Hiya everybody. I feel like crap right now because it's freezing cold out and I hate the cold. Not to mention the snow. Hm, I like snow but I hate the cold. How does that work? I dunno. Anyway, I'll shut up now.
Seven: I Have A What?
"Thanks for the lift!" Raz waved at the man in the driver's seat of the limo as he stepped up to the gates of Whispering Rock Psychic Summer Camp, "I'll call again when I'm ready to leave."
"It was no problem at all, Sir." The driver stated, tipping his hat, "It's my job, it's what I do. Transport the Psychonauts, Sir, I get paid for it."
"Well…er…thanks anyway!" The young Psychonaut was ruffled at being called 'sir' but he brushed it off and looked up at the huge gate again. It'd been a while since he'd been here. Shouldering his old backpack and hefting his trunk, he telekinetically pulled out his Psychonauts badge from his pocket and flashed it against the heavy lock. There was a click, the lock fell open, the gate swung in, and Raz stepped into Whispering Rock, letting the gate close and relock itself behind him. It felt good to be back…!
The fifteen year old strolled down the path from the parking lot to the main lodge, relishing the quietness of the place in the early morning light. There was a bit of bird song here and there, the rustling of squirrels and other small animals in the undergrowth, and heavy scent of pine trees on the cool breeze wafting down from the mountains surrounding the government training facility. Razputin went around the lodge, jumped over the fence, and continued down a slightly hidden path towards the Counselor's Lodge that was surrounded by tall, shady pines. As he neared the large wooden building, he recognized the person kneeling over in the flower beds on either side of the door.
"Hey Milla!" He called, raising his free arm to hail her, "How's it going?"
"Razputin, darling!" The Brazilian agent stood and brushed the dirt off of herself, "How are you doing, sweetie? It's been a while!"
"I know, I know…!" Raz couldn't help but grin, "I've been really busy. It's great to be back though! How're you doing?"
"Oh, I'm fine, darling, still going to my rhythm!" She smiled sweetly at him and put her hands on her hips, "Do you need some help with you things, Razputin?"
"Nah, I'm fine!" Raz shook his head, letting his bangs fall into his face, "So how's Sasha? Is he here?"
"In his lab, as usual, and on such a nice day too-."
"Hello Razputin." Raz nearly dropped his trunk on his foot when he heard Agent Nein's voice from behind him, "I thought I picked up your presence entering the facility."
"Morning Sasha…!" Razputin turned to the German Psychonaut, "Are you really busy?"
"Not really. Just a few experiments going on in my lab. Would you like to see?"
"Ooh, yeah! Um…wait…" The young Psychonaut bit his lip thoughtfully, "Erm…maybe later, Sasha. I need to…talk to you about something first. Just let me put my stuff away."
And he walked into the lodge quickly. Milla watched him go, a worried expression on her face. Sasha starred after him blankly, thinking that the boy was always in such a rush. A few minutes later, Razputin reappeared, dressed in his official Psychonaut shirt, the sleeves hanging down over his gloved knuckles, a pair of slightly faded blue-black jeans, a black, hooded vest over his shirt, and dark brown boots. He classic goggles sat on his head.
"Razputin…" Milla peered at him, "Is something bothering you, darling?"
"Well…it's kind of long story…"
"Let's go inside." Sasha muttered, "I need coffee anyway."
"You don't need coffee, Sasha!" Agent Vodello snapped at him, "It's nearly noon! Have some juice."
"Juice…" Raz heard Sasha grumble as they walked back into the lodge and into the large living room like area, "What self-respecting psychic scientist drinks juice…!?"
Raz smirked as he fell into a squishy arm chair and practically sank into it; Sasha and Milla both sat on the couch.
"So…" Now that he was here, it seemed like it was a lot harder to talk about than it had been when he was thinking about doing it, "So…well…I…I don't really know where to start but…" He looked helplessly up at the two older agents, "There's something wrong with me."
"I'm going back to my lab." Sasha began to stand.
"No, no! Wait! Okay! Lili and I…Lili and I got into a fight and broke up!"
"Oh, Razputin, darling!" Milla made as if to get up and hug him but Sasha put a hand on her shoulder and shook his head, he knew there was more to this story.
"When I woke up in the morning, the caravan was trashed. I didn't worry about it then; Dad said it was probably just my psychic energy reacting to my emotions. But then I passed out as we were packing up and a huge fire started in the field we were camped in. Nobody got hurt and Dad said it wasn't my fault but I was so sure…" He stopped for a moment, took a deep breath, and then continued, "I was so sure it was me. I heard a voice in my head. And then at a rest stop, I unconsciously used cyrokinesis and you guys no I never bothered to learn that! Then a couple days later, I got into a fist fight and was knocked unconscious but Candice said I'd gotten right back up and attacked the guys who'd been harassing her…! And then…and then…" Raz's voice quivered and he took in a shaky breath, "And then…I almost killed my little brother…! Only, I know it wasn't me! It was whoever the voice in my head is! You gotta believe me!" The youth's green eyes flickered over Sasha and Milla, "You know I wouldn't hurt Ozzy! I'm not insane!"
