I sat before him.

The monster. The thief. The only one in this house that I truly wanted to hurt. My wolf was snarling. She was ready, with her fangs out. She was bloodthirsty and I had to agree with her. She remembered how this thief, how this sorry excuse of a male had shamed her.

I could forget, she would never. I could not forgive, neither could she. My wolf would always remember that he was the one that had had us beaten. The one that marred our beautiful skin. He might not have been the one holding the whip, but he might as well had. He broke us.

Looking at him, just laying there in bed. Feeling sorry for himself, it made me growl to myself. His nose was broken and swollen. I knew that his ribs were broken too, but I couldn't see anything since he had a shirt on. I was glad he did, seeing him half-naked would have been more than my stomach could handle.

He looked at me, I guess my growl revealed myself. Elena and Clay stood in front of me, so he couldn't see me. His nostrils flared and his eyes widened at the same time as his nose did. He looked a bit terrified when he smelled me and I smiled in triumph.

They parted and looked back at me. I stepped forward and looked at him. And I could swear that I felt the smell of his shame. It was to late for that now. Him being ashamed wouldn't help me at all. His guilty conscious was well earned.

"I will not apologize for beating you. Not now, not ever. I will never look upon you without feeling hatred." His eyes widened just a fraction and I wondered what he had expected. For me to say that I was sorry? That would have been a lie, and lies would not take part of this conversation. "I might hurt you again. I can't promise that I'll be able to control myself. But I can say that I will try, for the sake of the Pack. Not because of you. I would have killed you if it was up to me. You are very lucky that is isn't." He nodded slightly and exhaled, he winced and I smiled. Loving to see how stark his agony was. "One last thing. Try not to give me a reason, because I will be looking for one. And one way or another, I will get you alone and I will kill you then. The Pack won't be able to stop me again. And no, I do not care about your wife, your daughter or your son." He eyes became hard and cold in a instant and I saw that he was about to open his mouth to protest. "Hush," I growled and felt my sharp fangs against my lips, "I will not hurt your family. But I wont take them into consideration. Since you took none with me or my brother. Adam might think that you aren't worth it, but I absolutely do."

I turned my back to him, not completely trusting myself. I growled at myself and tried to snap out of it, hearing Adams words in the back of my head.It's enough, he's not worth it. I just had to convince myself that he was right. It still didn't feel like it.

Walking out proved to be harder than I thought. And I was sort of happy to find Kate and Logan on the other side of the room. "You heard didn't you?" I asked with a grim expression.

"We did," she admitted. "Will you tell us why?"

There was no way I would tell them in words. Kate had seen my back, I remembered that she knew. "You know why," I answered and had to look away from her.

"If you ever, I mean ever hurt her again, I will kill you. And I will take my time with it." All of us heard Clays deep threat and it warmed me, that he cared enough to even say the words. Never in my wildest imagination had I thought that he, Clayton would be the one defending me. Or the one offering to help me mend.

"Did Karl?" Kate began but couldn't finish. Her eyes widened in horror and she put her hand before her mouth.

I nodded. My mouth still wouldn't form the words. And I felt uncomfortable talking about it out in the open. A cold lump settled in my stomach the second I thought about Tonio, Nick or Adam finding out. My back was something I could keep hidden, and I wanted it to stay that way.

Adam knew that Jonathan hurt me, yes. There was no need for him to know exactly how. Even thinking about my baby brother knowing made my heart contract. Because I knew that he would understand everything one day. That he would put everything together and finally realise how bad it had been for me. And I wanted to spare him for as long as I could.

Looking at Kate and seeing her reaction had me running away like a frightened pup. I didn't stop until I reached our room. I slammed the door behind me and barricaded it with my body. I couldn't stand seeing Adam now.

My legs gave out and I slid down against the door. A breath was caught, I held it for as long as I could. Feeling how close it was to a scream. Not wanting it to come out was one thing, trying to keep my scream to myself was another. Tears started to build and I tried to keep them away. I started to grow angry with myself. I had become so weak, so utterly and completely weak.

"Anna?" Adam asked. He sounded concerned and it broke my heart once again.

"Yes?" I answered when I finally trusted my voice. It came out strong and only wavered a bit. Which he didn't seem to notice.

"Can I come in?"

"Why wont you go out with the boys instead?" I said instead and had to bite my cheek to keep from crying. It was one thing for me to worry about him, but hearing him like that...it made me even angrier with myself. I didn't want to give him anything to worry about. I wanted him to be as safe, happy and as normal as he could.

