Author's Note: I'll be honest, when the recent news about the firing of AJ Cook and downsizing of Paget Brewster came across, the wind pretty much went out of my sails. JJ is - as should be somewhat obvious - my favorite character on the show and I'm not sure there is a CM for me without her on it.
Due to that, I wasn't sure I was going to finish it. But then I realized - and pardon the pompous self-righteous melodrama here - that not finishing a story about the friendship between these two tough lovely ladies just as CBS has decided that they're unimportant pretty much gives the win to CBS. Can't let that happen. A such, this story will be finished and likely before Season 6 begins.
This chapter is a bit different than the others - it's told a great deal in flashback. The flashbacks are all "missing scenes" from eps that should be immediately recognizable. I don't call any of them out by name, but I hope you know which ep is being referenced by the details within. Anything in flashback is in italics.
As always, I recommend going back and reading from Chapter 1. Keep in mind this is a pretty dark piece and we're not at the finish line yet.
Timeline: Before the end of S4. The last canon ep is probably Amplification.
Feedback: Always appreciated, always welcome.
She hears the sound of metal bending and creaking and then there's a spray of bright light and a rush of almost hot feeling air.
She tries to make her eyes open so that she can see what's happening, but nothing moves. She wonders if she's actually still alive and can't immediately come up with an answer to the question.
"Hotch!" a voice screams. There's panic in the tone and it cracks a bit. "In here. They're in here."
She feels hands touching her and tries desperately to get away from them. Even the quiet voice in the back of her mind, the one telling her that the hands now on her belongs to friends, doesn't still her fear.
After all, the many injuries on her body were done to her by a friend.
And to one in return.
"She's alive," the voice says.
There are more hands on her now and she can feel people above her. She tries to speak, but words escape her.
There's really only one thing she wants to say anyway. One question she needs desperately to have answered.
"JJ?" she hears. "JJ, open your eyes, please?" It takes her a moment, but she recognizes the voice as belonging to Hotch. Which means that the other speaker had to be Morgan.
Which means that the cavalry did make it.
In time? Well that's both a complicated question and one for much later.
She tries to speak again, but once again, to no avail.
"We need to get them to the hospital," Morgan says and once again, she hears the crack in his voice. He's scared.
That seems so wrong.
"Garcia, where are the damned medics?" Hotch calls out. For a moment, she wonders if Garcia is actually in the wrong with them (no, please no…), but then manages to convinces herself that no, Penelope is safe back at the BAU.
As safe as one can be anyway.
She doesn't hear an answer from Garcia, which tells her that Hotch has an earpiece in.
"Five minutes," Hotch tells Morgan.
"They don't have five minutes."
They.
That answers her question.
Emily is still hanging on.
Good.
Good.
She hears Hotch answer Morgan, but the words are unintelligible.
She has a few more moments of shaky semi-consciousness and then everything slips away.
She doesn't care.
Her question has been answered.
The last thing she focuses on before she passes out is a picture in her mind's eye of Henry.
Gurgling. Happy to see her.
If the others had been paying attention to the expression on her face instead of the diminishing pulse in her wrist, they would have noticed the strange almost content smile on her face.
They don't.
There's a knock at her door and even though she would love to ignore it – and love to remind whoever is standing in her doorway that she has far too much work to do and not near enough time with which to get it done in – she plasters a smile on her face and looks up.
"Agent Prentiss," she says, with a note of surprise.
Prentiss is the newest member of the team, added to fill Elle's recent vacancy. She hasn't had much time or chance to say hello to the brunette, but she's thinking that's about to change.
She's right.
"Hi, Agent Jareau –"
"JJ, please."
"Emily. I mean, you're JJ, I'm…oh, God, I suck at this."
"Emily, what can I do for you?" JJ asks, smiling, deliberately trying to put the brunette at ease.
It somewhat works.
"Look. I'm sorry if I'm interrupting. I'm…totally interrupting aren't I? I'm so sorry. I'll come back later when you have more…"
JJ thinks about letting her continue to babble for a moment, but then takes mercy on the older woman.
"No, please, Emily, sit. What can I help you with? The case paperwork? It can be kind of a pain at first."
