One month later

"That child loved her, it was an instant bond, taking her away is just traumatizing, plain and simple." Thomas Green walked around the court room, shifting his weight slowly as he anxiously told our side of the story.

"You have to understand, nothing good can come out of taking a child away from everything she is used to." he restated, the judge looked at him solemnly.

Derek was holding my hand, he was wearing his nicest clothes and I even bought a pant suit for the occasion, the pants from the maternity section, much to my dismay. My fingers were jittery, tapping against the wooden table while Derek stared into space, this was just so unreal. From my peripheral vision I could see Janet in the galley, looking at us with a look of sadness. I was right, there really was no hope.

"We'd like to call Meredith Grey as a witness," the defendant announced, I got up, repeating my words of being truthful and crap to the judge, and sat in the awkwardly square chair in front of the maybe fifteen or so people who came to the case.

"Now Dr. Grey, you tampered with your husband's clinical trial if I'm not mistaken," he started, his eyes piercing into what seemed to be my soul.

"Yes, I did," I replied.

"Now," he turned and faced the jury, "how can you trust a child to be raised by someone who illegally tampered with a ground breaking clinical trial? Dr. Grey, could you trust a child with someone that untrustworthy?"

"It wasn't me being untrustworthy," I began, "I did it to save a woman who is very dear to my heart, and yes that is wrong, and I would never instill a lesson into my child's life that it is right to exploit a trial for personal benefit. It was wrong and I admit to it, but I did it with good intentions, you have to know that."

"Good intentions, you ruined a trial, how could you justify that?"

"Objection!" Thomas shouted from his table, standing up.

"Sustained," the judge retorted, "do you really need to go any further Mr. Williams?"

"I have another point," he responded, "I also heard you stole this child for four whole hours, is that true?"

"Well yes, but-," I started, seeing Derek cover his eyes with his fingers.

"She stole a child!" Mr. Williams emphasized to the court room, "this woman is a kidnapper, she is simply not fit to be a mother." I could feel my eyes begin to tear, as I touched my stomach lightly, feeling like the worst person to ever walk this world.

"Objection!" Thomas shouted again.

"Sustained," said the judge, "Mr. Williams I think you've said enough."

I stepped down the stand, feeling shaky as my nerves truly got the best of me. It had been a long two hours of consistent fighting between the two sides, my testimony probably not helping our hopeless outcome.

"Case dismissed until the jury meets its verdict," the judge announced, releasing us for a break. I leant my head on Derek's, hugging him softly while I choked up my tears.

"Let's go, we'll find somewhere to go," he hushed, his arm around me, on our journey to find some peace. He lead me into a conference room, leaving Mr. Green to talk to his associates in the hall.

"Well it's done," I said, wiping away my tears, "not only are we never getting her back, I'm apparently the most unfit person to mother any child. I'm worse then my mother."

"Mer, you know that's not true," he kissed my cheek, "it's just that guy's job to say everything he possibly can to win his case, you know that it's all lies."

"Derek what if we don't actually get her back?" I covered my mouth as the cries became louder, moving away from him I went straight to the nearest wall, hitting my head hard.

"Stop it, stop it," he said pulling me close, "whatever happens, happens. She'll always be a part of our lives no matter the outcome, she loved us, we may have only had her for a short time, or we have her for a lifetime, it doesn't matter, because she was loved."

"She wasn't loved enough," I cried again, quivering my lip.

"As long as she was loved, once in her life, she will be okay." he hugged me again, "and you are the absolute best mother any child could ever have." His hands wavered to my stomach, touching it gently, "this little one, is the luckiest child in the whole world."

The door opened, "The jury has reached a verdict," Thomas interrupted, we followed him back into the court room.

I don't think I've ever been more scared in my life, and I feel like I've been saying that a lot lately. My heart was beating out of my chest, my pulse was racing, as the juror stood up to read that crumpled piece of paper that held the fate of her life, my life, his life, our life.

"In the case of Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd verse the adoption agency of Seattle, we find the defendant guilty," my heart dropped.

"The custody of the child will fall under the care of social services," the judge announced, "case adjourned."

"Just promise me," I turned, teary eyed to the president of the adoption agency, "you'll find her a family that will take good care of her, please." He nodded, shaking hands with his attorney as they walked out of the room.

"Is this real?" I turned to Derek, who was also tearing up, "or is this some twisted dream that I'm going to wake up sometime soon?"

"No, no, I'm afraid not," he pulled me close, rocking me to somewhere far, far away from here.


"Mer you should really come to work today," Derek said groggily as the alarm clock blared.

"No I can't," I said, I had the same headache that I've had since the day we lost Zola, since a bunch of random strangers decided I'm unfit to be proper parent. "I just can't Derek."

"Maybe it'll make you feel better," he offered, tucking my hair behind my ear, "you like to work."

"I really can't," I restated, "there isn't much to live for at this point."

"Well I need to go, but I love you," he said sadly, kissing my lips, "and I love you," he kissed my stomach, "I love you both so much."

"We love you too," I replied, still with a sad tone, I went back under the comforters, and fell back asleep.


"Holy boobs," Cristina walked into my bedroom, holding a box of Oreos and a movie. "Since when did you trade your double A's for watermelons, holy crap."

"Benefits of fetus," I replied, flipping through my newspaper, "Shouldn't you be at work?"

"Shouldn't you be at work?" she retorted.

"I really just can't," I replied.

"Mer," she laid down next to me on my bed, "it's been a month since the hearing, you need to move on. I brought Oreos and some sappy dramedy that we could watch and cry it out."

"People keep walking into my life," I started, "then they leave it, and trample over my heart with a bulldozer."

"Maybe this was all meant to be, you're still getting a kid, you still get to have your miracle McBaby," she said.

"Cristina I can't just replace her," I said, "she was my kid, she was all mine. And they took her away. She's still out there somewhere, probably in a crowded foster home with a bunch of other kids, she's not being loved. My daughter is not being loved; I can't just sit here and wait for another baby to come and replace her. That's not how it works."

"Then how does it work?"

"I don't know," I teared up, "don't mind my hormones, they are crazily horrible. I cry at every thing that is remotely sad or disheartening."

"Sucks."

"No, you know what sucks? Having your kid be taken away and then facing a court room that tells you, you shouldn't parent that kid and you shouldn't parent any kid. What am I supposed to do with that?"

"Nothing, they don't know you. They can't judge you. Any mother could go up there and her flaws would be pointed out and picked apart for hours, every single mother could be said unfit. It's not you."

"I wish I could believe that," I bit my lip, "but thanks for bringing the cookies. I can down a sleeve in half a minute with all these gross cravings."

"Sounds like fun," she smiled, "I'm avoiding Teddy."

"Still? It's been months."

"She doesn't cry," Cristina started, "Ever. She sits around the hospital, and just stares for a really long time, then she snaps back into it as if nothing ever happened. She's more pissed at Owen then me, that's a fact, but still being around her, it just makes me, I don't know, sad."

"So then why would you come here? I don't make you happy."

"Nah, but you make me laugh!" she exclaimed, "you just ate twelve oreos in a good two minutes."

"Shut up," I said giggling. "You can't judge me, you're the one who had like a hundred hot dogs in ten minutes."

"I'm still very proud of that."

"Of course you are."