A/N - Woops...heh, heh. Did I take a really inexcusably long leave of absence from this story? Yeah...sorry, guys. My bad.

Some of you may know that I left because I was writing and finishing two other stories, "A Great Escape" and "The Song of Winter." However, I was always intending to come back and finish this one. It was by far my most popular in terms of reviews per chapter...I hope I haven't lost all my readers from being gone for so long...


White Hot Darkness

Part 7: The worst birthday

"Nana, I know what I want for my birthday."

The soothsayer looked up from the dish of plums and rice she was preparing, studying the chick framed in the kitchen doorway. She couldn't help but smile whenever she saw Shen. He was still baby-sized, easy to hold and cradle; his robes continued to dwarf him by comparison. Recently, he had started to develop the beginnings of a crest, and three oversized feathers now sprouted from the back of his head. And, of course, you'd be hard-pressed to find a more well-spoken four year old anywhere.

No…five-year-old, she reminded herself. He was only a few days away from his fifth birthday. And when she'd asked him what kind of a present he wanted, he had stared doubtfully at his stacks of toys and games. He already had every material possession he could possibly desire; whenever the soothsayer chided Jin and Ah-lam about never spending time with their son, they would send him another toy, as if that would make up for the lack of parental love and affection. Since then, he had been thinking about what kind of a gift he wanted…and now he apparently had an idea.

"Say the word and I'll get it for you, my prince," she beamed, trotting over to him. "After all, turning five is a very special occasion…"

Shen sucked in a deep breath. "May I have a birthday party?"

The soothsayer's smile faltered.

"Um…" she flailed. "Shen, darling…maybe that's not such a good…"

"I knew it," he said sourly, scowling. His eyes dropped to the floor, and his head feathers lowered bitterly. "I knew you'd say no."

"I didn't say 'no,' dear," she corrected, forcing her voice to remain steady. "All I meant was, who would you invite? You don't have any…"

"…friends," Shen finished quietly. "I don't have any friends."

"I didn't say – "

"You were thinking it!" He was bristling now, his round red eyes narrowing.

The soothsayer gazed at him steadily. "Don't you raise your voice to be, young man…"

Shen hitched up the hem of his enormous robe and tore out of the kitchen, more or less stumbling into the bedroom that the two of them shared. The door clicked quietly shut behind him; he didn't yet have the strength to slam it.

Prince Sheng Li was weak. He knew that, and it frustrated him to no end. Over the past few months, he had begun to feel an emotion that very few children of his age ever experienced: dissatisfaction, accompanied by an unusually developed sense of self-awareness. When he looked through the grand palace windows, out into Gongmen City, he was always aware that amidst the hustle and bustle in the streets, children were playing…running and jumping and shouting, the way he had never been able to. The restraints of constant poor health were unknown to them; they had never been weighted down by sparse strength or frail lungs, had never felt the chains of those ailments tugging them back. Shen might have been precocious, but he still wanted to play and have fun – with other children, and he couldn't.

He tried to. Sometimes when he saw the antelope children (the offspring of the palace servants) gathering in groups in order to partake in peaceful games, he was so tempted to scurry up to them and ask to join. But then they would catch sight of him and begin to snicker nastily, and he wouldn't do anything, except hang his head and shuffle off despondently. It was even worse with the guard children; maybe some of them weren't much more than puppies, but they were still wolves, and they frightened him. They were a lot nastier than the servant kids, too.

But worst of all was when he caught a glimpse of his parents.

There was Lord Jin – strong, bold, authoritative, a natural leader. He never cried or showed weakness, and always seemed calm and collected, no matter what happened. He was strong and lithe, and he probably could have been a great kung fu master were it not for the fact that he had distinctly neglected his martial arts studies in his youth. He could defend himself perfectly well, but when a conflict needed to be stamped out, he left it to his soldiers. He had many other royal activities to engage in - such as governing his subjects, meeting with diplomats and ambassadors from around the continent, and carrying on the proud tradition of creating fireworks that his own father had started.

Lady Ah-lam was good with fireworks too; she had a certain flair for taming the wildly unpredictable powders and chemicals into soft pastel sparkles that drifted down from the heavens like stardust after they reached the skies. One could identify which flares she had crafted in an instant. She took part in the same political matters as her husband, making sure to retain her elegant, ladylike appearance as she did so. Her quick wit and clever ways of arranging words had allowed her to take the advantage in debates more than once.

It was said that Jin and Ah-lam, together in their perfect union, were the greatest rulers that Gongmen City had ever known...but no one spoke hopefully of their legacy continuing into the next generation. For how could their bad color, bad omen of a son ever live up to their glory?...

Shen's eyes brimmed with bitter tears as he flung himself face-down atop his bed mat. If someone had given him the chance to have one of his wishes granted, he wouldn't have wished for a lot of friends and playmates or even for a healthy immune system, despite the fact that he desperately wanted both of those things. No, he would have wished for the ability to make his parents proud of him. Even though he wasn't even five years old yet, he was constantly dreaming of the day that he would do something so massive, so brain-boggling that his parents wouldn't be able to ignore him any longer. Then they would rush up and embrace him, and apologize for never being there before, and tell him that they loved him and that they were so very, very proud of him...

