Chapter seven
Be honest with yourself first
Nathan sighed as he laid on the bed resting his arms behind his head. He sat there just thinking and waiting, he knows he fucked up, and he always does, but, this is pressuring him too. He hates the situation too. He hates to keep her a secret, and sometimes he takes it out on her. And for that, he likes to blame his father.
He just sometimes takes it all out on Haley. He knows she has nothing to do with it, in fact she could be even more damaged from this situation than him, but, it's pressuring him.
So, there he was, in her room waiting for her to arrive from the business trip with Dan and Keith. He may have added some touched to the room and brought her a gift or two, he just hoped she'd forgive him; after all, Haley is not the girl he could buy with gifts and jewelry.
After settling the heart-shaped helium-filled balloon and the new frame engraving their picture, and putting down the dress she has been going on about for a while and the blue welcome back flag, he waited for about fifteen minutes until he heard several footsteps and sure enough her voice was speaking and getting louder as she stepped closer to her room.
But, wait a minute, she's talking and laughing, who the hell is she talking to? His eyes went wide and panic overcome his body as he heard a very familiar laugh, his mother's.
He quickly jumped up and paced horrified trying to decided what to do. He quickly gathered everything he had set down in his arm and with the other he opened her closet and tried to fit in with his things.
Once he was so settled, the door opened and he could see through the gapes his mother following Haley and her small suitcase, and just then he noticed his cell phone on the floor next to the bed...
Deb closed the door and turned to face Haley with a serious expression, "So, Haley, I want to talk to you about something and I want the whole truth from you."
Apparently he wasn't the only one alarmed by the question as he could see Haley's expressions turn to being cautious.
"Of course, Deb." She said with a nervous smile.
"I'm not stupid Haley. I may be not around a lot or I don't talk with the boys that much, but, I raised them, I was there when they were childishly lying and I know when they get nervous and I can see through them… especially Nathan, Lucas may sometimes get smart and fool me for a while, but Nathan… he's my son!"
"Deb, I don't know where this is going-"
"And you too, Haley. You and Brooke have been around almost your whole teenage years, and you're like my daughters, so I can very safely say I know you enough to know when you're lying."
And just then, as if to make things worse, Haley noticed the cell phone, she took an awkward quick step forward to hide it with her body and looked Deb in the eyes trying to kick the phone under the bed.
"Lying? Nobody is-"
"Yes, you are."
Okay, so Deb just named the four people who knows about the secret relationship and called them liars! Not scary at all.
"And Dan too."
"Okay, what? Dan? What are you talking about, Deb?"
The older blonde woman sighed and sat on the edge of the bed, "Peyton."
"Oh," Haley and Nathan both sighed a sigh of relief.
"Yeah, you know I'm right! You can't just tell me that everybody is suddenly interested in her being a part of the family. I know my boys and I know that if it wasn't important enough they wouldn't have gone through all this trouble."
"Deb,"
"Please don't just tell me any lies. I want the truth, you're their friend and you're Dan's assistant, so you must know. Why is Peyton here?"
"Listen, Deb, I'm not gonna lie. Dan's intentions are not clear, especially that he suspects Nate and Luke, so he won't tell me if he was trying to use her. And as for them, all I know now is that they were curious as to why Dan wanted to find her and they wanted to protect her from him."
"Protect her? Dan can hurt her?"
"Well, mostly use her."
"That's why I wished she was never found." Deb sighed sadly.
She then looked up at Haley and smiled motherly, "Haley, you're a smart and wise girl. Please, if they tend to do something stupid, stop them, come and tell me or do anything. Dan won't mind to crush his own sons."
"I know." She nodded and swallowed her rising guilt.
"Alright, dear. I'll leave you to rest now."
And with a pat on the back Deb left.
Haley took a deep calming breath and leaned down to pick up the phone, "You can come out now."
Nathan pushed the closet doors open and came out nervously still holding the things as the balloon got loose and flew to the ceiling.
"Surprise." He said in a low voice.
Despite trying to keep a straight mad face, a smile crept to her lips seeing him and his messy state.
