Chapter Seven: Problems
Over the next few days, I felt pretty damn happy and it was all because of Eric. Not that I could admit to that, so when people asked, I just shrugged and told them 'just because'. Claude and Tori knew something was up and I think I made Henry feel bad since I'd just re-dumped him, but I didn't care. They could be suspicious or down about it but it wasn't going to stop me from being happy.
"Seriously, Pen. You haven't stopped smiling and it's starting to freak me out." Claude said eating an apple as she watched me put together packs in the infirmary.
"Why can't I be happy?" I asked her. "It's better than being depressed or angry all the time."
"I'm neither of those things and am still not as happy as you." She stated.
"No, you're just desperate to find a fuck buddy that will do whatever you want." I replied with a raised brow. She just glared at me, telling me I was right. Laughing, I shook my head at her, "The newbie's will be arriving soon."
"I know." She nodded. "It just sucks is all."
"I'm sure you haven't met everyone in Dauntless. You might get lucky with someone who's already here."
"I want fresh meat." She stated, holding an invisible steak.
Laughing again, I finished the packs and moved on to the bedding. Claude got bored and left to find something more entertaining to do. Sorting, folding, and putting everything away. It had been a slow week in both the parlor and the infirmary. Mizer had been pretty busy and Bud was helping, but taking a step back was healthy every once in a while. And I was in the mood for real blood. My own injuries had more or less resolved themselves, with only minor rib pain and still the visible bruise or two.
"Incoming!" Simmy said running toward the entrance.
Quickly putting aside what I was doing, I was just in time to see two Dauntless holding onto another who was thrashing in between them. He was huge, bald, muscled, and bleeding. Max and Eric were following behind them. For a moment my stomach fluttered but then I focused on the task at hand.
"Far bed." I told them, wanting him far enough away from anyone else who showed up. "Simmy, get a tranquilizer."
"Don't you fucking touch me you little cunt!" The man bellowed at me.
"Shut your fucking mouth and lay the fuck down!" I bellowed right back at him. He did, though the men who brought him in still stood next to him, ready to grab him again if they needed to. Starting to look him over, he had several lacerations to his face and arms, most actively bleeding. "Simmy!" I called.
"I'm coming!" She replied, swiftly taking his arm.
She was about to administer it when he started to thrash again. "Get the fuck away from me!"
"What's his problem?" I asked one of the guys who now had a hold of him again. The wounded knocked one of his restrainers away, giving me no choice but to grab him. Looking at Max and Eric, they were just watching. "A little help here?" I shot at them. Max stepped forward, pushing down on the man's shoulder while Eric just stood there looking anxious. "Eric!" I yelled at him. He looked like he was about to move forward when the man used whatever energy he had left and flew up and off the table, taking me to the ground with him. His fist found my face, re-splitting it, while his knee dug into my stomach painfully. "Eric!" The man was forced off of me by the two others and Max. Getting to my feet, I glared at Eric, only in the next second I was hit so hard, I was out before I hit the floor.
Waking to a throbbing headache, I was still in the infirmary. Quickly sitting up, ignoring the pain in my head, I looked around. The man was strapped to a bed down the way. He looked like he was out for now. Putting my feet over the edge of the bed, I stood, slowly making my way to the nursing station. Simmy was there with her head on her hands, sleeping with a concerned look on her face.
"Hey." I said softly nudging her. She flew back with wide eyes. "Sorry." I told her. "I didn't mean to startle you."
"Pen." She said quickly standing.
"You're fine." I smiled at her.
"Are you okay?" She asked. "How are you feeling?"
"I'm fine. Just a headache and nothing I can't handle."
She gave me a nervous look, "You haven't looked in the mirror yet have you?"
Frowning, I stepped in front of the one mirror we had in the infirmary. Sighing, I gently touched my left cheek. The cut was nicely stitched though nearly the entire side of my face was a red bruise. The corner of my right eyebrow was split and swollen as well. I must have hit the floor on that side since that was completely new.
"So what happened?" I asked.
"You went down like a fucking rock." She replied.
"After that." I stated with a raised brow.
