Hey everyone! Thank you for your wonderful reviews! I'm sorry this chapter took a long time. I wanted to be sure that I got it right as it's Dean's first solo chapter. I didn't want it to be like other fics I've read. I'm still not sure if it's right, let me know what you think. SORRY ABOUT THE WAIT! Hope it was worth it!
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A Soldier's Last Stand
Reality beyond the curse
Dean
I never really thought about my future.
...I thought about my dreams and what would happen when I got there...
But I never considered the journey to reach my destination.
...I never thought about what I'd do when I was on my own...
I've only just realised...I still don't know what to do...
I honestly didn't think that leaving them behind would hurt.
There was a dart of pain in my chest, when I glanced in my mirror and couldn't see Bobby anymore. When the house became part of the darkness and part of my memories. The truck rumbled into life beneath me, the seats were worn and smelt stale, my freedom on four wheels. With a sigh in my heart I pulled away from the house and left a curse behind. A light flickered in an upstairs window, a shadow fell across it, there was a whisper in the night and I turned my back on it.
Sammy...I'm so very sorry...
"This is Dean. Leave a message."
"Dean, it's Sam again. This is officially my hundredth message. I miss you, so much but Bobby says you're angry and you won't call back. I keep reading your letter and I'm sorry. I'll say it every day for the rest of my life if you come back. Come home, Dean. I need you. I'll keep calling and leaving messages until you answer me. I'll drive you nuts. I promise, I will. Dean...I love you...Just tell me you're OK."
It's been two days since I walked away. Two days of heartache and guilt. I'm waiting for the freedom. I'm praying for my anger to leave.
I'm still wishing to understand why I was cast aside.
With a sigh, I threw my phone away from me, letting it bounce against the hideously coloured bed spread. The motel was cheap, dirty and lonely. Hidden from the world and anything that would come looking for me. Sam hasn't stopped calling me, hasn't given me the time I need. His messages are sincere, sometimes heartbreaking but I'm not sure I can believe him.
He's trying...doesn't that count?...
...But...why wait until I'd left to tell me?...
I can't remember the last time he said he loved me, can't remember the last time I felt wanted. I'm so sure that his words are guilt, a way to ease his burden.
I'm sorry, Sam. I just can't come back yet.
I stood, pacing the length of the room before falling into a chair that groaned beneath me. I know I should call, I owed Bobby that much. Even owed the family I'd left behind, maybe then my brother's begging would stop. I couldn't make myself reach for the phone, wouldn't let my fingers dial the numbers I knew so well.
I won't be weak again. You won't break me further. I'm more that you ever dreamed I could be. You'll see. You haven't beaten me.
I wish I'd been strong enough to scream at dad, to drive my pain through his heart of ice and make him understand. I wanted Sam to understand, I'm not invincible, I'm no hero. I have a human heart that hurts and a mortal soul that bleeds. I have dreams, hopes that dad didn't chisel away, that didn't burn that night. I'm ready to embrace them and I'll do it on my own.
The phone sung into life again, the screen flashing a name in warning. I stood, stalking over to it and staring down. A Winchester's name pulsed, a frown fell across my face, it wasn't the name I expected. I let it ring, smirking at the rage my dad would feel as his call went unanswered. When the music died and the glow faded, I held the phone tight. No message, nothing else to drill further into my weakened mind.
"You won't find me, dad. I'm not letting you win."
Silence was my answer but I tasted a challenge in the air.
It was the sound of mournful silence that made my sleep uneasy. That gave nightmares the ability to invade my sleeping mind. I gasped awake, sweat beading on my forehead, my lungs grasping greedily at air. The conjured monsters still held sway over my waking mind, still let their fingers tug on me. I knew they held no real threat, the world of make- believe could never capture an adult mind for long, could never bring me to my knees. It was too easy to forget that my world was make- believe. The whispered phantoms had sunk their claws into me when I was young and had no intentions on releasing me. But I shoved them away, burying them deep inside.