"Seriously? You hid in the closet? I have a bathroom you know…" she smiled trying to stay mad at him.
"I panicked." He argued. He inched closer to her and looked at the things in his hands then pointed at the balloon, "I brought you some things."
With that Haley lost it and laughed shaking her head at him, "You know, you being cute really is a disadvantage."
"Oh yeah? Why?" he smirked.
"I can't help but forgive you."
He smiled big, "Great," and inched closer to her face when her fore finger stopped him,
"I forgive you, but, I'm still mad."
"What? It doesn't even make sense."
She shrugged and stepped backward handing him his phone, "Deal with it. Now, show me what you've brought me."
She said and took the frame from his hand as they both sat down on the edge of the bed where Deb was moments ago, "Oh my God, is that-?"
"The first time we ever talked properly. Yes." He finished for her and then went to explain, "You see, Lucas and Brooke had this bet that we are not going to last without arguing Lucas said two minutes and Brooke had some faith in us and said five. Lucas wasn't there so Brooke had to take a picture every minute to prove we passed the two minutes and made it to five but then the five continued to ten and so on…" he pointed to the time on the bottom corner and the handwritten note saying 'forty-two minutes sharp'.
"Oh wow." She said admiring the picture of their eighteen selves and how they looked so into the conversation laughing and looking at each other.
"I know."
"And they used to make bets on us?" she frowned looking at him.
"I know, right?" he exclaimed laughing, "But, the good thing is they lost that bet, and we won." He smiled sweetly and she couldn't help but return it.
"Yes, we did." She nodded and then before he start seducing her once again into kissing him she looked at his arm to see a fabric material clinging there, "Show me the rest of my gifts."
"Here." He gave her the dress and watched as her expression turned to surprise and then utter and complete admiration.
"Nathan!" she gushed and laughed, "You remembered this dress!"
"Of course I did, you were talking about it non-stop, you were basically asking me to buy it." He joked and she hit his chest.
"I wasn't,"
"No, you weren't. But, you loved it so much that I couldn't handle you not have it."
"Nate, you're perfect, thank you, you didn't have too."
"I know." He smiled happily.
"Okay, I'm not mad anymore." She said and leaned forward to kiss him but he turned away.
"No, I don't deserve it."
She raised one eyebrow, "Really? Fine." She said and managed to get up but he chuckled and pulled her back down.
"No, wait, wait. I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you that. And that I'm an idiot for making you mad at the first place. I was just stressed and I made a fight out of nothing."
"I understand, baby." She smiled lovingly.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
And with that he crushed his lips on hers showing how much he needed her and how much he has been longing for this kiss, and she didn't hesitate to show him the same.
XxXx
Brooke couldn't help but notice how Peyton was uncomfortable while checking on the house, while on the other hand, Lucas mastered the art of finding every other way to make her more uncomfortable.
Unlike the previous day, he was being chatty and acting as if they are old friends.
"Well, the kitchen is all good." He announced wrapping his arm around Peyton's shoulder.
She couldn't believe him how can he be so cool and laid back like this when she has made it perfectly clear that she doesn't stand him?! He's a jerk. She gritted her teeth and slowly pushed his arm away, "No touch!" she spat and he shrugged moving out of the kitchen.
"Peyton what do you want to do with these old antiques?" he asked from the living room waving a vintage vase in the air. Her eyes widened and she rushed snatching it from him and to the safety of her hug.
"Are you crazy?!"
"Jeez! It's just a vase."
"Just a vase? It's-"
"It's valuable, Lucas." Brooke put in when she could see Peyton losing it.
"No, it is not. It's worth no more than-"
"It is valuable." Brooke repeated shutting him up and just then he knew he was stupid.
Peyton is confused still. It's valuable because it's her mother's. The one person she never got to know. And this house is the only connection left the one chance she still has to know her.
"Do you wanna go home?" Brooke asked Peyton quietly who put down the vase at its original place and sighed.
"We're not finished yet."
"It's okay. We can come back later when you are feeling it."
Peyton looked at her and she couldn't hide her surprise; was she really that obvious?
Brooke smiled, "I understand. It's not easy, and you should take your time."