"Sorry." She said quickly. "Eric grabbed you before the asshole over there could fall on you. I finally managed to sedate him but since I couldn't get into a vein it took forever for him to finally calm down. I've been dosing him every few hours to keep him down."
"Eric?" I frowned. "The one who just stood there while it all happened?"
"He was reluctant to put you down." She told me with a smirk.
"Stop it." I shot at her. "If he had just helped it probably wouldn't have happened." She just smiled. "Simmy, whatever you're thinking forget about it. And if you even think about saying something to anyone about whatever it is you're thinking you better think again. Because if you do, you'll have to keep one eye over your shoulder because I'll be coming for you."
Some color drained from her face and she quickly nodded at me, "Okay."
"Good." I told her and left.
It was late, making the halls quiet as I slowly walked back to my apartment. Opening the door, there was a figure standing at the doors to the balcony. I wasn't in the mood to talk to him. I didn't want to hear his excuse. I had literally called out to him and he didn't even blink. I don't know what I had been expecting, but a stationary Eric wasn't one of them.
"What are you doing here?" I asked him.
"Pen." He said turning to me. I could hear the apology in his voice but he would never say it. "How are you feeling?"
"Like I got knocked out by some overly large man while you just stood there." I shot at him.
"What did you want me to do, Pen? Jump to your rescue?" He frowned back.
"I expected you to do something, Eric." I said moving toward him. "I needed help and Max did more than you. You just stood there."
"Max already thinks that I let you get to me. If I rushed to help you then I would have been proving him right and then it would be my ass."
"So watching me get punched out was your solution?" I asked angrily. "While this –" I said lifting up my shirt to show off the giant bruise the man's knee had left against my stomach, "-was happening?"
"See? This is what I was talking about!" He yelled at me. "One moment of normal conversation and you already think you have some sort of control over me!"
Laughing, I just shook my head at him. "I'm not stupid enough to think I can control anything you do. The most control I have over you is your access to my vagina. Which is completely off limits to you so that ends any power I may have over you." I told him before word vomit spilled from my mouth. "And would never allow myself to think you give a shit about me."
He stepped up to me, so close that his breath wafted over my face, the scent of him warm and masculine. He held my eyes for a long moment before he left, slamming the door behind him. My head throbbed even more than it did before. Taking a shower, I crawled into bed, frustrated and annoyed, hugging a pillow before shutting my eyes, attempting to fall asleep.
Come morning I was in more of a foul mood than I had been last night. My head still had a dull throb. It took all of two seconds for me to decide that I was not getting out of bed today. No one would miss me and one day wasn't enough to cause any trouble. Claude came to see me, laying with me for a while in silence. It was nice to know that she was there for me without have to say anything. The same couldn't be said for Henry. Claude told me I couldn't sulk forever, and I needed to get up and act like the Dauntless I was. Yeah, whatever.
"Everything okay?" Henry asked at dinner.
"Yeah, I'm just frustrated is all." I replied.
"Need a full body massage?" He grinned.
I was still a walking bruise. The very thought of them being touched made me want to cringe. Instead I managed to force a sweet smile for him, "No thanks, baby. But I appreciate the offer."
"I can't wait for the new initiates." Claude said slamming her plate next to me.
Having already gone over this with her, I let Henry take it on. "Sexually frustrated much?"
"I just need some fresh meat. Someone I can mold and make my own."
"You're such a control freak." Henry stated.
She shot him a glare, "So what if I am? At least I get the job done." He just shook his head. "You feeling okay?" She asked me.
"Yup." I stated flatly. "Just sick of feeling beat up when I'm trying to prepare for the newbie's. At this rate I won't be ready to teach."
"You will be. You're second in our group. Even though you're wounded, you're still ready. You kicked every Dauntless born ass during initiation and could easily do it now. And all your injuries will just solidify that they should think twice before messing with you."
"Train with me?" I asked.
"Of course." She said with a slightly raised voice. "Like I'd let you fail."
"I just need to get my head in the game."
"Are you sure you're ready?" She asked. "You've had a long night."
"I'm ready." I replied. "Plus I'm not going to let a punch to the face keep me down." Henry gave me a worried look, but I simply smiled and pressed a kiss against his cheek.
"Pen!"
