I was thankful that Jem and Sara's rehearsal wasn't until five o'clock because that would give me time to take an afternoon nap. Zandra had served everyone lunch at one, we were done eating by one-thirty and I planned on napping by two at the latest.
"Is it the house or something?" Scout asked as I told her I was going back to my room to get some sleep.
"What do you mean?"
"When I was here in the summer it was Jem who slept all the time and it seems like that's all you want to do now."
"I think you and Jem like to forget how old I am."
"No, we know you're old," she then replied with a sly smile.
"Thanks for remembering," I say, smiling back at her as I turn my heels and head back up to bed. The day had grown cold and my blankets were so warm and comforting that it didn't take long for my eyes to shut. I hope Jem and Scout are able to understand how easy it is to let go when you're older...
"Came back here, huh?" Jean said out of nowhere. I opened my eyes and found that I was out in the lawn of where our old house was. Everything was intact just as I had left it including the neighborhood. I heard a weezing noise that was familiar and I turned around to see Little Scout on her tire swing that she loved so much. She looked at me as I was looking at her and she began to laugh.
"Atticus!" She called out for me.
"What are you doing, baby?"
She looked at her swing, looked at me again and scrunched her nose up at me. She laughed when she noticed I did the same thing to her.
"Where's your mother?"
"I don't have a mother."
"Sure you do. How do you think you got here without a mother?"
"I don't know. Go ask Miss Maudie over there," she told me with her finger pointing to across the street. Sure enough there was Miss Maudie, planting and watering her flowers as she has always loved to do. I looked back to Scout only to realize that she and the tire swing had disappeared.
"Hey there, Atticus," Miss Maudie had called out from her garden.
"Have you seen my wife?"
"Sure."
"Well, where is she?"
"What kind of question is that? She's always with you!"
"You're no help, Maudie Atkinson!"
"Oh, I see her," she says, peering over the left side of the house.
"Over here?" I asked as I pointed in the direction she was looking.
"Yes."
"Thank you," I say as I begin to walk over to the side of the house. My mouth gaped open when I saw her favorite pair of pink heels. Once again, a clothing item that I buried her in. I have never been so excited to see her legs before and my wife had a wonderful set of legs. I gasped out loud to find that those were all I found of her. It was just like that scene with the Wicked Witch of the East in Wizard of Oz where all you see are her legs because she had been buried under the house.
"Where's your top half?" I asked out loud.
"Go into the woods," I heard her say.
"What's your top half doing over there?"
"See for yourself."
I was just thanking God it was a bright, sunny day or this would be even creepier. If only the trees in these woods could talk. I could hear someone's heart beat pounding in my ear and I looked up to see if anyone was behind me or something. I saw what looked like a drawing of a heart on the little tree that was next to the tall was I standing next to. I took the baby pink heart in my hand and in what looked like purple crayon was written, "Jem." I looked down and shrieked when I saw my son lying at my feet. He was the same age he was when Tom Robinson's trial happened and then it occured to me that I must be seeing what he looked like the night Bob Ewell attacked him. His face was beat up and his arm was crooked; I turned him over on his back and wondered how I was going to get his heart back in his body. The heart he has now was blue and it had his name written in white. What did that mean? Did he have not one but two near death expieriences?
"What happened to you, Jem?"
"He always came back for you," Jean said out of nowhere.
"How many times have you come back for him?" I ask, never taking my eyes off my son.
"Twice."
"Why don't you want him?"
"It's not his time yet, Atticus. I told you already that I'm not God."
"You said he comes back for me like he had a choice."
"We do have a choice, Atticus. His work on earth is not done and he knows it. He doesn't have to tell me that for me to know that."
"Why right before his wedding are you doing this to me?"
"He was on your mind before you showed up here."
"Well, why are you showing me him in this condition?"
"To show you that he's okay."
"This is not a comforting way of showing me."
"Even as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me."
I woke up to my wife's rendition of the twenty-third psalm ringing in my ears. I lean on the pillow to help lift me up from the bed only to realize that it had been soaked with tears once again. These dreams are more intense and more emotional than I ever remember them being.
"Atticus," Jem asks as he knocks on the door. "Are you okay? You sound like you've been crying."
"I'm okay, Jem," I reply as I wipe my eyes with my hands.
"You know that was a nice thing you said a few minutes ago. What bible verse was that?"
"Jem, I was sleeping a few minutes ago."
"No, I heard you perfectly: Even as I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me. Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me. I heard you say it, Atticus."
I couldn't respond.
