Something a lot more cheery than my other story...
Notes:
- In case anyone's confused about the timing in this chapter, let's verify: we start the day Howard and Vince are in Noel's house when they find out the portal's closed; next day is the day Naboo comes home; day after that is the day Naboo and Bollo go through the wardrobe.
- I have no idea how many Euros a newspaper would normally cost so I made it up. I'm probably wrong but hey ho.
- I also couldn't remember the name of the village where Old Gregg lives so, yeah. Blah.
Disclaimers: I don't own the Boosh. I don't own Noel and Julian either. They own themselves and the Boosh as well. However, they don't own Mike... as far as I know. I guess he owns himself.
Chapter Seven
"I'm Naboo, that's who"
Julian took Howard outside the bedroom. He thought it was more likely that Howard would listen to him. He'd noticed Howard glaring at Noel, and he didn't really blame him. He felt like glaring at Noel himself, and not just because of everything that had been going on with them. He should have known that Noel would be a bit bowled over by himself.
They left Noel in the bedroom with Vince. "What am I s'posed to do with him?" Noel had hissed.
"Entertain him. You must know how. He's you."
"How do I entertain myself?"
"I don't know, find a shiny object or a mirror and give it to him; he'll be occupied for hours," Julian said, and left. He could almost feel that Noel was looking daggers at him as he did.
Howard was already waiting outside, looking very nervous.
"Right," said Julian, closing the door so they wouldn't be distracted by anything that might happen in Noel's bedroom – whatever that might be, Julian thought, suddenly worried he would go back in and find Noel and Vince making out on the bed. That would certainly be a way to keep Vince entertained…
He shook himself and focused on Howard. "Look," he said, "I think we're going to need to go away for a few days, to sort this out…"
"Go away where?" Howard asked.
"I'm not sure – somewhere. A hotel or something, somewhere inconspicuous. We need to hide."
"Why?"
Julian had been dreading this part. He wondered, briefly, whether he should tell Howard the truth about why it was that he and Noel looked so similar to him and Vince, but decided this would be a very bad idea. He didn't fancy having to deal with someone who'd just found out they only existed because they were a character in a comedy show. Actually, it was a very weird idea. Julian didn't think he'd react particularly well to being told that, which must mean Howard wouldn't either. But he needed Howard – and Vince – to co-operate, before things went wrong and someone saw him with Howard or Noel with Vince or something.
"Well, you may have noticed, we look kind of…"
"Similar," Howard finished. It was a statement, not a suggestion. He gave Julian a look that said, "Of course I noticed."
Julian didn't think he'd ever get used to seeing his own face, his own expressions, on someone else. "Yes," he said, "And –"
"Why?" Howard asked suddenly.
"What?"
"Why? I mean, what's going on? Why do you and your friend – Noel –"
"We're not exactly friends…"
Howard nodded. "Well, why do…?"
"I don't know," Julian lied. "We don't have people appearing from parallel worlds all the time here, you know." At least that part was true.
Howard seemed to accept this.
"So," said Julian, "We need to make sure no-one sees me with you, or Noel with Vince, or anything like that. We need to lie low until we work out how to send you home." He waited and looked at Howard expectantly. There was a pause.
Then Howard nodded slowly. "All right…"
Julian breathed out with relief.
Howard, for his part, didn't really see what else they could do. They couldn't go home. He certainly didn't want to get caught up in all sorts of confusions in this parallel world that was puzzling enough without people constantly mistaking him for someone who actually lived in it. They would have to wait until they could find a way to get back to their world, and then they could deal with the problem of why everything was falling to pieces. Naboo would probably have returned by then and he might have some answers from the Board of Shamen.
All of this seemed so bizarre, but Howard was finding he was having to think about parallel universes and gateways between worlds as though they were everyday things. He didn't like it very much. He was used to getting into weird situations, but this was pushing it a bit, even by the standards of the adventures he and Vince usually had.
-----
Noel sighed as the bedroom door closed. He rubbed his eyes. He hadn't had much sleep last night – and now he had himself standing in his bedroom.
He turned round to Vince, who was looking anxiously at the wardrobe.
"Don't worry," he said, hoping he sound jaunty and carefree. "We'll work out something."
Vince nodded. He still seemed concerned – for about two minutes, and then he spotted one of Noel's hats perched on his dressing table and decided he wanted to try it on. Noel let him because he thought it was better for Vince to be distracted. He hoped Vince realised how lucky he was. Not just anyone got to wear those hats.
Vince certainly seemed pleased with it. He put the hat on and grinned and pouted at himself in the mirror. Noel watched him. Vince really did have the bluest eyes – and then he remembered they were his eyes. Oh well. They were nice.
