cupping her doll-like face, so fragile, so mischievous, so much Jenna. He looked into her chocolate brown eyes, all words failing him. God, she was so beautiful. He knew it was cheesy, and he was probably far more than the usual drunk, but if anyone could ask him who was the prettiest, most beautiful, most perfect, girl in the whole of this cosmos he would say it was her, this impossible girl, who he wanted to know every inch of every second of every day. He wanted her, so much. All these jumbling thoughts of all things Jenna were buzzing in his head, as he stood there, his head tilted down, staring at her magnificence at this ungodly hour.

Jenna Louise Coleman was trying not to run as she saw Matthew Smith looking down at her, absolutely mesmerized by her every feature. She knew it was a mistake, letting her lead him on like that, and look where she was now. She was paralyzed. The memories of her past were back, and she was seeing his face instead. Matt's green brown eyes transform into ones that are ice blue. His floppy brown hair turns into the silky jet black in which she loves sliding her fingers through, she loved sliding her fingers through, and the crashing reality is coming back; that night, the mistakes, her fault her fault, herfault, faultfaultfaultfault.

She has to run. She knows it. He is haunting her again. She cannot stand here and let Matt give her what she know she wants, but then his face is getting closer and closer and she doesn't …oh my, she doesn't turn away. Her body doesn't want to. The next morning, she will wonder why she makes so many mistakes. Stupid Jenna, always screwing up, always letting the ones who love her get hurt. Stupid Jenna and her stupid selfish heart.

He is about to kiss her, he is, finally having the guts and drunken mind to do so, and she looks scared almost, confused, vulnerable, and angry, but his mind does not register any of this, will not remember any of this, but only the cold spray of water as the sprinklers turn on all around them, and her hands fist into his hair and crushing her lips to his, the heat between them unbelievably palpable.

All I know is pouring rain and everything has changed

They do not stop, the sprinklers doing nothing but egging them on, a passion is alive, one that Matt mistakes is love, one that Jenna knows is regret. Their clothes stick to them, as their lips clash in a frenzy, that is not beautiful in the least, only escape, as part of her knows he won't remember any of this in the morning.

"Jenna" Matt breathes, through this war, his lips peppering kisses along her neck, as she hurriedly tries to pull his shirt off, just before Matt stops her. "Not here, not here, it's wet and muddy, and –"

She understands, not missing a beat, muttering "my room, now." Matt's eyes widening at her aggressive, husky tone, so unlike the bubbly Jenna he encounters every day. He would be lying if he said he didn't like it. Taking-charge Jenna was so much more impossible to resist.

He scooped up her small, sexy, little body, bridal style, as she giggled and kissed him all the way past the dining hall. They never did get to the bedroom, stairs too much for Jenna she seemed, who wanted Matt right now. She pushed him against the wall of her living room, her hands pulling of his wet shirt, fingers tracing every outline, earning a groan out of Matt. Sure, he was enjoying himself but no way was he going to let her control everything.

Soon their roles were flipped, his lanky, lean body towering over hers, hoisting her legs around him. The tie around her robe that he had thought was off limits a few hours ago was quickly let loose, letting Jenna's robe to fall around her. Her hair is wet and drying, curling in these perfect waves around her, her tiny petite frame so beautiful and amazing and just oh god as he takes in every inch of her complexion.

Jenna tried not to squirm, wishing she had picked knickers that had matched her bra, but Matt's reliable voice once again in her ear, soothing and gentle, one that she greedily found solace in. "You are beautiful Jenna Louise Coleman, and don't you let anybody tell you otherwise."

His words left her staring at his disheveled hair, silky to touch, his dark green eyes, his pale skin, as he carried her over to the couch. She knew what was coming, but she didn't expect Matt to say,

"You don't have to do this you know? You don't. "

The words shook her ground , and her mouth flew out with "what?"

