But B, it's not Monday yet! I know, this is an early update! Tomorrow looks work packed for me, and I wasn't sure if I would be able to post, but you lovely people have waited a whole week for the next chapter, and so I figured I'd post early instead of posting on Tuesday. So here you all go, enjoy!
…
A loud bang resounded throughout the office as Kurt let out a frustrated groan and flopped back on to his chair, glaring at the dent in the wall that he had created.
"What was – what the hell Kurt?" Hannah screeched upon spotting the cracked paint.
"Sorry," Kurt mumbled, eyes not faltering from their fixed glare on the ceiling.
"What the hell did you throw?" She asked, looking around for the offending object.
"My phone," Kurt said simply.
"Good god, Kurt." Hannah let out a sigh before moving towards the newly spotted object that lay a few inches from the wall. "Your phone hasn't done anything to you," she joked, hoping to lighten his mood in the slightest. She chuckled when he shot her a glare before looking back at the ceiling.
"He won't answer," he stated flatly. "I've called him multiple times every day this week, and have sent at least a thousand texts, but nothing. Not one reply."
"Are you serious? This is still about Blaine?" She picked up the phone and made her way to his desk. "Do you honestly blame him? Rachel told me what happened when she called him for you, and as far as I'm concerned, you were a complete ass," she scolded as she set his phone down on the desk.
"Which is why I would like to talk to him." Kurt reached for his phone, shooting the girl another glare when she placed her hand over top of it to prevent him from retrieving it. "Hannah – "
"No, don't 'Hannah' me," she told him as she picked up the phone. "We don't need James finding anymore dents in the walls. If you'd like to keep your job, that is."
"Yeah, yeah, okay," Kurt reluctantly agreed, slumping further into his chair. "I just really need to explain myself to him."
"Then get off your ass and do it. If he won't return your calls, go to him."
"You think I should?" Kurt asked, worrying his bottom lip, his eyes questioning.
She nodded approvingly. "If it'll get you to stop moping around the office and actually work, then I'm all for it. You've got eight days to get your shit together and release the November issue, and so far, you're doing a terrible job. So, go talk to him. Clear things up, and come back when you can keep focused on your job for more than twenty seconds."
…
"Just answer it," Sam sighed as Blaine's phone began to vibrate once again, the display lighting up the corner of the club where they currently sat. "He's not going to stop until you do."
"I'm sure he'll get the hint at some point," Blaine muttered, taking another sip of his drink.
"Really? Because someone who could take a hint would have given up a while ago, yet he's still calling." Sam pointedly picked Blaine's phone up off of the table and rejected the call.
"Like I said, he'll get the hint at some point," Blaine sighed.
"What happened between the two of you, anyways?" Sam asked curiously as he took a sip of his drink, tilting his head in question. All Sam knew about the incident in question was that Blaine had stormed into his apartment after leaving Kurt's, ignoring him when he asked what was up as he flew into his room, shutting and locking the door behind him.
Blaine felt childish thinking about it now. He was sure it seemed like he had thrown a tantrum just because Kurt had pushed him away, but truthfully, he was fed up of Kurt tossing him back and forth. It had gone from 'no,' to 'you don't want me,' to 'maybe,' to 'friends,' to 'I like you,' and then right back to 'no,' all in the span of three weeks. Blaine couldn't let himself continue to get his hopes up before having them ripped to shreds and tossed in his face.
He had told Kurt to call if he needed him, but after three days of radio silence, Blaine decided that no matter what had happened, no matter how great of an apology Kurt constructed, that he wouldn't let himself fall back in to the trap that was Kurt Hummel.
Blaine turned to Sam. "I told you. We fought, he was an ass, and I decided that I didn't need to deal with that in my life." Blaine took a deep breath. "Let's not talk about that anymore. It's your last night in New York. I agreed to come clubbing because you begged me to, so let's try and have some fun."
