Disclaimer: I do not own Resident Evil, and I told myself that if I said something else about you people that think otherwise, then I would have to give Jesus Christ a blow-job, and I'm really not into that sort of thing so I'll have to steer clear of that.
Author's note: I think I am going to change the rating. You know, just in case.
Hour 5 of 24I was sitting with my back against the couch, rubbing the marks on my arm where Julie had tased me repeatedly. Alfred was sitting on the floor laughing at me with that girlish laugh of his. Ashley was trying to tell Leon all about her day at the mall yesterday. Leon was begging Chris for one of his socks, since he was all out. Jill was still looking down at herself, wondering if that surgery had been a bad idea. Julie was trying to recharge the battery of her taser. And as I rubbed my arm, I could hear Wesker waking up behind me.
"I'm going to kill you," he muttered groggily.
"Yes, good luck with that," I said unconcerned. "I think I about OD'd you with sedative."
"Is that was that was? I can hardly breathe."
"Ooh, wanna play doctor?" I asked.
"No, not really."
"Nikki, quit trying to get in Wesker's pants when I'm in here, it's making my eye twitch," Julie called from her spot in the shadows.
"Oh, suck it up," I said. Julie sighed. Wesker rolled his eyes and sat up on the couch, finding his sunglasses in his pocket and putting them on. He looked down, pausing for a moment.
"Why are my pants unzipped?" He shot me a withering look.
"I swear it wasn't me!" I exclaimed, flustered. Chris looked away and started whistling again. All eyes turned to him.
"Do you have a zipper fetish or something?!" Julie said, laughing.
"Um…Maybe."
Wesker went even paler than he already was, which I didn't think possible, speechless.
"Don't worry, he didn't do anything," Julie said.
"Yeah," I chimed in. "He wouldn't have had time to do anything other than just unzip your pants."
"I don't really care," Wesker said, though he had regained some of his color. "It's the fact that another man put his hands near my crotch that perturbs me."
I giggled and whispered to Julie, "Wesker said 'crotch'." Julie ignored me.
"So. You're not gay?" Alfred inquired.
"No."
"Not even bisexual?"
"No. Why?"
"No reason," Alfred said, sounding disappointed. Ashley was the first to jump to correct conclusions.
"You have a crush on Wesker!" she said as she pointed to Alfred.
"I do not!" he complained.
"Come within three yards of me, and I'll punch you so hard it'll look like you play hockey," Wesker said, glaring at Alfred. "Damn fairy."
Alfred whimpered and backed as far away from Wesker as he could.
"Don't worry Alfred," I said. "It's okay to be gay."
"I'm not gay!"
"You so are!" Jill said.
"You even smell like gay," Leon added. Everybody looked at him.
"What does gay smell like?" Ashley asked.
"You know, just like a…Well, just a gay smell in general."
"My gay-dar goes off just looking at him," Chris said.
"You of all people would know gay," Julie said. "And I'm curious. What kind of gay-dar are you talking about? One that belongs to a gay person when he's attracted to another male, or just one that tells you who's gay?"
"I'm not gay! And I don't like him like that!" Chris argued.
"Alright, new rule!" Wesker shouted. "If any male comes within three yards of me, or even tried to talk to me, they die." Chris and Leon backed away.
"Homophobe," Julie said to Wesker. He ignored her.
"Who died and made you king?" I asked.
"Nobody, at least not yet. Would you like me too change that?"
"Um, no. Just…Never mind."
Julie started laughing. I gave her a questioning look.
"Come over here so I can tell you something, Nikki!" she shouted.
"Why do I have to get up?"
"Because I don't want Wesker to kill me."
I got up and went over to her, and she whispered something in my ear. I giggled.
"What?" Jill asked. I just shook my head.
"Tell us what she said!" Ashley and Leon said at the same time. Leon hit the back of his head on the wall as Ashley told him that he owed her a soda.
"Are you at least going to tell me?" Wesker asked.
"Alright, fine. But don't shoot the messenger.
He leaned forward and I whispered in his ear, "She said that if you and Alfred were in a prison together, you'd probably knock his soap onto the floor."
"I most certainly would not!" Wesker said defensi9vely.
Julie grinned from the corner. "Uh-huh."
What did shee say?" Alfred asked.
"Nothing," Wesker growled. "She said nothing."
"Oh, chill out," I said. "You know she really doesn't think that, she's just trying to annoy you." I sat down next to him. Julie shot me a look that I couldn't read.
"Well, it worked," Wesker said.
"I want to know what she said!" Ashley shrieked. Leon tackled her and stuffed the sock that Jill had given him down Ashley's throat.
To be continued
A/N: If I get no reviews, you will get no more chapters. Also, I mean no offense to the gay community, as I myself am half gay. Go, gay! (waves flag) Though, I'm a half-gay girl, not a half-gay guy. I had to say that last bit so you wouldn't think I'm some transsexual that wishes he was a girl.
Now, review! Good or bad, I want to hear it, just don't bull shit me. If youy think this chapter sucked, tell me.