"I don't want to force you into doing anything, Jenna. Any other girl, probably would briefly mention this since I am uh Drunk, but with you, oh Jenna, I know you have secrets. You have so many secrets. And I want to know them all, because I can see you changing every time they come up, before you bury them quickly down again. " Matt was babbling now, he knew. But all his worries were coming out right before he was to make love to the girl of his dreams, and he just didn't fucking know why.

"Matt stop, stop." Jenna tried. She didn't want to hear it. She didn't want to hear the pity speech. She'd heard it enough. Enough with the people who knew what had happened, and now were just not willing to let it go.

That's what she always wanted. To let go. To move on. But how could someone move on… after what had happened?

She thought she could tonight, with Matt and sex and something like love, but pain demands to be felt. And she was so sick of feeling. One night, that's all she wanted. One CHANCE.

"Jenna, I worry about you. I love you, you know? I see you, when you don't think I'm looking. There is a strange sadness on your face. Of something lost, of something missing. I don't know what it is, but it probably has to do with the faint scars, on your thighs, yeah I noticed. I have noticed. I just thought your cat scratched you, but when I look now," matt glanced at her legs, as she tried to move away, but Matt's arms had trapped her body below him. "there are so many more. Jenna, Jenna, what happened to you? Why won't you say? I don't know, but I want to help you. I love you. I love you." He looked so much more confused now, his whole body felt so weak all of a sudden. Everything was hazy, he could barely move almost.

Jenna cried silently as she pushed him off her, easily now as the medicine had set in, laying him down on the couch, comfortably. He was going to be sleeping there after all.

"Matt, Matt, hush now, okay." She whispered, wiping her tears away. She hated the world. She hated everything.

"Jenna? Why are you so…why do I feel so…tired all of sudden? Jen, what's going on? Jen-?"

Jenna placed the blanket over his drowsy form. "Just sleep Matt. Sleep. Your tired and drunk and you need sleep okay?"

"No, I need you." He retorted and she tried not to wince. This is for the best Jenna, this is for the best.

"You don't need anyone Matthew Smith. And neither do I. Some people just need to be alone." She snapped, and he flinched.

She couldn't help it, she bent down and gave him one last kiss, the taste of him lingering on her tongue, something she would never forget.

Something he will never remember. She thought as she stood up, glancing down at Matthew Smith's sleeping form.

A QUICK NOTE FROM THE SUPER LATE AND STUPID AUTHOR

OH WELL THAT WAS INTENSE. I hope you liked it. It took me a while to find time to sit down and write all of it. CAN I JUST SAY, that I think I have some of the greatest readers in the world. Why?Well because you guys still reviewed even when I hadn't put up a chapter in ages, and you guys well I don't know, but whenever I feel like shit I just look at what you guys write to me, because your words, though to you may just be words, they mean so so so much to me. LITERALLY, I AM NOT EVEN JOKING. Then you guys, are always just so supporting and happy and nice and I WISH I COULD BAKE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF YOU CHEESECAKE BECAUSE YOU GUYS ARE JUST SO BRILLIANT. I don't think I can say that enough. Thank you. THANK YOU.

I am so humble and happy that you guys actually like what I write, because I have never been confident in what I write, speaking of, again if you guys have anything to say, any feedback, criticism, ANYTHING at all PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW/PM ME ! REVIEW OKAY, I read every single one of them :) You guys have some really good points, and as an author I appreciate everything you say!ALSO I APPRECIATE EVERY FOLLOW/FAVORITE LITERALLY 77 follows!? That makes my day :)

Honestly, I wish I could say I knew when I'm going to update next…. It's just really hard to find time, but fear not I will find time. I promise it will not be more than a month. The story is just getting started :D

Anyway, I hope you liked this chapter, I know I had some fun times writing it. What do YOU think is going to happen next? LET ME KNOW IN THE REVIEWS/PM?

Thanks for sticking with me again my lovelies :3

Margo xx

Ps: for those who want my tumblr it is ohmyharrystyles (that's my url) just add the dot –tumblr-dot-com after it :) It's my main blog so you can talk to me there too (yeah I am a one directioner, it just seems that everything that's british has a strange appeal to me #edsheeran #doctorwho #1D #jacksgap)