I really don't want anyone shitting on this chapter because of the recent war on Hanji's gender, so I'm gonna play it safe and call Hanji by them/they pronouns.
Hanji is an... interesting type of person, if you're sugar coating it. She's not a her, but not a guy either, so we have to call Hanji Hanji (or they/them if you really have to). Not Mr./Mrs./Teacher, just Hanji. That's the first thing that's off-putting about Hanji (not that there's anything wrong with having an unspecified gender, seeing how my gender is a mystery right now). The second thing is just how weird they are. Like, Hanji is a teacher at our school, and yet they do the weirdest shit. Naming household plants, having a billion mice as class pets, and just being an over all batshit insane teacher are just a few examples I can think of. But, the good thing about Hanji is that they are undeniably smart, and nobody messes with them. I heard a rumor last year that someone tried to set one of the mice on fire, and Hanji figured it out. Then, Hanji poured some sort of hot chemical down their pants and they had to stay out of school for two whole days. But anyway, that's beside the point. The point is that I'm going in after school (with Marco and Connie since they still don't trust me alone with anyone else yet) and going to see Hanji. Apparently, they have a "surprise" for me. You know what, on second thought, maybe Marco and Connie don't trust Hanji and their "surprise" in general, not just me being alone. When I got to the lab, Hanji ran up to me with that weird grin they always have, and handed me an energy drink.
"I think I may have found a solution to your girly problem!" Hanji said, over enthusiastic as usual. I turned to Marco and Connie for reassurance, but their blank faces of confusion provided nothing helpful. I sighed, prayed, and swallowed. I waited for the effects to take place, but nothing happened. To be honest, I was a little relieved and disappointed that nothing had happened. Hanji however, was just plain disappointed. It felt really awkward just leaving them there to wallow in sadness (Hanji did have good intentions after all) so I said a quick thank you and got right on out of there with Marco and Connie right on my trail. Finally, I was free to do whatever I wanted!
...Right after I got off the toilet. When I finally had made it home, my stomach started hurting so badly I thought my intestines were going implode on me. I thought it was another period because it was the start of a new month, but it was just really, really bad stomach cramps. I had a bunch of gas come out, but I didn't feel any better no matter how much time I spent on the toilet. I still stayed though, just in case something did come out. At this point, I had almost been numb to all of the pain and I just wished it would end already. So, out of complete desperation, I did the only thing I could think of: I texted Marco.
'Hey Marco'
'Hi Jane! Whats up?'
'Nothin much. Jst takin it easy at home. Hbu?'
'Yea same. Its kinda boring. Hey wait! Can I come over to your house?'
I froze. Nope, not an option.
'Oh actually moms not gonna be back for a long time. So sorry, cant come over :/'
There was a brief pause.
'Hey, whats the matter?'
Shit. That's gotta be his personal record for the time it took figuring out something wasn't right with me. But before I had time to react, another wave of pain hit me, and my phone vibrated.
'Im calling you'
My eyes widened. No no no no bad idea Marco! Abort mission! But it was too late, for my phone started to play my ringtone. At this point, I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I answered, he'd be able to hear the gas in the background (lord kill me if he ever heard). But if I didn't answer, he'd get worried. Oh well, maybe if I was lucky and didn't answer, he wouldn't take matters into his own hands. My phone went to voicemail, and I waited for his message.
'I'm coming over right now.' was all he said. Of course. I sighed. Dammit Marco, why do you have to be such a nice guy that I like? But wait! I still have one more shot at saving myself from a lifetime of embarrassment.
'Marco could you bring me over some pepto? My stomachs not feelin 2 hot thats why I didnt want you to come over bfor'
'Oh. Ok yea I can do that'
Oh thank god. I knew if I told him I had stomach pain he'd come over anyway, so why not just buy some time. I was feeling pretty proud for my second chance at life, until my five billionth wave of pain hit me, reminding me of why Marco was coming over in the first place.
You're such a good boyfriend and you don't even know it.
A few minutes later, the gas stopped coming. This would've been good if not for the fact that my stomach was still churning. I washed my hands, stumbled over to the door to unlock it, and then crawled my way to the couch to lay down. My head hurt and I felt dizzy now. I didn't even care if the gas acted up while he was here anymore. I just needed my Pepto. Thankfully, I heard a knock on the door.
"It's open!" I called. He stepped in and found me sprawled all over the couch. Man, I must've looked real attractive with my long, messy hair sticking to my face and said face paler than a vampire's.
"Heeey Marco. Thanks for the Pepto." I said, with my stomach growling right on cue. He just shook his head and smiled.
"What am I gonna do with you? You just can't seem to keep yourself out of trouble, can you?" I laughed. Yep, that was one thing for certain.
A movie and a half later, the medicine finally kicked in, and my head wasn't as fuzzy as it was before. In fact, it was almost completely normal. However, there was one thing that kept it from functioning properly: the fact that said head was currently resting on Marco's thigh.
Yeah. Don't even get me started on how that happened. The short version of it is that he felt the need to be there until I got completely better, with a huge argument about why he didn't actually need to be there. I think I'll just fall asleep to avoid anymore arguments...
Looking back, falling asleep was probably not one of my best choices.
When I woke up I was feeling better, but I was also embarrassed because platonic friends do not fall asleep on each other's thighs even if one of them doesn't really mind. It was late at night, but he had already left. I was thankful because there was school tomorrow and I didn't want to make him suffer because of me, but at the same time I felt just a tiny bit disappointed that he was gone.
The next day in science, Hanji approached me with a timid smile.
"Uhh, yeah, about that stuff that I gave you yesterday. I accidentally carbonated it more than I thought, and that mixed with the chemicals I put in there... well, you probably figured it out." Wait. So Hanji knew the entire time what was going to happen, and they didn't warn me. I guess Hanji saw the anger in my eyes, because they immediately called for class to get started. I sighed and sat down.
Dammit Hanji.