"I don't want to be with them. I want to be with you," he whimpered and I heard he was close to crying.

Hearing him so close to tears made me swallow my own pain. I threw the door open and found him on the other side. And sure enough, he had tears in his eyes. They were also puffy, like he just woke up from sleep. "Whats wrong?" I asked with a gentle warm voice and held my arm out.

"I had a nightmare." He didn't hesitate, just walked into my arms and buried himself against my chest. I took hold of him and sat down on the bed. I started rocking back and forth, and I felt him nuzzling my neck.

"What was it about?" I had to steel myself for his answer. I knew it wasn't anything good. Not if it had him crying. He too had been plagued by nightmares. It was once again out of my power to protect him and I wished for the hundredth that I could spare him somehow. Not that it would change anything.

"I dreamt of him. He was beating me and you tried to stop him. And then he beat you too. And he wouldn't stop." He told me all in Swedish, and I for once let him speak our native tongue. "I think he killed you. Because you wouldn't move. No matter how much I called your name."

The lump in my throat grew bigger. Adam might not remember it. Or even know. But that was a memory, something he must have oppressed.

Jonathan started to beat him after I refused to sleep with him willingly. I ran after him and tried to push him away. I knew better than to try and attack him. It had ended with me on the floor, in my own blood. Jonathan grew even angrier with himself for beating me in the face. And threatened to hurt Adam even more and lock my up while he did it. It had of course ended in the way Jonathan had wanted. Me willingly going into his bed, and staying there until he said I could leave. He kept me there for two days, just out of spite.

"It was only a dream," I whispered and kissed the top of his head. Knowing that this dream would come back to him when he grew older, and knowing that he would understand that it was a memory. I dreaded the day when my baby brother would understand that the bad dreams he had were all real. Every single one of them had happened. But it was better like this, at least for now.

"I hate him."

There was nothing to say. We both hated him, we had all right to hate him. But what should I answer? I could only think of one thing in the end. "I know, I hate him too."


A couple of days passed.

Dreams were still haunting both me and Adam. Making it hard for both of us to sleep. I woke up every time he cried out in his sleep. And stifled my own cries when it was my turn. I did my best to comfort and soothe him, but I was tired to. So very very tired. My bad dreams seemed to haunt me even when I was awake. Or maybe that was some kind of daydreaming, since I couldn't sleep a full night without tossing and turning.

My eyes were starting to sting every time I blinked, I was so tired. And Adam fell asleep every now and then when he wasn't engaged with other activities. We all let him sleep. Or I told the other ones to leave him alone. The other pups couldn't grasp why Adam needed to sleep so much. And I gently told them that he had problems sleeping at night. None of them disturbed him after that. They were all young, but they understood the harsh world we lived in. And all of their parents had told them bits of our story.

I needed to shift. I was agitated all the time and my muscles were jumping. Adding that to my sleep deprivation only made it worse. I wasn't even sure if I could go through the change without falling asleep in the middle of it. "You need to run today," Tonio said once again. A growl was stuck in my throat. I knew that he meant well. But this overbearing side of him was starting to annoy me. I knew that I needed to shift, to run, to hunt. I also knew that I could keep it away for a couple of days. My last change had been in the cage, therefore making it impossible for me to run. And I needed the exercise.

"No," I said and kept on stroking Adams hair. He was sleeping once again. I had his head in my lap and started to draw my fingers through his soft hair. I loved doing it, feeling his childish hair against my fingers.

"Are you trying to achieve something?" I gave him a puzzled look in return. "You're refusing to change even though all of us can see that you need it badly. So are you trying to beat some record? I know that you haven't changed for real in a long time. What is it two weeks?"

"Smart-ass," I muttered. No, it wasn't two weeks. It was twelve days. But that was just as bad. I needed it, but felt reluctant to leave Adam. I couldn't take him with me, I wouldn't run it he was there. Leaving him alone in the forest was a no-go.

Tonio saw my face and as usual knew what it was about. "He will be fine. You'll be gone for two hours. Nick and I will stay with him."

"I know."

"Then what?" Nick asked beside us. "Guilt?"

Both of them were right, of course. So I nodded and kept my attention on Adam. "I know that I need it. I'm just...acting stupid I guess. I just can't stand leaving him alone."