Vince suddenly caught his eye in the mirror, and smiled. Noel smiled back.
Vince eventually got bored of the hat, and decided wanted to look at the rest of Noel's stuff. He examined all his make-up and hair products, stroking the objects as though they were holy. He ran his hand over Noel's pillow (Noel thought that was quite intimate but he wasn't really sure how to explain this to Vince so he kept quiet).
He turned away from watching Vince look at the pictures on his bedroom walls to close his eyes and wonder what the hell they were going to do. How would they get Howard and Vince out of here? They couldn't stay here. That would be wrong. Just – wrong. But how could they sort this mess out, when they didn't even know what had caused it?
And he didn't want to have to spend loads of time with – well. It would just be awkward, given that they were officially ending things in six days.
At that moment, the door handle turned. Julian must have finished explaining things to Howard.
"Ooh, look!" a voice piped up.
Noel turned, to see Vince holding a photo in his hands.
"Look at what?" Howard asked, as he and Julian came back in.
"Look!" Vince said, holding up the photo. He grinned at Noel. "It's you and –"
Oh God. Noel knew which photo that was.
"Put that down!" He jumped across the room, snatched the photograph from Vince, and quickly put it face-down on the bed.
Vince looked confused, as well he might. But Noel couldn't really explain, with Julian standing right there, that he didn't want Julian knowing he still had a photo of them together by his bed…
"All sorted?" he asked, turning round, grinning rather stupidly (he knew this because he caught sight of himself in the mirror. He also caught sight of Vince behind him, looking at his legs. Noel wasn't quite sure what to feel about that).
-----
The next day.
Mysterious explosion in fishing village read the headline on the paper.
"How much?" asked Naboo, hovering on his magic carpet by the newspaper vendor's stand.
"5 Euros."
Naboo handed over the money and took the paper. "C'mon, Bollo," he said, turning to his familiar, who was sitting on the back of his carpet. "Let's get home now."
The carpet swooped away over the streets. Naboo sighed. The Board of Shamen hadn't drawn any conclusions about what was going on, and there was still no sign of Saboo or Tony Harrison. Not that Naboo particularly cared about either of them but even so, it wasn't normal for shamen to disappear like this. And coupled with everything else that had been happening… He sighed again and opened the paper.
Last night, a mysterious explosion occurred in a fishing town, leaving several dead and many injured.
The blast took place in the early hours of the morning, when most of the residents were sleeping. As a result, there were few witnesses to the disaster.
Police say they are at a loss to explain the explosion, which seems to have occurred in the Black Lake, the large body of water close to the town.
Most of the residents were too afraid to comment, but one barman is quoted as saying, "This could be the work of Old Gregg!" Old Gregg is the name given to a sea monster that locals believe lurks in the depths of the lake…
"Naboo!"
Naboo looked up. "What is it, Bollo?"
"Look at the shop!"
Naboo did.
All the windows were broken. The door had fallen in.
"Oh, no!" Naboo jumped off the carpet almost before it had landed, staggering a bit, and ran towards the store.
Inside, it was worse. The wallpaper was peeling off the walls. The back door seemed to have totally disappeared. Some of the stock was gone too.
Bollo appeared in the door. "What happened?" he asked.
"I dunno," Naboo said, very worried now. "C'mon…" He hurried up the stairs to the flat. "Vince! Howard!"
There was no reply.
"Vince!" Naboo called, running to the mod's bedroom. He thumped on the door. "Vince, are you in there?"
Bollo hurried to Howard's room. "Idiot? Waste of space? In there?"
"Vince isn't here, Bollo!" Naboo called from down the corridor.
Bollo shoved open Howard's bedroom door. "No. No Howard either. Not a loss –"
"Bollo! We need to know what happened! This is really dangerous! They might have vanished like Dixon Bainbridge."
"Bainbridge not a loss either –"
"Shut up, Bollo, you ball bag, or –" And then Naboo suddenly seized up.
"Naboo?" Bollo called.
He came down the corridor to Vince's room to find Naboo standing rigid, swaying a bit, clinging to the door frame.
"Oh. Trance." The gorilla stood back and waited expectantly, in case Naboo said anything useful. Sometimes he didn't – sometimes he'd just start talking about chips or strange late-night television programmes – but you never could tell.
"Something breaking…" Naboo rasped suddenly. "Tearing apart…"
"You said before," Bollo muttered, quietly, so as not to break the trance.