"I thought it would be. But I'm not fine. This is all so sudden so…"
"Rushed."
"Extremely rushed."
"What are you girls whispering about?" Lucas reappeared with a layer of dust covering parts of his shirt and face.
"What happened to you?"
"Nothing. I was just checking that box and it almost fell over me!"
"Idiot." Brooke rolled her eyes and he hit the back of her head lightly.
"So, what were you talking about?"
"We are leaving." Peyton decided.
"Already?"
"Yeah. You can't be within 3 inches with humans. You seriously stink."
Lucas groaned, "Hey! I was helping you."
"Helping with what?"
"You needed a man for heavy-lifting."
"First of all, there hasn't been any heavy-lifting. Second of all, you smell bad since you stepped in the car before we even got here."
"I didn't hear any complains." He said as they got into Brooke's car once again to go back to the Scott's. "Or did you find it sexy?"
"Okay, that's disgusting even coming from you."
"Sorry, Luke, but seriously?!" Brooke put in with a disgusted face.
"What? I've been told that once."
"So, ever since you don't shower thinking ladies will stick to your sides?"
"Won't they?" he smirked.
"Smart ass!"
Silence fell for about two seconds then Lucas spoke once again voicing his annoyance point, "Really, Peyton, when are you going to drop this whole attitude with me?"
"Um, never?"
"No, you won't."
"Excuse me?"
"Never is a big word."
"Yeah, so?"
"You won't stay mad at me forever."
"Mad? Okay, let me clear things for you, being mad means you were on fine terms then you got pissed off at this person, while in this case here, I never actually liked you, so, the right word to use here is can't stand you… or.. or… hate you."
"You're wrong." He spoke calmly.
"What the hell is this supposed to mean?"
"There was a moment where you actually liked me during the first car ride. Right before I screwed it." He wanted to add their drive to the airport but he knew she would flip if he said that.
"Even if. You screwed it. And I have got nothing to hold on to. First impressions matter, Lucas."
She still flipped.
"First impressions don't usually tell all about a person. And you will realize you could like me… with time."
"Why don't you just leave me alone? Why do you even talk to me? I don't like you. End of story. Simple as that. Why do you keep pushing my buttons?"
At this point she was completely turned around in the passenger seat screaming at his face.
"Um, guys, we're here." Brooke informed awkwardly.
"Thank God!" Peyton said and quickly got out of the car and started jogging towards the house.
"Because I care!" Lucas screamed after her and followed her up to the front door where she has already rang the doorbell. "I told you I care, Peyton!"
"You care?!" she let out a sarcastic laugh. "You care about what? You don't know me! You know nothing but my full name, which wasn't even given by me."
He tightened his grip around her arm softly and looked he in the eyes, "I know you're not happy. That you're lost. And I want to help you. I want you to be happy."
He didn't tear his sincere eyes away and she didn't tear her angry ones. And the door opened, all thoughts and feelings went away with the door. She snapped her hands away from him and gave him one last angry sharp look before entering the house.
She was so close. So close to crying. Right there. His words got to her, not happy and lost is the least of her current state, but they were directed. He targeted her right in the wounded spot. And the worst part is, she almost believed him.
XxXx
Peyton missed dinner that night. She spent the whole day in her room between crying, sleeping and seeking comfort from her music. And when they called her for dinner she said she isn't hungry and that she is tired.
She knew she over reacted. She was already upset and nervous and she took it all on Lucas. But, he also keeps pushing her to do so. She doesn't know how she feels about him anymore. Sometimes she just enjoys playing cat and mouse with him, and other times he really gets to her.
He is right yes, but he still has no right to put into her life like that.
She is so screwed up, usually she calls her father, but she still isn't really comfortable talking to anybody. After all, he lied to her too at a time where she really needed to hear the truth. How can she trust anyone when her own father didn't tell her the whole truth about the letters?
Dan lied too and everybody keeps talking shit about him.
Brooke and Haley… well, they try buts he just can't get the look Haley sent Brooke when they were talking to her out of her head, she knows there's still reservations between them and it's not like she will fully rely on them.