The soothsayer pried open the door to the bedroom a bit, peeking inside tentatively. "Little one…?" she tried.

"Go away," said Shen curtly.

"I will not," she responded, but she didn't sound angry. She made her way over to the bed and lowered herself down beside him, sighing. "Oh, Shen, I know you're lonely. Someday you will find some friends, I'm sure of it, and then you can have your party…"

"But I don't want the party so I can have friends," whispered Shen. "I want it so I can see Mama and Baba."

The reassurances that she had been composing in her head promptly died behind her lips. Her throat went dry. She had known from the beginning that one day, her chick would ask her why she was taking care of him instead of his parents…but she had prayed to the gods that it wouldn't be this soon.

"Um…" she started hesitantly. "Well…that's certainly an…unusual request…"

"I just wanna meet them…" He looked at her with wide, heartbroken eyes that sent a needle of guild twisting into her chest. "I see them around the palace sometimes, but I know they never saw me before…"

"They've seen you before," the soothsayer assured him listlessly. "Once when you were a baby, you got very sick, and they came to see you…"

"But they never come see me now!" Shen grew increasingly distressed, not about to be placated by such an empty excuse. "Wh-what did I do wrong?"

"Nothing, baby…" She fought to keep the quiver out of her voice. After all, this was a situation that she could remedy. "If you want a birthday party with your parents, then I'll make sure that you get it," she promised, pulling him into her lap.

He brightened, his head feathers lifting. "Really?"

She kissed his forehead. "Yes."

"Thank you, Nana!" He snuggled into her, and she thought that the look of contentment on his face was worth going through any number of trials and tribulations, if it only meant that he would be happy. He was so rarely happy these days…

"You'll see, my little Shen. I'll make sure that this will be your best birthday yet."

"You want us to do what?"

Jin and Ah-lam gaped at the soothsayer as if she was requesting for them to fly to the moon. She exhaled roughly; why did they have to make such a big to-do about one simple request? "All I am asking is that you come to see your son on his fifth birthday tomorrow. We would be honored for even a few minutes of your presence…"

"His fifth birthday?" Jin exchanged a glance with his wife, and the soothsayer saw both peafowl mouth two silent words in unison: two years.

"My lord, my lady, will you listen to me for just one moment!" she insisted firmly. "You have a very precocious son, and he is well aware that you exist and that you're his parents. It hasn't escaped his notice that you've been avoiding him at every chance that you get. The child has been having a hard enough time trying to interact with other children; he doesn't need his own parents to be giving him the cold shoulder as well! Why is it so hard for you just to come visit him every once in a while?"

"You know why," said Jin quietly. "We…we can't allow ourselves to get attached to him, soothsayer. What other choice do we have?..."

Her nostrils flared. "If you truly believe that he is sure to perish by his seventh birthday, then perhaps you could relish the time that you have with him instead of distancing yourselves from the boy and bestowing all of your pain upon him!"

Ringing silence followed her words. Of course, that was nothing new. Trying to speak to her rulers and superiors had been an infuriating experience ever since she had become their son's nanny. It seemed to her that in every conversation, she would make a simple request, they would weasel around it for as long as they could, and then she would be driven into an outburst. And, of course, now came the part where they would refuse her wishes while looking like a couple of surly children and quietly send her away…

"All right," said Jin softly.

She blinked. "…wh-what?"

"All right," he repeated, clearing his throat to remove some of the trepidation from his voice. His wife was gripping his arm and looking less than sure, but she didn't refute him. "We'll stop by your quarters tomorrow and visit Sheng Li, though I cannot guarantee how long we will be able to stay…"

The soothsayer felt her face break into a wide smile of gratitude. "Oh, thank you, my lord!" she exclaimed. "You have no idea how much this means to me, really! Oh, Shen will be so happy when I tell him…I know he's missed you, he's always wanted to talk to you again…"

She bowed before the two peafowl, and there was genuine respect in the action for the first time in quite a while. Without waiting for another response from them, she hurried off. After all, she had much to do; Shen's birthday was tomorrow, and she had to obtain decorations, make preparations for a dinner feast, and ensure that their quarters were as tidy as possible in preparation for the arrival of his parents. She was humming slightly to herself as she hurried off. For once, she felt that she didn't need her bowl and powders in order to see that the future was bright.

In later years, she often reflected that this was the first of many mistakes that she would come to regret so deeply. If only she had looked into her bowl that day and seen what was to come just a little earlier…then everything might have been different.

In the morning, she dressed Shen in his finest silk robe, which was unfortunately the largest out of all of his clothes. She attempted to roll up his sleeves a little, but he was so squirmy and hyper that day that she soon gave up on trying to make the fabric stay in place. She brought in servants to help her hang lanterns from the ceiling and perfectly arrange china dishes on a decorated tablecloth, and her chick helped her where he could, although mostly he just ran in excited circles around her feet, chattering excitedly. It was a refreshing change of pace to see him with so much energy, to watch him behaving as most little boys are wont to do for once.

