Journal Entry #7

I've been searching, what feels like, the entire internet for a week now for anything to do with getting in touch with Peter Van Houten and yesterday, I finally found something. I discovered that he has an assistant called Lidewij Vliegenthart, so naturally, I emailed her. I didn't think I would get a reply so soon, but this afternoon (after only emailing four hours before!), I checked my emails and sure enough, there was a reply from Peter Van Houten himself! Without even reading it, I called Hazel Grace. I decided that I wasn't gonna tell her right away, just to surprise her. I called but there was no answer so I figured she was busy and decided to read through the email (in case there were any traces of possible disappointment) until she called me. I played it out a little; talking about AIA and debating over it until I finally read her the email. The joy in her voice sent my heart racing. I was smiling like an idiot but I played it cool whilst I spoke to her. She was so happy, and I was so happy that I was kind of the reason behind her happiness. Like Isaac, this girl deserves to be happy. I gave her his email address and left her to write her own reply to Van Houten. She called me back a couple of hours later and we stayed up late talking about AIA and she read me this poem by Emily Dickinson (she has such a beautiful reading voice. I could listen to her read all night). Then I started telling her about the poem in the beginning of The Blood Approves and got kind of personal when I asked her when the last time she had a good kiss was. As soon as I said it, I wish I hadn't. I didn't want her to think I was coming on too strong. I really respect this girl. She paused and for a moment I thought I had maybe gone too far until she finally spoke again. Then we got into talking about Caroline when she asked me about my last good kiss. She was sympathetic, but I don't want her to be. I didn't tell her about Caroline for her sympathy, I told her because I wanted to. I don't want to keep anything from Hazel Grace, if she likes me now (and god, I hope she does!), I want her to continue liking me knowing absolutely everything there is to know. But now for a little bit of irony; swearing that I'd never have a single word say a thousand more with someone special after witnessing Isaac and Monica exchange 'alway's' for months, I now find myself in that very place with Hazel Grace (only, not so cheesy). Okay is our Always, and I happen to think that its beautiful.

So, its one in the morning and Hazel Grace is now asleep I assume and here I am, still smiling like an idiot. Thinking about that undeniable tone of joy in her voice as I read out Peter Van Houten's email, and hearing her say Okay over and over again in my head. But I really hope this Van Houten guy gives her the answers she's been looking for. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't want to know what happened to the other characters too.

A.W