Caitlin
What if he doesn't come back?
That question had haunted me since the beginning of the week. What if? What if, what if, what if? Part of me wanted him to return. Hungered for it. A part of me felt like my entire life depended on his arrival.
Another part… wasn't so optimistic.
Another part felt like my entire life was at stake. Not my life, particularly, but everyone else's. And if one couldn't die, but had nothing to live for… Well, what could I do? My distraction could mean the murder of many hybrids and humans.
So no, it wasn't my directly my life I feared for. It was my people. In extension, my sanity, as well.
On the day of his arrival, I was a wreck. I had to skip classes and just fly around Boston all day. I flew into birds and buildings, drifted down toward the water and plunged in. Back at the school, I knocked people over and blew up a bench out of surprise. I made a flood in the front hallway and grew vines from the rafters of the second floor dorm.My teachers, for their part, were pissed by the afternoon.
"Caitlin!" they would yell. I would jump, and something else unintentional would happen. "Fix it, now. This was unnecessary." And I always would. Jason wondered why I don't just tell them to shove it, since I was in control of them, but I just said I chose to be seventeen for a reason. Authority was for a time and place only.
That night, after I had fixed the school, I nervously flew out into the forest. I was wearing baggy pants again, because a fake leg could show weakness to him. Who knew what he would think? It wasn't like I showed it to just anybody.
After wandering for half an hour or so, I decided to just go to the clearing where I had seen him for the first time. He would probably think the same thing, since it was the only part of the grounds he knew.
I made it to the clearing in record time. He wasn't there.
My heart sank.
As I started hyperventilating , my brain screamed, You stupid girl! You irrational, starstruck teenager. No wonder you chose seventeen. You are acting like a puppy that was fed and wants more. You aren't fit to run an entire underground civilization… It was hard, but I tried to ignore the constant stream of self-criticism. Instead, I searched deep into my mind for the tiny, rational sliver of common sense that I relied on in a crisis. It was telling me not to be stupid, and check the time.
I did. It was only 5:00. He wouldn't be here yet.
I sighed with relief. I really had thought he wouldn't come. The anxious feeling in my chest made me realize how much bigger the part hoping he would come was than the part saying it was a bad idea.
I was dumbstruck. So Sam was right.
Sitting in the middle of the clearing, I realized how tired I was. Thinking about it, my rational sliver of brain reminded me that he wouldn't be here for a while.
I laid on the ground; it was cool how the vampire and werewolf in me made this comfortable. Laying on my back, looking at the darkened, setting sky, I thought about how impossibly happy I was. Still in pain, of course, but the thought of making life less miserable for someone else made me happy. That was one reason I fit so well into this role in life; happiness made me happy.
Thinking about happiness, and the beautiful, never ending sky, I drifted off to sleep.
Johnson
When I got to the clearing, she was laying on the ground, fast asleep. My breath caught. Words did not describe.
I never understood how Edward could watch Bella sleep when she was human. Now I knew.
I took a deep breath of her scent. Quietly, so as not to disturb her slumber, I sat cross legged on the ground.
Caitlin
When I sleep, I usually don't dream. Even when I was a human, dreams were not a huge part of my sleep. But that night, I dreamt of Johnson.
Epiphanies weren't common for me; I usually avoided anything that would give me false hope. But in my dream, I was with him, and we were happy. We were with a large group, but because I didn't have any smell in my dream, I couldn't tell what they were. Their faces were clouded and dark, but somehow I could feel the joy they all felt. I was sure things were going to be okay.
And then I woke up. I didn't know where I was for about two seconds, and was disorientated. Then I saw him.
I instantly flipped back and curled into a defensive crouch. A snarl rumbled through my lips. I was pretty sure I looked like a true horror movie monster.
Then I realized who it was. I immediately straitened up and crossed my arms. I glared.
"Jesus, you could have woken me up."
He couldn't glare back. He was staring at me with awe written all across his face. His eyes shone with a true joy. "I didn't want to. You looked so happy." He was just as beautiful as I remembered, and for a second I remembered my dream. Everything was going to be all right.
But I was startled. "How long have you been watching me? And how did you not attack me?" I asked when the idea occurred. He chuckled.
"I had a revelation."
I wasn't sure what he meant by that, but I would find out later. I kneeled on the ground and stretched. "Have you hunted?"
His eyes were an amazing golden honey. I took that as a yes.
After stretching one more time, I clapped my hands. "Let's get down to business."
For the first time since I had met him, he looked truly nervous. I could sort of understand him- he had no idea what we were going to do. Really, I didn't either.
He cleared his throat. "What… what, exactly, are we going to be doing?" I considered this. I had several ideas, but nothing was concrete. I sort of thought we would plan as we went along. But one thing was for certain.
"I'm going to synthesize a human aroma. It will be weak at first, but I'm going to make it stronger and stronger till I know how much you can take." I shrugged my shoulders. "Then I'll do the same with animals. Herbivores first, but it will get more carnivorous till I know what you can't resist the most. From there, I'll make the human smell a permanent cloud around you and get a couple animals within a two mile radius. The goal is to ignore the human smell and get to the animal." I checked his reaction. "I've already told my family to stay out of the woods, so no problem there." He looked ok, but raised his hand. Like a little kid.
I fought back a smile. "Yes?"
"How long will I have to do this?"
"You will have to do this till you can go into the town down there thirsty. And not attack people."
He whistled. "Okay then." He took a deep breath. "Ready when you are."
I was ready.