"What now?" I frowned, looking to see Simmy running toward me. "I'm fine, Simmy." I frowned at her.
"No." She said with a hushed voice. "You need to come with me."
Seeing the seriousness on her face, I quickly stood, following her from the Dining Hall. Claude and Henry were right behind us as we made our way to the Chasm. A crowd had already formed, whispers moving through it.
"It's him." Simmy told me.
My head snapped to her. "Are you sure?"
"Him who?" Henry asked.
"I'm positive." Simmy replied.
"What happened?" I asked her.
She shook her head, "I don't know. All I know is that they found him dead in the Chasm. They have no idea who did it or if he did it himself."
Frowning, I had a hard time believing that he had committed suicide. There was only one person that would have done it. I should have felt some sort of relief or sentiment but I couldn't. All I felt was pissed off.
"Let's go." I told Claude.
"You still wanna train?" She frowned.
"Let's go." I repeated and rushed off.
I wasn't going to let this stop me. Now more than ever I needed to release some of my pent-up emotions. I wasn't a patient person and I was having a hard time not blurting out to Claude everything I'd done and heard. I knew she wouldn't approve of what I'd done with Eric and what I had overheard would send her into a frenzy. And yet I needed to talk to someone. Anyone. Though I knew I couldn't. I'd be ridiculed beyond belief and I was not interested in defending myself over something as personal as this. Not to mention I wasn't about to admit to being Divergent. Not to Claude. Not to anyone.
After several hours of training, Claude and I were both littered with cuts and bruises. We weren't afraid to land blows and as long as we didn't land too many head shots we'd survive. Despite how much we'd learned there was still plenty more. Something that was shown to us when Four appeared and started to help us out. Only his teaching fueled my frustrations. Panting, I glared at him, wiping the blood from my brow. When he came at me again, I ducked under his arm, spinning away from him, biding my time. He darted toward me, making me leap to the side, finding my footing before I gripped him, digging my knee into his side before pushing him to the floor. Letting him get up, he was now glaring at me. Attempting to land a punch, I leaned back, gripping his wrist, twisting him away from me as I punched him in the side of the head. He was dazed enough for me to punch his side, bringing his face down onto my bent knee before once again shoving him to the floor.
Panting, I paced away from him, letting him get to his feet, wiping the blood from his lip. He was frowning at me with a look of both anger and concern. "What?" I shot at him.
Then he was flying at me, his fist collided with my cheek, his other burying itself in my abdomen, then my ribs, feeling his knuckles dig into my opposite cheek as he backhanded me. Spinning to the floor, he kicked my abdomen, pushing the air from my lungs. Then he kicked my ribcage with enough force that I flipped, rolling out of the arena. Gasping for air, I recovered as quickly as I could, facing my mentor and friend. Everyone else just stared at us in silence. Part of me wanted to keep going, but every breath I took hurt and I knew that I couldn't take anymore. He had allowed me to get the upper hand and then I pissed him off. In just seconds he had beaten sense back into me and I was going to reap my rewards of it. Nodding at him, I started to move from the room, slowly and in a great deal of pain. I was nearly halfway to the infirmary when I needed to rest. Dipping into a dark hallway, I slid to the ground, my knees bent, letting my agony cross my face. I was alone for only a few minutes when there were steps. Looking up, I could make out Eric's profile. He sat down in front of me, his knees bent on either side of me. He didn't say anything. Feeling a wave of relief, I wrapped my arm around his knee, leaning against it. He shifted closer to me, pressing a kiss against my forehead.
"It was you, wasn't it?" I asked him. He didn't say anything. "Listen, I'm sorry. I'm sorry about last night and I'm sorry about what I said weeks ago. Okay? I'm sorry." He nodded at me. "Are you punishing me?"
"What?" He frowned.
"I mean, I did reject you for who you are but –"
"And I'm pretty sure I'm still me." He stated, interrupting me.
"There's been moments since then." He nodded. "Let me know you, Eric. Let me in." I retorted without realizing I was going to say it. "And even though I was pissed at first, I kind of adore you for what you did. I was more pissed at the fact that I was happy about what you did. No one's ever killed someone in my defense."
He raised a brow at me. "You're not developing feelings for me are you?"
