Abhisar

All addiction requires is obsession, fixation and dependency. It's this insatiable need to engage in a specific activity and it's extremely difficult to break the habit. You become lost in a cycle of abuse because you're constantly chasing that first high. And she, well...she was my great addiction.


She felt herself losing control and with one last thrust, completely surrendered herself to Paige's touch.

"Damn girl," Paige smirked as she lifted her head from between Emily's legs. "It better have been good, you're bleeding." Paige lifted her hands to show a smudge of blood on her middle finger.

"Oh," Emily immediately touched herself and felt a trickle of blood from inside her. "I guess I am." She looked at her fingers and was overcome with a stream of complex emotions. Anger. Happiness. Sadness. Pride.

"Did I pop your cherry?" Paige joked and nudged Emily's arm with her own.

"It looks that way." Emily's voice felt hollow and distant. "I've had sex before but only with…" she trailed off as Paige finished "Alison."

"Yeah."

Paige nodded curtly and moved toward the other side of the bed. "What are you doing?" Emily asked, still feeling oddly conflicted.

Paige had positioned her body away from Emily before asking, "Why did you have to bring up Alison immediately after having sex with me?" Her tone was completely void of any emotion.

"I didn't mean to upset you," Emily grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and wiped her hands. "I'm sorry." She moved her body against Paige's and began spooning her from behind. "Please don't be upset with me, we're just friends now."

"Are you sure?" Paige questioned, her voice barely audible.

"Yes," Emily promised her. "We're just extremely, extremely close friends but we haven't hooked up in a while."

Emily began lightly scratching Paige's head, anxious to prove that she wasn't interested in dating Alison.

"Good." Paige responded.

In one swift moment, she turned to face Emily and pressed their lips together.


As summer faded into fall, Paige and Emily fell into a comfortable routine. They would wake up in Paige's apartment, go to class and spend nearly every single moment together. Paige would accompany Emily to her swim practices and Emily would attend Paige's nightly lectures. They were spending so much time together that Alison was beginning to refer to Paige as Emily's "third leg." They simply couldn't get enough of each other and Emily would rush through her responsibilities just to spend a few more seconds with Paige.

"Babyyy," Emily sing-songed, as she rocked a half-asleep Paige in her arms.

It was a Saturday afternoon and the pair had spent the morning attempting to assemble an intricate puzzle on Paige's dining room table. They now lay snuggled on the floor, amidst several forgotten pieces.

"Mmm, hi baby." Paige yawned and rubbed the corners of her eyes. "I'm so tired."

"Oh, I'm sure," Emily laughed. "Puzzling has been known to tire out even those with the most impressive stamina." Emily winked and Paige nuzzled herself further into Emily's lap.

"What do you have planned for today?" Paige asked.

Emily shrugged. Truthfully, she had just assumed they were going to spend the day together. On Saturday's they usually did laundry, cooked an elaborate meal and indulged in a little bit too much alcohol.

"Well, aren't you supposed to meet Alison?" Paige prompted.

"What day is it?" Emily shot up and looked frantically at Paige.

"The 29th," Paige replied. Her tone unreadable.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck." Emily muttered as she checked her phone. Three missed calls from Ali. "I was supposed to meet her for coffee 20 minutes ago." Emily stood up and immediately leaned back down to kiss Paige goodbye. "I'm so sorry baby. Are you okay? What are you gunna do while I'm gone?"

Paige pecked Emily on the cheek, said "I'm going to take a longgggg nap" and waved lazily at Emily. "Bye babe."


"I am so sorry I'm late," Emily apologized as she slid onto the bar stool besides Alison. The cafe was crowded and Alison's large designer handbag was preventing the hungover masses from taking Emily's seat. "I'll buy you any dessert you want. Cupcakes, brownies, pies. All on me."

"It's fine," Alison motioned toward some cookie crumbs in front of her. "I already had my sugar fix."

"Oh," Emily laughed. "Well, how are you? I feel like I haven't seen you in weeks."

"You kinda haven't" replied Alison. "Honestly, I can't even remember the last time you slept in our room."

"Are you upset?" Emily asked. It was the first time in years that Emily was seeing so little of her best friend and she hated it.

"I just miss you." Alison reached for Emily's hand but was met with only the smoothness of the countertop. "I don't have a communicable disease, Emily." Alison laughed. She went to lean her head on the brunette's shoulder.

"Ali…" Emily began, lightly pushing Alison's head away. "I don't really know if we should be doing this."

"Doing what?" Alison snapped her head up and stared at Emily. "We've always acted like this."

