Chapter 7 :
Maura's choice :
The next day Jane woke up to an empty bed. After stretching up a bit she heard the water running in the bathroom and realized Maura was taking a shower. Feeling bold and confident she decided to join her.
So Jane jumped out of bed took her clothes off and moved towards the bathroom. She took a deep breath, opened the door , entered the bathroom closed the door and opened the shower before joining Maura inside.
"Jane." Maura mumbled instinctively crossing her arms on her chest.
"Good morning beautiful, I thought you might want some company." Jane whispered her hands on Maura's hips pulling her closer to her.
"I …"
"Shhh, it's ok don't hide from me." Jane asked looking down at Maura's arms still crossed on her chest.
"Alright, sorry, it's almost a reflex." Maura replied .
"It's ok, don't worry about it."Jane said as she started to kiss her neck while wandering her fingers on her back.
"Jane…" Maura moaned unable to fight it.
"I want this to be special, let's go back to bed." Jane whispered turning off the water.
"Sure." Maura nodded.
The two women came of the shower, put robes on and walked towards the bed before lying down next to each other.
"You're beautiful, I love you, if you're not ready, I can wait." Jane promised seeing that her fiancee was uncomfortable.
"I'm ready, it's just…there is something I need to talk to you about before we can make love." Maura said worried that Jane would feel cheated if she told her about not having the surgery after they had sex.
"Tell me, you can tell me everything babe."
"Well…What happened yesterday was important for us, I felt like myself again for the first time in weeks. I looked at myself in the mirror and I saw the woman I used to be you know…"
"I know and when I looked at you when you were trying those bras, I saw that smile that made me fall in love with you but that I hadn't seen in months.."
"Yes, I feel more comfortable knowing that I can go out wearing almost the same clothes as I used to and that people won't notice. But what makes me feel confident is knowing that when I'm home with you I don't need those accessories, I can be myself. I know you support me no matter how I look."
"Yes, I do…" Jane nodded worried about where this was going.
"So I was thinking that if those bras make me feel comfortable enough to go outside and live my life like I used to and if when I come home I can take them off and still see so much love in your eyes, why bother with the surgery? I mean if i accept my chest the way it is now and if you do as well, why have surgery?"
" I thought that's what you wanted.." Jane mumbled.
"It was because I thought I would never feel like a real woman unless I have two perfect breasts. You helped me see things differently , you showed me you loved me and desired me the way I was and I found this solution for public appearance to I don't really feel like I need surgery long as we both accept and don't feel disgusted by the way my chest looks, it's ok right?"
"I…don' t know what to say, I'm proud of you, you came a long way really."
"Thank you, do I have your support on this?Or was your support only temporary until I get the surgery?I mean did you found the strength to support me and touch me because you thought it was only temporary?" Maura demanded rising her voice.
"Of course not, I supported you and I found the strength to do so because I 'm deeply, deeply in love with you. You're right on something though, I always thought you would have the surgery at some point. What do you expect me to say?"
"I expect you to support me if I decide not to have surgery."
"Well it seems that you already made your decision, by yourself, what do you need me for exactly?" Jane let out completely lost.
Of course it was Maura's decision but she naively thought she had her say in this, but apparently she was wrong.
"Well it's my body Jane, and it belongs to me, not to you and the decision is mine, I can't just have surgery so you feel more comfortable when we have sex." Maura hollered getting out of bed.
"This is not about sex!"
"What is it about then?why can't you support me?I thought your support was unconditional, were you lying , were you faking being attracted to me?" Maura demanded .
"No, look, I'm sorry, I support and love you unconditionally . Come back to bed, we can make love and then go swimming." Jane begged trying to cal her fiancee down.
" I thought this wasn't about sex." Maura jeered .
"It's not I just want to show you how much I love and desire you, please Maura I'm sorry alright." Jane said trying to move closer to her.
"I want you to get the hell out of my house now, just go back to Boston." Maura shouted pointed the door.
"Calm down alright, I'm not going anywhere." Jane said trying to reach out to her.
"I trusted you and you lied, you said what happened didn't change anything that you would loved me what ever happened, but it was all a lie." Maura said frenetically walking around in circles like an animal in a cage.
"How can you say something like that?I never lied to you. Can you imagine for one second how I feel about what has been happening to us?Because it didn't only happened to you, it happened to me too . When you were in the OR I thought I was going to loose you. I was scared to death that you might die, do you understand that?I thought that the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with and have children with was going to die. After the surgery you changed, you were not the woman I fell in love with, but I stayed with you, I hold your hand and I supported you . You rejected me, you wouldn't talk to me or let me touch you for weeks, but I stayed by your side because nothing could ever make me love you less Maura. So yes I admit it, I would like you to have the surgery, but if you don't want to, I will accept and support your choice because I don't want to loose you." Jane almost professed holding Maura's arms tears in her eyes.
"Oh Jane, I know all that baby, I'm sorry I have selfish through all this. I never once consider how hard it must have been for you . I'm sorry, I love you, don't cry please ." Maura said whipping a tear of her cheek with her thumb.
"I don't want to loose you, I was so scared, you have no idea." Jane sobbed falling on the floor.
Suddenly Jane fell like the ground was opening under her feet. For weeks she denied her own pain to focus on Maura. The truth was that what happened to Maura affected her as well and she was admitting it for the first time.
For the first time in weeks she was allowing herself to be sad and fragile, her who always tried to be strong for both of them.
"It's ok baby, just let it go…" Maura whispered kneeling next to her and holding her as tight as she could.
"I just want to go home and marry you." Jane sobbed trying to catch her breath.
"Alright, first we're going back to town so I can have the surgery and then we can get married."
"No, I don't want you to have the surgery because of me. I love you surgery or not, and I want you to be my wife, It's the only thing that matters."
"Alright then, how about we drive back to Boston tomorrow and we can make the announcement ?"
"Alright. I can't wait to make an honest woman out of you Mrs Rizzoli…" Jane joked.
"Isles- Rizzoli, babe, no offense."
"Alright, as you wish." Jane murmured reste her head on Maura's chest listening to her heart beating fast, for her.
So guys what do you think?I'm not saying Maura will never have the surgery, but right now she doesn't want or need it ...