Sam smiled. "Sounds great. Let's go dance with the girls," he said, nodding towards a section of the dance floor where Mercedes, Tina and Rachel were all dancing.
"I'm gonna head to the washroom first. I'll meet you out there." Blaine stood up and made his way out of the crowded club.
In the bathroom, he took a moment to splash some water on his face in attempt to wash away the mood that had settled over him, hoping that he could find the energy to go out and have fun with his friends for the rest of the evening.
"Hi," a familiar voice said quietly into the empty bathroom, causing Blaine's head to shoot up in shock. He quickly ran a hand over his face to dry it. "Sam said I could find you in here." Kurt, chewing on his bottom lip, spoke softly. He took a tentative step closer to Blaine, who stood tensely, looking at him through the mirror. "I – we need to talk."
"We don't need to do anything," Blaine snapped. He turned to face the boy, but kept his eyes on the ground, not wanting to look into Kurt's out of fear of what it would do to him.
"Blaine, please, just let me – "
"You were pretty clear the last time we spoke, Kurt," Blaine shot venomously as his anger began to surface.
"Just let me explain," Kurt begged, taking a step closer only to move backwards again when Blaine recoiled, pressing his back as far into the sink as he could.
"Look Kurt, I get it. You don't need help, or someone in your life. You're a fucking big boy."
"That's not – "
"Really? Because quite frankly I remember the words, 'I can take care of myself' being spat at me a week ago, proceeded by you, oh so nicely, letting me know that I wasn't your boyfriend," Blaine growled. He hadn't discussed the events of that night with anybody, so now that he was letting the words out, the enormity of his anger was becoming more and more apparent.
"I didn't mean – "
"Bullshit!" Blaine shouted, looking directly into Kurt's eyes, unafraid this time. "Don't feed me that crap, Kurt. Angry or not, shaken or not, you meant every word."
"But I didn't!" Kurt defended, throwing his hands up in irritation.
Blaine opened his mouth to respond, but Kurt interjected.
"No!" he yelled frantically. "Stop cutting me off and let me talk." His voice was strong and his stern eyes were set in a determined glare.
He watched as Blaine's eyes widened slightly, as if shocked by the force of Kurt's words. Blaine swallowed thickly and nodded wordlessly, unable to speak even if he had wanted to.
"You have no idea what set me off. I know Rachel told you that Sebastian showed up at random, but you have no idea as to why that affected me the way it had. If you would have answered one of my texts or answered any of my calls, we could have met so that I could explain. But you didn't and now we're here, and I'll be damned if I let you walk out before I at least shed a little light as to why I was such a bitch to you."
"O-okay." Blaine nodded, letting himself relax a little at the sounds of Kurt's voice, hope spreading through him at Kurt's words. Kurt was going to let him in, even if it was just a little.
"Sebastian was the last guy that I dated. We met through some friends when I started at NYADA. I wasn't one to go and make friends, or step into social situations in which I was uncomfortable or out of my element. Especially being the kid who had panic attacks at random, I avoided contact with anybody who didn't already know me," Kurt began, making his way to the wall next to the sinks, sliding down until he was sitting on the ground, looking up at Blaine. "Rachel had made it her mission to help me make friends, and so after spending time with some of them at the apartment, I agreed to go out one evening for drinks.
"That's where I met Sebastian. He was in his first year at NYU, and had picked up on how uneasy I was that evening. He spent the entire night by my side making sure that I was okay, and that I felt comfortable. I hadn't had anybody do that for me before. Usually people saw me in one of two ways: I was either that gay kid who hung out with the girls, or that freak who couldn't keep his shit together. Sebastian didn't know about my past and instead knew that I was awkwardly shy, and he tried to make me feel okay."
Blaine stepped away from the sink to crouch in front of Kurt, nodding to encourage him to continue. He was relieved to hear that Kurt was willing to tell him a bit about his past. However, he knew that since Kurt was currently single, the story was not going to have a happy ending, and by the way Kurt's voice was laced with a tinge of sadness, he was sure that he wasn't going to like it.
