Hi everyone! Thank you all so very much for your reviews and adds. Sorry it took me so long to update, but my boyfriend surprised me with a weekend get away as an earliy birthday gift since he'll be out of town for my birthday. You don't learn as much about Harper as I originally planned in this chapter, but you will in the next. I'll try not to make you wait so long next time. Thanks again and please let me know what you think!
Disclaimer: I own nothing associated with the Twilight series.
Chapter 7
"Are you sure about this, Harper?" Jason asked after he hung up the phone and sat down on the edge of my bed. He looked at me with slightly narrowed eyes, but he wasn't angry. He was just concerned, but the second he told Sam to bring Paul over the ache lessoned in my chest.
"Yes," I said with a heavy breath. "I can't explain it, Jason, but I just need to see him." Jason sighed quietly as he reached out and tucked my hair behind my ears. I hadn't showered in two days and I knew I probably smelled just as bad as I was certain I looked. "If I had time, I'd take a shower."
"You look fine for someone who hasn't slept in days," he said and I sighed quietly before I laid back against my pillows. It was Jason's turn to sigh before he stood from the bed. "I'm going to make some coffee," he said. "Do you want some juice or anything?"
"No, thank you," I said quietly as I looked at him from where I laid. He nodded and left the room. I just laid there in the silence for a little while, but it wasn't long before the sound of a heavy knock on the front door echoed throughout the quiet house. I sat up, but I didn't have the energy to do much more than that as I looked at my open bedroom door. I heard Jason's heavy footfalls on the wood floors before I heard the clicks of the locks opening and then the door opening.
"Hi Jason," a voice said. It was Sam and I frowned as I wondered if Paul was with him because I didn't hear him speak.
"She's in her room," Jason's tight voice answered an unspoken question before I heard another set of footfalls echo through the living room. When I heard the footsteps in the hall, my heart started to pound harder. His impressive frame filled the doorway. He was half-hazardly dressed in a pair of cut offs and a t-shirt that was a bit too small for his broad shoulders. He looked just as tired as I felt and his body was tense with apprehension as he looked at me. The second his eyes met mine the pain and ache in my chest was gone.
"Paul," I whispered and he was at my bedside in a second. "You can sit," I said and he sat down on the edge of the bed, practically the same place that Jason had been sitting just seconds before. His eyes never left mine with the exception of a quick scan of my face once he was sitting down. "I'm sorry for pushing you away," I said, not exactly knowing what to say to him to get the conversation started.
"It's okay," he said gently, but his voice was rough, like he hadn't used it in a long time. "I'm here now and that's all that really matters. When was the last time you slept?" he asked.
"When did you?" I asked, throwing his question back at him, and he scoffed a laugh as he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand. I knew that that was a nervous habit of his, and it was an endearing habit at the same time.
"Peacefully? About a week," he said. "Sam told me that Jason said you've been having nightmares." I nodded when he paused and frowned slightly as his eyes scanned my face. "Are you okay?" I didn't answer his question right away. Instead, I raised my trembling left hand to the right side of his face. The heat of his skin was just as surprising as the first time I felt it when I had ran into him, but I kept my hand there anyway. Even when he gasped at my touch and his eyes widened, I didn't pull my hand away.
"Seeing you makes me feel infinitely better," I said, "and I don't know why." He sighed quietly as he raised his right hand to my hand that rested on the side of his face. His hand was much larger than mine and as much as his touch should have made me afraid I didn't want to pull away from him, so I didn't.
"Whatever I did to make you angry with me, I'm sorry," he said and I shook my head as I scooted closer to him. I hadn't realized how cold I was until he sat down on the bed and his seemingly natural warmth was welcoming.
"You didn't do anything," I said and he gently pulled my hand from his face but kept a secure hold upon it as he rested our hands on the bed in the small space between us. "I'm just scared."
"Of me?" he questioned, his brow furrowed and his eyes dark. His grip tightened on my hand, but it wasn't painful. It was more like a desperation grip and I griped his hand back just as tightly as he gripped mine.
"Yes and no," I answered honestly. "I'm scared of getting too close. It's hard to explain, Paul, and it's a long story."
"I've got time," he said. He looked at me expectantly and I wanted to tell him about my parents, my scars, my nightmares; I wanted to tell him about everything. I wanted to tell him everything about me, and that realization shook me to my core.
"This makes no sense at all," I whispered as I looked down at our joined hands with a small frown. His russet/copper skin was such a contrast to my pale skin, but it was a beautiful contrast and I liked how my hand fit perfectly within his. It was almost like my had was made to fit with his.