The blankets had twisted around my legs, binding my ankles together. With a snarl, I ripped them away, tossing the fabric to the floor without a glance. I jerked out of bed, anxious fists clenching by my sides. I turned to the window, apprehension building in my gut. I'd been stationary for too long, there wasn't enough road between me and Bobby's house. The distance could be breached in days and I wasn't ready to be found. Sooner or later, I'd be discovered here, backed into a corner with no way out. The room was suddenly too small, I was too aware of the footsteps outside my room. I had to run, it was all I knew. I tugged ripped jeans over my boxers and pulled a creased top on. It took me moments to gather my belongings and leave the room but it was seconds to long. I could feel my dad breathing down my neck, could hears Sam's trembling voice begging for a sign. I didn't know if they were looking for me, couldn't imagine their emotions, all I could think of was my need for the road.
You won't catch me. I'm faster than you think.
You won't catch me. I'm determined not to break.
I'd been gone for five days when I pulled the truck over, hunger an uncomfortable pressure in my stomach. There was hundreds of miles of tarmac behind me and still I didn't feel safe. Could feel bitter eyes watching me. The dinner I entered was trash, decaying seats beneath fat men and horrors in the kitchen. But it was food and it was warmth and cheap.
It was a sign of how low I'd fallen.
The waitress that sauntered up to me, smiled with crimson lips set on an tanned face. Her body curved in the right places, she was stunning and she knew it.
"Hey there, beautiful. What can I get you?" A bubblegum pink pen poised above a torn notebook.
"Burger. Chips. Coffee."
She scribbled it down before sending me a glance, a smile still on her face she sank down into the seat opposite me. She lean forward, plumping her breasts up on her arms, gazing at me through kohl lined eyes.
"What's your name, hon?"
"Dean. Tell me yours."
"Whatever you want it to be." I glared at her, watching as she relented. "Fine. It's Tessa. Happy?"
A smirk filtered onto my face. "Ecstatic. So, Tessa, food coming my way?"
A blush stained her cheeks, she was suddenly flustered. A chuckle rose in my chest.
"Oh, gosh! Sorry, Dean. You side-tracked me. Hang on, I'll give your order to Mike."
She hurried away, a skirt to short swished with her steps. She leant over the counter, thrusting the notebook into someone's hands, flashing a smile. She returned to my side and I motioned for her to sit.
"So, Dean, I haven't seen you around here before. New in town?"
"Yeah. Checking out the sights."
"So you came here? To AutumDale?" Amusement played in her voice.
"I suppose it might sound odd. But on the plus side, I met you." She giggled, shyness suddenly clouding her eyes. "Doesn't look so bad from where I'm sitting."
"Aren't you a charmer? What do you think of my town so far?"
"Considering I've really only seen this dinner...it's not bad."
"Well that won't do. I'm off tomorrow, I could show you around." Her eyes were sly and she knew my answer.
"It's a date."
Heavy footsteps announced a male presence before a plate of food hit my table.
"Hitting on my waitress, Punk?"
I glanced up at the voice's owner. A man, a few years older than me, regarded me through chocolate eyes. His face held a glimmer of amusement and ease, a smirk found my face.
"Guilty."
"I was offering to show him around, Mike. He's new in town." Tessa informed him.
"Oh, well, welcome to AutumDale." He held his hand out to me, a golden bracelet winked in artificial light. "Nick."
I clasped his hand to mine. "Dean. You the boss?"
Nick nodded, flicking black hair out of his eyes. "Enjoy the meal, Punk. Tessa, back to work, honey."
He left me with a cooling meal. I looked back at Tessa as she rose from her seat.
"I'll meet you here tomorrow Dean. Eleven sound good?"
I nodded before lifting the burger to my lips and watching Tessa turn to serve a balding man. I knew my phone was ringing, I felt it vibrating in my pocket but I ignored it.