"Of course not." I shot at him. At the same time my stomach dropped. "I miss your body and want it all the time. I will admit to that. I want the sex you give me. More than that I want your lips against mine." I whined. "And you depriving me of that is not doing you any favors either."
He laughed, running his fingers through my hair. "You're adorable when you're wounded."
I frowned at him, "Don't you go developing feelings for me now."
"Never." He stated but the tone of his voice made my stomach flip.
Gripping his shirt, not wanting to lean forward, I gently pulled on him, "Kiss me, Eric." His smile fell and he just looked at me. If he wanted me to ask, then I'd ask. I didn't care anymore. I needed his lips against mine. "Kiss me."
He gripped my thighs and pulled me toward him. Draping my legs over his, he leaned me against the other, his hand moving down my hair while the other moved to my face, his thumb running along my lips. "And if I don't?"
"Can you really say no to me?" I smirked at him, my arm wrapped around his shoulder, my other hand against his face.
He pressed his forehead against mine. He was so close to me and yet was still depriving me of what I wanted. Then he leaned away, meeting my eyes, "No."
Kissing me passionately, warmth filled me, running through every inch of me. Kissing him back, all my pain ebbed away and for a moment it was pure and undiluted bliss. I hadn't realized how addicted I was to his lips until he stopped letting me touch them. When we finally parted we were both breathing heavily, our foreheads once again touching.
"Thank you." I whispered.
He laughed, his other arm moving around me as he hugged me to his chest. "You're thanking me for kissing you?" Nodding, I smiled, kissing him again, gently sucking his lip to make the taste of his linger in my mouth. "I should be thanking you."
"For what?" I asked, trailing my fingers down his face.
"I don't know yet." He replied.
Smiling wider, I wrapped my arm around his neck, burying my face there. Taking a deep breath of him, he leaned his head against mine. Running my nails up and down his back, he relaxed, sighing lightly. He squeezed me tightly and an odd sensation filled me. Coughing once, I swallowed moister, making me lean away from him as a coughing fit ensued.
"Pen?" Eric said with a hint of worry, his hand on my back.
Taking deep breaths, I looked at the dark liquid in my hand. I knew what it was without needing light to tell me. "Eric." I said as panic started to seep in, shaking starting to take me over. Coughing again, I tried to take in air in between but they were more gasps than anything. "Can't." A gasp. "Breathe."
"Pen." He said putting his hand on my face as I tilted my head back to try and get air into my lungs.
In the next moment I was in his arms, coughing violently against his shoulder, still unable to take in enough air. Once we were out of the hall I could see the red sliding down his arm and over his shoulder. Attempting to grip him as he bolted down the hall, I was starting to lose consciousness. Finding a small moment of relief when air filled my lungs, I rested my head against his neck. His vice grip on me comforting and yet I could hear the fear in his breathing. I was unconscious before we got there.
When I woke it felt as if everything was coming on one thing at a time. It was slow and annoying. Not to mention there was an oxygen mask covering my nose and mouth. It was maddeningly uncomfortable. Slowly cracking my eyes open, the first person I saw was Four. Sitting in a chair, his elbows on his knees, wringing his hands against his mouth. Looking at me, he smiled, scooting the chair closer to me. Gently picking up my hand, he pressed a kiss against the top of it.
"I'm so sorry, Opie." He told me. "I didn't mean to hurt you this bad. I would never want to hurt you." Furrowing my brows, I shook my head at him, not able to find my voice. "I just was so pissed at you and I don't even know why. You were kicking my ass and then I just went too far. I didn't think you were hurt that bad." I just shrugged at him. "Then Simmy came flying down to the training room to tell me what happened." I nodded at him, taking a deep breath. "She said Eric brought you in." I nodded again. "He was covered in blood. Did he hurt you, Pen? Did he do something after you left?" I frowned and shook my head. "Don't lie to me." He frowned back. "If he touched you then you need to let me know. He's already been banned from the infirmary. You're safe. Just tell me what he did."
Pulling the mask from my face, I slowly lifted myself, propping myself up on my elbow. "He didn't do anything." I told him with a clear voice. It hurt, making me lay back down, putting the mask over my nose and mouth again.