"No, no. I figured that out though you're right, it was a pain. No, it's just…uh…I thought maybe, if you're not doing anything tonight…after work…maybe we could get a drink."
It occurs to her suddenly that JJ probably thinks she's being asked out on a date. Which will probably lead to awkwardness and avoidance and…oh God…
" I mean, I just…I heard you're the one to know around here and I could really use someone to know around here," Emily babbles out, her words running into each other.
JJ glances down at her pile of files. Her plan had been to work late into the night on these, try to get at least somewhat caught up. The case that Emily and the rest of the team had just come off – the Guantanamo Bay one – had resulted in even more paperwork than usual.
Her plan had been to stay until the stack on her desk had been halved. At least.
She stands up. "I'm in."
She doesn't miss the wide smile that suddenly comes over Emily's face.
The relief.
"Great," Emily nods. "I'll go…grab my jacket." She turns and makes a quick, almost awkward exit.
JJ chuckles and then glances back down at the paperwork.
She sighs, grabs her own jacket and exits her office.
"It's something German," Emily says as she brings over two well-frosted mugs of beer. "I can never pronounce it exactly, but it's good, trust me."
"Okay," JJ says, between tosses of peanut shells into a cup. "So, why the FBI instead of the state department?"
"I'm not much for pushing paper."
She considers adding on "no offense" but decides not to. She's not exactly clear about what JJ's job is. At first glance, she seemed strictly administrative, but a review of previous team cases showed a much higher involvement than that.
And it occurs to her insulting her new teammate on their first social outing might be a really bad way to start up a friendship.
"I see that about you," JJ nods, taking a healthy swig from the mug of beer. Emily is immediately impressed to note that JJ's no frou-frou drinking girly-girl. JJ nods approvingly. "Nice. Good crisp flavor."
"Yeah, I started drinking it the last time I was in Berlin."
"I'd love to see your passport," JJ chuckles. She shells another peanut and pops it into her mouth. Emily notices that JJ isn't even looking at her hands while she's doing it.
Emily shrugs. "It gets old after awhile."
"We travel a lot," JJ comments.
"True, but it was never the traveling that was a problem. It was not having a place to call home for longer than two months at a time."
There's too much honesty in the comment and she immediately regrets saying it.
"That would drive me crazy," JJ agrees. "But I bet some of the shopping was choice."
Emily laughs. "Some of it. Milan and Paris in particular."
"Oh, what I'd do for a weekend of mindless senseless shopping." She sighs in amused resignation. "Oh well." She motions to the waiter passing by. "Two more," she tells him, indicating towards the beers. To Emily she says, "Unless you have somewhere else to be?"
"No, I'm good," Emily answers, just a little bit amazed. She and the blonde liaison couldn't possibly be more different and yet it seems to her that this is the first real woman-to-woman conversation that she's had in years.
In her life and work, everything – work, friends and even family - has always been politics and diplomacy. Nothing's ever been really real, everything's always been a practiced almost twisted psychodrama of sorts.
But there's something different about JJ. There's something very real and authentic about her.
Something honest.
And like a moth to a flame, she gravitates towards it.
She sees bright lights above her and everything is moving. She realizes quickly that she's lying on a bed – no, a gurney – being pushed down a hallway.
She hears words that sound an awful lot like "transfusion" and "internal bleeding".
"Sir," she hears.
"I know," Derek Morgan replies. "I'll wait outside."
She forces her eyes open.
"Derek," she whispers. It comes out more as strained gasp.
"Emily," he breathes and steps towards her. His movements are aggressive, dripping with fear that he's not even trying to disguise. "Hey, girl."
"Where's JJ? Tell me where JJ is. Tell me she's alive."
"She is. She's in surgery," he assures her. She sees his hand reach for her, but one of the doctors cuts him off before he can take it. He has a moment of wanting to beat the shit out of the doctor.
"We need to get her into surgery," the doctor tells Morgan.
"Take care of her," Morgan whispers.
"We'll do our best," the doctor says before turning and pushing Emily and his gurney into the OR.
He looks down the hallway, fists clenching and unclenching, distinctly aware that two of his closest friends are both fighting for their lives in separate rooms down this tiled walkway.
And it's not lost on him how utterly helpless he is to do a thing about it.