"We started dating a few weeks later, and it was great. He was always a gentleman, and after a few months, he asked me to move in with him. I declined at first, not wanting to move too fast or push too far, but after a while of convincing on his part, I agreed. We lived together for a month and a half before everything crashed." Kurt took a breath to steady the shaking that had set into his body. "I had been at Vogue for a few months by that time, and I was about three weeks into my position as assistant chief editor. We were about to put out our Christmas Issue, which was a huge deal, as we go all out for holiday releases. It was so much at once, considering that I was still learning the ropes, yet the head editor had told me that it was time to take on the full responsibility, and that the Christmas issue was my first solo run." He sighed, closing his eyes as Blaine slid to the floor in front of him.
"I'd had a particularly rough day, and I ended up quickly walking home in the middle of the workday to avoid anybody seeing the panic attack that I felt rising. When I got home, I lost it. I fell on to the floor of the living room, sobbing and trying to regain my breath. Sebastian had said that he was going to be gone the whole day, so I felt at least the slightest bit relieved knowing that he wouldn't be around to see me. After I had composed myself enough to walk, I had made my way in to the bedroom only to – " he stopped, closing his mouth to suppress the sob that was threatening to break through.
"No, Kurt. No." Blaine shook his head, knowing exactly what Kurt was about to reveal to him. His eyes moved to the floor, sure that if he looked at Kurt his own tears would begin to build, and he needed to be strong in this moment. After a moment of silence, he found himself worrying if Kurt was okay, and so casting his previous fear aside, he let his eyes find Kurt's, his heart breaking a little when he spotted the tears pooling there.
"He – um – they…they had been together for three months and had been secretly fooling around when I was at work," he whispered, as his tearful eyes fell to the floor. "Needless to say, I freaked, forcing him out of the apartment before losing it once more. I moved back in with Rachel the next day."
"God Kurt, I'm so sorry." Blaine breathed, reaching out to take hold of the other man's hand, frowning when Kurt pulled his back.
"Don't," he said quietly. "I don't need your sympathy."
"For god's sake, Kurt!" Blaine jumped up in frustration.
"I don't!" Kurt shot back, quickly snapping his mouth shut as his eyes widened at the words he was speaking, realizing that he was doing the exact thing he was apologizing for. "I'm sorry, I –"
"No, don't say that you didn't mean it." Blaine shook his head, eyes narrowing. "I'm sorry, I really am, that you had to go through that. But god, Kurt, you can't keep treating people like this just because you're determined not to let anybody in." He made his way to the door as he continued. "I understand that it's upsetting, and that it probably hurts like hell, but you can't keep hurting others in return." He pulled the door to the club open, leaving a broken Kurt behind.
Blaine was quick to find his friends on the dance floor, whispering to Sam that he'd had enough and was heading home. He returned to their table, grabbed his jacket, and began to make his way towards the door. He hadn't noticed Kurt trailing a few steps behind him, winding through masses of bodies to reach him.
Firm hands met Blaine's arm and spun him around. His brows furrowed in confusion, eyes searching to find out what was happening and who was touching him, but before he could get very far, a pair of soft lips unexpectedly found his. Blaine's eyes fluttered closed instinctively upon the familiar touch and smell of Kurt as his hands moved from his arm to his waist, holding him gently in place.
Just as suddenly as it began, the kiss broke, and Blaine stumbled over his words. "I-I… Kurt…"
Kurt leaned his forehead against Blaine's. "Shh, don't," he whispered, the sound barely audible over the booming dance music. His hand moved to cup Blaine's cheek, and his thumb ran over his bottom lip.
Stunned, turned on and entirely confused, Blaine's eyes searched Kurt's for any indication as to what he was supposed to do next.
"Don't say anything," Kurt finally spoke with a hint of a smile. "Just shut up and let me kiss you." He leaned towards Blaine once more, claiming the other man's lips with his own.