Julian is a good friend but he is as ignorant as she is when it comes to the questions she needs to be answered. And to just talk with him, it's not yet comfortable.
Even Deb! She doesn't know the woman, yes, she has been sweet and all, but, this whole house feels like a spider web, all tangled.
At the end, Peyton fell asleep from tiredness.
It was about six in the morning when a knock on the door woke her up. Peyton jumped up taking in what is going on first before she frowned and opened the door. She found no one then she looked down to see Lily smiling up at her.
"Good morning, Peyton." She said and stretched her hands up to give her a bowl of milk and cereal. "I made you breakfast."
"Lily!" Peyton gushed, "Thank you. Come in." she took the bowl from her and the girl walked in and hopped on her bed.
"You have been here for a long time." Lily noted swaying her short legs forward and backward.
Peyton sat next to her and nodded, "Yeah, I have."
"I missed you all day."
"I'm sorry, Lil." She gave her a hug.
"It's okay, you're here now." She said looking up at her as Peyton smiled down a grateful smile. "Why are you upset?"
Peyton was taken aback but saw no point denying anything to the infant. "It's a lot of things. It's all complicated, Lily." She shook her head.
"I'm a good listener."
That earned a laugh, and then Peyton looked at her and saw a confident smile so, she nodded, "Okay. Well, Lily, I recently changed my whole life by coming here."
"Yeah, because you are aunt Ellie's daughter, right?"
"Yes. I never met her and I never thought I'd find her… and nobody is telling me everything about her."
"I never met my mother too."
"Yeah?"
"Aha." She nodded, "She died after I was born. Sometimes I miss her so I ask daddy to tell me about her. Or Luke. Or auntie Deb."
Peyton took a note to herself that she never asked the tangled relations in the family. Lucas' mother, Deb, the sibling triangle Lucas, Nathan and Lily. It's all missed up and complicated. She has formed an idea in her mind, but, it just sounds stupid.
"You're lucky, Lil."
"You should ask them too. They always tell me good stories about y mother."
"Yeah, but, they don't tell me everything."
"Then ask more."
"I wish it was that easy, kiddo."
"Hey, Peyton?"
"Yes?"
"Why are you always mad at Lucas?"
"Because he lied to me the first time we met."
"What did he lie about it?"
Peyton had to think how to answer that question without making him look bad in front of his little sister, "Well, he tried to play that game with me where he give me clues of his identity and then leave me to figure it out on my own, but he didn't know I don't like playing such games and that all I need in my life is the plain truth."
"So, he basically deceived you."
Once again Peyton was astonished by the girl's words and straightforwardness.
"Yeah…"
"I wanna tell you something. But don't be mad."
"Sure."
"I didn't make you this." She pointed to the now half-filled bowl of cereal, "Luke woke me up made me one and then made this on and told me to come here and tell you I made it, because you haven't eaten anything all day long yesterday."
Peyton didn't expect that confession. She just stared at her.
"Are you mad?"
"No, no, sweetie."
"I just wanted to be in your life and you don't like lying."
Peyton smiled heartedly and hugged the little girl, "Thank you sweetheart. You're officially the closest one to me here."
Lily pulled away with a big smile on her face, "Really?"
"Aha."
"Thanks, Peyton." She said and yawned.
"What about you continue your disturbed sleep now?"
"No, I'll be fine. Wanna come down and play?"
"Alright. Let me change first. What about I take a shower and you pick up something to wear for me?
"Yay."
XxXx
"Oh my God. Is that Peyton Sawyer?"
"It can't be. I heard she only appears once a week."
"Yeah, and when there's no Lucas around."
Keith, Julian and Nathan made sure to welcome Peyton with these words when she entered the kitchen while everybody was having breakfast with Lily. It was eight in the morning and she has been in the garden with Lily for the past hour and half.
"Ha ha. Very funny." She replied with an eye roll.
"Says the girl who lacks sense of humor." Nathan mumbled.
"Hey!"
Julian laughed, "Sorry, but he has a point."
"Julian!"
"Someone is grumpy this morning." Haley joined in with a smirk.
"Come on, she's always grumpy." Nathan said and they high-fived.
