At his house, he tugs at her shirt as she deepens the kisses, stealing away all of her breathy whimpers as they fall from her lips. He thinks about her body slumped against his, the unfamiliar perfume that still clings against her, the lost look in her eyes as she lay in the ambulance and was asked to recount what happened to her for the first recollection of many that will follow her until the case is wrapped up in its entirety.
If he would've known the details when they started arresting people, if he would've known Lee Ashman and those depraved women's intentions, he's sure that he would have killed somebody, whether it was the bastard who'd been planning the confrontation since he laid eyes on Kensi, or the blonde girl who had orchestrated everything. He sat with her in the ambulance for her preliminary examination, but Sam and Callen needed him, so he couldn't go with her. He agreed to leave with them because he knew that he still had a job to do and that he owed it to David to follow through with his promise of reuniting him with his wife.
He can't stop thinking about how much worse it could've been. If they gave her another dose, like Gaia proposed. If the paralysis left her unable to escape the bed, instead of her having found her footing enough to stumble down the hallway as she had managed to do, using nothing but her force of will. Her will to escape. Her will to fight.
He makes love to his girlfriend, discarding the lingerie that had replaced the underwear she originally wore into work, before they stripped her down and prepared her for what had the potential to be one of the worst experiences of her life. They had undressed her (that alone was enough of a violation) with their intent crystal clear. It makes his stomach flip, thinking about it.
Kensi can't seem to get enough of him tonight. She keeps begging for more, and her hips slide against his in a way that suggest she's writhing to get closer, and her hand stays buried in his thick curls. She closes her eyes and begs for her climax, and he moves faster on top of her, feeling her fingers tighten into fists as she holds onto his hair. Ecstasy passes over her face in a beautiful wave as the end approaches for both of them, and when they're done, he pulls her against his chest, something he's thought about doing all day long. In the gym when her incense burner smoked up the air they breathed and her slick body was against his back, when he really wanted her underneath him instead, pressed between the mats and his skin. After he was almost drowned, and he resurfaced to find her screaming for him, even though their covers weren't supposed to know each other. When he found her in the hallway, and she could barely stand without collapsing, and they had to move before he got the chance to hold her and whisper reassurances into her hair.
The sex that follows days where they're faced with the reality of losing one another is always intense and soul-shaking, but tonight there's something else. When he pulls away from her, dropping a soft kiss to her lips, she grabs onto his biceps, reaching for him again. The way she's kissing him is almost frenzied, and he forces himself to stop her when she hitches her leg around his hip. "Kens…"
She moves against him, testing his self control. But something's definitely off. "Baby… What's the matter?"
She shrugs, molding their lips together once again. "Nothing," she murmurs against his lips, still not putting any space between them.
"Kensi…"
"I need you, Deeks. Please." It's late now, and it's been one hell of a long day. When he pulls away from her, he can see the exhaustion on her face. Exhaustion mixed with a thousand other emotions.
He kisses her nose, then her forehead, and wraps his arms around her. He says, "I'm right here." He rubs her back, and he can feel her inhalations become discordant as she fights for self control. He coaxes her to stop holding onto everything by bringing his hand to stroke her hair as they embrace, and he can feel wetness start to gather on his shoulder as she tries to process the thoughts that she's been attempting to block out and probably rationalize, knowing her.
He understands that she's trying to use him to clear away any traces that they may have left. He's more than willing to help get them off of her mind, but he knows that healing doesn't completely come from counterbalance. He knows she needs to talk, but listening's going to be hard. He can't handle thinking about her vulnerability captured in the hands of people who had awful desires that involved her at the center of it all. He tightens his hold on her.
When she starts talking, her words are broken up and her face is still hidden against his shoulder. "I can't forget the way he looked at me. They undressed me and when I woke up he… he said he wanted me to experience it." His hands tighten into fists against her back. Nausea rises unbidden as bile in his throat. If he had a chance to get his hands on Ashman… "Then I wasn't even sure I could make it out –"
"– because of the drugs." With his hand still stroking her hair, his fingers move with her head as she nods. "If you hadn't been able to, I would have found you in a couple of minutes. And Lee Ashman would be dead right now. Him and the other psycho bitches."
She wipes away the few tears that escaped. "Thank you. For getting me out of there."
"I will always save you. From creeps and terrorists and big spiders –"
"– That was one time! And it was huge."
"I know it was, that's why I saved you from it." Also because his kick ass girlfriend who puts on a brave front everyday allowed him to see her reluctance of going after something as silly as a spider. (Even though that fucker was huge, and he honestly hadn't wanted to be the one to kill it, either. The things he does for love.) "It's okay to need saving every once in awhile." She smiles a little at the sincerity in his words. His voice takes on a teasing edge when he says, "You might even be able to return the favor one day."
"I've saved your ass so many times you couldn't even begin to count."
"I've saved you more."
"No, you haven't."
He knows she won't let him have this one, but she's smiling, and that's all that matters. "Whatever you say, babe." He kisses her for the last time that night, grabbing her hand underneath the sheet. He isn't completely sure she'll sleep without restlessness tonight, but he's going to be right next to her, if she needs him. "Try to get some sleep. I got you."
He waits until her breathing evens out to curl onto his side, facing her, making sure she's within arm's reach. The day's been a nightmare, but they made it, safe and almost sound. Days like the one that just ended are days he hopes won't come around very often.
But when they do, he knows that they'll make it. Because love conquers all. Their love will always be enough.
Comforted by that thought, he focusing on syncing his breathing with Kensi's and begins to drift off.
