"What do you want for dinner on your first night home?" My mom asked, smiling over at me.

I smiled back. "How about lasagna?"

"Lasanga it is. I've gotta run to the store, though. You want to come?"

"Sure." I said, standing up from my place on the couch. My flight had arrived a few hours ago and my mom was there to greet me. I had missed her more than I thought I would have. I even shed a few tears when she hugged me at the gate.

My mom drove through the horrible, LA traffic until we reached the nearest grocery store, FOOD MART. Actually, Dean worked there. I tried to feel happy about seeing him, but all I could feel was a pang of guilt in my chest. I kissed Jess. I kissed Jess. I kissed Jess.

I hurried inside, behind my mother. I looked so out of place next to her. I was in blue jeans and a black hoodie; she was wearing dress pants and a red blazer with heels.

My mom grabbed things off of shelves and talked about Paris and her amazing team and her insane, hectic life. I told her about living in a small town and going to public school and walking anywhere I wanted to go. I told her about Luke and Jess, leaving out the whole Jess liking me thing.

"Luke Danes? My sister has been in love with him forever."

I smiled. "It's totally obvious. But I guess his dead girlfriend's best friend is in his life... well, she comes and goes when she wants to. Her name is Nicole."

My mom nodded. "Yes, I know Nicole. You're forgetting I used to live there, Rory."

"Why did you get out but Aunt Lorelai never did?" I asked, grabbing a box of pop tarts and throwing it in the cart.

She shrugged. "I don't know, really. I hated the place and she loved it. That's part of it, I guess. And I don't think she wanted to leave Luke."

"Is Luke the only man she's ever loved?"

My mom laughed a forced and stiff laugh. It confused me. "Oh no, she's loved others." Her words were cold and flat.

I wanted to say more but just then, we turned the corner and there was Dean. My stomach dropped in my chest. Not because it was Dean, even. But because of whom he was standing next to, who he was laughing with, who he was touching on the arm gently: Lindsay.

I knew Lindsay from school. A pretty blonde with a gorgeous smile.

I walked over to him confidently.

"Dean." I said.

He turned around with a smile still on his face from talking to Lindsay. The shock was plastered on both of their faces and his smile faded.

"Rory?"

"Surprise." I said quietly.


He grabbed me by the waist and swung me around in a tight hug. "Rory! What are you doing here!"

He set me back down and I looked at him confused. Wasn't he just flirting with Lindsay five seconds ago?

"I'm here for two weeks. My mom got time off of work."

He smiled and pulled me into another hug. "That's so great!" Linsday was still standing next to him awkwardly. He looked at her and then back at me. "Linds, you know Rory, right?"

Linds. Linds?

Lindsay gave me a small, polite smile. "Yeah. Hey, Rory. Nice to see you back in LA." She was nervous. Her voice sounded small and shaky.

"Thanks." I said with a small smile myself.

Dean clapped his hands together to break the awkwardness. "Alright, then. Uh, Ror? I get off work in an hour so... you want me to come over?"

"Yeah... of course."

"Okay. I will be there." He was trying to sound confident, happy, normal. But everything was off, like a slightly out of tune guitar. It didn't sound quite right.

He looked at me and then leaned in, hesitant. Then he gave me a small, awkward peck on the lips. This was my welcome home kiss? This was the kiss I had pushed Jess away for? Even when Jess's kiss had made my bones electrify with heat and passion and emotions and this kiss had been a polite, friendly, I-hardly-know-you-anymore- kiss?

Dean walked away from both of us then. Lindsay watched him walk away and then awkwardly met my gaze.

"How is... um... where are you at again?" She asked.

"Stars Hollow, Connecticut." I answered with a nod. "And it's great! How's everybody at school?"

"Um... good. G-great." She coughed then. "Look, Rory..."

Whatever she was going to say, I didn't want to hear it. "I gotta go. Bye, Lindsay." I pivoted around on my heel and walked towards my mother, who was observing from the end of the isle.

When I reached her, she gave me small smile.

"What's going on?" I whispered to her.

She shrugged. "I've been in Paris, Rory. My guess is just as good as yours."

I sighed. "I guess I'll figure it out later when Dean comes over."

She patted my back in sympathy. We finished our shopping and went back home. I sat at the counter as she made us lasagna. I watched her carefully, trying to memorize the steps and the amounts of everything but it was far too complicated. I ended up reading a book as the meal cooked in the oven.


The doorbell rang and I hopped up to get it, knowing it was Dean. He pecked me on the lips again and he greeted my mother. Then, we went into my bedroom to talk. My mother had a rule about keeping the door open when Dean was over but I threw her a glance as we walked in and she nodded. She understood we needed to talk.

I shut the door behind us, leaning my back against it. Dean took a seat on my mattress. There were no sheets on it. My old room looked so untouched, so empty. I felt so disconnected from this world back here in LA. And from all the people in this world.

I looked at Dean and wondered for the first time in forever what was so special about him. Why had I fallen for him to begin with? He was sweet, yes. But we didn't share any of the same interests. We didn't talk about The Fountainhead for hours or discuss if The Fray should be allowed to label themselves as an Indie band or not. We didn't spend hours talking into the night. We didn't... connect.

Dean ran his fingers through his hair and it reminded me of Jess. Oh, Jess. I missed him already. Granted, I didn't really leave on the best of terms.

"So... how is Connecticut?"

"Somebody kissed me... and I pushed him away." I blurted out. I hadn't planned on telling him that. But all the sudden, the words were spilling out of my lips. "I pushed him away and I didn't even want to. But I did. Because I'm your girlfriend and I'm loyal. Dean," I looked up at him and met his eyes. "Are you loyal to me?"

