A/N: I feel like I need to explain British slang before you read on to avoid confusion. Todger is slang for willy, and fanny in England is actually quite a crude word for lady parts, not a bum like in the US (hence the British giggles at any mention of fanny packs). Also- I'm an adult in a prestigious post-graduate program. Ha.

"We know you're there, now please leave before we deduct points."

Lily rolled her eyes at the two fifth years as they quickly left the broom closet and flitted to their respective dormitories. She could tell that James was holding back a chuckle, and she was glad he did.

"Oh to be young and in love." James sighed and continued walking down the corridor. Lily followed silently. It hadn't been the easiest night so far, if only because she was so tired. She had spent the last night exchanging letters with Hugh to the point where the school owl had tried to bite her finger when she asked him to send another letter around 2am. The next morning, she had awoken at six with no intention of going back to sleep again. Consequently, she found it very difficult to concentrate on patrols.

James and Lily walked silently down the third floor, and when he spoke, Lily almost jumped.

"Can I ask you a question?"

"Of course," Lily held in a yawn.

"Do you have a television set?" James asked, and Lily raised her eyebrows in surprise.

"Yes, we do." Lily said. "Why do you ask?"

"Well," James grinned down at her. "We were talking about television and films in Muggle Studies today, and Sirius and I thought of the perfect program for muggles."

"I'm sure it'll be fascinating." Lily said, peering into an empty classroom.

"Can I run it past you, then?" James asked.

"If you insist."

James beamed, seemingly ignoring the fact that she could barely keep her eyes open. "Well, it's for children. Do they have programs for children?"

"Yes they do. Is it educational?"

"You know Sirius and I live to educate today's youth." James scoffed cockily, and Lily giggled despite herself. "Now hush and listen. It's called Roger's Todger."

"Oh Christ."

"I said hush." James glared, though he couldn't quite hold back his grin. "Roger and his friends will teach children all about that special time in their life when they start feeling things in their pants."

"Roger has friends?" Lily asked reluctantly.

"Of course. Roger and his todger are a very sociable bunch." James replied, running a hand through his hair. "His lady friend is Fanny the Fanny-"

"Creative."

"And then there's Billy the Bumhole, who does an occasional poo and cries about it."

"I'm trying very hard to wipe the mental image I have in my head." Lily shuddered theatrically, and James scoffed again.

"Don't be so dramatic. It'll be great; children will talk about it for weeks. We already wrote the first episode, when Roger gets an erection for the first time and his todger-"

"James, stop. Please." Lily couldn't hold back her laugh any longer, and it erupted, echoing down the hallway. James stood there in mock-offense and waited for her giggles to subside before continuing to walk down the hallways again.

"I don't even want to know how you came up with that idea. I'm slightly horrified." Lily said, nudging him playfully.

"I'm a man of complete mystery, you wouldn't begin to understand where my ideas come from." James smiled down at her fondly. "Did you watch many televisions when you were young?"

"We just watched the one," Lily grinned at his mistake, "but we watched different programs on it, yes. Lots of black and white films since my dad loved them."

"What sort of films?"

"Oh, you know," Lily shrugged. "Anything with a pretty woman. My dad was completely obsessed with Doris Day, we watched Calamity Jane every weekend."

"What's that?" James frowned.

"A film about a singing woman with obvious lesbian undertones. I was almost named Doris." Lily laughed at his horrified expression.

"I don't think I could take you seriously if you were called Doris Evans. It's like someone being named Esther. I hate the name Esther."

"Why?" Lily giggled.

"There's a hidden 'h' there, and as a bad speller I don't appreciate words that trick you." James sniffed. "Phoenix is another one."

"Did you just admit a weakness?" Lily smiled.

"Savour it, Evans. It doesn't happen often, I don't have many weaknesses. I'm all strengths."

They had reached the Gryffindor common room, and as Lily uttered the password to the Fat Lady and stepped in, James grabbed her arm.

"Speaking of strengths," James smiled. "Are you coming to the Quidditch match tomorrow?"