He nodded, standing and leaning over me, pressing a kiss against my forehead. "Okay. Rest." Nodding, I still held tight to his hand as I drifted back to sleep.
When I woke next, I was graduated to a nasal cannula, propped up a little more than I had been before. Opening my eyes, I was now surrounded with people. Claude and Henry of course, Nathan and Simmy. Heather and her twin Hannah as well, they were a couple years older than us. They were all sleeping, making me wonder what time it was or how long they'd been holding vigil over me. Claude had my hand and I squeezed it to wake her up. She immediately stood, sitting on the edge of the bed to get closer to me. Draping my arm around her bent knee, I smiled at her.
"God damn you, Pen." She frowned at me.
I just smiled at her, "It wasn't my fault."
"Why did you have to push him so hard? He wouldn't have gotten pissed and put you in here. They were going to send you to the hospital until you started to perk up a bit."
"How long have I been out?"
"Three days." She replied. "Long enough for your breathing to regulate and then you finally got some color back. It was scary as shit. You were coughing up blood and for a while they thought we had another Neely on our hands."
"Is that why they banned Eric?" I asked.
"He wouldn't tell us what he did." She nodded.
"He didn't do anything." I frowned at her. "He found me, that's it."
"I don't believe you." She shot at me.
"Claude, seriously, Eric did not hurt me. If anything he saved me. It wasn't exactly a pleasant experience." I told her slowly. She shook her head, not wanting to believe me. "Underneath all that angst, he is still a human being."
"You're defending him now?" She shot at me.
"I'm not defending him." I told him. "I'm simply not going to let you blame him for something he didn't do. I'll be the first to call him out on all his crap. This just isn't one of them."
She nodded, sighing heavily, "Fine. But I don't like him any more just because he may or may not have saved your life."
Laughing, lightly, frowning when my chest hurt, I squeezed her hand. "I'm okay with that."
It was another two days before they even discussed me leaving. I had a fractured rib they were concerned about, and the many cuts and bruises made it look like I had been attacked. Only it was just a learning experience. Claude and Henry were constantly with me. Four showed up at least a few times a day, the others filtered in and out. It was nice that they cared. But there was only one person that I wanted to see and he wasn't allowed to set a foot in my vicinity. I wanted to thank him. To make sure he was all right. Though I don't know why he wouldn't be. He was Eric after all.
"Pen." Tori said late into the night.
"Where the hell have you been?" I shot at her with a smile.
"Been busy trying to catch up on the work load you left behind for me." She smiled, sitting on the edge of the bed. "I heard it got scary for a while."
"I guess." I sighed, taking her hand. "But I'm okay."
"Rumor has it Eric attacked you." She frowned.
"No." I retorted a little louder than was necessary. "He didn't hurt me. Why does everyone want to put all the blame on him? He saved me. I could have bled out in the hallway I was sitting in if he hadn't come."
"It's funny that you say that since you hated him for letting Neely bleed out." She said softly.
"And after this I can understand your point when you said he may not have known what he'd done." I replied. "Four would never hurt me. Not like this. But he did. It was an accident but it happened. So I have a better understanding of what Eric did to Neely. Or at least I think I do."
"Does it help?" She asked.
"Yeah." I nodded.
She looked at me a long moment, sighing, "He came by the parlor this morning."
"Just to say hi?" I smiled.
"He was asking about you." She went on. "He looked like he hadn't slept in days."
"What are you saying?" I frowned.
"What relationship do you have with him?" She retorted.
"Tori." I frowned.
"Just tell me." She said with a sad expression. "You know I can keep your secrets."
Nodding, I took a deep breath. "I've been sleeping with him for nearly two months now."
"Two months?" She frowned at me. "Why?"
"It started right after Neely was killed. I didn't want it but he made me feel things I never had before. It's just been sex. It's been purely physical. But there are moments when I fear it's becoming more." I confided in her. "I know who he is. I know it's wrong. But I care about him."
"Do you love him?" She asked.
"No." I told her. "No, Tori. I may love what he does to me, but I'm not in love with him."
"But you care about him."
"I really do." I nodded at her.
"And he cares about you." She stated.
"I think so." I frowned at her.
"You were with him when it happened."