"When are Mama and Baba gonna come? Are they coming soon?" he chirped eagerly.

"Easy, my prince," she chuckled. "I'm not sure when they'll get here – they didn't tell me yesterday. But they'll come…"

The morning went by, and Shen ate his royal breakfast with gusto and acted out a strange scenario with his toys animatedly (from what she could gather, he seemed to be inventing a story about a strong, brave warrior peacock who could shoot fireballs out of his hands). The afternoon passed, his enthusiasm waned slightly, but he still managed to eat a fair-sized portion of his lunch. And then the evening began to crawl by…

The soothsayer sent numerous servants out to find where Jin and Ah-lam had gotten off to, but to no avail. She let Shen stay up nearly an hour later than his usual bedtime in the hopes that they might show up, even though she knew that her hopes were probably in vain. Finally, she was forced to say, "It's time to get ready for bed, my prince."

Shen didn't cry, but even without the tears he looked heartbreakingly miserable. He stood there sniffling while she scrubbed his face and pulled a nightshirt over his head. At last he whispered, "I didn't even get a birthday present."

"Oh, darling…" She fought to purge the catch from her voice. Her emotions were torn between empathy for her baby and fury at his parents for going back on their word. But for now, his parents weren't here. There had to be something she could do for him…

"W-why don't I tell you your fortune, dear?" she asked, a trifle shakily. "Would you like that?"

Shen lifted his eyes and head feathers only slightly. His nanny had never offered to tell his fortune before. He had asked her once or twice, but she had always told him that he shouldn't rely on predictions to tell him his actions – she still believed that, but looking into her bowl was the only way she could think of to cheer him up. Besides, how much could one little foretelling hurt?

"Would you really do that?" he said, a touch of incredulousness creeping into his tone.

"If you really want me to, perhaps I'll do it just this once."

"Please?"

It was already rather late for him to be awake, and she didn't want to get him into the habit of sleeping in, but she figured that she could make an exception on his birthday…especially when the rest of the day had been such a disappointment. So she retrieved her bowl and powders, seated herself cross-legged on the floor, and positioned him so that he was adjacent to her. Then she took his hand and carefully wormed out a single feather. She did it gently, not plucking harshly the way she usually did, but she saw him wince slightly nonetheless.

"Now, let's see what the future has in store for you, little one," she proclaimed as she placed the fuzzy little feather at the bottom of the bowl. She extravagantly tossed a handful of sparkling powder into the air…

White smoke drifted upwards placidly, condensing into the form of a peachick. Shen leaned forward, intrigued, his ruby eyes widening. The soothsayer watched as the smoky child stretched and grew, taking on the towering neck and long train of an adult peacock. But as it did, a disconcerting change fell over it…its coloration was turning from white to black, and its eyes were beginning to glow menacingly like two scarlet drops of blood.

"Nana…?" she heard Shen murmur softly. "What's…"

The black peacock raised its arms triumphantly, and flames spurted up around it, flickering and dancing – they were under its control. She heard a bird's screech of victory, which she knew would be inaudible to Shen. Soon enough, other sounds were pounding at her ears as a powerful vision overtook her. Fires crackled, people screamed…and there was something else, too, like the explosion of a firework setting off, but much more foreboding…

"NANA!"

The soothsayer blinked, and the nightmare world around her boiled and vanished. She was sprawled out on her back on the floor, and Shen was crouched by her side, shaking her frantically. Tears were gushing from his eyes, and he was screaming and sobbing hysterically. He must have seen her collapse and thought that she was hurt or unconscious or worse.

"Shh-shh-shhhhh…" she hushed him quickly, pushing herself back up. Her heart was pounding and she was slightly dizzy, but it was nothing that she couldn't fight through in order to comfort him. "Easy, love, easy…it's all right…" She pulled him into her arms, and he clung to her fearfully, as if he thought that she would evaporate.

"W-w-what happened?" he whimpered, hiccupping slightly. "H-how come you f-f-f-fell?"

"I had a vision…" She tightened her embrace. "But it's all right, that's happened to me before. I didn't see your future, though, baby. That happens too, sometimes, I don't see what it is that I was trying to see…"

But even as she sat there, rocking him and comforting him and coaxing him into sleep, she was utterly terrified. She couldn't like to herself – she had seen…something…in Shen's future. She had seen him quite literally turn dark, had felt a roiling insanity that seemed to be trapped within him, fueling his terrible actions. She feared for her chick, feared that he might turn into something else, something that was beyond his control.

And she would do all she could to change the future…but she couldn't help but think that it might already be too late…


A/N - Yeah, I know this wasn't my best work. Sorry, I figured that something was better than nothing. Oh, and because I have many ongoing writing and art projects at the moment, please don't expect this story to be updated all that frequently. As I said before, though, I definitely want to finish it.

And I also want to apologize for "threatening" my readers to stop updating unless they left reviews. As I said, this is my most reviewed story in terms of reviews per chapter, so I had no reason to complain. I know I've been gone for a long time, but I would greatly appreciate it if you would leave me a review to tell me if this chapter was everything you wanted and more or not. Please, thank you, and have a nice day.