If She's Hurt
I know there are a lot of rumors flying about Lisa being in the premier. I heard about it and decided to have my own take. Not as fantastical as her being in the cult, but still we get rid of her.
No warnings for this. I managed to write something rated T! Go me!
I'm finally moved in to my new place. Sweating like a dog, but I managed!
Thanks for all the support!
Penelope was safe. Penelope was safe. Penelope was safe. That's what Luke kept repeating to himself as he sat in a chair in the corner of the beige room. His leg was bouncing up and down and he kept fidgeting. He readjusted in the seat multiple times but couldn't seem to find a comfortable way to sit. Penelope adjusted in her bed, her eyes were still closed and he had to stare at the beeping machine for a few minutes until he convinced himself that it was indeed her heart that made it make the consistent noise. He screwed his eyes shut again, he felt idiotic still being so wound up. He knew she was here, right in front of him. She was going to be fine. But he hadn't had the chance to talk to her. At least she was getting some much needed rest.
The team had stayed for a while but once the word had come through that she was fine and needed rest they had decided on a rotation schedule to be by her side. Luke told them all to leave, he would take the first shift. Everybody was tired and needed to get back to their loved ones. But the woman he was dating was already here at the hospital, so why would he leave? In truth, he wasn't going to leave anyway even if there was no excuse.
Knowing Penelope was in danger, knowing it could've ended up even worse, knowing that this was actually an incredibly odd thing to have happen, and yet it was the scariest thing he'd ever known. Worse than the feeling of wondering if his unit was coming back for him when he was behind enemy lines. Worse than anytime he was shot at. Even worse than when Phil had been - Someone was standing right in front of him and he hadn't noticed because his face was buried in his hands. His ears heard the last click of the shoes and his eyes travelled from the floor, past the chart in her arms up to the woman's face, "Are you okay?"
Luke cleared his throat, "Yeah, it was an extremely tough day at work." His voice indicated his exhaustion.
"I understand, but a lot of your days are tough aren't they? Everyone is safe. I figured this is one of the better outcomes." She inched closer to him.
Luke pushed off the arms of the chair, "Right, yeah, it's good that everyone is safe." His eyes flitted towards the bed.
Lisa's gaze followed his, she turned back to him and narrowed her eyes, "Do you-"
"Doctor, they need you on four for a consult." The nurse had seen her enter this room and decided to let her know instead of paging her.
"I'll be right there." Lisa smiled at the other woman then turned back to Luke, "After I'm done with this I'll bring you a coffee."
Luke nodded, "Sure." He watched her leave. He took a deep breath, he didn't need coffee, he wasn't sure he'd ever sleep again as it was. Sitting back in the seat that he decided was going to be his home for a couple of days, he tried to adjust and get comfortable. He readjusted and fidgeted again for at least ten minutes. The thoughts occupying his mind were trying to get out of his body through movement so he got up and started pacing. He paced for at least another ten minutes until he heard a voice.
"Alvez, you don't workout enough as it is?" Penelope's groggy voice questioned him.
Luke froze, he saw that her eyes were barely open but somehow she managed to give him an incredulous glare anyway, "I'm sorry, Garcia. I guess it was just all so adrenaline inducing." He cleared his throat and stepped towards the bed so he was at her side, he set his hand on the bed near her, "Garcia, Penelope, I'm glad you're okay."
"Hey, me too." She groaned a little as she adjusted herself on the bed.
"Here, do you need-"
"No, no. I'm fine. I'm barely awake. I just felt you moving, I think."
"I'm sorry, I can go. I just wanted to be here to-" He wasn't sure he knew what he needed to be there for.
"It's fine. Please stay." Her weak fingertips lightly patted his, sitting there on her bed. "But I'm afraid I won't be much of a host." Her eyes shut again and her face fell sideways as sleep over took her once more.
"That's okay." Luke whispered. Her fingers had fallen from the back of his, he stared at her hand for a moment, then he realized he felt more calm now. Maybe it was hearing her for himself or maybe it was the proximity. Luke decided to move the beige chair to her bedside. He adjusted it multiple times, until he was close enough to let both forearms rest near her side. Penelope's fingers were still there, lightly curled into a loose fist. He hesitated a few times then he decided that he'd hold her hand. A deep breath escaped his lips and he realized he felt like he'd been holding his breath since he heard she was in trouble. He sighed again and let his forehead rest on his forearm.
"Luke. Uh, Luke?" JJ softly said his name again.
Luke groggily sat up, "Oh, JJ. Hey. I must've fallen asleep. What time is it?"