"Of course you're not Razputin…!" Milla said soothingly though there was an edge to her voice that said otherwise.
"Hmmm…compelling." Sasha muttered, scrutinizing Raz behind his tinted glasses, "Razputin, I believe you have some sort of strange case of Multiple Personality Disorder. I'm going to fix the Brain Tumbler and I'll let you know when it's ready. Then we can get to the bottom of this!"
"Sweet! So I'm not crazy! Wait a minute…?" Raz was interrupted by the loud honking of the Whispering Rock bus echoing from the parking lot.
"Ach, Morry's back with the children…" The German psychic muttered discontentedly, "I'm leaving before I'm trampled." And he disappeared from the room and out the door, probably to his precious lab. Raz looked at Milla and sighed.
"I'll go help the coach…" He muttered, "As long as I'm stuck here, I might as well be of some use."
"Want to be a consular, darling? We could always use a little extra help…!"
"Um…sure…I guess so. No harm!" Raz shrugged and stepped back out into the sunshine. The light reflected off his goggles as he made his way back towards the parking lot. Sasha would have this whole 'voice-in-his-head-spontaneous-fire-thing' solved in no time, he was sure of it.
"It's about time you came back to the battle field, Soldier!" Coach Oleander shouted over the screams of the kids as they chased each other back and forth across the parking lot, "Help me get these new recruits in line!"
"Yes sir!" Raz saluted mockingly and rounded on the PSI Cadets, "Alright! Whoever gets in line gets a free autograph from me!" All the kids stopped to see who it was that had shouted and, upon recognizing the Youngest Psychonaut Ever, immediately got into what could basically be translated into a line, "Good, now, follow the Coach!"
He laughed to himself as he watched the line of ten year olds marching away after the squat little Oleander; he didn't remember being that short! A few of them were looking over their shoulder at him as they went, whispering among themselves. He could only imagine...! Their voices in his head made him grin and put his hands on his hips.
"It's Agent Razputin! The Youngest Psychonaut Ever!"
"Wow! Agent Raz! I'm so going to get his autograph and sell it on E-bay for a bazillion dollars!"
"He's looking at us! He talked to us! He's real! This is so cool!"
"Maybe he'll have to save the world for us again!"
Chuckling, Razputin trailed around the parking lot, running his gloved fingers over the giant slice of tree consisting of the history of Whispering Rock Psychic Camp. So many memories. Curious about some things, he stopped to take a look at the message board.
"To All In-Coming PSI Cadets: The forest is off limits so stay out of it! –Ranger Cruller." He read aloud, "Well, at least Ford hasn't changed…!" He looked at another one, "Dear Timmy, I'm going back to Australia next summer and I'm not coming to Whispering Rock! If you ever want to see me again, promise to run away with me to Florida where I can become a movie star and you'll be a hot male model! Signed with lots of love, Cecilia Bronehert. Hmph, ten year olds…they're all nuts!"
The young Psychonaut stretched and looked towards the lodge. The PSI Cadets were probably at the Kid's Cabin Area by now getting settled in. Why not go meet them all and sign whatever article of clothing they wanted. It would most likely be chaos, as per usual with the youngsters, but it would be a kind of happy chaos that Raz would enjoy. He made his way past the Main Lodge and crossed the wooden bridge to the Cabin Area and Coach Oleander's little fortress. As the teenager wandered down the path and past one of the giant tree roots, he heard a squeal of delight and the next thing he knew he was laying on his back on the ground with a bunch of ten year old girls clinging to his torso.
"Oh my gosh! Agent Razputin!" They all cried at the same time; there were about three or four of them; and stood in a semi-circle around him, eyes sparkling.
"Oh my gosh! He's even hotter in real life than he is in the magazines!"
"Oh my gosh! Will you marry me!?"
"Oh my gosh! I can't believe I really touched him!"
Oh my gosh, why were they all saying 'oh my gosh'? He sat up, readjusting his goggles on his head, and frowned, looking around at them all. A bunch of giggling girls. One of them squealed again and turned bright red as he looked in her direction.
"Oh my gosh! Agent Razputin looked at me! AT ME!"
"Um…what exactly is going on here?" He asked over the giggling of the other girls, "Um…hello? Camp counselor asking you a question here!"
"Oh my gosh! Don't you know!?" One of the cried, "We're the official "Razputin All Girls Fan Club!' Oh my gosh!"
Raz just stared at them. He had a fan club? Of little ten year old psychic girls? This could be a problem. He stood up and discovered that one of them had been unlacing his boots while he'd been distracted and was now running around squealing that she had 'Raz's shoelace'. Why this was a major achievement, Raz didn't know. He did know that he wanted that shoelace back.
Muttering curses under his breath, he stood, put two fingers to his forehead and looked at the girl. Immediately, an orange hand came out of no where and picked up the girl by the back of her shirt. She screamed and dropped the shoelace which Raz grabbed before setting her back onto the ground.