Lily had forgotten all about the match, but didn't think it was wise to relay that information. "Yes, I'm coming. Who is it against again?"

James stiffened slightly. "Slytherin. The first match is always against Slytherin, you silly woman."

"I'm sorry I offended you so greatly." Lily smiled. "Do you feel prepared, then?"

"Oh yes, though Slytherin has a new captain, so I'm interested in seeing how much that effects them." James hesitated slightly. "Ravenclaw has a new captain too. Robert Fawcett. You're friends with him, aren't you?"

Lily nodded, smiling. "Yes, Robbie's great, very witty. You'd get on with him, actually."

This had not been the answer James was hoping for, but he smiled back anyway. "If you say so."

The crackling of the fire and the dimmed common room reminded Lily of how tired she was before they had started talking, and she yawned loudly. "I suppose I should head to bed. I'll see you tomorrow. Good luck." Lily waved at him and headed to her dormitory. As soon as she had disappeared up the stairs, however, James had turned back and retraced his steps to the Ravenclaw Tower.


"Move over, Head Girl coming through. You three, get off, those seats are ours." Marlene proceeded across the Quidditch pitch, shooing the three first years out of prime seats. Lily wanted to call them back to reclaim their seats, but they had scurried away quickly she could only shout out a heartfelt apology after them.

"You shouldn't do that, Mar." Mary said, sitting next to Lily.

"Had to be done," Marlene grinned just as the Slytherin team was called onto the pitch. Lily clapped politely, receiving glares from her fellow Gryffindors..

"So did you hear what happened to Robbie Fawcett yesterday?" Mary asked.

Lily frowned. "No, what happened?"

Mary shook her head sadly. "It's horrible. He was hexed last night after curfew. He's in the Hospital Wing now, completely bedridden."

Marlene gasped. "That's horrid. Who would do that?"

Mary shrugged. "Whoever they are, they did some damage. Dermot McLaggen said he won't be out for at least a week."

"But I was patrolling last night." Lily's eyebrows furrowed.

"It happened in the tower, apparently. The Ravenclaws are at a complete lost."

"Poor Robbie…" Lily mumbled, then nudged Remus who sat in front of her between Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew. "Hey Remus, do you know what happened to Robbie Fawcett?"

"Shouldn't you know, Evans?" Sirius sneered at her, and Lily frowned.

"Why would I know?"

Before Sirius could reply, Remus spoke up. "He's in the Hospital Wing, apparently someone hexed him badly. He's covered in exploding boils, he can barely move."

"That's so cruel," Mary gasped. "Why would anyone do that?"

Peter shrugged. "Quidditch fanatics, probably. He is the Captain, after all."

"But Ravenclaw isn't playing for weeks." Marlene frowned, and the Peter shrugged again.

Lily was distracted throughout the game, and she watched with disinterest as the game commenced. As usual, James flew by the Gryffindor stands any chance he got, grinning or winking at Lily. Lily shook her head good-naturedly every time, ignoring the odd glare she got from the third year girls behind her. After 45 minutes, the Gryffindor seeker caught the snitch, and the people around her erupted. Lily was lead to the field with the rest of the Gryffindors as they celebrated around her, and she grinned and clapped along, congratulation passing Quidditch players. Suddenly, James came striding towards her, a huge grin on his face. Before Lily could say anything, he grabbed her and swung her around. Lily laughed and hugged him back, ignoring his slightly musty smell. When he finally let her go, she stood on her toes, ruffled his hair affectionately and pecked him on the cheek.

"Good chasering, Potter."

"I don't think that's a word, Evans. But thanks anyway."

"Does this mean you'll be insanely obnoxious about your win all week?"

"Week? More like month. Or at least until you threaten to hex me."

"Lily!" Marlene called from across the crowd, and Lily waved.

"I'll see you at the after-party." Lily smiled, and strode towards Marlene.

Lily didn't notice that there were two pairs of eyes watching them from different sides of the pitch. Up on the staff's stand, Hugh watched as James Potter's eyes followed Lily when she walked away. Near the Slytherins, Snape's fists were clenched in anger as Lily wade her way through the crowd in search of her friends.