"Okay, I'm outta here." She said making her way out of the kitcen when Deb stopped her as she entered through the door.
"Oh, Good morning, sweetie. Where are you going?"
"To my room."
"Come on, we missed you. Join us."
"They were picking on her auntie Deb."
Deb automatically sent Lucas a glare who groaned and protested loudly, "Why are you looking at me? I said nothing."
Everybody else laughed, "Surprisingly, Lucas is the only innocent one in this case." Haley noted.
Deb rolled her eyes and wrapped a hand around Peyton's shoulder, "You are joining us." She patted her shoulder then pointed at the people surrounding the table, "And you, leave her alone."
Peyton shrugged and sat down, "I'm joining you but I already grabbed a bite."
"You did?"
"Yeah, um, Lily made me cereal this morning." She said stressing on the girl's name and intentionally sent Lucas a glance and sure enough he shifted uncomfortably in his seat, however not tearing his eyes away from his plate.
"Oh, my daughter is so sweet." Keith ruffling her hair. Lily smiled guiltily feeling uncomfortable taking credit for something she didn't do.
"But-" she tried to clarify.
"Yeah, my little sister is so caring." Lucas cut her off.
"But, Luke-"
"And that's was the start of us being best friends, aren't we Lils?" Peyton smiled and Lily nodded but feeling annoyed for frankly being interrupted.
"Yes. We are."
"And we now tell each other everything." Peyton said but mainly looking at Lucas who understanding dawned over his face.
Lily smiled big now getting it as she saw Lucas' reaction but soon she looked apologetic at him, "I'm sorry, Luke." She giggled.
He shook his head and looked down not knowing what that meant now, he did what he did so she wouldn't accuse him of meddling in her life or crossing lines, and because he was the reason she didn't come out of her room in the first place. But he also chose a six year old babbling girl to cover for him, which wasn't the smartest idea.
"I think we're missing something." Haley noted.
"So, it is not just me." Nathan said suspiciously.
"What's going on, guys?" Keith questioned.
Peyton shrugged acting normal while Lucas preferred to stare at his plate again so everybody else looked at Lily who stared anywhere else ut their eyes.
"Stop staring at me. I don't know anything and I'm not lying." She snapped frowning then left the kitchen dramatically.
"Okay, moving on," Deb said changing the topic, "I'll be helping in the charity fair set in two weeks."
Nathan and Lucas automatically groaned, "I was hoping you wouldn't saw that." Nathan commented.
"Boys, behave!"
"Deb always makes us participate. She finds one way or another." Haley explained to Peyton and Julian.
"I do not do that."
"Yes you do." Lucas and Nathan said in unison.
"Well, excuse me for wanting to bond my family in fun activities."
"Yeah, you're excused, only it's not fun." Nathan rolled his eyes.
"Come on, guys, you should have seen it coming." Keith laughed.
"Keith! Don't encourage them against me."
Keith held his hands up in defense with a laugh.
"I'll help." Peyton volunteered.
"See, that's the spirit." Deb clapped her hands together happily.
"You will?" Haley questioned, "Are you sure?"
"Yes. What's wrong with that? Besides, I'm completely free and I was going to look for jobs."
"Does that mean you're settling in Tree Hill?" Lucas directed a question to her for the first time that day, but he soon regretted it and then regret was replaced with doubt analyzing her face.
She shrugged, "I thought it was obvious."
She didn't snap at him!
"Very well," Deb said getting up and putting her dish in the sink, "since it's established that everybody is helping, I'll let you know your parts." She informed them earning another wave of groans and protests as she left.
"I don't wanna kill the surprise but, you've put yourself through hell." Haley told Peyton with an apologetic face.
"Why?! It sounds fun."
"Yeah, but working under Deb's instructions isn't."
"Oh,"
Peyton smiled at the thought, and for some reason, she was fine. Every negative thoughts from the day before are slowly vanishing. Yes, she still needs answers and she still don't know how to find them, but, this morning, she actually learned something from a six years old, she learned that no matter what your surroundings are like, being true to yourself reflects on being true with others which forces them to be true to you…
In other words, face yourself and your fears.