He swallowed and let out a long, sigh. "Rory."

I shook my head, slowly. "Just answer me."

He stood up and walked over to me, taking my hands in his own. He pressed his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. "I love you." He whispered.

"It's not enough." I said back.

"And I will always love you."

"Not enough." I said with my head pressed into his.

He kissed my forehead and whispered. "I am so, so sorry."

I pulled away. "No...you didn't." I knew what he did. I already knew.

There were tears in his eyes. "After you left, Lindsay and I started talking more and..."

"No!" I yelled.

"We kissed about a month after you left... and we've been seeing each other ever since. Rory, I am so sorry. I am so, so, so sorry." He was crying now.

"Did you sleep with her!" I asked, broken.

He opened his mouth to answer but then shut it again. He just started crying harder. Oh god. Oh god. Oh god.

We never even slept together.

"You slept with her." I said, answering for him.

"Rory, you have to understand. I didn't plan on this happening! But we have... a connection."

I laughed in his face. Well, it more like a half laugh/ half sob. "You have a connection! So you can just cheat on me! God, Dean, at least have the decency to call me and tell me it's over. What were you thinking! You were just going to pretend all year? What were you going to do when I came back home? For all I know, she would've been pregnant by then. How would you explain that one?"

Dean closed his eyes and took a long, shaky breath. "I never wanted any of this."

"No, you just never wanted me." I said through tears.

"Ror, I always wanted you... but..."

"But someone better came along. Dean, I get it. Okay? People change. People grow. I found a boy who I connected with, who I could truly be myself with. But I knew where my loyalty was. It was with you. And I knew that when I came back here, I would have to decide what to do. But If I chose to be with him, I was going to break up with you, like a decent person. Not lie to you for four entire months!"

"I didn't know what to do, Rory! I love both of you."

"That's not the way this works! You don't get to have both of us. But you're lucky, Dean. Because one of us doesn't even want you anymore. Easy choice."

"Rory."

"Get out of my house."

He stood there, hesitating. After a moment, however, he walked towards the bedroom door. He opened it and just as we stepping out, he turned to me.

"I really am sorry."

"I'm just sorry I ever trusted you." I whispered back.

He sighed and nodded, tears still in his eyes. He walked out and shut the door behind him. A moment later, I heard the front door open and shut. I leaned against the door frame and slid to the floor. And that's where I let myself feel my first broken heart.


New Text Message

10:40 am Rory:

I swear to god, I am not that type of girl.

10:45 am Jess:

Uh... hi? It's almost 2 am. And what are you talking about?

10:50 am Rory:

Oh, I forgot about the time difference. And nothing. Go back to sleep.

11:00 am Jess:

Well I'm already awake now. Thanks to you.

11:04 am Rory:

Jess... you were right. We are destined to end up just as screwed up as our parents. I'm sorry I ever doubted you on that.

11:07 am Jess:

What happened?

11:10 am Rory:

Nothing that can't be fixed with a debate. Do you think Death Cab for Cutie should've come out with that EP in 09? Personally, I think they were better off.

11:13 am Jess:

Rory. What's wrong?

11:15 am Rory:

Everything.

And suddenly, I was terrified to tell him the truth. Because I had denied Jess for my boyfriend, and now my boyfriend had cheated on me and broke my heart. So who did I run to? Jess. I needed somebody to cling to. And Jess was there. That wasn't fair to him. None of this was fair to him.

I was a horrible person.

My phone was ringing then. It was Jess, of course. And I couldn't do it. I couldn't face him. I couldn't tell him. I hit IGNORE and turned off my phone. With a sigh, I forced my eyes shut and tossed and turned all night long.


A week passed. I kept my phone off. I was terrified to turn it back on. I was sick to my stomach. I was heart broken and bruised and dead inside. My mom kept cooking me all this food trying to cheer me up but I had just been cheated on by the supposed love of my life. And on top of that, I was being a horrible friend (more than friend?) to Jess. I wasn't in the mood to eat.

"Rory, you have got to talk to him eventually."

As I spent so much time with my mom that week, I slowly opened up to her. I told her about Jess and the kiss and how I had pulled away. I told her about Dean and Lindsay. Surprisingly, she gave me really good advice and listened to me.

Who had my mother turned into while in Paris? And better yet, who had I turned into while in Stars Hollow?

"Mom, I don't want to face him."

"If we only did things we wanted to then this world would really stink, Rory."

I groaned because I knew she was right. With a sigh, I turned on my phone. I was a little disappointed to see I only had one text from Jess. I guess he wasn't the pushy type, however. He figured if I wanted to talk to him, I would. I opened up the text and let the words sink in:

Let me guess, Dean broke up with you and now you're terrified to talk to me because I knew he was a tool and even told you so? Because you don't want me to think I'm your second choice? Because you're not enough for him and that scares the hell out of you? Because you don't know what to do next? If there even is a next? Rory... just call me. I swear to god, you're overreacting. Nothing is ever as bad as it seems. Please... call me. I'm not done with you just yet, Cali.

I smiled at his closing line. My mom eyed me curiously as I read the text. I snapped the phone shut and looked up at her.

"So?" She asked.

I shrugged and said confidently. "I have a phone call to make, Mother."


A/N: Hello! Next chapter we will be back in CT but we will explain what happened in that final week in LA and we will see just where Rory and Jess stand as well! I know you're excited for that. Haha. Anyways, please please please REVIEW. Thanks, guys!