"Not quite time for shift change. I came an hour early. I couldn't resist." JJ smiled at him sweetly. "So she did okay through the night then?"
"She only woke up once." Luke explained as he used one hand to rub the sleep from his eyes. When he reached over to his opposite eye he felt like the movement was awkward, that's when he realized his other hand was still firmly in Penelope's. He swiftly but cautiously pulled it away. As he rubbed quickly at his eye, he chanced a glance at JJ who had turned her gaze to the floor and rounded the bed to the other side. "Uh, she was groggy but she really hasn't moved around much."
"That's good. Restless sleep is not what she needs. I'm sure the meds have helped with that." JJ set down the knitting she brought for Penelope. She figured she'd get bored if they decided to keep her here long. "You should go get some sleep. I'm fine. I zonked out as soon as I got home. I'm ready for my shift." They were both still speaking softly.
"I'm okay. Really. I slept a lot and uh, Lisa was going to bring me coffee -" he glanced at his watch, "hours ago - and yeah, I can stay too."
JJ nodded with a tight smile on her face, "Okay." She came around the bed again to stand behind him. The window blind was down, so she peeked through the corner of it. Out of the corner of her eye she watched Luke run his fingers over a cut Penelope had on her wrist that led to her finger.
JJ cleared her throat lightly, "Good thing they didn't mess up her digits. She'd be in here wide awake, wondering what to do if she couldn't try out her new keyboard."
Luke smiled but didn't turn to JJ as he spoke, "Very true." He made sure his fingers were no longer touching hers. He set them on the edge of the bed but as soon as he felt like he couldn't touch her anymore, the restlessness crept up again. He began tapping the tips of his fingers lightly, as if playing a piano, but with no particular melody. Then he remembered she felt his movement before so he ceased his movements but then he tensed his hands.
JJ smiled but shook her head, she leaned against the low sill of the window, resting her butt there for stability, "Alvez?"
"Yeah?"
"You shouldn't be here when she wakes up again."
Luke's head spun quickly to JJ who was trying to smile kindly but also seemed a little reserved. "Why not?" His brow furrowed.
JJ shook her head, her hands came up to tuck her hair behind her ears on either side. She paused a moment, before looking into his eyes so he knew she meant no harm but was also serious. "Luke, whatever is making you feel like you need to be here, that feeling, Penelope has probably felt it too. And," JJ shifted the weight from foot to foot making her hips adjust against the wall, "the last thing she needs to do is pretend to be okay when she's trying to get better." JJ let her eyes fall to the ground and then back to his as she nodded.
Luke narrowed his eyes at her, "I don't get what you mean."
JJ nodded again as her head moved back, she tried to figure out how else to say this without saying anything, "Luke, you feel the need to be here. You're worried about her, you have a compulsion to stay at her bedside."
"I would be worried about any of the team."
"Yeah I know. I know. But would you have stayed at my bedside all night?" JJ tried to smile at him but she also tilted her head at him, hoping Luke would get the message.
"Well, no. Will would be-"
"Yeah, sure. So Emily then? Or Rossi?" JJ clenched her teeth as she watched the feelings move over Luke's face. "Luke, all I'm saying is you feel the need to be there for her, that is wonderful. She'll enjoy the support from all of us and she'll need it. But, she doesn't need - if she wakes up with you holding her hand, her heart might jump a little bit. If you are just here with the rest of us as a support then you don't have the chance to make that happen in the same way." JJ shook her head again, "C'mon Luke, just-it's fine. You've done nothing wrong, but, let's keep it that way. Penelope doesn't need to wake up and see your girlfriend bringing you coffee."
Luke finally turned his body towards JJ as he held a hand up momentarily then set it back at his side as he shook his own head, "JJ, that's not what this is."
"Okay. I understand. So then, you should let me take my shift." She pushed off the wall so she was standing upright as well, "If that's not what this is, then you need to let us take our shifts that we agreed on. And whenever she's awake, asleep, or otherwise whoever happens to be here is here."
"I was just worried and I-"
"Luke, c'mon." JJ plead with her eyes for him to not do this. "You want to be here. It'll make you feel better but it wont make her, not once the moment has passed."
Luke cleared his throat and turned back to Penelope who was still soundly sleeping, his eyes travelled down to her hand still in the spot he'd left it. He nodded, and turned back to JJ, "Okay. I'll go home then." His feet carried him slowly towards the door but the closer he got to it the heavier his legs felt. He stopped and spun around, he came back towards JJ so that they could maintain their quiet conversation, "Why do I feel like I need to stay?"