And so, she had to admit that her dislike towards Lucas isn't really directed towards him. It's more like he was the one she blamed for disturbing her balance. He didn't hesitate once to tell her she is unhappy and ringing out her inner fears. Yes, it was line-crossing but it was also true and she chose to deny it.
He also keeps messing things up and then apologizing and he's obviously moody but so is she, and they have insulted each other a lot, but it was two sided.
So, deciding to cool down and act more mature and responsible, she decided to let go of the whole hating-Lucas attitude. It doesn't mean they have to be friends, because it's obviously not a good idea, but, at least it would ease the pressure in her life having to deal with one less issue.
Lucas had thought there was no hope for Peyton to accept even his presence let alone his apologies, at least not any time soon, so, when it was nearing dinner time and he was in his room reviewing some work papers and his door knocked he thought there was a higher chance for it to be Santa Claus than Peyton.
"Peyton!"
"Can we talk?"
"Yeah, sure, um, come in." he said and put aside the papers that were still in his hands and made space for her to set shifting all the papers aside, "Sorry, for the mess. I thought I'd get some work done."
"Is it a bad time?"
"No, no, it's fine."
She nodded and looked around. His room was large. Blue walls. A whole wall in front of the door of book shelves filled to the top of different books. Posters of some old bands, basketball players and a mini basketball hoop over his bed. In front of the shelves a comfy sofa and chair and a small round coffee table.
"Your room is nice."
"Yeah, that's what the ladies say." He attempted to joke with a sly smirk but she gave him the poker face so he cleared his throat, "Sorry."
She shook her head and rolled her eyes, "So, I wanted to talk about us."
"Us?"
"Yeah. You always annoying me and then apologizing and me not accepting it."
He pursed his lips together and nodded acting as if it was the whole truth, "Yes, what about us?"
"It has to stop."
"Are you breaking up with me?"
"Lucas!"
"Well, I'm sorry, but this is ridiculous."
"Excuse me?"
"Well, first of all, us is not exactly how you described it."
"And second of all?"
"It's not how you described it!" she was well aware he was mocking her at their first meeting but she let it pass.
"Okay, us is you being an ass and me being a bitch in return."
"Alright, fair enough."
"So, I was thinking and I figured that it was always you apologizing, while I also wasn't on my best behavior."
"Is this what I think it is?"
"Lucas, I'm trying to be serious here!"
"Alright. Listen, Peyton, I know I scared you by the way I acted and I kept on pushing your buttons and messing things up even more. And I know I cross the lines and I don't know how or why I do it, it's not how I usually act with someone I just met. Maybe it's Ellie's talk about you, maybe it made you someone I'm familiar with. But, I know I'm wrong and I promise it won't happen again."
Peyton nodded, "Good. And I know I was a bitch too. But, you need to know few things about me because obviously we'll be seeing a lot of each other. One, I'm a moody bitch. Two, I don't appreciate meddling even if it's for help unless I'm asking for it. Three, I hate liars, with passion. Four and most importantly, I don't make close friends."
Lucas couldn't help but smile, "Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yeah," he shrugged, "So, no hard feelings?" he extended his hand for her to shake and she accepted it.
"None."
"Great."
'That was easy!' She thought.
"So, it's clear we're not friends, right?"
"Yeah. Pretty clear. We're just at peace."
"Yes. Okay. That's it. I'll go now." She stood up and reached for the doorknob before turning around one more time, "Oh, and thanks for breakfast." She smirked as he rolled his eyes but smiled.
"You're welcome."
And then she left.
"Well, Peyton Sawyer, we have a long journey together." He mumbled organizing all work papers he was working on earlier and putting them neatly away. He had much more important work to think about now…
A/N: Surprise! I know it's been a long time and I'm sorry for that, and if you want to hear excuses, well, I have got nothing better than I was trying to pull my shit together and organize my time ever since I finished exams. And I still have things popping up suddenly. I wrote this while sick in bed whenever I could. So, anyway, what do you think about it? Please let me know your thoughts, and what do you see happening next? I know some stuff are still unclear but as we process everything will be covered.
