If Only

Part Seven


"If only. Those must be the saddest two words in the world." –Mercedes Lackey

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar.


She was Princess Azula. Daughter. Sister. Niece. Master Firebender. She had almost been the Fire Lord. She had once been the most prized daughter of Fire Lord Ozai. Once she had been…

Once…she had been.

Azula lay in her bed, staring up at the ceiling with unperturbed eyes. She was aware of the fact that she was dying. Old age had come in quietly upon her. The thing was she did not feel her age…she still felt like the fourteen year old princess she had once been. Everything was a blur of the years, with the occasional moments of complete clarity, such as now. The last time she remembered…years ago…her father's death. Yes, that was it, Zuko had come to visit, sharing the news that he would soon die in the prison he had been held in.

She was in a prison.

Not one entirely made of walls.

It was her own mind.

Mostly they were nightmares, varying from childhood fears to more…present defeats…

Her own brother…

She had wanted to kill him…

Azula let out a loud cackle. It seemed fitting that he had died before her. Now they would all be there for her….one happy family…Would…would shebe there? Part of Azula trembled at the thought. It was not her fault! It was all hers and father's! Not my fault! Not my fault!

She was supposed to be perfect. Without her, there had only been father. The constant pressure. The constant fear. The constant need to please. As for Zuzu, who was he to be more favored over her? Why? Why could she not have loved her? Father did not love. It was only power. He did not understand it, if he ever had. He had rejected such things in his quest to be Fire Lord. She had been the favorite because of her prodigy for firebending.

Once…once that had made sense to her. Things rarely now made sense to her at all. Death has a peculiar way of changing perspectives and thoughts, even in those very last minutes.

She remembered who she was. Who she had been. What…what she could have been. Childhood memories…

"What is wrong with that child?" Her mother murmured as Azula ran from the room.

"Azula always lies," Zuko said to himself like a prayer.

"My own monster thought I was a monster," She admitted, staring at the fire members. "She was right of course." She added callously.

Azula had been raised in an environment driven by the need to perfect. Feelings, love, such things were weak and for fools. Zuzu had always said she lied. That was true most of the time. The thing was…she did not know she had lied to herself. As she had once said to one of her many hallucinations. "Fear is the only way!" Yet there had been another way…

Azula snarled at that thought. Zuzu had taken them from her!

Mai and Ty Lee…Even mother…

What had she done wrong?

She had only done what she had been taught to do. It was all Zuzu's fault! And her mother's! The fourteen year old within her let out a wail from her elderly, fragile body. It was not fair!...

...WHY?!

Azula felt the cry slow her chest. She breathed sluggishly. Father would be ashamed.

I hate him…her…and Zuzu…

If only…

Iroh had…Lu Ten…?...

If only…

If only…love…


A/N: Well, this is it. The last one. I want to thank those of you who have reviewed. Anyhow, thanks for reading and please review, considering this is the last one. :)