Title: Changes
Pairing: Cath/Sara
Rating: M
Disclaimer: Only the twisted plot is mine…well most of it
Summary: Catherine can sense things are changing as everyone tries to adjust to the loss of Warrick, but just what is it that is changing?
Warning: SPOILERS TO SEASON 9 (MAINLY)
SEQUEL TO "THE SCENE WE DIDN'T SEE"
Special thanks to my beta abina2810
Catherine's POV
Groaning I timidly open my eyes. Pins and needles are stabbing at my arm where I slept on it wrong. Looking around I realize that I am in the living room. The arm around my waist shifts before tightening its grip on me. Sara buries her face in my back and a quiet snore emits from her. Silently I chuckle at the noise, and the fact that we managed to squeeze on the couch together; granted I am hanging half way off of it with only Sara's arm to keep me from falling off the piece of furniture.
After Michael interrupted our hug in the kitchen and after constant urging from Sara to go back into my bedroom with Michael we decided to move into the living room so that we could talk. There wasn't much talking though because it was obvious Sara was tired and I had suddenly been hit by a wave of exhaustion myself. I guess we must have fallen asleep and somehow maneuvered into the rather comfortable position I find myself in.
Squinting I can semi-read the clock in the kitchen. I know that by now Sara and I have the house to ourselves. Guilt floods me to know that Michael probably saw Sara and I like this, but I remind myself that we have done nothing wrong. I don't think Lindsay will have cared, especially because I suspect that she knows more than she is letting on.
I attempt to remove Sara's arm causing her to mumble something that sounds like she is talking about play dough. I roll my eyes and carefully move us so that Sara is practically sprawled out on top of me with her head resting on my chest. It amazes me that she has not woken up once through my whole struggle.
Grabbing the remote I turn on the TV and dare to gently run my fingers through Sara's hair as I look through the channels. I decide on watching Live with Regis and Kelly. Currently they are talking to Meryl Streep about her new movie Doubt. I listen with interest having seen many of her movies. Her latest sounds to be just as intriguing as her previous movies, and I know that if I have time I'll have to talk Michael, Lindsay, or maybe even Sara into going to see it with me.
I try my hardest not to laugh at a comment made, afraid of waking Sara, but I can't help let out a small chuckle. Sara stirs on top of me and I know that she is waking up when her finger begins to stroke my side. She lifts her head, eyes barely open, "Morning," she slurs.
I smile at her. Sara waking up is adorable. "Morning. I didn't mean to wake you."
"It's fine." She rests her head back on my chest. "I don't remember falling asleep."
"Me either. I can't believe we managed to stay on the couch all night." Sara quietly laughs at this.
"We probably should have gone to bed."
"I guess…"
"Do you think that Michael will be mad that you didn't go to bed?"
"I don't know, maybe a little bit."
"I didn't mean to cause problems…"
"You haven't. "
"Are you sure?"
"I'm positive." I rub Sara's back reassuringly. "Do you want coffee?"
"Sure." I am disappointed when Sara moves so that I can get up. Instantly a cold settles over me from the loss of Sara's body heat. I stand up despite my protesting muscles.
Once I am in the kitchen I get the coffee started, and then take a moment to gather my thoughts. Will Michael be mad? Jealous? He shouldn't be, Sara and I are only friends. Or that's what I keep telling myself. Our actions are innocent; at least Sara's are. I have no reason to believe that Sara wants more. Why would she? I'm older and come with baggage. She has been around long enough to see what life with me would be like.
Footsteps announce Sara's presence. Turning around I lean against the counter and fold my arms over my chest. A small smile appears on my lips at the sight of Sara. The sleep is still visible in her eyes and her hair is sticking up in odd angles. I don't think she's ever looked more beautiful. When she notices my gaze she self consciously runs a hand through her hair. "What?"
"Nothing," I reply. I choose not to say anything to her knowing a compliment would be unwelcomed, and teasing could be returned because I am certain I am no more pulled together.
I grab mugs and a chair at the table scrapes back informing me Sara has taken a seat. I start to make coffee and realize it has been over a year since I last made Sara coffee. "Still take your coffee with a lot of cream and no sugar?"
"Yeah." I prepare the drinks and slide a mug in front of Sara. "Thanks."
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After I have showered and gotten ready for the day I decide to find Sara. We haven't had the chance to talk and since we have the house to ourselves I figured this would be a good time. Her door is closed so I knock and receive a faint "Come in." When I open the door I find Sara sitting at the desk doing something on her laptop. She glances over her shoulder and smiles at me before returning her attention to the computer. I crawl onto the bed and sit cross legged in the middle of the mattress. The silence that surrounds us is comfortable. My attention is captured by a drop of water running down the part of Sara's back that is exposed by her tank-top. A second one falls from her wet hair which is pulled up in a ponytail. The water trickles down her skin effectively distracting me from anything else. "Cat?"
"Hmmm?" I tear my eyes from Sara's back only to meet her chocolaty ones observing at me with question.
"I asked if you needed something."
"Oh, no, I just thought we could catch up since that didn't end up happening last night." Something is off within me. Something is different. When realization hits me I am surprised to find what is different is that I feel content, bordering dangerously close to happy.
"Okay. How's work going?"
"Good. I'm Grave Supervisor now."
Sara nods, "I heard."
"Lindsay?" She shakes her head no. "Gil?"
"Yeah," She responds quietly. I can hear reluctance in her voice. Looking up from the comforter I wait for Sara's gaze to return to me. When we lock eyes I smile encouragingly at her. "He came to visit me." My heart temporarily stops beating.
"Wha...er...what happened?"