"Something breaking…" Naboo's voice got louder. "Breaking… breaking… breaking…" And he took a sudden, jerking step forwards, one arm shooting upwards, like a puppet whose strings had been pulled too hard. He jolted into Vince's room.
"What?" Bollo asked, hurrying after him. "Where?"
"Breaking… breaking…" Naboo suddenly raised a finger, almost violently.
"Where?" Bollo followed where Naboo was pointing. "No, Naboo. That Vince's wardrobe."
"Breaking… breaking…"
Bollo went to the wardrobe, because his master seemed so insistent – and anyway, you never could tell with Naboo's trances – and opened it.
Naboo writhed backwards as he did, as though a wind had swept out of the cupboard. But Bollo had felt nothing. "Naboo?"
"Breaking…"
Bollo peered into the wardrobe. "There's nothing…"
But Naboo suddenly fell forwards, crashing onto his knees as he came into the wardrobe. His hands smacked up against the back and a huge shudder ran through him. He gasped – and then suddenly his eyes blinked twice, and he was back.
"Oh God, Bollo…" he mumbled, attempting to stand up, and straightening his turban.
"What happened?" Bollo asked. "You kept saying breaking, breaking…"
Naboo, still kneeling in the wardrobe, peered at the back of it.
"There was something here," he said suddenly. "A gateway. A gateway to – to something."
"What?"
"I don't know – it was here – it's closed. Things are unstable." Naboo looked up at his familiar. "I think Vince and Howard went through it. They're trapped in wherever it was the gateway went to."
"Bollo not care about Howard," said the gorilla. "But precious Vince, trapped in another world?"
"I don't know if it's another world, Bollo, but I think they're in there."
"Can you open it?"
Naboo nodded. He still seemed a bit disorientated after his trance. "I can, but only briefly. I can use magic to make a link between here and the place this was connected to – it'll take a while but I think I can do it… I'll need my books; Bollo, I'll need your help…"
-----
Next morning.
It took a long time to find the right combination of spells. But, next morning, Naboo and Bollo were back in Vince's bedroom.
Naboo had one of his largest books open in front of him. "Right," he said.
Bollo nodded.
Naboo stood up, heaving the book with him. Bollo helped him, because Naboo was a bit too small to manage it properly.
"Bollo," said Naboo, looking seriously at his familiar, "Once I've opened the gap, we'll only have a couple of minutes to get through before it closes again. I can't keep it open any longer than that, with things so unstable." His eyes glazed a little. "I can feel how unstable it is…" Then he blinked. "We need to get through and find Howard and Vince. We'll bring the book. Once we find them, I'll open another gap, somewhere else so it won't be as fragile, and we'll get home."
"So much trouble," grumbled Bollo.
"I know," said Naboo. "When we find them, I might have to turn my back on them."
There was a short pause.
"Right," said Naboo. "Hold onto me, Bollo. I'm not quite sure what's going to happen."
He raised the book and began to chant.
The lights buzzed, flickered, and then went.
The room darkened.
The floor seemed to rock. There was a roaring noise. The wardrobe began to glow. Bollo clung onto Naboo, to stop him falling over as the vibrations increased. Naboo held the book up, raising his voice as the roaring got louder, louder, louder – then there was a flash.
Everything went still.
Naboo and Bollo steadied themselves and looked at the wardrobe. A blue light was glowing at the back.
"It's open!" Naboo cried. "Quick!" And the shaman and the gorilla rushed into Vince's wardrobe, past all his clothes, heaving the book with them. They ran through the blue light, running until they hit the other side.
"What is it?"
"It's a door, Bollo – find the handle, quick!"
Bollo fumbled around, found the door handle, and flung open the door.
He and Naboo staggered out into a bedroom, Naboo falling over in the scramble. Moments later, there was another flash, and when they turned round, all they saw was an ordinary wardrobe.
"So much trouble!" Bollo said again.
Naboo picked himself up, clutching his book. He looked around. "Where are we?"
"Looks like a bedroom," Bollo said. "Not so strange."
"I know," said Naboo. He peered at his book. "I was expecting something a bit – stranger. Something that could be causin' all the problems back home." He was looking around. "Mind you… I dunno, Bollo… it's weird here. It feels familiar. I'm not why…"
"Naboo," said Bollo sharply. "Have to find Vince."
"Oh yeah," said Naboo, coming back into himself. "Vince and Howard."
"Huh! Howard!" grunted Bollo, opening the door.
Naboo was about to follow Bollo, when he noticed something lying on the bed. He went over and picked it up.