Nodding, I sighed, "I was." She nodded, wrapping her head around everything I had just told her. "What did you tell him?"
"Nothing." She replied. "I wasn't going to tell him anything until I talked to you."
"So he still doesn't know that I'm okay?" I asked.
She shook her head, "I don't think so."
"I need to go." I told her, sitting up. It hurt but it was bearable.
"Pen." She frowned.
"They're letting me out in the morning anyway." I shrugged at her. "Just get me some clothes and I can take it from there." She just looked at me. "Please, Tori. I'm fine."
"I did not help you." She said pointing her finger at me before she disappeared.
Returning with clothes, she helped me into them, careful not put too much pressure against my ribs. Slowly pacing, I warmed up my muscles, feeling extremely achy and tired. As soon as I was ready, Tori led me from the infirmary, making sure no one was watching me. Not that it even mattered. They couldn't keep me there even if they wanted to. I'd find a way to escape no matter what they did. Since it was so late, the halls were empty, making it easy to move through them without worry. As soon as we were near Eric's apartment, Tori stopped and turned to me.
"I hope you know what you're doing." She stated.
"Me too." I smiled hugging her tightly.
Watching her leave, I slowly made my way to his door, having to use the wall to steady me every few steps. The door was unlocked, so I let myself inside. There wasn't a lot of light, but enough to see by. This was the first time I'd been in his home. Taking it in, I couldn't help the smile that crossed my face. The sheets and comforter were black. The walls were such a dark blue that it was nearly black. But he had nice lamps that added much needed light to the room. One of them was on as he sat at his desk. There was also a small table with two chairs. There was more round the corner and I could only assume that it was a bathroom. He also had a nice balcony. The several windows would give ample light during the day. With the sun down, the lamp made all the difference. Running my fingers along the end of the bed, my eyes returned to Eric, his head resting on his arms that were folded on top of the desk. Slowly moving to him, I ran my nails up and down his back, pressing a long kiss against his neck. When he didn't wake, I stepped around him, kneeling down so I could see his face. He looked exhausted even in sleep. Gently running my fingers through his hair, I leaned in, kissing him sweetly. He slowly opened his eyes, meeting mine as his brows furrowed.
"Hey." I smiled at him. Then I was in his arms as he swiftly moved to his knees in front of me. "Careful." I told him, making him falter. He leaned away from me, taking my head in his hands and staring at me. "I'm okay." I told him.
His brows furrowed and he pressed his forehead against mine, taking a deep breath. Then he kissed me, slow and deep. Wrapping my arms around him, I moved as close to him as I could get, kissing him repeatedly. He gently ran his hands up and down my back, his lips never leaving mine.
"Thank you." I whispered to him.
He just laughed and kissed me again. "Shut up." Using his arms and shoulders, I slowly got to my feet, making my way to the door. "Where are you going?"
"I wanted to see you." I smiled at him. "Now I have."
"Pen." He said stepping toward me.
"Eric." I grinned, putting my hand on the doorknob.
He frowned, sighing heavily, "Don't make me say it."
"Say what?" I asked, tilting my head.
He scoffed at me, "Just go." He said with annoyance.
Laughing lightly, I slipped out of his room, making my way to my own. It was slow going but I managed to make it without too much trouble. No one was around so it didn't bother me to take my time, stopping as often as necessary. Going to my bathroom, the first thing I did was brush my teeth, wondering how the hell Eric could stand kissing me when I hadn't brushed my teeth in days. I was a bit OCD about brushing my teeth. Which didn't bother me. After my teeth were clean, I made sure to clean the rest of me, enjoying a nice hot shower. Putting on a pair of sweats for bed, I discovered one of Eric's shirts that he must have forgotten at some point. Picking it up, it still smelled like him. Taking a deep breath of it, I put it on, bringing the fabric to my face to smell it again. I was about to crawl into bed when there was soft tapping against my door. Unlocking it, I opened it to see Eric.
"What are you doing here?" I smirked at him.
"I wanted to see you." He replied. Opening it wider, he stepped inside, closing the door and relocking it. Turning to me, his hands found my face as he smiled softly at me. "Hey."