"Well, at first I was so happy to see him, and it seemed like the time we had spent apart had rekindled what we felt for each other. But then we kissed...and I realized nothing had changed. I couldn't bring myself to feel anything toward him. We talked and, um, spent the night together..." I am beginning to feel nauseous and am hoping Sara will be kind enough will spare me the details. "The next morning when I woke up I lay watching Gil sleep willing myself to feel something, anything, but I couldn't force emotions I don't have. When he woke up I apologized to him and explained nothing could happen. Then I packed my bag and came back here." The churning in my stomach eases slightly with this information. Images of Grissom's hands touching Sara, touching her where no one else is allowed to, where I long to, and him kissing her lips, her body, are on repeat in my brain. Torturing my heart, mind, and soul.
"So it's over?" She nods, refusing to meet my eye. When she glances up I advert my eyes. "Tell me about your trip. What did you see? What was it like?"
She smiles and rolls her eyes at me. I am about to ask her why when she says "Hot. It was very hot, and humid on land, but at sea the breeze was refreshing. Come here. I have more pictures I can show you." I get off the bed, my limbs still stiff and walk over to where she is sitting. Sara stands and motions for me to take the chair. Smiling shyly I sit. Sara leans over my shoulder and pulls up the pictures.
When she begins to describe the events surrounding the pictures her voice is quiet in my ear. Her warm breath tickles my cheek as she talks. If I lean my head back an inch it would rest on Sara's shoulder. My body is yearning to make contact with Sara, but my mind is screaming that the kind of touch I crave is too intimate and unwanted. Sara clicks on the next picture. I have to will my jaw not to drop. Sara is in a bikini. So much of her creamy skin is exposed. Quickly I mark the picture to memory never wanting to forget the skin I will most likely never have the opportunity to see again.
"That was taken at a beach in Brazil."
"Mmm." I reply not ready to take my eyes off of Sara in her bikini just yet; afraid that I will lose the image...There is something wrong with me. Especially when all the thoughts running through my head innocent, and not so innocent are about the woman standing right behind me.
Before I can register what has happened or resist my body's longing any further, my head is resting on Sara's shoulder bringing us closer momentarily. Sara moves back. I refuse to look at her knowing the uneasiness I will see in her eyes. Instead I stand and mumble, "I have a lot to do."
When I leave the room I find myself thinking about how ridiculous it is that we can sleep crammed together on the couch, but at the same time the thought of a simple, just as intimate contact like resting my head on Sara's shoulder when she is behind me, causes us to be engulfed in awkwardness.
Sighing I glance at the clock and figure it can't do any harm to go into work early.
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Taking a seat next to Michael on the couch he captures my lips in a brief kiss. I suppress the urge to cringe knowing both Lindsay and Sara are in the room. Lindsay pushes play on the movie menu. Michael takes my hand in his. I glance over at him and give him a small smile. My eyes wander to Sara next, who has been keeping her distance since our talk a week ago.
I wish it was her hand in mine. Even more I wish Sara would stop avoiding my gaze. "Hey Linzz, do you think you could close the blinds for me?"
Lindsay rolls her eyes at me. "Yes mother." She sticks her tongue out at me as she gets out of the chair.
"Thank you sweetie," I say in a sugary sweet tone. I glance at the clock. It's only four so the movie should be over before I have to leave for work. I discreetly return to watching Sara from the corner of my eye. She is curled up on the couch next to me. She has left a noticeable distance between us. As the movie begins I lean over resting my hand on her arm and whisper, "Have you seen this before?" She shakes her head no.
Her silence is tearing me apart. We have barely talked since she got back. I have been busy with work, but I have also made an effort to strike up conversation with Sara whenever I can. I can't believe such a small thing would cause Sara to detach herself like this. The only problem is I don't know what could have happened. My hand is still on Sara's arm and she flinches slightly at the contact but doesn't move. I squeeze her arm in reassurance. Glancing at her I am surprised to find her eyes meet mine.
As soon as our eyes lock I watch as her shields come flying up. Any emotions I had access to are gone and replaced by indifference. I remove my gaze from hers. I can't stop the sadness that I know is seeping into my features. When I return my eyes to the screen I catch a glimpse of guilt on Sara's face.
Michael shifts and his hand frees itself from mine before resting on my leg. His fingers rub my inner thigh gently. I focus on the TV not wanting to think about the signals he is sending me. I want to squirm away from his touch. To curl up against Sara and never leave her side. However my brain would never allow me to do this and Sara would never allow me to do it either.
Sara reaches behind me. "Excuse me." She quietly says. I realize she wants the blanket from behind me so I lean forward to allow her to take it. Sara covers herself and then moves into a more comfortable position. "Are you cold?" she whispers.
I turn to her and her eyes flicker to where Michael's hand is to Lindsay. Understanding I nod. She slides closer to me so that the blanket will cover both of us. She throws the blanket over my legs and then returns her attention to the TV.
I can sense eyes on me and divert my attention from Sara who is consumed in the movie to find the crystal blue eyes of my daughter watching me. She raises an eyebrow before rolling her eyes once again at me this afternoon. I mouth at her 'what.' She shakes her head. Her eyes darting from me to Sara back to me and then to Michael. Michael. I focus my eyes on him and realize that he has not once taken his eyes from the television screen. I smirk. Men.
I gulp when Sara's hand brushes against mine beneath the blanket. Surprise registers in the back of my mind when her hand returns and stays right beside mine. The small amount of contact sending my mind spinning. Questions about her distance, and sudden change in demeanor firing in my head.
Cautiously I link my pinky over hers. I notice how the edges of her lips curl in the corner of my eye. She takes my hand in hers and tangles her fingers with mine. And that's how we stay for the remainder of the film. Holding hands under the blanket.
TBC...
