I slept fit-fully that night. I was unbelievably sore from the surgery and feeling a little loopy from the pain medication. I was super sensitive to noises and was startled awake by the sound of someone crying. I opened my eyes to see a dark figure standing by Katsuye's bassinet, cradling her in their arms. I figured that it was just one of the nurses performing another check up. She had absorbed a lot of the toxins from the drugs used to keep me under the illusion and they were gradually removing them so her body could slowly heal and not go into shock. But that still didn't explain the crying.
"You are so beautiful," a familiar voice trembled, thick with emotion. "You're just as beautiful as your mother. As much as I looked forward to meeting you, it wasn't worth the cost. I was an abusive bully. She will never forgive me and I don't deserve to be."
I sat up and squinted my eyes in an effort to see who it was more clearly. He had a tall muscular build with short spiky hair. In fact, I was certain that it was Kisame. I almost sounded the alarm, but then realized that this had to be another hallucination. Earlier in the day I had called in security because I had been convinced that Orochimaru and Pein were there. And to be explained that they had been dead for some time, like I was some stupid kid was enough embarrassment to last a lifetime. So this time I kept my mouth shut. Besides, if he were really here, he'd be the psychotic jerk he was before. This one was softly crying and holding Katsuye so tenderly. I considered turning over and trying to go back to sleep, but a part of me wanted this to be real. This could be my one chance to talk to the Kisame I secretly missed.
"Is she everything you imagined she'd look like?" I asked.
He turned and blinked in surprise at being addressed. "You're awake?"
"That's a weird question for a hallucination to ask," I laughed. "You really think that one, I'd be talking to you so calmly if I were awake and two, you'd be stupid enough to come here if you were real?"
He considered this for a moment. "Then why would you imagine me here?"
I shrugged. "Maybe it's just a secret fantasy playing out."
"Such as?"
I carefully turned and swung my legs over the side of the bed. "Part of me wishes that you did regret what you did to me. And it would be refreshing to have a frank and honest discussion with the old you. Not the psychotic and pushy one that you've become. And besides, you're part of my imagination so you should know that already."
He smiled. "I'd like that too." He turned his attention back to Katsuye. "As for your earlier question, she's even better than I imagined. What's her name?"
"Katsuye."
"What a fitting name." He gently stroked her cheek. "Though I must confess it's a shame she got the gills. She'll be forever teased about them."
"I never teased you about it," I countered. "I always thought they were sexy."
"Sexy?" He sounded amused. "That's the first time I've ever heard your opinion about them. Anything else you care to share?"
I wore a small smile. "I've really missed you."
His smile faded. "Even after what I did to you? It was unforgivable."
"I'm not talking about what your jerky real self did. I'll throttle him later," I huffed as I pushed myself up to stand. I carefully took Katsuye out of his hands and placed her back in the bassinet. I'm not sure why, but I wrapped my arms around him and rested my head on his chest. He hesitantly wrapped his arms around me. "I'm talking about the old you. I used to look up to you; there was no one better or stronger. I still can't believe that we were married. It's so weird having these memories back. It…it almost feels like someone else lived them instead of me, you know?"
"I'm not sure that I do," he admitted.
"I had always felt that a part of me was missing and it looks like I was right. And yet," I paused for a moment. "It seems to have caused more problems than it solved."
"Like what?" He gently pressed.
"I had hoped that one day you'd break free from the curse like me. That you wouldn't change either but now I hate who you have become. Sure you used to have a volatile temper, but you weren't some blood-thirsty thug. And to drug me so you impregnate me is about the most despicable thing I've ever heard. I just," my voice wavered. "I never thought you'd ever sink that low. It's a flat out betrayal to everything we ever shared. There's no recovering from that. Even if my memories had remained locked away it would have been devastating. But to know now makes the pain more acute."
"It was very wrong of me," he confessed. "And very selfish. I just wanted to be with you so badly that I ignored my conscience. I should have tried harder to fight the order."
"Don't waste your time making excuses for him," I said sternly. "He still went through with it."
"So you hate me then…er…I mean him."
I giggled. "That's the sickest part of all. I should hate you. I really should, but you know what?" I looked him in the eye. "I don't."
He looked surprised. "You…don't?"
I shook my head in exasperation. "Crazy huh? I'd never admit it aloud, but I feel sorry for you. I'm sorry that you were forced into Akatsuki and that I wasn't able to save you in the end." I lowered my gaze as I thought more about it, finally allowing myself to accept my feelings. "I'm sorry that I was too weak to live with the memories. I should have been stronger. Then I wouldn't have abandoned you to your fate." I looked back up at him. "You're nothing like who you used to be. You've become the ultimate weapon, nearly unbeatable, but you've also lost the very best parts of yourself."
"And what were those?"
"You've lost your sensitivity, your tenderness and compassion. You've lost your sense of loyalty to one's country and dedication to building it up and making it a better place than ever before. And I miss your nagging too."
"I never nagged," he sounded grumpy.
"Oh yes you did," I laughed. "But it was how you showed that you cared."
"I still do," he said as he kissed the top of my head.
"No you don't, at least not for the right reasons."
"What do you mean?" He asked curiously.
"You're stuck in the past, on who I used to be. But I'm not that little girl anymore." I pulled back, my legs were shaking. I had been standing for too long. He helped me back to the bed and gently tucked me in before pulling up a chair to sit by my side. "With my memories being erased, I made different choices. Choices I probably wouldn't have made if I had remembered you. And yet," I hesitated. "I'm not entirely sure that I want to change them. I'm happy with the new life I made for myself."
I reached out for his hand and gently squeezed it. "I'm not being very fair to you though," I confessed. "It's only because of the past that I tolerate you now. So maybe I'm stuck on it too."
"It's hard not to be," he smiled. "It was a fantastic time. But it will be again when Madara wins-"
"No it won't," I said firmly. "Sure the idea of universal peace is tantalizing, but where there is no free will, there is no true happiness. I have often found that the farther I fall, the more appreciation I have for the little things I take for granted. It's during those times that I grow the most."
He looked like he was listening intently and I laughed. "Look at me, talking to a figment of my imagination, practically lecturing it too. I've become a real basket case."
He grinned. "So you're only honest when you're crazy?"
"It would appear so," I said as I settled back against the pillows.
He looked sad. "I wish you were this honest when you're conscious."
"I could never tell you these things if I was awake," I said as I rolled onto my side with my back to him.
"And why is that?" He whispered.
"I don't think you'd listen."
He was quiet for so long that I thought the hallucination was over. Then he spoke. "What would you tell the real me, if you could?"
"To let go of the past, live in the present, and embrace the future."
"That sounds like something Itachi-san would say," he mused. "Why not say it in simpler terms?"
I rolled back over so I could look at him. "I've changed. I don't want the same things that I used to. You didn't limit my decisions, and I won't limit yours. Let go of me and live for yourself."
I could tell that he didn't quite understand what I meant, but I was too tired to explain further. I closed my eyes and just before I drifted off to sleep I felt him brush the hair from my face and gently kissed my cheek. "If only it were that simple. I think we'll meet again, though sooner than you'd like." He pressed something into my hand. "But I will listen next time, I promise."
When I woke up the next morning, I thought back to that hallucination and sighed. It felt great to finally let out everything I wanted to say to him since we first met. If only it were real, then I would think there's a chance that he's worth saving. I went to rub my eyes when something fell out of my hand. It was a familiar Kirigakure shinobi headband with a slash through the center.