The kiss started out gentle, as both seemed to be holding back out of fear of pushing too far. After a moment of small, soft kisses, however, Kurt pushed forward, pressing his lips more firmly to Blaine's. He smiled against Blaine's mouth when he responded instantly.
They stood entwined for what seemed like hours with their mouths moving in sync. Blaine's hands were on Kurt's waist, fingers digging into the soft skin covered by the light fabric of his shirt. His mind was running a million miles an hour, heart ready to beat out of his chest, as he let himself get lost in Kurt.
Finally pulling back, Kurt moved so that his head was resting on Blaine's shoulder, face pressed to his neck. As he tried to regain his breath, a smile graced his lips.
"Wow," Blaine said breathily, eyes shut as if afraid the moment would end if he opened them.
"Yeah, wow," Kurt whispered, smile widening when he heard Blaine giggle softly.
Placing a kiss on Blaine's neck and his arms around Blaine's shoulders, he pulled the boy in as close as he could to try to prolong the moment. Blaine let a soft smile come across his lips as they stood swaying to the music, Kurt's face buried in Blaine's neck as he rested his chin on Kurt's shoulder.
"Kurt, we should talk about this," Blaine said after a few moments, resulting in a groan from Kurt.
"Soon. Later," Kurt told him as he brought his hand up to play with the curls at the nape of Blaine's neck. "Just stay here for a second. Stay with me in this moment."
"But – "
"Blaine please," Kurt whispered, pressing another kiss to his neck. "Just stay."
…
"Kurt?" Blaine spoke up, breaking the silence that was surrounding them as they sat curled up on Blaine's couch.
"I know I know." Kurt mumbled, shifting from where he was currently snuggled up to Blaine's side. "I promised talking."
"That you did, but, I was actually going to ask you to move, because I can't feel my arm," Blaine told him, laughing when his cheeks began to tinge red.
"Oh," he whispered, biting his lip as Blaine continued to laugh at his embarrassment.
"But I guess we should get to that talking..." Blaine trailed off, shifting on the couch so that he was facing Kurt.
"Right, yeah." Kurt's eyes fell to their interlocked hands that were resting on Blaine's thigh. "I-I, um…" he stuttered, closing his eyes as he tried to find the words. "I – fuck, this is hard." He growled in frustration, drawing in a deep breath.
"Hey, it's okay. Take your time." Blaine's voice was calm and he squeezed Kurt's hand in reassurance.
"Okay. So, um, you know about Sebastian and how all of that went," Kurt finally said, opening his eyes to find Blaine's. "Most of my past relationships have ended badly. The beginnings are great, but then the guy catches me having a panic attack and it's like it scares them, so they leave. Every single one of them." He cleared his throat, willing the tears that were beginning to pool in his eyes to disappear. "I told you on the phone a while ago that nobody wants something that's broken. It's something that I've come to believe because in my past, that's what people have told me as they walked out on me. I've let myself believe those things, and inevitably, define me, and because of that I've closed myself off from any possibility of hearing those words again," he breathes softly, blinking rapidly as a few tears escaped. "That's why I kept pushing you away. I knew that I could fall for you, and I didn't want to watch you walk away when you realized that I was too broken to fix. I'm not saying that you would necessarily, but that's all I've ever known."
"Kurt – "
"No, just let me get this out, because if I don't do it now, I won't." His eyes traveled back to their hands, watching as Blaine's thumb softly moved back and forth against his. "You have this magnetism to you. I've tried so hard to pull back, but you're always there. It scared me at first, because I had only known you for a few hours, and yet I couldn't seem to leave you behind. I thought that by letting a friendship develop, I'd at least be content with having some form of you in my life, but the more time spent with you, the harder it was to push past that boundary.