"I know but…." Emily trailed off, trying to find the best way to phrase what she was thinking. "Paige just thinks that I'm a little too handsy with you."

"You've had a conversation about this?" Alison asked. She was no longer looking at Emily and was playing with the crumbs on the counter instead.

"We have." Emily replied, averting her own gaze and remembering her conversation with Paige the week before.


Emily had just arrived at Paige's house with a handful of groceries. She had intended on spoiling Paige with a tomato poached salmon, roasted vegetables and a sweet potato hash she'd seen on Top Chef. But, as soon as Emily walked into the apartment, Paige said, "I saw you and Alison holding hands in the quad today."

"Oh yeah?" Emily placed the groceries on the dining room table and went to kiss Paige but she turned her head away. "Baby, I didn't see you," Emily attempted to assure her.

"That's obvious." Paige turned her back to Emily and sat down on the futon.

Emily left the groceries on the table and sat down next to Paige. "What's going on?"

"What's going on with me?" Paige replied, her voice oddly high. "What's going on with you and Alison?"

"What do you mean?" Emily asked, her heart beginning to pound extremely quickly. She felt guilty and couldn't even figure out why.

"I see you guys holding hands in the quad, sneaking off together at parties. You're literally all over each other."

"I...Paige.."Emily stuttered. "That's just how we've always been with each other and-."

"But you guys DATED," Paige cut her off. Her eyes were filled with pain..or anger. "It's completely disrespectful to me. Could you imagine if I were best friends with Jenna and we were constantly holding hands?"

"Well," Emily thought for a moment. Jenna was Paige's ex girlfriend of three years. She was Paige's first love, they shared a joint bank account together and have each other's lips tattooed to their stomachs. Emily found this lovely fact out when she was kissing the tattoo a few weeks ago. "I think you were more serious with Jenna."

"It doesn't matter." Paige stood up suddenly and leaned over Emily. "You dated, you had sex and it's not fair to me."

Emily started playing with her ear, a nervous habit she inherited from her father, before grabbing Paige's hands. "I'm really sorry for making you feel uncomfortable. You're right, Alison and I are extremely close but I've been inconsiderate of your feelings."

Paige's demeanor softened and she brought Emily's head to her stomach. "I've just been cheated on in the past so sometimes I get anxious." Paige started running her hands through Emily's hair.

"I will try my hardest to be aware of your feelings from now on." Emily said, in between lightly planting kisses on Paige's stomach. "Please come to me when you have issues. I won't know otherwise and I don't want them to fester."

"I promise." Paige swore and pushed Emily's head a little farther down. Emily smirked, unbuttoned Paige's pants and began kissing lower and lower and lower…

The groceries lay forgotten on the tomatoes, crushed by the weight of the other groceries, began to leak. They saturated the bottom of the bag, ruining the food within.


"What exactly did you say to Paige?" asked Alison, still looking at the crumbs in front of her.

"Um," Emily could feel her face reddening with embarrassment. "You know I love you and nothing will ever change that but...but Paige is just a little uncomfortable with how affectionate we are with each other."

Alison was now crushing the crumbs under her fingertips, making sure they were entirely flat before sweeping them into a napkin. "I can understand that."

"You can?" Emily asked, a surge of relief flooding through her body.

"Yeah, we are very close." Alison agreed. "And that would obviously be threatening to someone who doesn't understand our dynamic. Plus we have slept together somewhat recently."

"Exactly!" Emily laughed. She had been so worried about having this conversation with Alison. "I have to stop underestimating how understanding you are."

Alison smiled, "I just want you to be happy and I don't want to mess up your chances with Paige."

"Thank you so much, Ali." For the first time all day, Emily felt completely at peace. "I gotta tell Paige!"

Emily reached for her phone as Alison stood up to throw away her trash and noticed that she had 5 messages from "Baby Boo" (Paige's nickname in her phone.) Smiling broadly, Emily unlocked her screen and read the messages.

23 minutes ago: "Baby"

21 minutes ago: "I miss you"

20 minutes ago: "Come tuck me in"

13 minutes ago: "Baby, I can't keep my eyes open. I'm going to bed. I need to catch some sleep so maybe come over a bit later. Around 7? I'll dream about you O:)"

4 minutes: "1 audio message"

"Ugh," Emily thought as she clicked on the audio message. "Paige is so cute. I'll have to go to the bathroom and send her one back in a minu-" Emily's smile faltered. She pressed her ear against the speaker, her heart pounding in her chest, and replayed the message three times.

It was unmistakable. Emily could hear two distinct voices in the 9 second message.

Abhisar: (Bengali, n): lit. 'going towards'; a meeting (often secret) between lovers / partners.