Balance, Chapter 7

To Balance One's Discipline

I did not sleep that night.

No matter how symmetrical I made myself, I could not fall asleep.

I deserved it though, for what I had done. But how was I supposed to know what Tsuriai was hiding under that ponytail? Why didn't she just tell me? The fact I let her have it at all was huge for me, considering it was completely asymmetrical, but the fact that I had let it go without knowing the reason was even bigger. Seriously, if Tsuriai had just confessed to me about the spot in the first place, I wouldn't have been in that mess!

But I didn't say any of that. It was too late to say anything now.

I got out of bed the next morning after literally not sleeping all night. I'm not sure if I was tired though. My brain completely shut off and didn't show any signs of restarting.

Perfect timing. Exams were the next day.

Predictably enough, no one spoke to me during classes that day. I sat in the center of the desks in Stein-Hakade's classroom, pretending to listen to the lesson. Well, I tried to pretend at least. I must have looked pretty pathetic though, because Stein-Hakase paused to observe me many times throughout class. He had something of a disappointed expression, but I wasn't sure if it was for the reason I thought it was or if I just looked plain dead throughout his class.

I didn't bother looking around the room either. All my ex-friends were doing their best to look away from me. Maka had her face down in a book. Crona was next to her, shuffling uncomfortably. On her other side was Soul, who had his whole body faced away from me. On the other side of the room were Black Star and Tsubaki, who both stared down at the blackboard containing Stein-Hakase's notes. Black Star was even writing some of the information down, anything to distract himself from looking towards me. Liz and Patty sat on opposite sides of me, and neither one gave me even so much as a glance throughout the lesson.

I was surrounded by people, but I had never felt so lonely in my life.

Finally, the bell rang. Everyone stood and made their way out of the room, my ex-friends silent as they passed by me. I didn't bother trying to say goodbye to them, because I knew I would be ignored.

The person who did talk to me, however, said two things I did not want to hear.

"Kid-kun," Stein-Hakase called as he rolled over to the door, stopping me as I made my way out. "I have a few messages for you. First of all, in regard to tomorrow's final exam, you're being allowed to type your answers on a computer."

My eyes widened a bit. "Excuse me, Sir?" I managed. My voice was weak and timid, something very odd for me.

Stein-Hakase noticed, too, because he raised an eyebrow at me. I didn't even care that it was only one. He then twisted the screw on the side of his head and said, "It was a request from your maid. She said that, because of your symmetry needs, you should be allowed to type out the exam. After all, that would make all the words neat and clean, right?"

My throat went dry. "When was this request made?" I asked.

Stein-Hakase kept turning the screw as he thought back. "Uh...three weeks ago, I guess?" I mused aloud. "It wasn't too long after she had started working for you. She came to me and said I should let you type the exam in order to avoid a repetition of our previous exam." He snickered lightly to himself and laughed a bit, as if the whole situation was a big joke.

I felt like I was going to vomit. Tsuriai had thought that far ahead for me, and she didn't even work for me anymore. No, she had left that night I exposed her. I didn't need to see it. I went straight to bed after the incident. Because I didn't sleep, I could hear her packing her things and storming out of the mansion, screaming at Liz and Patty as they begged her to stay.

"NO!!" she had cried. "I CAN'T STAY ANYMORE!! I HATE THAT STUPID, SPOILED BRAT!!"

It took me a little while to find anything to say. What could I have said? Should I have told Stein-Hakase about what I had done? About how I had caused Tsuriai to leave? It didn't seem like he knew about what had happened the night before. I sort of wanted to keep it that way.

Finally, I swallowed thickly and murmured, "Should I just come to class normally?"

Stein-Hakase nodded. "Yes, I'll have a computer set up for you."

I kept my head down and nodded back. "Anything else?"

"Ah yes," the professor remembered, "Shingami-sama wanted to see you after class."

My head shot up, and my eyes went wide with fear. Honorable Father wanted to see me? Oh, Shinigami, no, I didn't want to face him. Chances were very good someone had told him about what had happened. Maybe Tsuriai herself had gone to him! Oh no, this was the second-worst thing that could happen, the first being me having to face Tsuriai herself.

Oh, Shinigami...what if she was there?

My bottom lip trembled as I stared into the eyes of my professor. Now he was curious. I never reacted this way when it came to seeing Father. I was always eager to see Father, because it usually meant I had some duties for Shibusen to oversee. Not this time.

Stein-Hakase lit a cigarette and stared skeptically at me. "He didn't say why. He just wanted to see you." He inhaled the smoke and let it out in a long puff. "Maybe it's something about your birthday party the day after tomorrow? Ah, I wouldn't worry, Kid-kun, maybe he just wants to know what flavor of cake you want."

I almost burst into tears right there in the classroom in front of my professor. How could he not possibly know?! The situation was much more dire than just some flavor of birthday cake. At this rate, I wouldn't be surprised if Father cancelled the whole party in general. It's not like it would matter though. Even if he didn't, no one would come.

However, I held in my emotions and bowed respectfully. "Thank you," I whispered. I watched as Stein-Hakase rolled out the door and down the hallway, completely oblivious to my misery. Biting my lip, I walked out of the classroom and down the hall towards Father's room.

That walk to Father's was the longest of my life. I heard whispers and hushed accusations as I passed my classmates. No doubt someone from last night had told everyone. Now the whole damn school knew. Just perfect. That was just the thing I needed right now. The hallways seemed to get longer as I walked, and my destination seemed to jump further away. At the same time, the voices got louder.

"I heard he exposed his maid last night."

"The poor girl was humiliated."

"I feel so bad for her."