"What makes no sense?" he asked me, his voice trying to be gentle and to coax the words from me. However, I was still able to hear the very slight annoyance in his tone. I was dragging him into my bubble of confusion, and he wasn't very happy about it. Hell, I wasn't happy about it. I was hoping he could pull me out of it. Slowly, I returned my eyes to his and I took a deep breath through my nose.
"I barely know you and I want to tell you everything," I said.
"Is that a bad thing?" he asked with a small, crooked smile that made my once calm heart race once more.
"Not bad, just strange," I finally managed after several seconds of just looking into his eyes. "I'm not used to this. I'm not used to what I'm feeling every time I'm around you, and I hope you can understand that. It took me a long time to work up the courage to tell Jason what I freely want to tell you. I had to learn to trust him again, and it makes no sense that I trust you like I do when I've only known you for all of two weeks."
"Can't you accept it as a good thing and go with the flow?" he asked. "It doesn't have to be this hard. Why can't you just let yourself go and trust me like you want to?" I shook my head negatively as I tried to get my voice to work.
"I don't know," I whispered. "You can't even imagine how hard doing that is for me."
"Harper," he said heavily as he shifted his position on the bed so he was closer to me. He raised his free left hand to my face, and just like before, I didn't flinch away from him. "Talk to me."
"I can't," I breathed as tears lined my eyes. "I can't because the second I do, you won't want anything to do with me. It was easier just to push you away." He frowned as he ran his thumb along my cheek, brushing away a tear that had escaped from my flooding eyes. "Paul, I am a mental wreck; a complete and total train wreck; and you will want nothing to do with me when you know just how messed up I am," I said, unable and unwilling to stop the tears that flowed. He held my face with a gentleness I didn't know he possessed as his large, rough hands wiped at my tears.
"There is nothing about you that could ever make me leave you," he said. "Talk to me, Harper," he repeated, there was an urgency to his tone as he spoke and I sniffed when I felt my nose run a bit. "I want to help you, but I can't unless you talk to me.
"It's too hard," I said as my tears started to fall a little harder. He sighed but nodded his head.
"It's okay, Harper, please don't cry," he said softly before he moved even closer to me and moved his hands from my face and wrapped his arms around me.
I was no longer surprised by the comfort his touch brought and I melted into his arms as I buried my face in his neck and wrapped my own arms around him. My tears didn't last long, but I didn't pull away from him. He just held me and I held onto him as though he was my lifeline from the heavy emotions I was drowning in. My hands gripped his shirt tightly as he made small circles on my upper back and whispered calming words to me that I couldn't really understand but they comforted me all the same.
"When you're ready to talk, Harper; I'll be there," he promised. As he spoke those words, I didn't doubt them for a second. We pulled apart and I looked up at him as I wiped at my face out of embarrassment. He helped smooth out my hair and as I lowered my hands I looked at his face and the soft smile that was on his lips.
"Thanks," I said and his smile grew.
"Your hair is so curly," he said absently as he lowered his hands from my hair and his eyes met mine. I smiled at him then since I knew my hair probably looked like a rats nest because I hadn't brushed it in forever.
"It's awful I know," I said as I blushed lightly. I hated my curly hair most of the time because it always took me forever to get right so I could wear it down, but it wasn't overly curly to the point that I couldn't wear it down.
"I like it, actually," he said as he raised his hand to my hair again and carefully ran his fingers through a few of the tangles with his smile still in place.
"You do?" I asked curiously. I didn't think guys like curly hair because in all the sappy romantic comedies the heroine always had the perfect flowing straight locks that were near impossible for my hair to achieve.
"Yeah," he said as he lowered his hand. "It suits you." The tenderness in his eyes had been unexpected, but it was natural and it didn't scare me like I thought it would. The anxiousness had returned and the butterflies erupted in my stomach as we just looked at each other.
"Thanks," I said again, not really knowing what else to say.
"How about you get out of this bed, take a shower, and join your brother, Sam, and me for breakfast," he instructed more than asked and I laughed. The sound made him smile again and I felt lighter than I had in ages.
"Are you saying I smell or something?" I asked and his smile morphed into a grin.
"Believe me when I tell you that you don't. I'd be the first to tell you," he said and I tilted my head to the side as I looked at him, but he just winked at me before he stood from the bed and walked out of my room. It was hard to believe that not twenty minutes earlier I had felt like the world was coming to an end, but all I wanted to do was get in and out of the shower as quickly as possible so I could spend more time with Paul.