"Your mother was wrong to give you this responsibility," Tonio said with a soft voice, and I knew he meant well, even though it didn't sound like it. "He might be your pup now Anna. But even a she-wolf needs to leave the lair." He raised one of his brows and gave me a knowing look. I smiled a little and shook my head. "It is impossible to stay with him all the time. At least until his first change. Who knows? He might change tomorrow. One can never be sure with you or your siblings." That made me laugh, but there was no real happiness behind it.

"Do you have any idea where they are?" Nick asked and meant my brothers and father.

"No," I answered with a deep sigh. "I think they're dead," I admitted and felt a sad pang in my heart. "No one had been to our house when Adam and I went back there. So it had been empty for six months. There was no sign of them at all. And it wasn't like I had any time to look for them. Everyone knew that Jonathan had me and that he never let me out of his sight. Asking around for my family, without Jonathan with me would raise to many questions. And I don't think anyone would have told me anything even if they knew. They were all so scared of Jonathan."

"They could still be alive you know," Nick insisted and took my free hand into his. He gave a tight squeeze and I smiled weakly in return.

"He snapped her neck, like she was nothing," I whispered, "I don't think that he would have spared them. Especially since he knew that Andy and Amadeus had kept him away from me for so long."

"You don't know anything for certain, try to have some faith in them."

Faith in them? Oh I had plenty of that. I knew what my brothers and father was capable of. I also knew at the same time what Jonathan was capable of. Tonio must have seen where my thoughts went, he took my other hand, the one that was stroking Adams hair. "My brothers have their limits, and our father is old and weakened. Jonathan is in his prime, and I know firsthand what he does to people that disobey him. So there's really no use in wishful thinking."

"What do we have except for our hope?" Tonio asked with a gentle voice.

I snorted. "I don't know about you. But I've got plenty of hate and rage."


I went through the change.

Standing on all fours, in the middle of the forest, with my clothes neatly folded besides me. It only took a moment for the pain to come. My back arched and I inhaled a wheezing breath through my clenched teethes. All of my bones were snapping and rearranging themselves. You're almost there, I reminded myself as an inhuman growl escaped. The pain was at its worst, and I knew that I would be done any second now.

The last snap sounded, it echoed on invisible walls and I took a deep breath. Smelling my surroundings for real. The trees were in full bloom, there was a thin scent of wildflowers in the breeze and I took it all in greedily. I started burying my claws in the soft ground beneath me and loved the feeling of power I got from it. My paws were big and strong, and I knew that my legs were too. They would take my away, making my fly over the ground.

I stretched, and a snort came out of me when my spine cracked. I had indeed waited too long. My eyes were focusing, and it felt like I saw everything for the first time.

Clayton growled impatiently at me. We had both changed separately, which I didn't understand. Me and my family never bothered. We knew had it looked, we knew what happened. It might not be pretty, but this was what we were, there was no use in hiding it. My ears peaked, and I could tell that Clay was trampling along, his patience wearing thinner and thinner.

He finally howled and I jumped out of the clearing. He was sizing me up, and there was confusion in his eyes. I was big, bigger than I should have been. My human form wasn't impressive enough to go with my wolf. But none of that mattered now.

I darted past him and started running. He was at my tail and I heard a sound that reminded my of a chuckle. We met up with Elena and Reese. Both Reese and I fell behind her. She and Clay instantly started to wrestle. They were biting, scratching and growling at each other. It ended up with Elena pinned to the ground. And I growled in warning, Clay heard it and released her. He started towards me and his eyes were filled with a challenge.

You didn't touch the alpha like that. Mate or not. She was in total control and had all the power. My wolf couldn't understand how he could undermine her like that.

I growled, just a warning. And he snapped his jaws and showed me his fangs. My instincts kicked in and I started circling him, waiting for a weak spot. He moved with me, like a dance. We were both growling and warning each other.

This male would not take me down.

He flung himself on me and I met his teeth with my own. I bit his jaw, very gently. I still knew that this was all fun and games. He had to turn his head from me and I took my shot and bit the loose skin of his neck. He growled in anger and I pushed him down to the ground. A surrprised snort came out of me when he felt my strength pushing him down. I bit harder now, keeping him in place and showing him that his dominance was nothing compared to mine.

He twisted and tried to bite me, but I stood behind him, where neither teeth of claw could touch me. Finally, he stopped and admitted defeat. I howled in triumph and made sure everybody knew of my concurring. He growled in anger, but made no move to challenge me again.

I went up to Elena and bumped my head against her neck. Seeking some comfort afterwards. Her head was close to mine and she started nuzzling my throat. And I let her, even though my instincts warned me to have anyone at my vein.

