A/N: I'm sorrrrry it's been so long, i've been really under the weather so this has been written under lots of blankets with old school ER on in the background- my own personal cure! Anyway, I hope you guys enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything.

Brooke carried Jayden up to the spare bedroom and laid him gently on the double bed. He'd fallen asleep while they were watching Peter Pan and she had been dozing herself when Nathan gently nudged her, "you're snoring Davis."

"I am not!" She'd retorted sleepily but Peyton had sniggered from the arm chair next to her;

"You so are B Davis."

"You two are being mean," she said crossly but pulled herself off the sofa and peeled Jayden out from under a mound of cushions. They had stayed on the beach until it had got dark, lying on the sand watching shooting stars and giggling together. She was glad Jayden had had the chance to get to know her home town.

"You wanna make a wish baby?"

"Hmmm- if I wish for a dog will you think about it?"

"Oh I don't know- if you make a wish out loud it won't come true."

"But if I don't say it out loud you won't know I wished for it," he said simply. She turned and looked at him;

"You are so smart honey, but you know if you want something really badly, and I mean really badly- you'll get it in the end." She rubbed his hand, "I promise ok?"

"Ok," he smiled at her and then turned back to the sky, she brushed her eyes quickly, she could hear him muttering under his breath. She smiled softly, it was nights like this she would remember forever.

He twisted in his half sleep now and rubbed his eyes, "I wanted to see the end of the film Momma."

"You can watch it tomorrow baby." She began tucking him in, "you just gotta behave really well in the church tomorrow ok?"

"I always behave Momma."

"I know buddy I know I was just reminding you. But I know you're good- you're my best boy."

"In the whole world?"

"In the world and the universe and infinity- I love you more than all of that put together." She collapsed on the bed and rubbed her nose with his, "you're my favourite person ever Jayden Sawyer."

"And you're mine," he said messing with her hair.

"Well i'm glad to hear it!"

"I love you Momma."

"And I love you buddy, now go to sleep!" She watched him as he snuggled down into the sheets and waited until his breathing became even and he was finally asleep, he looked so cute asleep.


She padded through to the bathroom and began brushing her teeth, Haley joined her, "hey girlie girl."

"Hi," she said with her mouth full of toothpaste. Haley grinned and began rubbing moisturiser across her cheeks.

"You ok?" She asked quietly. Brooke nodded mutely and then met her eyes in the mirror, Haley looked completely unconvinced.

Brooke spat out, "I mean it Hales i'm fine, how's the baby girl sleeping?"

Haley beamed, "like an angel, hey you know we thought of a name?"

"Well that's a good thing considering the christening's tomorrow sweetie," Brooke tapped her friend on the forehead with her toothbrush and then rinsed it under the sink, "so tell me." Haley rubbed her hands clean and leant against the sink.

"Ok, it's gonna be Grace Isobel Scott."

Brooke clutched her chest, "oh my gosh Hales, that's beautiful."

"I'm glad you like it," she straightened the hand towel and then looked up, "Brooke, I talked to Peyton this evening and she- she told me what happened this afternoon."

Brooke couldn't look at her, she sat down on the edge of the bath and crossed her feet. She couldn't deal with this now, for one moment everything had been ok and now she was gonna get yelled at. She needed her friends right now, she needed Haley to understand.

"Hales-"

Haley held up a hand, "it's ok, she said she saw it coming and to be honest I can't believe I didn't."

"You thought i'd cheat with Lucas?!" She said incredulously.

"No Brooke, don't be silly- I meant that I can't believe I genuinely thought you might be over Lucas- or that he would be over you." She sat down heavily next to Brooke and took her hand. "I love you Brooke but I love Peyton too, and, when he's not being a total idiot I love Luke." She paused, "so I need to know, do you still have feelings for Lucas? Or are you just lonely or upset about something? Honestly now, just the two of us in this bathroom amongst all my towels and Jamie's bath toys."

"I-I can't have feelings for him Haley- Peyton."

"Peyton is a big girl Brooke, she's made her choice and it is so important you do too, you have to stop running Brooke."

"Why?" Brooke said sulkily, "i've been ok as I am."

"You mean avoiding your feelings for five years?"

"I have not!" Brooke stood up quickly and shut the door, "and shh!"

"Brooke," Haley ignored her, "you are the most in denial person I have ever met- and I know Peyton."

Brooke half smiled, "well that's true," she sat back down, "sorry- I guess i'm just... freaking out. What's wrong with me Hales? I kissed my best friend's boy friend, i'm in love with my best friend's boyfriend! I-" she almost blurted out that she had lied to everyone except Karen for the last four years but stopped herself just in time.