JJ smiled, with a sigh, she sat down in the chair he'd abandoned, "I think you know the answer to that. But, if there is nothing more to it, then you need to keep it that way."
"What do you mean nothing more to it?"
"Okay, just tell me, what were you thinking when we were driving to go rescue her? Just," she shrugged nonchalantly, "what went through your head?"
Luke shook himself, and both hands came up to his hair, he roughly rubbed them across his head and back again in frustration, "I just kept thinking; if she's hurt, what would I do? If she's hurt then who will take her place? Not at work but in life. Who will be Penelope? And I couldn't figure out what I would do if that happened."
JJ nodded, "Yes, and while I know you'd miss me terribly, your thoughts would have been about logistics, tactical approaches, the profile of these cult members. You care about her in a different way than you care about us. There is nothing wrong with that but it's not ridiculous to think she does too. And if you two are just friends and colleagues then you shouldn't make that more complicated."
Luke scoffed and shook his head, he paced just a foot forward and then back, "JJ, I - that's -"
"Incredibly accurate? Don't dig in deeper if you don't mean to plant anything. It will only leave an empty, extremely useless, hole." JJ watched his eyes become downcast and his hands clench and unclench. "Maybe you should go get your girlfriend a coffee instead. She's probably busy."
Luke nodded and walked out of the room. He still didn't go far, just to the end of the hall. He had chosen to pace in the waiting area there, instead of in Penelope's room.
Lisa walked up to him with a resigned smile on her face, "Hey, Luke. Here," she handed him a small cardboard cup.
"Thanks," he set it on the small end table nearby and kept pacing.
Lisa watched him for a few moments before she got agitated, "Luke, is that true?" Luke's head shot up to decipher what she meant, "Is that what went through your mind when you went to save Penelope?" Lisa's eyes were genuine as she scanned his, looking for the answer there.
Luke scoffed and his gaze went to the ceiling, he bit his bottom lip in frustration before speaking, "Yeah, Leese, it is."
Lisa nodded, "It's a good thing we were too busy to make this a serious relationship." Her attempt at a smile was weak, she held back a couple of tears, "Look, I gotta go. I have another patient. I'll come by to get my stuff, or you can throw it in a box or something." She spun around.
"What does that - this isn't anything - it's not-" Luke didn't have the words, at least, not the right ones.
Lisa turned to him again, "C'mon, Luke. Even I'm not surprised you're still here for her." Lisa scoffed and turned to retreat again.
Luke stayed rooted to his spot, he threw his hands out to the sides, he didn't want to think about this right now, "Lisa, it's not-"
Lisa turned to him as she walked backwards, "If your plan was to stay here and not follow me, then it sort of is." She turned again and hustled away, disappearing down the hall.
Luke watched her go, but even after her words, he didn't move an inch, "Damn it." He sat back in a chair, his elbows resting on his knees, his head in his hands.
"So, are you going to go get her? Or are you going to go get her?" Rossi's cool tone and small smirk made Luke roll his eyes.
"I didn't mean anything by it. I just-" Luke shook his head. "What am I supposed to do Rossi? What could possibly be the solution?"
"That's just it, kid. It's not a solution you're after. Feelings are complicated and nuanced. But it's been awhile and quite frankly, I'm bored of the will they won't they. So either, do or don't. And if you don't, yes, I'll think you're an idiot but I will also tell you, you need to make sure to keep things more platonic. Penelope tries and fails sometimes too but she's been better lately. You having a girlfriend helped with that." Rossi stated dryly.
Luke crossed his arms over his chest and sat back against the polyester chair, "I didn't mean to-" he sighed in frustration, "I didn't mean not to either though."
"Exactly." Rossi clicked his tongue. "Now I'm going to go see the best and only tech goddess I know. And you don't have to follow me. You have to choose to walk on your own." Rossi ambled away.
Luke was pinching the bridge of his nose as he sat still. He set his arms down then crossed them again. Then he got up to pace, he felt fidgety and his nerves were jumping as if he'd already had a gallon of coffee.
The trees blowing made his gaze move towards the window, he turned to stare outside but that was when he saw the coffee cup sitting alone on the table. The liquid had chilled and the color of it seemed dull. He took a deep breath, realizing that without any coffee at all he was ready to jump out of his skin, just because his eyes weren't on Penelope. He didn't know if she was okay because he couldn't see her. If he needed to see her so badly that could only mean one thing, "Damn it." He shook his head. He grabbed the cup and threw it in the garbage. "She's definitely the only thing that could make me this restive before I've even had caffeine."
I would love to know what you think of this one. I just sort of blurted it out without any planning.
Thanks, everyone!