"Hey," Emily says when she sees who is on the opposite side of the door.
"Hey," JJ replies. She's fidgeting just a bit and immediately Emily knows why she's here.
"You know."
"Yeah."
"Did…Hotch?"
"No. But there's not a lot I don't hear. At least eventually. I don't think the rest of the team knows."
"Well there's that at least." Then, "I'm sorry. I can't tell you how sorry I am."
"I know and I believe you. I just…"
"Wanted to know if I would have betrayed you guys at some point."
JJ doesn't reply.
"Come in, please?"
JJ steps in. Emily closes the door behind them.
"You want anything to drink?"
"Em…"
"Okay. Right." She takes a breath. "I've thought about that a lot, too. When Strauss put me in there, I figured I could do it. I've been playing politics my entire life, JJ. Betraying people…it's not betrayal, it's choosing sides."
She nearly spits the words out. She's pacing, anxious.
JJ considers stopping her, but then realizes that she wants answers more than she needs to calm her friend.
"But as I started working with you guys, getting to know you, I…I realized that it was more than just about me. I took the job because I wanted to be part of the BAU, but I didn't have a clue what that meant. I thought it was a job. After awhile, I understood that it was a purpose, but it's just been lately that I've realized that it's…"
"It's a family," JJ tells her and there's no sarcasm or joking there. Just quiet reality.
"I know. I mean I do now. I can't answer for you if I ever would have ever betrayed you guys, but I can tell you I would never now. For whatever that means, that's the truth."
For a moment, they stare at each other, both gauging each other.
It's a weird thing for Emily to be so vulnerable, so exposed.
And then just when it seems like it's too much, just when she's sure that she's about to scream with frustration, JJ nods.
"Have you been cleaning your cut out?"
"What?"
JJ motions towards the gash on her forehead. She'd gotten it after taking a 4X4 to the skull.
"Yeah, uh…kinda."
JJ chuckles. "What would any of you people do without me?"
"I don't know," Emily says honestly.
And once again, there's silence.
Finally, seeming just a bit thrown, the typically unflappable Jennifer Jareau asks, "Where's your first aide kit?"
"Under the sink."
"JJ?"
"Hm?"
"I mean that. I don't know what I'd do without you – without any of you."
"It's not anything you need to worry about," JJ assures her as she opens the first aide kit. "Now sit."
"Morgan!" Hotch says, walking towards where he, Rossi and Reid are standing, in the middle of the waiting room, all of them nursing cups of cold coffee.
Morgan looks up. "What's wrong? What's happened?"
He's suddenly terrified of the answer.
"Are they –" Reid starts and then stops.
"No, they found Holloway. He's barricaded himself inside his mother's old house."
Morgan starts for the door and then stops. "Can I -"
"Go," Hotch nods. "Dave, you, too."
"Are you sure?" Rossi asks.
"I need to be here," Hotch replies.
Rossi nods. He and Morgan start towards the swinging doors leading to the street.
"Morgan, wait," Reid calls out.
He turns. "What, kid?"
Reid says nothing, instead turns to Hotch.
"Be careful," Hotch says. "Both of you."
"You'll let us know if you hear anything?" Rossi asks, more for Morgan than himself. He already knows the answer – Morgan needs to hear it.
"Of course," Hotch replies.
Once he's gone, Hotch turns to Reid.
"Have you called Will yet?"
"Garcia did. He's on his way. Should be here in a few hours."
"Good."
"I heard…" Reid stops again, then, carefully, "I heard them say JJ's heart stopped in the ambulance."
"It did. They restarted it. She's hanging on."
"You know what the –"
"Reid, stop. You can find every statistic you have in your head and right now, not one of them will give you comfort. You have to trust that she's in good hands."
"Have faith."
It's not something Hotch wants to tell him. He's a man of logic and procedure. He's always believed in a higher being, but he's never put his life in that creature's hands. He's always believed himself to be a master of his own destiny – both good and bad.
Now, however, standing in the middle of the too-cold waiting room, wishing he'd gone with Morgan (but knowing that as the leader of this team, his place is to be here, waiting for word on them) he realizes that one is never truly a master of their destiny.
One is never truly, completely in control.