"There's nothing wrong with you Brooke and it's ex boyfriend now."

"That doesn't matter! He was still with Peyton!"

"So?! At one time you were with Lucas when Peyton and he hooked up, when she developed feelings for him- I swear he must have some special water he gives you guys or something..." Brooke snorted, "but my point, my dear friend, is that you have been in love with him since- well forever and you have to eventually accept that. It doesn't matter that he is Peyton's ex- he was your ex once too- stop lying to yourself!"

I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, like before. Cause you hurt me so bad, and I was afraid to be vulnerable. And I was afraid of you and the way you make me feel.

"I am not in love with him!"

"You just said you were."

Brooke tried to argue and then sighed, "yeah I guess I am," she felt her face grow hot, "damn you Haley Scott."

Haley smiled a proper smile and squeezed her hand, "what are you gonna do?"

"I don't know Hales. Nothing? I know Luke and I have history, we always will, but, I don't know, he dropped me once- i'm too afraid he'd do it again."

"Brooke- you know that's not true. He's learnt his lesson."

"I don't think so Haley- he's so difficult to say no to but he's still so angry at me. What if he wants to get revenge for something he doesn't know the whole truth about and he just wants to leave me broken hearted again?"

Haley looked puzzled, "what are you talking about the whole truth?"

"Oh- never mind. I just- if he loves me why did he spend all those years with Peyton? Why did he tell me he wanted to be with her in the first place?" The raw hurt that she had tried so hard to cover up all these years. "I love him so much and I don't know how to deal with it- to deal with him- he's so angry and hurt."

"He was hurt about the baby Brooke- he was a confused seventeen year old."

"So? Now he's a confused twenty two year old."

"So are you! Don't sit on a high horse Brooke, you did some things too- but if you try and get past it- maybe you'll find your answers. Just, spend some time with him maybe." Haley stood up and kissed the top of her friend's head, "we all love you whatever ok?"

"Thank you fairy godmother," she said softly, Haley turned at the door and winked at her.


Brooke set off from the Naley household early the next day. It was a beautiful dawn, barely five thirty and she needed to clear her head. She hadn't planned on telling Haley her real feelings for Lucas- they'd just sort of, slipped out. Dammit, she felt like she was spiralling out of control, she needed to be alone, to think, to be with herself.

She jogged down the road, she didn't need music, she needed silence for a while, everything in her head was so fuzzy already- she didn't need anybody else's angsty feelings floating around as well. It felt good to run, she let herself go, pushing herself hard, the wind whisking her hair back and cutting her face. She ended up on the beach, running across the sand before collapsing against a sand dune. She closed her eyes, soaking up the early sun, thinking that maybe she would stay until Karen's wedding when a voice broke her thoughts.

"I didn't know Brooke Davis got up before the sun was high up in the sky." She froze, what the hell? Was nowhere safe? She swallowed and tried to steady herself.

She opened her eyes, and said smirking, "who says i've been to bed?"

Lucas chuckled and sat down beside her, she stayed lying down- she didn't trust herself to be any closer. She wondered if he could hear her heart thumping through her sports vest. He didn't look like he could hear it, instead he looked seriously hot. He removed his i-pod and collapsed on the sand, then tipped his head back, closing his eyes and exhaling hard.

"Why are you up so early?" She asked, running her hand through the sand to distract herself from breathing in his familiar scent, to avoid looking at him at all.

"Ahh you know, couldn't sleep," he twisted and opened one eye, squinting at her, "what's you excuse?"

"Oh," she tried to form words that weren't, 'I was thinking about you' and faltered, "err.. Jay was awake- sometimes he doesn't sleep well in other people's beds."

He nodded shortly and she closed her eyes briefly, she wished that her son wasn't such a sore point for him. There was no way she would ever trade Jayden for anything in the world, she just wished Lucas felt the same- not the opposite. She decided she needed to tell him;

"Luke-" she stopped, she couldn't say it. How did she change his world like this?

"What?"

"Ohh nothing.." Man she was such a wimp. But at least he was talking to her, she didn't want to ruin the moment with something serious.

He turned and looked at her, took in her perfectly sculptured face, the dimples in her cheeks, the long eye lashes, every shade of her eyes. He dropped onto his elbows and turned on his side, his body suddenly a lot closer to hers. He tried to ignore the hundreds of things he wanted to say to her, i'm sorry, about yesterday, I love you... Instead he opted for something light and easy, keep it cool Luke.