Clayton growled again, he was crouched against the ground. Blue eyes sparkling with mischief, his tail was waggling and I felt mine start in response. His tongue lolled out of his mouth and then he started to run, and left a big "come get me".

Elena and I sprang after him.


I changed back in the same clearing, and was quick to put my bra and shirt back on.

One last stretch and then I started going back after putting everything on and making sure that I didn't leave anything. I felt relaxed, and satisfied. And my wolf, my beast agreed with me.

"How was your run?" Jeremy asked when I came up to the porch.

"Wonderful, thank you," I answered with a wide grin.

"How is your shoulder?"

I glanced at it, I'd forgotten my wound was even there. "Can't feel it any longer," I said with a shrug. I flexed my muscle and rolled my shoulder, still nothing and I smiled in triumph. Jeremy was staring a bit wide eyed at me, and I guessed that was the only reaction I would get from him. "I heal fast."

"I can tell." He gave me a little smile, very little, but it was there. "You heal a lot faster than the rest of us. I wonder why."

"What about the twins?"

He pondered my question a long time before he answered. "No, I would have noticed. And your brothers?"

It was my turn to think. And I couldn't remember it taking long for either Amadeus or Andy. "They are the same as me. I never thought about any of these things before you pointed it out."

We were interrupted by Elenas howl of laughter. And I heard Claytons grumpy response and felt my lips tug with amusement.

"Can you hear them from this distance?" Jeremy asked and watched me gravely.

"Yes." I didn't need to ask if he did. I could tell by his face that he couldn't make out their words. It had me wondering, why was I and my brothers abnormal. Not that I minded, but the looks I got from the Pack were starting to disturb me. They looked at me like I was a freak. All except from Tonio, Nick and Clayton. He seemed to very interested.

"I'm glad to see that you found your clothes." Jeremy remarked as soon as Elena and Clayton was near enough. I blushed and had to turn my eyes away. They were still far away from us, but I could smell the sex coming off of them. And I saw that their clothes were put on in a mess. Like they really didn't care. It just seemed wrong of me to smell the aftermath of their skins. "Can you smell that?" Jeremy asked, totally unashamed. I knew what he was referring to, since he looked at my crimson cheeks.

Neither of them seemed bothered when I nodded. And I sagged in relief. "You must be able to smell it," I insisted when they joined us on the porch. They were covered in each other. I knew instantly where they'd touched, how.

"I do now, when they're standing here. I can smell them on each other. What can you sense? And how far away could you smell it?" Both Elena and Clay was watching me. Elena with a calm expression, and Clay with a curious look.

"When the breeze came," I said and tried not to answer.

"From the second we came out?" Elena asked. I nodded and had to look away again. Jesus, when did I become Miss Innocent? This was ridiculous. "What can you smell now?" I could tell by her voice that she was just as curious as Jeremy and Clayton.

I groaned and stomped my foot, there was no way to avoid telling her. "I know where you touched. I can even tell which position from the smell of your skin. Some places are more covered than others."

"That is impressive," Elena said, and she too was totally unashamed. "My nose is the best one in the Pack after Katherine. And none of us can tell those sort of things."

"Oh, believe me. I'd rather not be able to tell." I started rubbing my scalp, wishing my mental pictures away. They stayed. "I need something to drink."

"Are you even able to drink, legally?" Clayton teased.

"I'm European," I answered with an arrogant shrug. "The limits eighteen."

"Interesting." I didn't believe him but smiled anyways.


We were in their living room. But not the pups. It was very late and the children had already gone to bed. Elena, Clayton and the twins were sitting in the sofa. I was in the armchair circling the scotch in it. Nicky was leaning against my legs and enjoying my free hand in his hair. Jeremy and Tonio were on the other sofa, deep in discussion.

"How big was she in wolf size?"

"Huge."

"Cain big," Elena filled in and took a sip of her scotch. I had no idea what Cain big meant, so I followed Elenas example, but changed my mind and gulped the liquid down. I grimaced at the burn that stung. But still welcomed it, I knew what the scotch would do to me. It was a bit selfish, but I knew that my nightmares didn't reach me when I was drunk. It was therefore my mission for tonight. I was getting wasted.

"She pinned your father," Elena said and couldn't hide her smile.

"What?" the twins screamed out. "You're lying," Katherine continued. That made the Pack laugh even louder, and Clayton growled.