"Yeah," he replies to Reid. "Have faith."
It's ridiculously out of character for him.
But right now, faith is all that he has keeping him from losing it completely.
"You going to tell me that you get used to it?" JJ asks as Emily moves to stand next to her.
She looks around, sees that the room is still full of law enforcement.
Apparently, folks get really strung out when there's a fatal shooting inside of a federal building. Especially when the killer is an FBI agent and the victim is a murderous deputy.
"No," Emily replies. "You never do."
"Oh, good."
"It is good. JJ, it is good." She puts an arm around her friend's shoulder.
"I think I could use a drink tonight."
"I think we all could," Emily chuckles.
"Are they talking Penelope back to the hospital?"
"Yeah."
"I'll go with her."
"Derek can take her. You and me are going out for that drink."
JJ offers a small smile in return, but it doesn't quite meet her eyes.
"Or two," Emily amends.
"Or three."
"We'll call a taxi."
JJ laughs. Emily squeezes her shoulders.
That Will LaMontagne makes it to the hospital before anything new is known on the welfare of JJ or Emily tells Aaron Hotchner just how desperate and frightening the situation as a whole is.
He's taken to pacing like a caged tiger, knowing that he's making the others nervous. He knows that he should be telling them to stay calm.
Even if he can't.
He stops only when he hears the cries of a small child.
JJ's child.
He turns and looks at Henry, wrapped tight in his father's arms.
He has no idea what's happening, but even at his incredibly young age, Henry can tell that something is wrong.
"Is he all right?" Hotch asks quietly.
"He knows that something is wrong with his momma," Will replies. Then, allowing to the frustration that he's been feeling since he got the call telling him that JJ had been kidnapped, beaten and recovered, he asks, "What is taking so long?"
Reid opens his mouth to reply, but then stops himself.
He could have told Will how complicated heart surgery can be, could have listed off all the various life-endangering injuries that JJ and Emily had suffered, but how would that help the former cop? Would it make him feel better?
No.
It couldn't possibly because it's not making him feel better.
"They'll update us know as soon as they can," Hotch tells him.
"That's not good enough," Will replies and immediately, Henry starts whimpering again.
"I know," Hotch confirms.
"Will," Garcia says softly. "Let me hold Henry."
He seems for a moment surprised. "I…"
"Please. Let me hold my godson."
Silently, he brings the baby over to her and puts him into her arms. She clutches him to her chest, kisses the top of her hair.
Hotch turns away from them, unable to watch the typically loud Penelope Garcia being so quiet, so close to breaking down.
"Agent Hotchner?"
He looks up as a doctor steps into his eyeline.
"Yes," he says, his voice suddenly quiet. "Go on."
"He's beautiful," she says, sitting down next to the bed.
"Yeah," JJ replies, glancing over at the bassinet that Henry is sleeping in. She considers picking him up, but the thought of trying to stand up is abhorrent to her right now. Every part of her either aches or is begging for a long vacation.
"You okay?"
"I'm okay, Em," JJ sighs. "I just…I don't think new moms are supposed to say this, we're supposed to be glowing and all, but I hurt God, I hurt."
"Considering what you've just been through…but you did great." There's an unmistakable wetness in her eyes.
"All right, now I guess it's my turn. Are you okay, Em?"
Emily laughs. "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"
"I don't know. Sometimes when kids come up, you get weird."
"I'm envious," Emily replies. It's a half-truth, but she's counting on the drugs JJ is on to fog her typically sharp as a knife perception.
"Mm. When the time is right, Em, you'll be fantastic."
"Sure." Emily slides her hand into JJ's hand and squeezes. "JJ?"
"Hm," the blonde responds, her head drooping a bit. It's clear that exhaustion is starting to overtake her.
"Nothing. Sleep. I'll watch Henry."
"I know," JJ replies, squeezing her hand back.
"This is ridiculous," Derek Morgan growls. "How long are we going to play with him. Let's go in there and drag his ass out."
"They're worried about the house being booby-trapped," Rossi tells him.
"Rossi, I don't give a shit," Morgan shoots back. He's getting noticeably more agitated by the moment and Rossi's beginning to worry that Morgan's already fragile patience is quickly crumbling. "I want this guy."