"I never minded Kid's symmetry obsession, but this is going too far."

"What a jerk."

Suddenly, meeting with Father didn't seem too bad anymore.

When I finally made it to the room, I cautiously knocked on the front doors. That was rare for me. After all, Shinigami-sama is my honorable father, and he's come to accept me walking into his room without knocking, especially if he's called me there. That time though, when I was shaky and tired and scared to death, I knocked quietly, wishing no one would reply.

"Come in," came Father's voice. Shinigami, this wasn't going to be good.

I slowly opened the doors and stepped into Father's room. He was faced towards his large mirror, and Spirit-san was standing at his side. Maka's father glanced at me, but I couldn't tell what he was thinking. Shrugging a bit, he turned away and frowned, as if to say he was disappointed.

I realized something in that moment. I had never before seen that, every time I went to see father, there was another father standing right there. Even if he wasn't mine, Spirit-san was still a father. He had probably had to discipline Maka at some point during her life, so seeing me like this was, most likely, something he was used to and something he would really rather not see.

I hung my head in shame. That's when you know you've been terrible. You can't even look another person's parent in the eye.

"Spirit-kun," I heard Father say, "would you excuse us for a moment? I need to speak with Kid-kun."

Spirit-san nodded slowly and started walking out of the room. He never once looked back, and a chill went down my spine when I heard the main doors slam.

I was alone with Father, and I was never more terrified.

"Kid-kun," Father continued, "I'm sure you know why you're here." He turned to look at me, his mask the same as ever. It was tough to tell how he was feeling. "I'm very disappointed in you, Kid-kun," he said suddenly, catching me off-guard. "I've allowed you to enjoy symmetry all your life, and I've left you to your own devices when it comes to how you interact with others about it. However, this is going much too far."

"Father," I whispered, "may I ask you a question?"

Father nodded. "You may."

I looked up. "Why didn't Tsuriai just say something to me? If she had given me a reason as to why she needed to keep her hair in that side ponytail, I would have allowed it, really! What was she so scared of? She was already my maid, and she was good at her job. She went up and beyond for me, so I wouldn't have fired her. Tell me why, Father, please!" I was close to tears again, but I held them in.

Father tilted his head to the side a bit and then straightened himself back out. I heard him exhale a small sigh before saying, "It wasn't something Tsuriai-chan was comfortable telling you, Kid-kun, because she was uncomfortable with it." He paused. "Let me ask you a question, Kid-kun. Why did you never sit down with Tsuriai-chan and try to get to know her? Why did you never ask her about her background? You could have. There were hints written on the application, but you just saw that her name meant 'Balance Organization' and hired her right away." Another pause. "Now, tell me, who is at fault here?"

Oh. Why had I never sat down with Tsuriai and talked to her about where she was from or what her childhood was like? When she was yelling at me, she said something about escaping an abusive household, so I could already gather that her past wasn't at all happy. But still...why had I never said something?

The answer suddenly hit me. I was too preoccupied with symmetry. I never thought my aesthetic would turn on me. I let out a shaky breath and looked up and Father with huge, curious eyes. "Did...did she tell you anything, Honorable Father?"

Father nodded. "While you were in the infirmary with Nygus-chan, I got the opportunity to talk to Tsuriai-chan. You may have wanted her to be your maid because of her name, but I wanted more of a background check. Kid-kun, Tsuriai-chan is a burn survivor."

My eyes shot open wider, if that was possible. I couldn't speak. I wanted to bombard Father with all the thoughts invading my mind, but I couldn't make any sounds. I couldn't form proper words. Was Father telling me the truth? He had never lied to me before, but this was too much.

"Her father had always been a little aggressive," Father suddenly continued, "but he was still tolerable. As the years passed, however, his attitude only got worse. One day, he burned the side of his daughter's head out of pure anger. Tsuriai-chan needed surgery. Her hair will never re-grow, so she decided to hide it the best she could." A pause. "Your ads went out a few days after she was released. Really, being a maid is a great job for someone trying to escape from somewhere."

I didn't hear anything after that. I suddenly found me hating myself for what I had done. What a fool I had been. I had never asked Tsuriai about anything. I had never tried to get to know her, but I expected her to know everything about me. Shinigami, what a arrogant snob I had been. I deserved to die a painful, merciless death for this, not some asymmetry.

Besides, Tsuriai's lack of symmetry was much more painful than mine.

I looked up at Father, and the tears started falling. "I'm sorry," I whispered. "I'm so sorry..."

Father shook his head. "Don't say it to me," he snapped. "Say it to Tsuriai."

"I can't," I gasped as my cheeks became wetter. "She's gone. She left." I paused for a moment to compose myself. Once I felt I could go on, I said, "Are you going to punish me, Father? Am I grounded? Am I not going to be allowed a birthday party?"

Father shook his head again. "No, no, nothing like that, Kid-kun," he assured me. "You're not grounded. You're still going to have a birthday party the day after tomorrow. All your friends are still going to come. I have asked them to."

I wiped my eyes in disbelief. Was he not going to punish me?

"I just want one little thing from you, Kid-kun," Father continued. He pointed to my left hand. "Take off the ring and give it to me."

I wasn't sure what Father had in mind, but I followed his instructions anyway. I was in no position to ask questions or fight back.

Once my ring was in Father's hand, he made a fist and brought his arm back to his side. Satisfied, he nodded again. "There," he finished, "that should do it." A pause. "Those cute stripes in your hair have never made you symmetrical, Kid-kun, but this should be okay for now. After all, you're..."

Oh, Shinigami...no.

"...balanced."

TO BE CONTINUED