"And then Sebastian showed up, and you came to help, and I was so glad to know that I hadn't scared you off the night of the club fiasco. You just wanted to help, but then I panicked because every time I've let someone help, it's fallen apart and I end up with more broken pieces that I had before. So, I snapped. I snapped, and I shouldn't have, because you're right. I can't keep treating people that way just because I'm afraid to let them in." He took a deep breath, forcing his eyes to meet Blaine's once more and receiving a reassuring smile in return. "I was determined to let you know why I snapped that day when I showed up at the club tonight, and you were amazing when I did. You listened and you were so supportive, but then you had that look in your eye. The look of pity. I have seen that look too many times before watching someone walk out, so I snapped again. But when you walked out of the bathroom, I panicked even more. I hadn't even gotten the chance to let you know that I came back to tell you that I was ready for more, and then you were leaving. So, I pushed all fear and doubt to the side and ran after you, because you aren't something that I can let go of, not without a fight."
Blaine sat in silence for a moment eyes trained on their hands, letting the enormity of Kurt's words wash over him. Kurt had put everything that he had come to fear aside for him. To fight for him. Letting a smile creep across his lips, he let out a breath that he didn't know he was holding. Leaning forward, he let his lips meet Kurt's. The kiss was soft and delicate, but it conveyed every emotion that Blaine was feeling at that moment.
"Thank you," he whispered when they broke apart and he leaned his forehead against Kurt's. "For letting me in, for pushing your fear aside, for just – for just being you."
"No, if anybody needs to be thanked for being who they are, it's you," Kurt said, brushing his fingers across Blaine's cheek. "You've seen me at my worst, which is something that nobody else can say. The guys from my past relationships saw minor attacks compared to the two that you've seen, and you're still here. You didn't run in the opposite direction, but instead kept coming back when I pushed even harder. If anybody needs to be thanked for anything it's you, for coming back."
"You're beautiful, you know?" Blaine's voice was soft, his eyes crinkling at the sides as his smile widened at Kurt's eye roll. "You are. You're absolutely flawless, in more ways than one."
"I'm most definitely not flawless." Kurt shook his head, letting out a breathy laugh. "And I'm definitely not beautiful. There are many men out there that are, but I'm definitely not in their category."
"Yeah, but you don't need to be beautiful like them," Blaine told him, pulling back so he could look into Kurt's eyes. "You're beautiful like you."
"You're quite the charmer, aren't you, Anderson?" Kurt laughed, leaning in to peck his lips once more.
"I try." Blaine shrugged with a smirk.
"Can I stay?" Kurt whispered moments later, eyes downcast and cheeks turning a slight shade of red. "I just, I don't want to leave you yet."
He was answered by Blaine's lips pressing to his once again, feeling the other boy smile against the kiss before pulling back. "You can absolutely stay." Blaine nodded. "Plus, I'm very content to do this a few more times." He punctuated it with another kiss.
Soft kisses turned into deep passion-filled ones within seconds. Blaine shuffled backwards, pulling Kurt with him until he was lying on top of him on the couch, both content to stay that way, neither one pushing any further.
It was in that moment, lips pressed to Blaine's soft ones, mouths moving in sync, hands roaming almost reverently over soft skin, that Kurt realizes that he could do this. That he could let Blaine in completely, and for the first time in what seems like forever, he feels like he is starting to regain breath that he had once lost. That light was streaming in to what was once darkness that surrounded him, all because of the hazel eyes that have seemed to spark new life and hope within him. And he is content. Content to let the light and life come in, ready to face whatever comes next, as long as it means that he can do it in the arms of the gorgeous man in front of him.
Screw friendship, this was ten times better, and he found himself asking one question: why on earth did he want to run away in the first place?
…
Hope you all liked it! Don't forget to leave me comments, letting me know what you thought as well as any suggestions you may have! Once again, as always, thank you to the amazing BeautifullyUnseen, ya'll wouldn't have the fic that you do if it weren't for her! You should go check out her new story Strangers In Love, it's absolutely amazing so far!
Thanks again for reading! Until next time,
-B
