Hello, lovely readers. I hope some of you are still interested in this story because things are about to get a little crazy. And I know many of you are upset about Eli and Darcy but... Well I can't give it away. ;) Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Degrassi.


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Chapter 6.

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Dreadful Confessions.

"I've been having dreams lately… of Eli and I." I licked my ice cream cone as I looked up at dad, a little worried to how he would respond.

His expression was unreadable as he took a lick of his cone. "For how long?"

"About a month now," I mumbled. "They're dreams of when we were younger. One in particular caught my attention; I was in my room crying and you and mom were trying to comfort me. It seemed so real but I don't know…"

"It was real," he stated heavily, sighing when I gave him an alarmed look. "I guess your subconscious is trying to make you remember."

I narrowed my eyes confusedly. "Remember Eli?"

"Let's go back to the car." He wrapped his arm around my shoulder before guiding us through the parking lot. I didn't miss the distressed look on his face the whole time.

I didn't think it would be this serious… to have dad be so secretive about it… but the dreams have been becoming more consistent and I had to tell someone. I just wanted the missing pieces to my childhood.

We threw away our Kleenexes after finishing our ice cream and went inside the car. I turned to dad and begged with my eyes to tell me what exactly happened. He didn't seem like he was going to budge so I had to pry it out of him.

"Dad, what happened when Eli left?" He didn't look at me and I let out a frustrated noise. "Please! I need to know what's going on. Do you know how stupid I feel that everyone remembers but me?"

"I'm sorry about that, honey," he said sorrowfully, his eyes shining. "When Eli moved away, you kind of felt lost…"

"He was my best friend, right? That's understandable." I tried to justify but dad didn't look like he was finished speaking yet.

"You hid in your room everyday and would cry all day." He grabbed onto my hand. "We would try to help but you would only yell about how much everything was bad because Eli wasn't there. Then after a few months you didn't cry. You didn't even mention Eli's name. And if we did, you wouldn't know who we were talking about."

My jaw slightly dropped. "What? All of this happened?"

"I'm afraid so, sweetie," he nodded, smiling weakly. "We took you to a child psychiatrist and asked what could've happened. He told us you were so upset and lost over losing Eli, you subconsciously blocked all thoughts of him."

"That's why I don't remember?" I asked in disbelief, flabbergasted over the fact I was that upset over losing Eli. "I'm sorry, daddy."

"Oh, it's not your fault," he chuckled tenderly, pulling me into a hug. "When we told Cece and Bullfrog, they felt so awful."

"Does Eli know?" If he did, then he would have some explaining to do. And what happened during the years when we were apart? Was Eli upset just like I was?

He shook his head and I let out a breath of relief. "We all decided it would be best not to tell him because he would probably be upset too."

"Okay then," I nodded, relaxing in my seat. "But why didn't you and mom tell me?"

"I guess we didn't want you to have to think about those dark times. It was a really hard experience you had to go through," he frowned, the wrinkles in his forehead creasing.

"Alright but if anything remotely similar or close to this happens again, will you tell me right away?" I asked hopefully, shooting a pointed look.

"Of course," he laughed. "Do you want to go home now?"

"Yes, please! Eli and I are supposed to go to the park today," I smiled happily.

It's been a few weeks since Eli and I became friends "again" and we haven't really been spending time together. Apparently his dad has been having him work at a summer job before school starts so I've been spending most of my time with Alli. I haven't seen Darcy that much either; she's been at Manny's almost everyday and other friends, but I was so excited Eli and I were able to hang out again. The last time I saw him he was too busy talking to my whole family when Darcy invited him over for dinner.

I guess I just missed him. He's on my mind a lot and it kind of makes me upset that I'm not over him. I feel everything that Alli told me on the first day I met him. I'm trying to deny it though for the sake of our friendship but I still wish he felt the same way… or that we were the same age.

I need to stop dwelling about this.

Dad and I finally arrived home and I jumped out of the car, running towards the door. Dad laughed as he caught up with me, and I ran upstairs to my bedroom once he opened the door.

I tightened the pony-tail in my hair and fixed the frame of my glasses while I looked for any dirt or wrinkles on my clothes. When I felt that I looked okay, I bounded down the stairs and went into the kitchen to greet mom, but stopped dead in my tracks when I saw Eli and Darcy sitting at the kitchen table.

Darcy noticed me first. "Hey Clare! How was your day with dad?"

"Good… I guess," I responded unsurely, slowly walking into to the kitchen. "Hey Eli."

"Hi," he smirked, and I felt relieved all of the sudden. "How are you?"

"Great," I smiled widely

"Oh! I forgot my purse from the bedroom. I'll be right back," Darcy excused herself, smiling at Eli then me before leaving the kitchen.

"So do you wanna go now?" I asked.

He looked confused. "Go where?"

"To the park…" I grounded out, stunned that he forgot. "Remember you said a few days ago we were going to the park today? That's why you came by… right?"

His mouth dropped and I felt the wheels turn. If he forgot and wasn't here for me? Then…

"You're going out with Darcy?" I accused, feeling heat flare in my body. "My sister?"

"Clare, I'm sorry." He stood up with an apologetic gesture. "Darce and I were hanging out yesterday and she asked if I wanted to go to the movies and-"

"You were supposed to be working yesterday," I interrupted, crossing my arms when realization started to dawn on me.

There was no summer job. There was no hanging out with Manny. It was them two. Hanging out. Together. Behind my back. I let out a disbelieving gasp and turned on my heel before I would explode, scoffing when I saw Darcy.

"Clare, are you okay?" she asked, concerned, but I was already pushing past her and out the door.

I walked on the grass and ignored the voice calling my name, until someone pulled my arm and turned me around. Eli looked terribly guilty but I didn't care at the moment. I ripped my arm out of his grasp and stepped a good three feet away.

"We wanted to tell you," he sympathized. "But we knew it would crush you if we did."

"So you lie to me instead?" I demanded harshly, feeling angry tears well in my eyes. I did not want to cry. "You're only hanging out with my sister, you could've just told me."

Eli looked more ashamed after a few moments passed and he looked at the ground, hands stuffed in his pockets. He wasn't telling me something.

"Clare, Darcy and I… We're…" He took in a deep breath and his eyes caught mine. "Dating."

If I being rejected was the worst thing to happen to me this summer, then I was completely wrong. This took the cake. I felt stupid and I just wanted to scream. I didn't know what to do. Except I did want to slap Eli across the face and just run to Alli's but I was frozen.

Eli's eyes were full of sadness and I wanted to claw them out.

"How… Why… I," I couldn't form coherent sentences, my mouth was paralyzed. "How could you do this?"

"I like her, Clare," was all he said. "It's not something I could just control."

I couldn't control my feelings for you but was able to push them away for your sake you jerk!

"I can't believe this," I muttered to myself, looking down at my shoes.

"I'm sorry but that's just how it is." He lightly patted my shoulder before turning away.

"But what about me?" I cried, before I could stop myself. "I love you, Eli."

Before I had time to comprehend what I admitted, Eli turned back around, a dark expression on his face.

"Don't love me now," he threatened, but there was underlying pleading to it. "Not when things are so messed up."

The tears fell down my cheeks and I watched as he went back inside. I didn't want to see him or Darcy anymore so I sprinted down the sidewalk. I didn't know for sure in that moment if I was going to go to Alli's. I didn't really know anything at the moment.

Except for what heartbreak felt like.