Later that evening, James Potter strut through the empty corridors on his way to the kitchen. Everything had been going so well, and he couldn't wait to go back to the Gryffindor tower and bask in the celebrations again. But alas, hunger called and as much as enjoyed the piles of sugary treats at the party, he could have murdered a bacon butty.

"Expelliarmus!"

James flew against the wall as the spell hit him, and his wand came sailing out of his pocket, but James, with his Quidditch reflexes, caught it before he even hit the wall. James was slightly used to being hexed in the corridors, and he grew to slightly expect it whenever he was alone. Still, he knew exactly who was stood behind him, before he even turned around to face him.

Snape's wand was pointed at James menacingly, his eyes shining with hatred.

"Now now, Snivellus." James said, though his wand was pointed at Snape as well. "There's no need for any of this. We've been quite good to each other this term, haven't we? Why break the habit?"

Snape hissed an expletive, and James laughed. "Now, you're just being obnoxious. Lower you wand, Snape, or I'll deduct points."

"I don't care about your points, Potter." Snape spat out his name in disgust. "I just want you to fuck off. You ruin everything."

James raised his eyebrows. "Well, that was dramatic, wasn't it?"

Snape ignored him, his wand steady. "She was my friend, and you stole her away from me. It doesn't matter to you that you've had everything handed down to you in a silver fucking spoon, you just had to have her too, didn't you?"

James resisted the urge to roll his eyes. "If it's Lily you're on about, she's not a bloody toy. I didn't make her do anything, nor did I snatch her up while you were sleeping. I assure you that she's my friend out of her own consent."

At this, Snape's expression flickered and James, sensing what was coming, shouted. "Petrificus Totalus!"

Snape hit the ground with a thud, his wand flying out of his grasp. James exhaled loudly and made his way towards Snape's frozen form.

"Look what you made me do." James frowned down at him. "I would lift the hex, but you'll probably chase me down the corridors shouting about possessions or whatever rubbish you were spewing. Honestly, she would hex you if she heard you talking about her like that, you twat. But I suppose I can't leave you here, sadly." James sighed and lifted his wand again, but before he could utter a single word, a voice echoed behind her.

"Leave. Him. Alone."

James turned and faced a horrified looking Lily, watching him as he pointed a wand at a frozen Snape.

"Lily, it's not what you-" James started, but Lily interrupted him.

"You just couldn't resist, could you?" Lily hissed, making her way towards them. "What has he done to you lately? After all we've been through, after all I've told you. You'll never grow up, will you?"

James's neck grew hot, and he clenched his fist. "He hexed me."

"You're not the one lying there helplessly." Lily growled.

"Merlin, what is wrong with you? Listen- I was walking down the corridor, minding my own bloody business, when this tosser came out of nowhere and hurled a hex at me. I suppose you wanted me to just stand there and take it?"

Lily shook her head, not meeting James' gaze. "No duelling in corridors. 10 points from Gryffindor and Slytherin." She said, and walked away, ignoring James' shouts behind her.

Lily knocked at his office door and waited, adrenaline still rushing through her from her encounter with James. Disappointment couldn't begin to explain how she felt about that entire situation. She had trusted James so much, believed him when he told her that he had grown up. Lily sighed, and wondered how she had become such a bad judge of character.

The door opened, and Hugh peered behind it. When he saw who it was, he smiled slightly and led her inside. Before he could speak, Lily looked up at him and said. "Okay."

"Okay what?" Hugh frowned slightly, ushering her towards a chair.

"Us. Okay." Lily couldn't bring herself to actually utter an entire sentence. She knew that part of this was her way of trying to get some sort of revenge on James, however childish that was.

"You mean, we can pursue a relationship?" Hugh said, and she couldn't really read his expression.

"Yes." Lily answered simply, and Hugh smiled at her. Lily, reluctantly, smiled back.

A/N: Bloop. Not my best, I know, but I just wanted to get this out. Whatevs.

Please review! I'd love to hear theories/thoughts on the plot/characters.