Unworthy
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Goldensnitch18
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Rated M
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Summary: Pansy Parkinson believes herself unworthy of a great many things, not the least of which is love. This story is a twelve days of Christmas story which will be updated daily until complete on the twelfth day.
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Disclaimer: I am not profiting from this story.
Anything you recognize belongs to the great and mighty JKR.
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Dedication: For tmtcltb, Thank you for always being so kind and supportive. You are so wonderful, and I am glad to have you as a reader.
November
Draco and Harry's back door opened, and Harry moved out to join Pansy. They had finished dinner with Draco a few minutes before. "It's freezing out here," he told her, running his hands along his arms.
"That's what magic is for," Pansy quipped, quite comfortable in the bubble of her warming charm. The garden was cold and dark, but the sky was clear, and the glass of wine Draco had poured for her was only half gone.
"Glad you came." He fished in his pockets until he located his wand, casting his own shield from the cold. "He's worried about you."
"I'm fine," she said immediately, not bothering to consider whether the words were true or not. Draco was nearly always worried about her. The reasons simply changed.
"I know. We just haven't seen much of you since your father. Even at school." He ran an awkward hand through his hair as he shifted his weight.
"I've just been busy. Had to catch up, you know," she lied.
"I guess." he shrugged, the hand sliding down to rub at his neck. "What about our Christmas party? You going to make it?"
"I don't know. I hate those things." She shrugged before lifting her glass to her lips.
"It would mean a lot to him," he pushed. Pansy glanced over at him. Harry looked at her like she was broken, something he had surely adopted from Draco.
"You're going to the Burrow for Christmas?" she asked, changing the subject without committing.
Harry frowned but nodded. "Yeah. Always do. You can come if you want."
She laughed at this. "Oh, yes. You know that is my idea of a perfect Christmas."
"They're good people. You would like them," Harry said, and she raised her eyebrows at him. He laughed. "Okay, they would like you. You would hate them."
"Thank you." She honestly couldn't even imagine what a Christmas like that would be like. She had always spent them at home with her parents. They would open gifts, eat lunch, and spend the rest of the day the same way they would spend any other day. The only part of Christmas she liked was the evening she would spend at Malfoy's house. She and Draco would sneak away as soon as possible with a plate overflowing with delicious food and a bottle of wine he had nicked.
"You going home then?" Harry watched her carefully as she shrugged. The only way she would go home to spend Christmas alone with her mother was if her life depended on it and maybe not even then.
The door behind Harry swung open, and Draco walked out with them. "You're both mad," he hissed as he took the few steps towards Harry and his charm. "It's freezing." He wrapped his arms around Harry from behind, burying his fingers in the other man's front pockets. Pansy pretended not to notice the soft kiss he placed on Harry's shoulder.
"It's her fault. She came out first," Harry told him. His body leaned naturally back into Draco. They were utterly perfect. It made her ache.
"You didn't have to follow, Potter," she insisted.
"I had to ask you about Christmas," he replied, grinning, as Pansy glared. She knew he was only trying to bring the topic up again because Draco had come outside.
"You're coming to the party right?" Draco asked, without missing a beat.
"I don't know," she answered again.
"Neville asked if you were coming," Harry told her. "I think he's worried about you, too."
"I'm sure he's not," Pansy answered, shaking her head, knowing this was another lie.
"Is he seeing anyone right now?" Draco asked Harry. "Maybe we could work a little matchmaking into the evening," he teased. He didn't know. She knew that he didn't, but it still stung that he was using this to tease her, that he thought her feeling something for Neville would be funny. It won't happen again.
"Not since Hannah," Harry grinned, also thinking that this topic was amusing. After all, who would ever expect Pansy Parkinson to fall for Neville Longbottom? Not Pansy, that was sure. "It's been a year and a half. He's due for some romance."
She tried not to think about Hannah. Neville had dated her for three years while she was working at the Leaky and training at St. Mungo's. It had been long distance, and as far as she knew never really serious, but she had already been falling for him towards the end of it, which had resulted in her being jealous of a sodding Hufflepuff of all things which was honestly just unacceptable.
Instead of letting them see this, she rolled her eyes. "I'm good. Thanks."
"Come on," Draco chuckled as he spoke. "How long has it been since you've gone out with someone?"
"Well, the options are so great at Hogwarts, I don't know how I haven't found someone."
Next to her, Harry pulled gently away from Draco. "I'm going to go get a drink, you two need anything?"
"No," Draco said, as Pansy held up her glass and shook her head. They were quiet as Harry walked back into the house, closing the door behind him.
"So, you just going to be alone for the rest of your life then?" Draco asked.
"Really, I hardly think that …"
"Pansy," he cut her off. "You hardly went anywhere or talked to anyone as it was. Since your dad, I don't even know how you managed it, but you've been worse. You can't lock yourself away from the world forever."
"Did you have Harry leave so you could talk to me about getting out there, Draco?" she asked, annoyed.
"It's not about dating. You know I don't care if you date anyone. Be alone forever or date ruddy Longbottom for all I care, just don't lock yourself away from me, Harry, and the people who want to be around you. I know you aren't going to see your mother, and I'm basically the only person you put up with anymore."
"I see my students. I have to deal with the other professors." She knew she wasn't going to get out of this easily, but she could still try.
"Harry said you've stopped eating in the Great Hall most days, and you haven't talked to him in weeks." Fucking Harry.
"I'm fine. I just -"
"Stop fucking telling me you're fine!" Draco nearly growled, and she jumped.
"Draco!"
"Pansy! Don't treat me like I'm stupid. You're not fine. Something is wrong, and instead of dealing with it, you're hiding away from everyone, from me. I know Harry had to practically drag you out of the castle tonight. We do talk you know." The intense gaze of his eyes on hers captivated her, pulling her beyond lying.
"I'm just … I don't know. I'm ..." she stuttered, searching for the right word. Lost. Unworthy. Broken.
Draco sighed, exasperated. "Just come to the party, okay? I know you don't like Hermione, but Neville and Harry will be there, and Luna. She amuses you."
"She is mad," Pansy declared, but she did actually enjoy Luna. The woman was odd and mysterious and never tried to pretend to like her more than she actually did.
"Yes, and you love it." Draco leaned in to kiss her cheek softly, and she found her body moving into his, quite possibly desperate for someone who cared to hold her, even if for a moment.
She tried to smile against his shoulder, but failed. "Okay, I'll come."
A/N: Thank you for continuing to read !
xoxo
Meg