Laughing, I wrapped my arms around his neck, bringing myself onto my toes so I could kiss him as deeply as I wanted. Dropping back down, I kept his hand, leading him to the bed. He crawled onto it first, opening his arm to me. Lying on my good side, I pressed myself against his, and rested my head against his chest. He gently ran his fingers through my hair, pressing the occasional kiss against my forehead.
"Okay." He told me.
"Okay?" I replied.
"I was worried." He stated.
Smiling, I kissed his chest, "I thought as much."
"I thought of that girl and..."
"And?" I asked, shifting away from him so I could meet his eyes.
He rolled over, his hand moving up and down my side. "And she died."
Smiling at him affectionately, I kissed him, "I'm tough, Eric. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon."
He nodded, sighing as he averted his eyes from mine. "But there was a moment."
"Baby, I'm fine." I told him, making him meet my eyes. "And what happened was your fault." I teased, getting a frown from him. "I was so frustrated with you that I pushed Four too hard and this is what happened."
"I think you have that backwards. If you had just kept your mouth shut I wouldn't have been so frustrated with you and this never would have happened." He retorted.
"And if you had just kissed me properly instead of withholding those perfect lips from me it also would never have happened." I countered.
"I don't understand you." He frowned at me.
Smiling, I kissed him, gently biting his bottom lip. "Maybe that's the point."
"Well stop it." He said putting his hand against my face.
"Never." I smirked at him.
"Just when I think I've discovered something about you, you do something and I no longer have any idea who you are."
"You wanna know what helps?" I smiled. "Asking me."
"We don't talk, Pen. We have sex and we part ways." He stated.
"I'm too sore and tired to have sex with you right now. Otherwise you'd already be inside of me." I told him, kissing him as I played with his fingers. He did the same, watching our fingers slide back and forth across each other while I stared at his face. "Eric?" I said wanting to say more but I didn't know what to say that didn't sound ridiculous in my mind.
"Hm." He replied still watching our fingers. When I didn't say anything, he laced his fingers with mine, bringing my hand against his chest before meeting my eyes. He must have seen something there. "What is it?" He asked.
"Nothing." I replied, averting my eyes.
He pressed a kiss to my forehead, before kissing me deeply. "I'm glad you're okay." He told me.
"And I'm glad you're here." I replied, knowing it was true but also knowing that I shouldn't care for him as much as I did. "Tell me something that no one else knows."
"I am allergic to peanuts." He told me.
Smiling, I shook my head. "Why did you transfer?"
He lowered his eyes, once again playing with my fingers. "Because I didn't belong in Erudite. I'm too bold and have too short a temper. And I never thought I was smart enough to be in Erudite. Something those around me weren't afraid to agree with. I'm a better Dauntless." He replied. "What about you?"
"I'm not kind enough to be in Amity. And I too share your short temper." I smirked at him. "I can forgive, but that was the only attribute I had that made me fit in Amity. Everything else just screamed Dauntless to me."
"You can forgive?" He said meeting my eyes.
"I forgave you." I replied.
"I don't deserve your forgiveness."
"It's mine to give."
He kissed me, not meeting my eyes again. "Were you close to your family?"
"Very." I replied. "Leaving them was the hardest thing I've ever done. My two sisters both remained in Amity. I'm the youngest and I chose to leave. They were devastated. But I had to make the right decision for me. Not for them." He nodded. "What about you?"
"No. We were never close." He replied letting go of my hand.
Quickly taking it again, I pressed it against my chest. "That's probably for the best since you left them. Faction before blood, right?"
He met my eyes, "Right."
"How about something easy." I smiled. "Do you like the tattoos I've given you?"
He ran his hand along the raven, a fond look crossing his face. "Yeah, I do." He replied. "But you could tattoo a dragonfly on me and I'd love it the same."
I grinned at him mischievously, "Are these the no feelings coming out?"
"Stop." He smirked. "You are an amazing artist. Even I can't argue about that."
"I guess that would be the Amity in me as well." I stated.
"Your work is flawless. I don't know how anyone goes to anyone else when you're in the parlor."
Smiling, I ran my hand down his face before kissing him deeply. "You don't need to flatter me, Eric."
"I'm just telling you what I think."
"Then there is far more going through that thick head of yours than I thought."
