VII
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Deep down, Rin had seen it coming.
It didn't start on a specific day; it wasn't as if Haruka walked into the natatorium with I'm not alright written on his forehead. In fact, he said nothing at all about the matter.
But Rin still saw, throughout the weeks following Haruka's promise to take him outside, and a part of him got increasingly worried as days passed. The Prince noticed how out of breath he was after swimming only a few laps, the slight tremor running down his arms when he used them to push himself out of the pool. The sickly pallor under his tanned skin. How distracted he looked, not noticing Rin's call until the Prince reached out to touch him.
Haruka almost swallowed water when Rin grabbed his arm, recoiling until his back hit the wall of the pool. He looked around and blinked several times, as if he had suddenly forgotten where he was.
"What?" he snapped.
"Is everything alright?"
Haruka opened his mouth, shook his head and closed it again. "Yes." He held onto the poolside. "I should– I should go–" But he trailed off when Rin grabbed his arm again. "What?!"
"Tell me the truth," the Prince demanded.
Haruka shook his hand off, pushed himself out of the pool. Now it wasn't only his arms that was trembling.
"It's fine," he almost growled, standing on wobbly legs as he walked towards the pile he had made with his clothes.
"You're shaking," Rin noted.
"The water is cold." And it scared Rin, not only because Haruka had never complained about the temperature in the natatorium, but also because it was the hottest day in the last three years and the water was tepid, if not straight up warm.
The Prince didn't notice he had gotten out the pool until he found himself walking towards Haruka.
"It's not cold. You're sick."
Haruka never got to shake his head. It was like he were a puppet and someone had cut the strings; his whole body went limp, and Rin could barely manage to catch him before he hit the floor. The Prince slipped on the marble tiles, and he let out a pained yelp when he fell on his knees. He forgot it when he felt Haruka stirring in his arms, though.
Rin laid him on the floor, watched as his friend looked around, disoriented.
"I… fell?"
The Prince ran a hand through his red hair.
"Yes, and I might have broken my knees so you didn't hurt your head." But Haruka wasn't listening. He hugged himself, barely supressing a shiver, and Rin noticed they were still naked. "Stay there," he commanded, despite he doubted Haruka could move even if he wanted to; he stood up, limped towards his own pile of clothes and picked up the towel he had brought with him. Haruka didn't complain when Rin made him sit up and wrapped him up in the fabric. "Better?"
Haruka nodded, but he shuddered again. "I'm cold."
"And that's all?" Rin pressed a hand to his forehead. "I don't think you have a fever– What's wrong then?"
Haruka looked down.
For several moments, he said nothing; so did Rin, too focused on his glassy eyes. It was as if the last weeks exploded in the Prince's face. Why hadn't he said anything sooner?
"I should have eaten more yesterday," Haruka finally admitted, in a tiny voice.
Rin blinked.
"Yesterday? Wait– you haven't had anything today?" Haruka didn't answer. Rin sighed as he walked towards his clothes again. "Wait a bit here."
Rin came back from the kitchen some minutes later, carrying a tray with fruit, meat, bread and water. Some noblemen had thrown him confused glances as he passed them, to which the Prince had replied with defiant glares; it was none of their business.
Haruka hadn't moved from his spot; he seemed to shrink into himself when Rin placed the tray on the floor and sat down next to him; and even though he was almost as pale as the white room he looked embarrassed for some reason. His blue gaze shifted between the Prince and the food, but at some point his eyes started closing.
"Eat."
Haruka almost jumped at the unexpected order, then glanced away. "No."
"Huh? You need–"
"I don't need your pity."
Pity?
Rin breathed deeply through his nose.
"You're right. You don't need pity, but food. So eat before I make you."
Haruka shook his head.
"Haru, I'd be very disappointed if you died from starvation. I've gotten used to having you swimming here, you know?"
Haruka's fingers tensed around the fistfuls of towel he was grabbing. He mumbled something, too quietly for Rin to hear it.
"What?"
His friend looked up.
"I said that's not what I come here for!" he snapped; it was the first time Rin heard him raise his voice. "I lied," he added, and the words shook.
"Lied…?"
Haruka breathed in deeply before a rush of words started falling hastily from his mouth:
"I know I shouldn't have– I don't like– But I had to, since the war started we– It's so hard."
Rin knew Haruka's adoptive family were merchants, so he could guess where their difficulties came from. The war that had started a year ago had not only made most trade routes unsafe, but also affected people's priorities. Nobody wanted fancy clothes when they couldn't afford food for their children. But that didn't explain why Haruka refused to eat.
"I'm lost," he admitted.
Haruka leant his forehead on his pulled up knees, to avoid looking at Rin.
"Since before I was caught– I didn't come to swim, but to the kitchen. I never stole much food, but I–" He exhaled shakily, and for a second he reminded Rin of a child that had just been caught doing something he shouldn't. "I know Makoto's parents would kick me out if they knew, but I don't want Ran and Ren to cry because they're hungry, and the errands I do aren't enough…" Haruka's voice had a pleading edge the Prince had never heard. "And Makoto's been gone for weeks…" His voice died down, smothered by shame.
Rin was at a loss for words. Haruka raised his head, but he stared at the pool, pointedly avoiding his gaze. The Prince couldn't stop looking at him, though. He had known, from the moment he had seen Haruka for the first time, that his life lacked many things Rin took for granted due to his upbringing; but he didn't know… He had supposed Haruka would tell him if something was that wrong– they were something akin to friends, right? There was no outer reality in the hours they spent swimming together, no social differences– at least he thought Haruka understood that.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"I don't need your pity," Haruka said again. "I suppose you should arrest me now."
Rin pursed his lips together, making up his mind before he cautiously placed a hand on Haruka's shoulder.
"Listen," he started. "I– I don't know what to think, alright? I thought… wanted to think… that maybe you had gotten fond of me." A muscle twitched under Rin's fingers. "But I– I think I shouldn't, but… I really admire what you've been doing. You risk so much for them."
Haruka finally looked at him. His blue eyes were tired, barely shining anymore.
"I'm sorry," he whispered.
Rin let out a sigh. "Well, you being sorry won't fix anything. The war doesn't look like it'll end anytime soon." Haruka's gaze strayed towards the food. "Now eat. We'll get something for your family later."
Haruka's eyes widened. "But–"
"No buts," Rin cut him off. "You're starving because of the war, right? Which technically is my family's fault… and since I'll become Sultan one day, my duty is protecting you."
Haruka glared at him, but Rin knew he had the upper hand; his friend was exhausted, and the Prince could hear his stomach grumbling. Haruka relented after a few minutes; his arm reached out from under the towel as he grabbed a grape and took it to his mouth.
Rin watched as he kept eating; at first Haruka seemed reluctant, but he was visibly hungry, even though he kept shoving tiny bits of food into his mouth. Rin didn't know whether he was exasperated by that stupid pride or relieved because it was just inanition; Haruka only needed to eat to get better.
"Can I ask you something?" Rin found himself asking, though.
Haruka looked up from the bread and nodded.
"You've only been sick recently, even though you're so thin." Despite knowing Haruka needed it more, Rin stole a grape from the tray. "The situation worsened, right? Did something happen?"
Haruka lowered his head.
"Ran is ill," he answered. "Lately she throws up almost everything she eats, so I'm giving her my food. She needs it more than I do."
Rin didn't know whether he wanted to scold him or hug him.
He managed to stop a few rebellious tears from escaping his eyes, though.