After breakfast and after Jason had a private conversation with Sam and Paul; Sam and Jason left for work leaving me alone with Paul. We had taken up shop on the sofa to talk and after only about thirty minutes of chatting, I found myself nodding off to sleep. "Harper," Paul said as he put a gentle hand on my knee. I startled away and looked at him to find him smiling at me.
"Sorry," I said softly as I rubbed at my eyes and he took his hand off my knee and shook his head.
"It's okay," he said. "I should go so you can get some sleep, and I should go home and get some sleep too."
"Don't go, please," I said as I moved closer to him on the sofa. I gave up on trying to figure out what was going on with me when it came to Paul. I wasn't going to push him away anymore because it had been far too painful.
"I should go, but since you asked," he said with a smile before he moved his arm to the back of the sofa and without a word I closed the distance between us and literally snuggled into his side. He lowered his arm from the sofa and wrapped it around me, holding me to him as my head rested on his shoulder. The TV was on some mindless soap opera, but neither one of us was really paying attention to it because both of us drifted off to sleep.
"I never thought that anything like this would happen," I heard a familiar voice whisper as I slowly woke from the deep and dreamless sleep I had succumbed to with Paul that morning.
"Why?" another voice asked, but the smile was obvious in the tone.
"Three years ago . . . something terrible happened to her. She didn't go to school for two years, I had to hire a tutor for her and when she started school last year, she was barely making it through a day at school without having a panic attack. We moved so she could try and get over the past, but I didn't think it would happen this fast," the first voice said. It was obviously Jason, but the second voice wasn't Sam.
"Well, obviously she's gotten over it," the second voice said and I realized it was Jared.
"Not completely," a deep rumbling voice came from right above my head and my pillow, that happened to be Paul's chest, vibrated as he spoke.
"Shh, Paul, you're going to wake her," Jared chided and I slowly opened my eyes as I slid my head against Paul's chest and looked up at Jason and Jared with a small smile.
"I'm already awake," I said and Jared smiled at me while Jason looked at me with concern etched across his face. "I'm fine, Jason," I assured him and his concern morphed to confusion. I sat up and wiped at the sweat on the side of my face after hours of lying against Paul. I looked at the young man in question and he gave me a small smile.
"Did you sleep okay?" he asked and I nodded.
"You?" I asked and his smile grew.
"Never better," he said and Jason cleared his throat while Jared chuckled. Paul and I looked at Jason who put his hands on his hips.
"I think you should head home, Paul," Jason said. "Jared followed me so he could give you a ride home." I sighed quietly and looked at Paul just in time to see him nod his head at Jason before he looked back at me.
"I'll come by tomorrow," he said and I nodded. "Thank you for asking for me. You don't know how happy it made me when Sam told me you wanted to see me."
"Thanks for coming," I said and he smiled before he tucked my hair behind my ears and stood from the sofa. Jared winked at me before he smacked Paul on the shoulder and squeezed it before the two of them left the house. I bit my lip to hold back my smile as I watched the door close behind them and Jason cleared his throat again. I looked up at him and released my lower lip from my teeth when I saw the frown on his face.
"What the hell happened today?" he asked as he sat down on the coffee table in front of me with his elbows on his knees.
"We fell asleep after you left," I said with a shrug. "Nothing else happened."
"That's not what I'm talking about," he said and it was my turn to frown. "Harper, I was this close to calling Dr. Hamilton," he said as he raised his right hand and gestured a very small amount with his index finger and thumb. "You were just like you were before you had that breakdown when I had to check you into the hospital. How in the hell did you go from that to this?" he asked as he lowered his hand and looked at me like I had grown another head.
"I don't know," I said as I shook my head, "but is it a bad thing?"
"No," he said, "but it's . . . odd."
"Tell me about," I said dryly and Jason chuckled even though there was no mirth in his tone.
"I think you should call Dr. Hamilton tomorrow," he said. "See if she can give you a referral. I want you start therapy again."
"Why?" I asked and he stood from his seat and I looked up at him.
"Just do it, okay? I don't want you like that ever again," he said before he leaned down and kissed my forehead. When he pulled back and looked down at me, he rubbed at his eyes. "I'm going to fix dinner, anything you want?" he asked as he lowered his hand from his eyes and looked at me. His eyes were red rimmed and he looked like he was ready to cry.
"No," I said softly and he gave me a tight lipped smile before he nodded and walked out of the living room and into the kitchen. I sighed quietly as I rubbed the sleep from my face and laid my head back against the sofa. Life was so freaking complicated.