"I know, but it won't do any of us any good for you or I to get killed trying to capture Holloway."
"Capture," Morgan hisses.
"Capture," Rossi confirms. "We're bringing him in. Alive."
Morgan turns to face him, "Rossi, don't you wish every now and again –"
"I do, Derek. Every damn day. And I never lose a moment of sleep over any of these dirtbags who decide to suicide by cop. But this guy…the plan is to bring him in and make him pay for what he did."
"Make him pay. Fine," Morgan retorts. He pulls out his phone. He hits a number. "Hey, kid. Any word?"
There's a pause and then he turns to Rossi. "The doctor is talking to them now."
"There," JJ points as they enter the bar. It's a decent sized out of the way hole in the wall biker bar. Actually, that's probably a bit generous - if this place has four walls, well then would be something of a minor miracle.
"She looks terrible," Garcia whispers, sympathy shining in her eyes.
"We don't look much better," JJ cracks, gesturing to both of them. They're soaked almost completely through, their clothing speckled with snowflakes.
"You as sloppy drunk as she?" Garcia asks.
"Not yet," comes the quick reply as the two women weave their way through bikers towards the bar. "But if one more of these guys tries to grab my ass, I'm going to need to get sloppy drunk in order to deal with the smackdown that Hotch will give me after I pistol whip the asshole."
"Have I ever told you how much I love you?" Garcia laughs.
JJ just smiles in return. "You ready?"
"Lead on."
JJ nods, then steps up to the bar. "Mind if I buy you a drink, Beautiful Lady?
Emily turns around and blinks through her inebriation. It takes her a moment to realize who she's talking to. "JJ?"
"Hey, Emily. Fancy seeing you here," Garcia chimes in.
"Garcia?"
"In the flesh, Sister."
"You know, Em," JJ tells her, "We keep having these deep moments over beer."
"Or harder stuff," Garcia comments, sniffing from Emily's shot glass.
"Yeah. I…I don't…what are you…how did you find me?" She reaches into her pocket and puls out her cell. "I turned it off. You shouldn't be able to trace me."
"You're right," JJ agrees. To the bartender she says. "Shots for all three of us. Whatever she's been drinking."
The bartender smirks and steps away.
"So how did you find me?"
"Should we let her in our secret?" Garcia queries, a mysterious glint to her eyes.
JJ shrugs. "Sure." She leans in towards Emily. "We called around to every bar in the area asking if they'd seen a sulking brunette with a gun." Then she laughs. "We've been in some interesting places tonight."
"Ain't that the truth," Garcia mutters.
"Why are you here?" Emily asks, still confused.
"Isn't it obvious?" Garcia replies. "We're here because you needed us."
"No. I'm…I'm okay."
"Yeah, probably, but after the day you've been through, I mean exorcisms and all, no one would blame you if you weren't." JJ says as she drops down onto the barstool on the left of Emily.
Garcia perches herself on the one on Emily's right. "And in case you're not, well, Buttercup, we're here."
"Ladies," the Bartender says as he places three shot glasses full of Crown down in front of them,
"Glasses up, ladies. We're toasting," Garcia orders.
Emily starts to lift her glass, then halts half way up and looks over at JJ. "Can you?"
"Drink?" JJ asks with a snort. "Yeah, I don't think one shot is going to hurt me or Henry. Besides, I pumped this morning."
"Okay then," Garcia tells them, lifting her glasses. She waits for JJ and Emily to follow suit. Once they do, she continues, "To three hot – and I really mean hot - badass chicks who constantly deal with crazy shit every day and still look great."
Both JJ and Emily hooted their agreement and then clink glassed with Garcia.
For a moment, Emily considers telling them the truth of why this case hurts so much. She considers telling them about loves lost, friendship destroyed and a decision that she's never completely come to terms with.
She doesn't though.
Instead, she enjoys their gentle teasing companionship. They both know she doesn't want to talk so they don't make her.
Instead, they spend the night people watching and making each other laugh.
"Okay," JJ finally says, once the big hand on her watch hits one. "I am calling Will to come pick us up."
Both Garcia and Emily groan.
"He's going to lecture," Garcia grumbles.
"But it's better than getting a taxi," Emily says.