"Can't even beat a girl Clayton?" Nick howled with laughter.

"Maybe not. But I can still beat you," he answered and none of us missed the hidden challenge in his words. Nick inclined his head in respect.

"Why don't you pick on someone your own size?" I growled back and protectively but one of my legs over Nickys shoulder, who grinned back at me. "I would love to shame you further old man."

"How 'bout you pick on someone your own age?" Logan threw back at me. His blue eyes danced with mischief and challenge. I couldn't keep my grin from appearing.

"Would love to. I already have your father beaten. It only makes sense for the son to join him." I held his eyes for the longest time before he laughed. "Unless your scared?" I had to tease.

"You think you can beat me in human form?" he arched one of his brows and stared at me. I found his face quite distracting now. Damn it, he was such a tease. And I bet he knew it.

"Watch it son," Clayton began, "she's a whole lot of stronger than she looks. She had me pinned using force. Nothing else," he said and glared at me. I laughed again and shook my head.

"I dimly recall telling you that," Tonio said and joined the conversation.

"I'm still not sure I believe you. I mean look at her," he said and pointed at me with his whole hand. "She's not that big."

I growled in warning. "But I can still kick your ass."

"Touché," he answered and offered me the bottle. And I was quick to refill my glass. Nick went up and came back with a deck of cards.

"Who's in?"

All of us already knew his choice of game, poker, as usual. Not that I minded, I loved playing it. Years of practice had finally made me good at it. It ended up with me, Clayton, Tonio, Logan and Katherine playing. Elena had declined, saying that too many players made it boring.

"What are the stakes?" Nick asked before we started.

"Same as usual?" Elena asked from the couch. We were all sitting on the floor, in a circle. Everybody grunted their approval. "Alright, the winner gets to make the kill next time we go hunting deer."

"Nah," Logan said. "If I win," he started and stared at me, really stared. And I knew that his next words wouldn't be anything good. "Anna will do my bidding for a day."

"I helvete heller!" I exclaimed and in turn had a room of confused faces staring at me. Except from Tonio who snorted a laugh.

"What she meant to say was 'hell no.'"

"What do I get in turn?" I asked.

"The same," Logan said, "or something of your own choosing."

"Okay...if I win...you have to dress up in a dress and go shopping with me."

His eyes bulged and the others laughed. "I'm really hoping you win," Kate said and looked at her twin. "I'm joining that bet by the way. If Anna wins then I get to come along."

Logan smiled then, a perfect smile and I knew that he would agree. "Alright. The you have to do my bidding for a week. I'm not volunteering to shame myself for one tiny day."

"As you wish," I answered and already started to regret it.


"Fitta!" I yelled.

Tonio and Nick roared with laughter. "Anna, please, don't use that word." Tonio said and tried to sound serious. The other asked what I said and my uncle, as kind as always told them, cunt. "Varför spelar du när du är en så dålig förlorare?" - Why play when you're such a sour loser - Tonio asked back with that strange american accent.

"För att jag är en idiot," - because I'm an idiot – I growled. He would win. God fucking damn it, Logan was winning. He sat with the majority of the chips, and me and Kate had a sorry excuse of a pile at our feet.

"You're ready to be my slave?" he joked.

I kept the flinch to myself. He didn't mean it like that, I knew that. So I shook it off and hoped nobody noticed. "Han menar det inte så," - he doesn't mean it like that – Tonio reassured. I nodded my agreement.

"English please!" Kate yelled in frustration. "Keep focused Anna, you need to win this," she said and shot a dirty look at her brother.

"Not going to happen," he answered with confident. I had to agree. Damn him.

I folded the next hand and Kate was out of the tournament. She cursed and took a big gulp from her glass.

"Are you ready to lose?"

"Fitta," - cunt – I said again as I looked down. I was sooooo losing this. I had to go all in, and try to make it. But we all knew that he would win in the end.

Another hand, and I lost. "Knulla mig!" I yelled at the top of my lungs.

"Translation please," Kate yelled over Nicks and Tonios laughter.

"I believe she was trying to say 'fuck me'."

"Nah, I wont to that," Logan whispered to me, "only if you ask me."

"Pig."

"You're the one that made the suggestion."

"Not even in your dreams boy," I snarled.

He chuckled and shook his head at me. "Maybe, what would you know of my dreams?" His eyes were sparkling, he loved teasing me.

"Because I would castrate you – dream or not."

"We'll see," he said and gave me a sexy smile. And I really regretted playing.