Even though I'm giving it all I have, I can't concentrate on English right now. As I look outside the window the pain shooting through my face only gets worse. I turn back towards the teacher to try and pay attention but everything stats spinning. I close my eyes as they start stinging almost as bad as the rest of my face. The thought of going to Rick's house in 20 minutes only makes everything hurt more.

I thought I could do this. I honestly believed that I could make this kind of sacrifice for Lucas and his well being but I don't think I can anymore. I feel like throwing up when I think of Rick and I can't explain what I feel when I think of being alone with him. I have no clue how far he'll go and I don't think I wanna stick around to find out. I try to remind myself that I'm doing this to help everyone else but is it really worth hurting myself?

I don't have an answer to that question now and I highly doubt I'll have one in the next 15 minutes either. I don't know how I'm supposed to act when I'll alone with Rick. Am I supposed to seem scared or do I act like nothing is wrong? Which one is going to keep him away from me? I can't just give him what he wants, I did that once before and I don't wanna do it again but I don't know if I have a choice.

There is no way for me to get out of going to Rick's tonight but where do things go from there. If I tell him it's over I don't know what he'll do. He could be one of those 'if I can't have you no one can' people. I may not like my life but I don't wanna be beat to death. I hate to admit it but I'm scared. I really hate the fact that Rick has that power over me, that just the thought of him send chills down my spine. I don't like being scared of I've always avoided it at all cost but this time I don't think I can avoid it, any of it.

I look up at the clock and my heart skips a beat when I realize that I only have 2 minutes until the period ends, until I have to meet Rick, until I have to be alone with him. I look back out the window and all I can think about those few minutes last night that changed my life. It's still just a blur and it's hard to believe that its having this much of an impact of on me. I'm being controlled by something I don't even understand, something I don't remember.

The sudden ringing in my ears interrupts my thoughts but not my fears. I watch momentarily as all the other students pack up their things and prepare to leave the room. Most of them are going to the safety of their own homes. Others are getting ready to greet their boyfriend or girlfriend with open, loving arms. Some are going to practice and games but because of my luck both basketball and cheerleading are cancelled for the day. I shove my binder into my bag and stand form my desk. I'm one of the last people to leave the room and I can't make my legs move faster then they are, not that I want them to. I see Brooke out of the corner of my eye and look in her direction. She catches my glance and glares at me before turning away and walking swiftly to her car.

"Hey babe, you ready to go" My stomach knots and I feel like I'm going to pass out when I feel his hand snake around my waist. Tears fill my eyes as the fear radiates through my veins but I push everything to the side because I know what I have to do.

"Yeah" I smile up at him and he leans down. I close my eyes as his lips touch mine and I don't think I've ever been more repulsed. I was thrilled when he didn't shove his tongue in my mouth. I smiled again as we pulled apart. He told me to follow his car since I had driven to school and that we were going straight to his house.

"I'll take you to school from now on" he said. It was almost sweet; in fact it would have been if he hadn't left a fist print around my eye last night.

"You don't have to do that" I respond as I continue to smile and we walk towards the parking lot.

"But I want to" He grins again and I'm surprise when it makes me think of Nathan. It's not that Luke and Nate have different grins but Rick's just makes me think of Nate's for some reason. I push the thought aside as he pulls away from me and walks towards his car as I walk towards mine. AS I throw my stuff in the back seat and start the engine I see Nathan and Haley walk behind me. Why can't I find something like they have? They are always so happy together and they seem to perfect. Nothing in my life is perfect and I know that I'm jealous of what they have, that thing that I can't find, not that I really know what that thing is. I just know that I want it for myself.

I reverse out of my parking space and I pull up behind Rick's car. I see him look back at me and smile and I don't' have to force myself to smile back, it's almost like it happens out of instinct now, I've gotten so used to faking my life its almost feels real. How messed up is that. We both stop at the school's main exit. He puts his signal on to go left and I do the same. If I turn right thought I can go home and I don't have to put up with his shit tonight. He'd probably follow me though. But if I didn't go home he wouldn't know where I went, I'd just have to get myself lost for a few hours. I watch him make the left turn and I pull up to where he was before. I look at the empty road and get ready tot urn the wheel my mind still debating what to do.

I don't know why but I follow him, I make the left turn and follow him to his house. Something makes me think that maybe this is what's supposed to happen. I mean if I had made the right turn I would have gotten away for tonight but I would have just made things worse for tomorrow. Hell, he might have gone to my house and waited for me. I get the feeling he knows that my dad isn't home, I think most people do. Making that right turn would have been wrong, it would have only caused me to dig myself deeper into the hole I'm in.

I follow him into his driveway and shut off my car behind his. He gets out and looks at me, waiting for my door to open. After a minor hesitation I push my door open and step out, closing it slowly behind me. I walk up to him with the same smile plastered on my shiny pink lips. He wraps his arm around my waist as we walk to his front door. Our cars our the only one's in the driveway which means his parents aren't home, just like they weren't home last night, just like they'll probably never be home. He opens the door and pulls me inside, shutting the door behind him.