As he was relacing his boot, all the girls huddled around him, watching his every move. Okay, he was in the circus but this was just ludicrous! How was he supposed to teach a class of giggling fan girls? No way was he going to let these girls into his mind! Not even if Hell itself froze over!
"So Mr. Raz…" One of the girls fluttered her eyelashes at him which probably would have been attractive had she been older and known when she'd put too much makeup on, "Is it true you live in a mansion at the sea side where you go out every day and swim with the dolphins and run on the beach with a bunch of girls in bikinis?"
"No. I live in my family's circus and I don't even know how to swim…!" He stuck the shoelace through one of the holes and pulled it tight.
"Did you have your heart broken by a lot of beautiful girls and now you're emo?"
"What the-!? No! I don't even know that many girls!" He laced the other string, pulling it over the other one.
"Do you go into the mountains every winter time to train and hone your psychic skills?"
"No…!"
"Did you really beat off twenty fire-breathing dragons in Egypt by yourself!?"
"Where'd you hear that!? It was one and it wasn't a dragon! It was a genetically enhanced komodo dragon and it didn't breath fire it just had pyrokinesis abilities due to Psitanium exposure and Agents Nein and Poise helped me beat it!"
"Are you the secret long lost second cousin of Donald Trump?"
"No."
"Are you the forbidden birth child of Agents Nein and Vodello and because you weren't supposed to exist they sealed you away in a Psitanium rock for a long time but you eventually escaped and are seeking revenge on the parents you never knew!?"
"What is this!?" Raz had completed the task of lacing his boot and now stood up, drawing himself to his full height and towering over the girls, his cheeks red from anger, annoyance, and embarrassment, "Where do you guys get this!?"
"Oh my gosh, our fan clubs official magazine of course!" Said one of the girls, pulling a magazine seemingly out of nowhere, "It's 'PSI-Girl: The Magazine for Psychic Girls'! It details all of the latest and greatest from the fashions of today's most popular psychics to the hottest agents out there!" She flipped through the magazine as Raz raised an eyebrow, watching the other girls coo over him, "See, they dedicate the center section to the Youngest Psychonaut Ever in every issue! They call it 'Behind the Goggles'! Isn't it romantic!? There's always a new story!"
Razputin didn't think it was romantic at all. He thought it was the corniest, most disgusting, most chuck full of lies piece of bull he'd ever laid eyes on. The next time he got into contact with HQ, he'd tell them to give this 'PSI-Girl' magazine company a call and see what could be done about it…! It was slightly disturbing that people seemed to think that Sasha and Milla had some sort of secret, filthy, naughty relationship going on when everyone who read 'True Psychic Tales' knew the truth. Raz snorted and crossed his arms, glaring at all the giggling girls who now seemed to be daring one another to kiss pictures in the magazine.
"Whatever…!" He growled, "Just don't stalk me!" And he turned to leave but the girls all moved in front of him, blocking his way, "What now? Do you want me to autograph your stupid magazine?"
"Oh Agent Razputin, you're so cute!" It was the girl with the magazine and she appeared to be the leader of this Fan Club, "We don't want you to sign anything; not yet anyway; we want your cloths!"
"WHAT!?" Raz started backing away, "ARE YOU NUTS!? WHAT KIND OF THINGS DO PARENTS LET THEIR KIDS WATCH THESE DAYS!?"
The ten year old girls really didn't seem so innocent anymore. One of them reached for his pant leg and he jumped about a foot in the air. It seemed there was only one way out of this.
"It's these kind of situations that we need backup in…!" He muttered, pulling down his bright orange Thought Bubble, "See ya'!" He bounced off the Bubble, over the heads of the girls, and soared through the air, landing on top of one of the cabins. The girls seemed to have been so stunned by his escape that they hadn't bothered to look where he'd landed; a little on the slow side, they were. Now they scurried about, calling his name, and whining. Raz turned invisible and slipped away towards the Wilderness, slinking past the trees and hiding in the shadows. He dropped his Invisibility when he was sure that the Fan Girls were far enough away and leaned back against a tree with a heavy sigh. Those girls would probably be following him all over camp if they could.
Well, that would just be an unwanted hassle, wouldn't Raz?
"What?" Raz looked around to see if there was anyone in his telepathy range but he was alone in woods lining the fence around the GPC, "Who's there?"
Nice of you to forget me, Raz, that kind of hurts! Come on, I've been asleep for about, what, nine years? Is it so hard to remember me?
"Who…are you? For that matter where are you?"
It's Rixintine. Or Rix if you like! Come on Raz, let's go set stuff on fire…just to watch it burn…!
The last thing Raz remembered was an insane cackle of laughter and a searing pain in his head. Then a crack like a snapping branch and he fell into an icy cold darkness.
----
"You can take those unreliable maps and just burn them up! I'm going to take those hidden truths, and snatch them in the palm of my hand!" –Ready, Steady, Go by L'ArcenCiel
I think I'm going to do that from now on just to be a freaky little weirdo! Put a line from a song at the beginning or end of a chapter just because I can! Well, whatever.
Rixintine is here! What's he going to set on fire? I wonder…?
Ugh, those fan girls make me sick, I can't believe I wrote them…