"I'm not what I seem." He told me with a sad edge.
"Then show me who you are." I replied. "I want to know you, Eric. I want to see who you truly are."
"No you don't." He frowned. "I may not be what I seem but that doesn't make me a good person. You're a good person, Pen. If I had the strength to stay away from you I wouldn't be here right now."
It felt as if I had fallen downhill. I felt dizzy and yet things had never been more clear. "I'm afraid I may be developing feelings for you." I told him.
"Then stop it." He stated with seriousness. "No good will come from you feeling for me."
"If you don't feel for me then what are you doing here?"
"Feeling for you is me bettering myself. You feeling for me will just taint you." He moved to get out of bed.
"No." I told him, gripping his arm. "Stay."
"Pen." He frowned down at me.
"I won't say anything else." I stated. "Just stay with me. I feel safer when you're here." I whispered to him.
"Don't tell me that." He whispered back.
"I won't lie to you." I told him.
"This whole talking this sucks." He stated as he laid back down. "When you're better we're going right back to having sex and that's it."
Smiling, I ran my hand back and forth across his chest, tilting my head back so I could meet his eyes. "You go ahead and try."
"I'm a stubborn ass. I'll be just fine." He frowned.
"Oh, I know." I replied, laughing, stopping as my lungs screamed their displeasure.
"Pen?" He said freezing.
Sighing, I nestled against his side again. "I'm okay."
"Jesus, Pen." He said angrily.
I could hear his heart start to race. "Those non-feelings are pretty powerful." I told him softly, wanting to laugh but not wanting to feel the pain of it.
"I hate you." He stated, his grip on me tightening.
"I know. I hate you too." I replied sweetly.
Keeping my word, we were quiet as he held me in his arms, falling asleep knowing that we had taken a step in an unwanted direction and yet it seemed as if we couldn't turn from each other. He was so unexpected and yet fascinating and addicting and…more than I had ever expected him to be.
Waking to liquid in my mouth, I sat up, taking slow deep breaths, wiping the blood from my mouth. I was okay. It was normal. I knew it was. Not only that but they told me it could happen a few times yet before I fully healed. Looking at Eric, he was still sleeping, making me get out of bed carefully so I wouldn't wake him. Going to the bathroom, I spit the blood into the sink. It had already stopped. Rinsing out my mouth, I gripped the sides of the sink, continuing to take slow deep breaths. My lungs didn't protest so I knew I was on the mend. Sitting on the seat of the toilet, I swallowed, making sure the blood was done. This sucked. But I was tough. This wasn't going to slow me down for long.
"Pen?" I heard Eric in the other room. "Baby?"
"I'm in here." I called to him.
"Pen!" He yelled, now with panic in his voice, rushing into view.
"I'm fine." I told him, feeling drained and exhausted.
"Jesus, baby." He said kneeling in front of me, his hands running up and down my thighs.
Putting my hand on his face, I put my forehead against his. "Just breathe, baby." I smiled at him. "Don't let those non-feelings get the best of you."
"Shut up." He said and kissed me deeply. Smiling at him, I stared into his eyes. He stared back for a long moment before he took his hands from me, standing. "I have to go."
"Eric." I frowned.
He didn't even look over his shoulder as he left me sitting there. Hearing the door slam, I stood and walked out into the other room. The light was on, and I saw red on the bed sheets. He cared more about me than either of us were willing to admit. It made me feel amazing and yet terrified. I shouldn't care for him as much as I did. Nothing good would come of it. If he knew who I was – what I was – he would never look at me the same. I'd lose him because of something I couldn't control. But I didn't really have him now. We were just fooling around. Feelings may be developing but for all I knew he was coming to his senses. This was all far too complicated. If I was smart I would leave him the hell alone and ask for the same in return. Though I wasn't sure how probable that was since all I wanted was for him to be here. This was all screwed up.
Thank you all SO MUCH for your reviews/favorites/follows! They are very much appreciated! I'm EXTREMELY happy that you are enjoying the story! And all you Guest reviewers, I truly appreciate them even though I can't respond to you personally. I hope you all continue to enjoy this story and I look forward to hearing from any or all of you! Woo! =)