Not now, Sam. Later. When my heads on straight.
It was late when I found a motel, half hidden in bushes and cars. The woman at the desk flashed a scarlet smile, before she rolled a pen lid through her lips.
"Want a room?" She asked, her voice was uncomfortably nasally.
"Yeah. Single."
She nodded as she reached under the desk, pulling a set of keys toward her. She chucked one at me, allowing my reflexes to snatch it from air.
"That'll be $50, please."
I handed over cash, knowing cards could be tracked but I was relatively safe with notes. Retrieving my bags from the truck, I pushed open the motel door. A sigh left me as I studied worn puce carpets, crinkled burgundy bedspread and distasteful green walls. I threw my bag onto my bed, before shedding my coat and leaving it littering the floor.
Would they know to look for me here? So far from home and so angry?
I headed for the bathroom, knots of tension forming across my shoulders. The hot water soothed the physical pain but couldn't touch the deeper wounds. The ones that my flesh masked. I tilted my head back, letting the water run through my hair and cascade down my face. I wondered if my silence hurt them, if there was a part of them that ached at my absence. My mind told me that Sam's calls were misplaced guilt and my heart disagreed, screaming that Sam needed me. My heart was easier to shut out, it was easier to drown it's voice in the cocktail of my emotions. When the water ran cold, I stepped out, pulling boxers over my hips. Leaving the towel crumpled behind me, I fell onto the bed, knowing that dreams couldn't be held at bay for long.
Morning came quickly when night is plagued with guilt. I shook away my emotions as Nick's dinner came into view. Tessa was waiting for me, leaning against the wall, golden hair shinning in sunlight. She grinned as I stepped out of my car.
"Morning, handsome. Ready to see the sights?"
"You know it."
Raised voices attracted our attentions and we turned to look through the dinner window. I recognised Nick's built, but couldn't see his face, his hands had clenched by his sides. The man that faced me, I didn't know but I sensed a mind of trouble. A hiss left Tessa's clenched lips, I turned to her.
"Tessa?"
"Zack. He's trouble. I don't want him near Nick." Her voice was a warning to me. She didn't want me to stop her, she wanted to defend her friend. I did understand.
Zack swung a fist at Nick and it was my feet moving before my mind had kicked in. I placed myself in front of Nick, aware of his body on the floor behind me. I heard Tessa's whispered reassurances. Zack's cool gaze met mine, hostile and vicious. But I knew power. I had knowledge.
"You wanna back down there?" Tessa's warning had suddenly become mine. I was surprised I was defending people I didn't really know.
"No. He deserved what he got." Zack's voice was poisoned with alcohol, my instinct brought my fists up.
"Leave. Now." I ordered
"NO!"
He lurched forward on drunken feet, I moved to the side, deflecting the fist that came to close to my face. I threw a fist at him, smirking in satisfaction when he howled in pain. His next punch caught my face, I felt blood trickle down my chin. I unleashed my fist again, finding his stomach, he staggered to his knees. Pained eyes stared back at me, I pointed to the door.
"Get out." I demanded
"You've made a mistake." Zack's threat was pitiful.
"Is that supposed to scare me?" I asked, leaning back against the counter.
A growl was my answer as he hobbled past me and out into the street. I turned to Nick and Tessa, frowning at the bruise that had formed on Nick's cheek.
"Get some ice on that. Keep the swelling down. You hurt anywhere else?"
Tessa disappeared, toward what I assumed was the kitchen.
"No. I'm alright. How are you? You took a bad hit."
I ran my tongue over my bleeding lip, assessing the damage. "No harm. I'm fine."
Tessa returned and pressed ice wrapped in a towel onto Nick's face. "Thank you for helping, Dean." She smiled. "He's a nasty bastard."
"Hopefully he'll stay away from you."
"With any luck."
Why am I looking for a ending before a beginning?
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