"Definitely," JJ sighs. "The last time we did that was…an adventure."
"Ooh, story-time," Garcia grins.
"Later, let me call Will."
"He'll lecture," both Emily and Garcia say at the same time.
And then all three of them together burst into laughter.
"So, they're both going to survive?" Will asks again. He and Hotch are standing inches away from the doctor. Reid is a few feet behind them. "You're sure?"
"There's no such thing as sure and tonight is likely to be touch and go, but we are cautiously optimistic," the doctor tells them. "If they do pull through, there could be some longer term effects. We'll want to monitor the internal injuries, especially Agent Jareau's heart situation."
"Can we see them?" Hotch queries.
"Soon. We'd like to get them cleaned up and we'd like to keep their visitors to a minimum tonight, but yes, I think both will be able to have visitors. I will warn you, they will both be heavily sedated and medicated so they're not likely to be coherent or even aware."
"But they're there," Garcia whispers. "They're alive."
"Yes."
"Thank you," Hotch tells him, shaking his hand. "Reid, call Morgan and Rossi back and update them, please."
Reid steps away.
"Will, obviously you'll go see JJ first. In the absence of Emily's mother, I'll go see her."
Will nods. He looks over his shoulder, over at Garcia and realizes that she's still clutching Henry tight against her.
He doesn't blame her.
Right now, his hands are shaking too much for him to not be afraid that he'll drop his son. Right now, he's not sure that he's not about to drop to his knees himself.
Drop to his knees and pray.
He's far from the only one in the room considering doing that.
"Crazy lives we have, huh?" Emily says, dropping herself into the chair opposite JJ's desk.
"You can say that again," JJ chuckles as she's packing up for the night. When she turns slightly, Emily thinks she sees signs of tear tracks on JJ's face.
"Hey, Reid's going to be okay."
"I know."
"And Henry is fine as well."
"I know that, too" JJ replies. She's turned her back to Emily and is now moving files around her desk.
Things have been odd since she returned from maternity leave. There have been moments where she felt like herself again – but others, like today, when she wondered why she didn't stay out longer.
She can't help but wonder how she can possibly do this job when everything now comes back to Henry for her.
"JJ," Emily says. We did all right today."
"Yeah, we did."
"You did good."
"Em," she whispers, stepping towards her. She lowers her voice. "I didn't give a damn about national security. I just…I needed to warn him."
"If you're looking for me to tell you did something you shouldn't have, you're coming to the wrong person."
"I could have compromised everything. I could have created a panic. If Hotch were to find out…"
"He'd understand. We all do."
"I know and I'm not sure if that upsets me or makes me happy."
"There's not one of us who wouldn't have at least thought about if not done the same thing you did."
"Yeah." Her tone suggests that she thinks Emily is placating her.
"JJ, Henry is fine. He's at home, waiting for you."
"Then I should get home."
"Unless you want to go out and get a drink first. I think Will would understand."
"There's a lot of understanding going on today."
"Like I said, we have crazy lives. So, what about it? Drink?"
JJ laughs. "You're right, you know, we keep having these chats over alcohol."
"What's it Garcia says we are?"
"Badass chicks."
"Yeah. Thanks, Em, but I think I'll pass tonight."
"Give Henry a kiss from me."
"Will do."
"JJ?"
"Mm."
"You're a hell of a mother and a hell of an agent. Don't you ever forget either of those things."
JJ smiles. She squeezes Emily's arm on the way out of the room.
"You're a hell of a friend, Em."
And then, before the moment can become too emotional or too sappy or too any of these things that these woman try hard not to be, JJ exits the room.
Morgan hangs up the phone, takes a breath and then says, "Things look…better. They think they'll make it. Might even be able to see some visitors later tonight."
"Good. Then why don't we end this and get to them," Rossi tells him.
"I'm on-board with that."
"Remember, we want him alive, Derek."
"Remind me why again? Making him face justice – well him dying seems to handle that pretty well don't you think?"
"No. It doesn't at all. Justice for me…well I want him to have to face JJ and Emily. I want that little son of a bitch to know that they beat him at his game. That's justice."
Morgan nods and pulls out his gun. "Let's do this."
TBC…