"Naboo?" Bollo called, after about a minute waiting in the corridor outside the bedroom and no sign that his master was following him. He went back into the bedroom, to find Naboo standing by the bed, holding a photograph frame in his hands – and staring. His brown eyes were wide with shock.
"What?" Bollo asked, realising instantly that something was very wrong. It took a lot to shake Naboo.
"Look," Naboo said, turning the photograph frame round.
Bollo peered at the picture.
"Vince and Howard," he said.
"What's a photo of them doin' in this house?" Naboo wondered aloud.
"Dunno."
"This is weird, Bollo," Naboo said. "I don't know what's going on but it's weird. And I'm pickin' up strange feelings in this house. Things are breaking here too. So much tension. And it all feels so familiar…" He put a hand to his forehead. "I can't put my finger on what it is."
"Come on," said Bollo, pushing Naboo gently. "Let's go find Vince. Maybe that help explain."
"Okay." Naboo allowed Bollo to nudge him out of the room – but he kept the photograph with him.
They went out into the corridor. There didn't seem to be anyone in the house. They walked down the stairs, straining their ears, but there was no sign of anybody.
"Think it empty," Bollo said, as they passed the living room.
"Good thing too," Naboo said, still distracted by the mysterious photograph. "Otherwise they'd have heard –"
Briiing!
Naboo and Bollo both jumped and clutched each other. Then they both leapt apart, embarrassed.
"What that sound?" Bollo muttered, as quietly as he could.
"I think – I think it's a doorbell," Naboo muttered, wiping his brow with the back of his hand and touching his turban to make sure it was still straight.
"Fine," Bollo told him, checking it for him.
"Good."
Briiing!
"We'll just stay quiet. They'll go away."
Bollo nodded.
Briiing!
"No-one here," Bollo growled.
"Shh, Bollo. They'll leave when they realise there isn't anyone answering."
But the person outside wasn't giving up. A moment later, there was a rattling sound, and a voice suddenly called into the house: "Noel?"
"They're inside!"
"Shh! Nah, think they're just calling through the letter box," Naboo said, peering down the hall towards the front door.
"Noel, are you in there? I've been tryin' to call you. You 'aven't answered your phone in 'bout two days."
Naboo and Bollo waited.
"Noel, come on. It's just me. I know you're there."
Naboo and Bollo stayed quiet.
"Noel… is this door open?" There was another rattling, and then: "Don't you lock your front door? Look, I'm comin' in, okay?"
"Quick, Bollo!" Naboo hissed, horrified. They rushed into the living room, looked around frantically, spotted a table with a table cloth over it that reached the floor, and dived underneath that.
Footsteps came up the corridor. "Noel? Noel, where are you?"
Naboo put his finger to his lips. Bollo nodded – and then coughed loudly.
"Bollo!" Naboo gasped.
"Sorry," said the gorilla.
"Noel?"
The footsteps came into the living room.
"What do we do?" Bollo hissed.
"Shh. I got some shaman powder." Naboo fumbled in his robes.
"Noel, are you hiding under the table?" The footsteps drew closer. "Noel, it's just me. It's Mike. Come on…" The footsteps stopped. The shadows of someone's legs were visible against the cloth on the table.
Naboo and Bollo stayed still and silent, tensing everything. Naboo held up his hand, telling Bollo to wait for his signal.
"Noel…?" The shadow of a man bent towards the hem of the table cloth. Fingers appeared underneath, grasping – and then flung the cloth back.
Naboo leapt up instantly and blew his shaman powder in the man's face.
The man gasped, coughing, and staggered backwards, losing his balance and falling to the floor. He looked up to see a small shape in blue robes and a turban rising, face totally deadpan, out from under the table, a furry mass struggling up behind it. His mouth dropped.
"Who are you?" gasped the man, white in the face.
"I'm Naboo, that's who," replied Naboo. "Go, Bollo!" And he and the gorilla sprinted past the fallen man, who seemed unable to move, out of the living room, down the hall, and out of the room door, which the man had left open. They went on sprinting down the road, round the corner, round another corner, on and on – until finally they both had to stop.
"Bollo – need – join – gym –" gasped the gorilla.
Naboo bent over, clutching his knees.
Then he suddenly straightened up. "Oh, no!"
"What?"
-----
Back at the house, the fallen man finally managed to move. He edged slowly forwards. His heart thundered against his ribs. He was shaking.
And then he noticed something under the table. Slowly, agonisingly slowly, he reached out, nerves making him feel ill. He grasped the something and pulled it out.
It was a massive book. A book he'd seen before. But this book wasn't a prop that he carried around sometimes. This book seemed to be real.
Teehee.
Thanks for reading.
violence x