"You know those trainers don't exactly look used Davis."

She opened her eyes and took a sharp intake of breath when she saw how close he was, "well," she kinked an eye brow, "i'm just so light on my feet they don't look worn down."

"Or else they're just brand new."

"They are not!"

He reached forward and picked one of her feet up, she could feel her whole leg tingling, "Brooke the labels are still on the bottom!"

"That's just cos I like them there," she said defensively, pulling her foot away. He sniggered and held his hands up.

"Ok ok, I take it back- how long have you been running for?"

"On and off for a while," she pulled her trainers off and sank her bare feet into the sand, "it's about the only form of exercise I can bear, everything else bores me."

"I bet," he said grinning.

"And what is that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing, it's just-" he paused and shrugged.

"What? Come on tell me!" She sat up and punched him lightly on the arm.

"Hey hey no it doesn't matter."

"It must've been something bad, you can't start saying something and take it back."

"I can," he raised his eyebrows at her grinning impishly, "I just did."

"You're mean!" She grabbed a handful of sand and stuffed it down the back of his tee shirt and he squirmed, jumping up laughing.

"You did not just shove sand down my back, you're gonna pay for that." He knelt back down on the sand and snatched up two fistfuls of sand.

"No- Lucas this hair has just been washed!" She backed away from him but found she was stuck against the dune and laughing he caught up with her and rubbed the sand into her hair, it poured down her face.

"Lucas!" She grabbed his wrists and pushed him backwards, as she did so he lost his balance and the two of them toppled over backwards. She landed on top of him, still clutching his wrists and her face inches from his. His blue eyes looked into her own intently and she couldn't help but hold his gaze. For a second it felt like nothing had changed between them and he reached up and pushed a strand of her thick hair off her face and breathed her in, she smelt like strawberries.

I wasn't ready to lose you.

"Brooke," he said softly.

"Mmm?" She couldn't speak, she didn't dare.

"You still mad about yesterday?"

Reluctantly she rolled off him and looked up at the sky, a bird flew over them and she watched it wishing she was up there too. How did she answer that? She rested her head on her arms and blew her hair out of her face.

"Brooke?" He was watching her, waiting for her response.

"I'm not mad," he breathed a silent sigh of relief, "i'm just... confused." She rolled on her side and looked at him, "I'm really confused."

"About what?"

"About you Luke!"

"What are you confused about?"

"You left me Lucas, all those years ago, you changed your mind and you walked out on me-"

"You walked out on me too!"

"Lucas please- let me explain this."

"Sorry."

"Luke- when I left I never told you how I felt because I thought you were happy with Peyton but even if you weren't, why did you never come after me? Why didn't you fight if that was what you wanted? If I was what you wanted?" It was the question she was most afraid to ask, did he not want her any more?

"You were always what I wanted Brooke." She closed her eyes, she couldn't look at him, "I didn't come to New York because you made it pretty clear you didn't want me."

"What-"

"Brooke, you had someone else's son."

"I-" she swallowed, suddenly it bothered her that he was so hung up on this, "but if you loved me Lucas, if you loved me, it wouldn't have mattered who's child I was having. What would have mattered is that you wanted to be with me and have a family with me. You of all people should know that family doesn't always come in a perfect package."

He nodded, she had a point. "I'm sorry I didn't fight for you. I made a mistake. I was afraid-" he faltered, "can't you forgive me for that? Don't you ever feel afraid?"

She met his eyes, he was close to her again, she nodded, "i'm afraid right now," she said quietly.

"You don't have to be," he said leaning in slowly. She closed her eyes and then pulled back quickly;

"Are we really gonna do this?"

"Why not?" He took her chin gently in his hand and his mouth brushed hers, it was enough to send shivers down her spine. She slid her hands up his arms and cupped his face, her fingers stroking his cheeks and then finding their way into his hair. Gently he pushed her back into the sand, this time she didn't care so much about it messing up her own hair. He was kissing her more passionately now and she reciprocated enthusiastically, her arms wrapping around his neck. His hand ran up her leg but she pushed it away, confused he tried again and once more she pushed it away, this time crossly.

"Luke!"

"What? What's wrong?"

"I just- this is a beach- I- we- can we just take this slow?" He looked into her hazel eyes, trying to figure her out, and found himself giving in before he'd had a chance to question it.

"Slow is fine by me," he said smiling slightly and easing her back into the sand.

I wasn't ready to be lost.

Ok so Brucas progress! I was worried it was too fast but there is more drama and of course luurrrve ahead. Please do take the time to review if you liked, or didn't! They keep me going.